(Originally posted March 20, 2013)

So, Red, you pulled a real John Lennon when you were 17?

John Lennon? What do you mean?

Yea. There is a story that when he was in his first marriage he went out for a pack of smokes and was gone like 10 years.

(Zara laughs)

Well I didn't go out for smokes, but I was gone for a while. But I did pick up smoking almost immediately.

(Zara gives me a look)

I know what you are going to say, so don't waste your breath.

Yes, its time to quit.

What part of don't waste your breath, don't you understand.

I am proud of you for quitting.

But don't preach to me.

I promise, no preaching. Now back to you. How long were you gone?

I left May 1st, 1985 and I finally went back to Toronto at the end of summer, 1990.

You were 23?

Yea. I came back at the end of August. I was indeed 23 years old.

So your one year off turned into 5 years. What did you do and where did you go?

Oh my God, Bill. What didn't I do and where didn't I go.

(Zara takes a mouthful of beer and shakes her head)

I went all over Canada and the United States. I even travelled Mexico for a while. I took a trip to England and Ireland and Scotland. I was in France, Germany, Sweden, Finland, and Denmark. I even went on a Caribbean cruise for 9 months, working the cruise ship, of course.

So that's why no one heard from you? At least I didn't.

I kept in contact with my aunt and uncle. Well as best as I could. I promised them I would phone every other day, and I did for a while, but the calls got fewer and farther between, as time went by. Eventually I only phoned on holidays, but I always phoned on Zoey's birthday and wished her a happy birthday. When she learned to talk she called me Zaza. She couldn't pronounce my name.

Was it hard talking to her, when she could talk?

It was for me, but she didn't know who I was. Aunt Sheila told her I was her Aunt Zara, so I became Auntie Zaza. I cried after every call. I wanted so bad to go to her, to take her in my arms and tell her I was her mommy, but I knew that would be wrong. She had wonderful parents and they gave her everything she needed in life. My aunt and uncle were pretty well off, so Zoey never lacked for anything. I was happy about that and I knew that I had done the right thing.

Did you ever call your Dad?

No. I never called him at all. Aunt Sheila told me later that he had given up drinking and that he had even got married again. She said he felt horrible for what he had said to me and that he really wanted me back in his life, but in all honesty, I could not get past what he had said to me. He was dead to me. I was glad that he had gotten his life back together, but I had no need or desire to talk to him.

You never called me.

There was so much going on Bill. And I know you were going through a lot of shit yourself. Uncle Peter told me he had talked to you, so I know you dumped that woman. I mean Jenny's mom. And he told me you were with someone else and you seemed happy. You were writing at that time weren't you? For the Newfoundland Herald?

Yea, I was freelancing for them. And I was writing for their poetry and short story sections.

I did think of you, but...

(Zara was silent. She simply looked at me and took another sip of beer.)

Do you forgive me?

There's nothing to forgive. We have always had a strange kind of friendship. Sometimes I am amazed that we have remained friends.

That will never change. And I feel closer to you now than I ever have, especially since we have started this. And, yea, I guess our relationship is kinda strange at times, but then aren't most, in some ways.

Ok, back to your 5 year journey of self discovery.

You know, as corny as that sounds, it really was. I was a child when I left, but I had to grow up really fast. I don't regret it Bill, not for a second. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

So how did you travel? I know you had some money and a credit card, but that wouldn't carry you for ever.

I had a thousand dollars and a credit card that my Uncle had given me. When I left Toronto I headed west. I ended up in the Rockies, in Jasper. I slept in my camper and would shower in ponds, campground showers and such. I remember the water was so fucking cold.

In Jasper, I got a job at a local hotel for the summer season. I used the credit card to buy some clothes and that was the only time I used it. The hotel had a dorm for the workers and I stayed there. From there on, I would travel, work for a while and travel again.

So what did you do?

I was a waitress, a bartender. I worked in housekeeping. I worked as a groundskeeper in a national park. I played piano in a coffee shop. I did some modelling, just local stuff. I was a singer in a rock band for a while and I was singer in another all girls cover band.

Weren't you a stripper for a while?

I was NOT a stripper. But I did work in a strip club as a topless dancer. It was very classy. We were in cages, like the old go-go dancers used to be in the 60's. One thing about it. I made a shitload in tips. Actually in the three months I worked as a dancer I was able to save enough money to go to Europe.

And stop laughing at me.

I'm sorry.

I am not ashamed of doing that. It was an experience, for sure, and like I said, I made a ton of money.

I also worked in clothing stores, gas stations and even picked apples and oranges.

I saw every major city and swam in both oceans.

Sounds like quite an adventure.

It really was. It was one of the best times in my life. I saw more in those few years than many people see in their entire lives. I lived and loved.

So there were a few romantic escapades?

(Zara smiles)

There were a few. Like I said, I was a little girl when I left, but a woman when I came back. And I mean that in every sense of the word. I was not promiscuous, but I did have a number of short term relationships.

Did you ever feel like settling down with either one?

(Zara shakes her head)

Never.

I really liked a couple of the men, but I was not ready for any commitment and the longer I was on the road, and the more I became in control of my life, the more I wanted my freedom and the less I wanted a man in my life.

I know it sounds a little crazy, but I felt I didn't need a man to complete me.

Did you experiment?

(Zara sips her beer, with a smirk on her face)

If you are referring to drugs, absolutely no. Well maybe a few tokes now and then, but nothing stronger.

If you are referring to women, well ...

(Zara sips her beer again, with the same smirk on her face)

Next question, please.

(I knew it was useless to pry any further)

Why did you go back to Toronto?

I was homesick. Plain and simple. And I wanted to see Zoey.

I bet your 5 years would make one hell of a story.

It was great for me, but I don't see where anyone else would be interested in it.

You have quite a following. They may be interested.

I don't know Bill.

Well, it was just an idea. I guess it would be hard for you to remember it all anyway.

(Zara smiled)

Not really.

Your memory is that good?

Not really. The first night I left, I started a journal. I kept them up during the whole time. I have 12 journals all together.

So, do I get to see them?

No. Absolutely not. There is far too much personal stuff in there. It was years before I let Jay read them.

Just thought I would ask. I still think people would be interested in the story.

I don't know.

It would make a great story in itself. Maybe we could write it together, outside of this series.

Let me think about it. I still don't believe there would be much interest.

Ok, you think about it and maybe your readers can offer their opinion on whether they would be interested.

We'll see.

Ok. Back to this story. After you got back to Toronto, you met 3 people who would make yet more changes in your life.

(Zara nods her head as she sips her beer and spills it on her chin)

God, what a pig.

(she laughs)

Yea, I met Brian first.

And who was Brian?

Brian Samson. He would become my husband.

Zara's 5 years on the road is an incredible story that we barely touched on. I am interested in writing her story in novel form, but she is reluctant. I'm asking if there would be interest from you, the readers, point of view.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zara's words

June 1, 2015

Bill and I did try to tell my story about a year or so ago, but it got all fucked up. A few people who knew me got hold of the story and although I denied it was fact, they became really weird about the whole thing, so I pulled the plug on the story.

I still don't know if I want that story told, but who knows. Maybe by the time we finish this, I might change my mind.

Maybe.