01| Why I Don't Trust Merchants

The first thing that greeted me when I awoke was a headache. A headache, and the reddish glow of bright light shining behind my closed eyelids. I raised my arm over my face before I dared open my eyes.

   A cloudless sky framed by waving green leaves on my left and right was what I saw when I opened my eyes. I slowly sat up, sitting in a slumped position. I frowned when I noticed loosely-packed dirt beneath me. Looking around, I was faced with somewhat tall plants. The plants stretched out in almost endless lines in front of and behind me, the gap I was sitting in following the plants. Was... this a farm?

   My head still ached horribly, so I cautiously felt about with a hand, trying to figure out if I'd been injured. I flinched when my fingers brushed a painful spot on my left temple. Also, the texture of my skin didn't feel right around there, like something was flecking and coming away. I grimaced in disgust as I scratched a bit at it and saw dried blood caked under my nails. The red stood out against the whiteness of my nails and brown hue of my skin. So I'd been bleeding... It must've been a while since I was injured if the blood was dry.

   Wait, how long had I been out here?

   I tried to think back, but nothing came to mind. I then tried to remember how I even got here. Still nothing. Okay, what about before that? My mind refused to give anything up. To my shock, the longer I thought, the more I realized I couldn't remember anything. My heart dropped.

   Calm down, Loto. You're probably just disoriented and can't think straight. See? I could remember my name, so I was probably just overreacting.

   Yeah, I thought as I ran a hand through my mop of dark brown hair, smiling nervously. Just overreacting. I'm Loto... My smile died. Loto... what? Where I should have remembered a last name, yet again nothing surfaced.

   My hands dropped limply into my lap as confusion muddled my mind once again. If I was just disoriented, why didn't I remember my last name?

   I looked down at my hands as if they held the answer. But when I saw both my hands for the first time since I awoke, my eyes widened. The skin on my hands became paler the longer I stared at them, almost unable to process what I was seeing. Where the pinky finger of my right hand had been, there was a stump in its place.

   My mind raced. What the—? What the hell is this? I raised the hand close to my face, trying to see it better. But no, there wasn't anything there. I was missing a finger.

   So why couldn't I remember how that had happened?

   Bile started welling in my throat. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't remember anything. There was no way I could have forgotten something like this. I definitely would have remembered losing my damn finger!

   Then it was really true. There was nothing.

   My hands went to my head again, my remaining fingers tangling in my hair. Panic started rising in me, thick and nauseating.

   What... what am I gonna do? I really can't remember anything, so what the hell do I do?

   I could barely feel my breaths growing quicker and more shallow. I was empty, a hollow husk.

   What do I do, where do I go? There's nothing, not a single thing!

   Why was the dirt blurring now? Why was the sky spinning?

   Nothing, nothing there at all...

   The spinning made me feel even more sick, so I closed my eyes, hoping to make it go away. But why was I suddenly feeling weightless?

   Nothing at all.

   Some reflex triggered, and I slammed my hands onto the ground at the last second, stopping myself from collapsing. The dirt continuously focused and unfocused in my vision, and I roughly rubbed my eyes with a worn sleeve, forcing myself back into full awareness.

   Get ahold of yourself! I scolded myself, gritting my teeth. Even though I still wanted to, there was no use in panicking, even if I had no memories. Just find someone and figure out what's going on. That was all I could do right now.

   Affirming my thoughts, I staggered to my feet, groaning when dizziness struck me. I put a hand to my head, sickly aches pulsing in my temples. Soon I was able to steady myself, and after a moment of hesitation I picked a direction and started walking.

   Nothing changed for a while, save for the wayward Bug-type or bird Pokémon that flitted between the rows or pecked at the various berries that had fallen from the plants to the ground. The air was filled with a light, perfumy scent that seemed to be coming from the berries, and it was nice if anything.

   After a time, I noticed a change in the landscape up ahead. Hopeful, I sped up my pace. I reached a wooden fence, and on the other side a yard or two away was a dirt road separating another fence on its other side. My heart sank when I saw nobody, but regardless I hopped the fence, almost getting my cloak caught on the splintering wood, and again had to choose from right or left. I almost wanted to wait to see if anybody would come by, but I had no clue how long I'd be waiting. Might as well just keep walking.

   Left again, I guess.

   The day continued to wear on, the sun inching by in its westbound path. And still nobody passed by. Was I just unlucky right now? Was I going in the right direction? Then again, what even was the "right direction" to begin with? A flock of black and white birds flew overhead—Starly, as I could somehow recall—towards some unknown destination.

   It was a relief when I came across a wooden bridge spanning a river. Finally the scenery had changed. The river was shallow but wide, and it evenly cut through the crop fields.

I became aware of how dry my throat was then, and I swallowed thickly. Was it the best idea to drink right from a river? I made my way to the bank and knelt down. The water looked clear... I tentatively cupped some of it in my hands, frowning. Was I really doing this? Before I could question it further, I drank the water. At least it tasted fine, though taste had nothing to do with what might come after. Well, there was no going back now.

   The more I drank, the more I realized how hungry I was. It must have already been over four hours since I started walking, judging by the sun's position, but who knew how long it had been since I last ate? Unfortunately, the water was too shallow for anything besides water. I glanced at the crops around me. Although it was tempting, I shoved away the urge. They surely belonged to some farmer, and I didn't want to mess with whatever they were growing.

   Even though I wanted to keep going and I had a couple more hours until sunset, I decided to make camp by the river since I didn't know when I'd come across another source of water. And by "make camp," I meant hide myself in a crop row with a view of both the river and the road.

   The eventual setting sun began to cast its golden rays. Shadows grew long and dark while the last of the light set sparkling fire to the water. Practically an entire day, and I'd seen nobody... Were there actually any people out here?

   I curled up, hugging my arms, feeling just how thin they were beneath my baggy sleeves. It was like they were merely skin and bones. Shivering, I wrapped myself in my cloak, pulling up the hood. As I did, I noticed the designs patterning the underside of the cloak, and I couldn't help but admire them. They were white and swirled about like tendrils of icy wind. It was a good thing that the chilly designs were just for show, as the cloak itself was pretty warm. Somehow, I managed to fall asleep.

   Morning came with a chill-tinged breeze that snuck under my cloak. Shivering, I blearily opened my eyes, and the first thing I felt was a horrible gnawing in my gut. It was like something was biting me on the inside. Trying to ignore it, I sat up. The moisture of morning dew dampened my cloak but luckily spared me beneath it.

   I splashed my face with river water, the coldness waking me up completely. Once again I drank it since it didn't seem to do anything bad to me before. Watch me eat my words... Steeling myself, I crossed the river and started out again.

   In no time the sun was up and casting its warm rays down on the fields. Maybe under different circumstances I would have been able to enjoy how nice out it truly was, but that would have involved me having all my memories and a full stomach.

—~*~—

When I saw the cart, I thought I was hallucinating.

   I rubbed my eyes, giving myself a couple hard slaps on the cheeks to try and snap me out of it. But no, turning onto the road in front of me from a plant-obscured crossroads was a cart pulled by a Pokémon.

   They could help me!

   Hope flared in me, and I started running, trying to reach it before they got too far ahead. It was like a newfound energy invigorated me, and I somehow caught up with the thing.

   "H-hey!" I spoke for the first time, a somewhat childish voice spilling from me as I called out. "Hello? Please... stop for a moment!" I was out of breath and nearly stumbling over my own feet.

   Somehow, the Pokémon pulling the cart seemed to hear me and came to a stop. When it turned its furry head to look at me, it was revealed to be a shaggy-furred Stoutland.

   "What is it, Fleet?" a woman's voice asked.

The dog barked, still looking in my direction. The face of an older woman joined the Stoutland in peering around the side of the cart. But when she saw me, basically doubled over in the road, her eyes widened.

   "Oh my!" She jumped from the cart and rushed over to me with surprising speed. "Do you need some help, dear?" she asked, concerned, the wrinkles on her sun-worn face creasing as she frowned.

   "Y-yeah. I'm..." I took another deep breath. "I'm tryin' to get to the nearest town or city around here."

   "Well, I was on my way to Lainsel," she said. "Is that where you're heading?"

    "I-it is," I said. If it was the closest populated place, then maybe I could find something there. Family, friends, anything.

   "Then I'd be happy to give you a ride since you look awfully young to be out here on your own," the woman said, tucking a wispy blonde lock behind her ear. "Twelve, thirteen, if I may ask?"

   I froze. "I don't—Th-thirteen? No, ma'am. I'm... sixteen." I decided aloud. Despite how my voice sounded, something in me told me that I wasn't thirteen, maybe a couple years older. But it wasn't like I could remember my age, so I decided to just aim high. I cursed the fact that I didn't bother trying to see my real appearance in the river earlier. The woman gave me a confused look but seemed to dismiss it.

   "All right. And I'm Dahlia. This would be awkward if you didn't know my name," she chuckled. She offered me a hand, and I hesitantly took it.

   "L-Loto," I answered quickly, shaking her hand. "My name is Loto."

   Dahlia nodded. She then gestured for me to follow her.

   The Stoutland was still watching curiously when we got to the front of the cart. Dahlia gave the hound a pat on the neck. "I'm sorry for making you wait, girl, but we have a guest! Fleet, this is Loto. He'll be joining us for the rest of our trip." Fleet leaned forwards to give me a loud sniff, not appearing to find anything she disliked.

   After receiving Fleet's approval, Dahlia boarded the cart, asking if I wanted to sit up front with her or in the back. I chose the latter option, as I felt nowhere near comfortable enough to sit too close to her. My eyes widened when I saw the cart's contents: half a dozen large baskets heaping with berries. Instantly my mouth began to water.

   "Dear, can you promise not to touch anything while you're back there?" Dahlia asked. "All of those berries are going up for sale. I'm sure you're a good child, but I can never be too wary."

   I hesitated but forced myself to climb into the back, squeezing into a spot between one of the berry baskets and the cart's wooden side. The spot was quite small, but so was I, as I found out then.

   "Are you situated?" Dahlia asked. I answered yes, and we set off.

   I watched the sun creep by in the cloudless sky as time passed, its rays comfortingly warm. Dahlia tried to make conversation, though I mostly dismissed her or gave her purposefully short answers. I felt bad since she was being so nice, but I didn't know what I could say. How could I answer where I was from if I didn't even know that we were on Tranquelum, the nation of Caelum's smallest island?

   Apparently Caelum was made up of three islands, Tranquelum, Rubrelum, and Verelum, and they were traveled between by ships. Though it was the first time I heard these names, they all felt so familiar to me.

   Time continued to pass, the sun reaching and then passing its high point. I leaned back, sighing. How long had it been since we first started out? Four, five hours? I couldn't tell. But it had felt like days. My stomach let out a piteous cry, as if concurring with my thoughts.

   Maybe I could... I glanced at Dahlia. No, I can't. She was already doing so much for me by letting me ride with her. I'd agreed to not touch anything, and I couldn't just ask if she would be willing to share any of her stock or own supplies with me.

   After a moment of consideration, I unconsciously shook my head. Even if she did let me, I didn't have anything to pay her back with. I would have to wait until we reached Lainsel, which according to her would only take another few hours.

   Why was waiting so torturous?

   What made things worse was the sweet scent the berries gave off. It was actually making me feel sick, more so than I'd already been. I was just amazed at just how many berries were stored back here. Oran, Pecha, Razz, and so many other varieties were sorted neatly in each basket and were piled high. There were hundreds of them.

   She really won't miss a few, would she? If I took some from each basket, then surely it wouldn't be a problem. And if she'd been robbed before, those people probably took so many more than I would.

   Contemplating, I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. I swallowed, trying to rid my mouth of the metallic taste. My throat was so damn dry...

   I couldn't take it any longer. I had to eat something, and I had no idea when I would be able to find a meal next.

   I cautiously looked over at Dahlia. Her eyes were on the path, oblivious to me. Still watching her, I darted my hand up to the basket closest to me and took a small handful of Bluk berries, clutching it to my chest right after. My heart hammered as I waited for her to turn around, somehow noticing my crime. When nothing happened, I shoved the berries into my mouth.

   Instantly I was almost overcome with the rich flavor. They were fresh and basically exploded into juice when I bit down. I didn't think something so simple could taste so good. But now that I started, I had no intentions of stopping. Yeah, I still felt bad for stealing, but at the same time this would only be a dozen or two berries missing out of hundreds. Dahlia probably wouldn't even be able to sell all these anyways.

   Needless to say, the next few minutes were the best I could remember.

   After eating my fill, I wiped my mouth on the inside of my sleeve and settled back down. I tried my best to be quiet, and with Dahlia's continued ignorance I knew I'd succeeded.

   The following amount of time was a blur as I started to doze off, surprisingly content considering my situation. It was only when the cart jolted to a stop did I snap back to full awareness. I sat up straight, looking to see why we stopped. We had left the range of crop fields behind and entered an open area with small cottages sprinkled about. In the very near distance I could see clustering of larger buildings. We'd finally arrived.

   "Do you want to get off here, Loto?" Dahlia asked, turning to look at me. "Or would you rather get off in the town square?"

   I was still chasing away grogginess, so I almost agreed to going further. But in an instant I remembered what I'd done and knew it would be for the best if I got off now.

   "Here's fine. My grandparents live pretty close, so it'll be easier if I go from here," I lied with a fake smile.

   "All right then." As I hurriedly jumped out of the cart, Dahlia gave me a stern look. My heart staggered, and for a moment I thought she was going to confront me, but she said something else. "You be careful now, dear. As you know, there are a lot of unsavory folk in these parts, so you'd do best to avoid them."

   I didn't know, but I nodded regardless, relieved. "Thanks a lot for the ride, Ms. Dahlia."

   "Of course. Say goodbye, Fleet."

   The dog yapped, and to be nice I gave her a pat on the head. As I did, Fleet went rigid, her nose twitching. I was confused about what she was doing, but then she started growling.

   Before I could move, the dog lurched forwards and seized my sleeve in her jaws, her fangs scraping my skin as she took hold of me. I cried out and tried to pull away, only for the dog to start shaking her head, throwing me off-balance and causing me to fall to my knees.

   "Fleet! What are you doing?" Dahlia gasped, alarmed. She dismounted the cart and rushed to us. "My apologies, Loto. I don't know why she would do that." She reached for Fleet's snout, only for her to pull away, dragging me back with her. "Fleet, stop right now and let that boy go!"

   The dog shook her head, growling again. She glanced at the cart before looking down at me, and my heart lurched when I realized she knew what I'd done. I cursed internally. She could probably smell the berries on me, and I'd been too stupid to even consider it!

   Dahlia looked confused when Fleet did that, and I prayed she wouldn't catch on. But then Fleet repeated her action, Dahlia following her eyes this time, and gradually her expression changed from confusion to anger.

   "Loto, did you steal any of my berries?" she asked slowly and dangerously, her gentle features harsh. When I didn't respond, she grabbed my ensnared arm and roughly dragged me to my feet, shoving my back against the cart and thoroughly cornering me. "Answer me!" she snapped, squeezing my arm until it hurt. "Did you steal from me?"

   "I-I—!"  

   "Just tell me, you little Rattata!" Her hand dove into her skirt's waistband, and my eyes widened in fear when she withdrew a knife. "Tell me the truth! Did. You. Steal?" she hissed, her face twisting in fury.

   "Y-yes! Yes I did!" I cried. "I'm sorry! I-I was just so hungry, and I couldn't stand it, and, a-and—!" My words were cut off when she brought the knife to my throat, the cold blade biting into my skin.

   "I could hand you over to the guards for stealing, but they haven't done shit the last dozen times I'd been robbed. Maybe it'll teach you something if a thief like you tastes steel for a change. Or..." Her eyes flicked downwards before meeting mine again. She removed the blade from my throat, but I didn't let my guard down as a disturbed smile spread across her face. "Actually, I have a better idea."

   With her smile still growing, she moved the knife towards me again, but not at my throat. The point of the knife pierced my tunic, and my blood ran cold when the blade pricked my stomach, just above my navel.

   "Perhaps it'd be better if I slit your belly open instead," Dahlia said. "At least I could get some of those seeds back."

   "St-stop it..." I whimpered. I tried to reach for the knife with my free hand, but all that did was make her dig the blade in a little, sending a small jolt of pain through my abdomen. Panic crashed over me. "Please don't do this," I begged. "I'll do anything, just don't kill me!"

   "You should have thought of that before stealing from me," Dahlia said with mocking sweetness. "Now I'd rather you keep quiet, or things will get messier than they'll already be."

   Her hand left my arm to smother my cry for help. The blade was driven in further, making me squirm and scream. Something warm started wetting my skin around the knife's point and slowly dripped down my stomach.   

   I struggled desperately. Both my arms and legs were free, but my punches and kicks were as effective as mild slaps. I was just too weak. Terror arced through me like paralyzing lightning, and tears stung my eyes. I was going to die, this crazy woman was going to kill me!

   Somebody, something, help me, please!

   It was like something triggered deep within me then. In an instant, I was freezing cold. It was as if a ball of ice had formed in my very core and was radiating outwards. To my shock, my hands started turning white; frost and ice crystals formed on my skin.

   Dahlia's smile faded, her jaw dropping. "What the—?"

   Pulses of frost raced down the length of both my arms, and I screamed again as icicles erupted from my skin, mercilessly tearing their way outwards. Dahlia screamed as well, crushing me against the cart with her weight as she shoved herself away from me. I dropped to my knees, struggling to remain upright while wave after wave of pain hacked into me.

   "You're one of them!" she cried, her words nearly inaudible when I again shrieked, nearly collapsing when more frigid spikes tore through my neck.   

   Amidst this new agony, like a bubble floating up from the depths of a black pool, a thought arose in my mind. Reaching my subconscious' surface, it burst into existence in my conscious mind, revealing a trio of words. A flash of recognition rushed through me, and I spoke two of those words, reaching out for Dahlia and splaying my fingers wide.

   "Glacies Testa!"

   Flashes of white raced through the air in a straight line, and with sickening thunks they buried themselves in Dahlia's arm when she raised it to cover her face and neck. Red began staining her sleeve, outlining the jagged shards of ice that were now stuck in her arm.

   A fierce howl split the air. I whirled to the side, sweeping my arm with me. Fleet was inches away, nearly about to tear into me, but more icy shards struck her. They ripped into her face and she recoiled back, howling, a spurt of red spraying from her right eye. She hunkered down to cower at my feet, pawing at her face. I staggered back, my body growing numb when I saw a thick red stream seep out from beneath her paws.

   "Monster! You damned magician monster!" Dahlia's scream pierced through the air. I turned to face her, shivering from both my own cold and the horror of what I'd just done. Dahlia was on her feet again, holding her injured arm to her chest and brandishing her knife in the other. Blood brightly stained its end—my blood. "I'll kill you for what you did to my Pokémon, you cursed magician!" she raged. "I'll gut you like a Basculin!"

   "C-Caligo!" I stuttered out, hoping that wouldn't do any more damage. I didn't mean to hurt her or Fleet, but I didn't want to die either! Instead of more shards, clouds of ice-laced mist poured off my body, shrouding the area around us in an almost tangible layer of fog.

   Through the mist, I heard Fleet's whimpers of pain and Dahlia's cry of frustration. "Where did you go, you rat? When I find you I'll—!" I didn't wait to hear the rest of it, turning tail and bolting.

   The radius of the mist I created stretched merely a few yards. I quickly exited it and ran further into the group of cottages. People had started leaving their houses or looking out their windows, drawn by the racket Dahlia had and still was making. I had a mind to pull my hood up, mostly hiding my face.

   The icicles that had torn themselves from me splintered and shattered as I ran. My skin regained its normal hue when the frost faded. Soon all that was left was a lingering internal chill that turned my breaths to puffs of mist. That, too, quickly faded. My return to how I was before was hardly noticed by me, however. All I could think of was escape. I blitzed into the town proper, dirt path turning to packed cobblestone and cottages becoming larger buildings.

  I threw myself into the first alleyway I came across, crashing to the ground as my legs gave out. Still, I forced myself to move until I was out of immediate sight from the street and weakly leaned against a wall, shuddering, gasping for air. My arms and neck throbbed with pain, but I ignored it and clamped my hands over my mouth.

   For several minutes I sat there, terrified. Besides the footfalls of the occasional passerby, I heard nothing else. Had I actually gotten away?

   Slowly the terror faded from me, but the horror was still there. I took my hands away from my mouth. My ruined sleeves slightly draped down, revealing dozens of small holes and a couple larger puncture wounds from where the icicles had erupted. Oddly enough, they barely bled, if at all.

   Maybe that frost coating had something to do with it? The thought faintly flickered through my mind, but I was more occupied with the mounting horror that rose up in my throat and threatened to choke me. What had I done? What the hell was I? Why was I able to do those things? Dahlia had called me a "magician," but to her, monster would likely be more accurate. Was that what I was? A monster?

   I looked at my hands grimly, still able to picture the frost that had covered them and the spikes that had torn through them. I had attacked a woman and possibly blinded her Pokémon. Words couldn't describe how sick I felt. I didn't even care about the pain in my gut from the stab wound. I just pressed my hand to it, hoping that the fabric of my tunic would be enough to stop any bleeding.

   Monster.

   The word flickered through my mind again. Maybe I am... This had been my fault, after all. I'd been the one to steal. I could've just taken from the fields I'd passed, at least there was more there then what Dahlia had in her cart. So maybe I did deserve what had happened...

   Monster.

   I couldn't let this happen again. And I obviously knew I had these abilities before. Why? Because accompanying the odd words that had come to me, the horrible pain I'd experienced was overwhelmingly familiar. I'd done this before, so maybe I'd known how to control these abilities.

   A foreign sense of resolve filled me. I had to find out what it meant to be a magician. And by doing this I could possibly figure out some other things about myself, maybe remember something. Surely remembering something would help me. Though I felt it was unlikely, this town could have some kind of library or a bookstore, so this could work.

   Hopefully I can read. I let out a quiet chuckle. I could already imagine finding what I was looking for, only to not even be able to read it. An inability to read seemed so minimal compared to everything else.

   My shoulders shook with stifled laughs. I didn't know how else to respond. I mean, I was almost brutally murdered today. It was honestly so horrifying that it was hilarious. What else was this world going to throw at me?

   Whatever it would be, I couldn't say I was looking forwards to it.

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