I don't know what happened.

I'm beginning to think I say this sentence too much.

Nevertheless, I had woken up in a cold sweat, knowing that something was wrong. I checked the communicator Steve had given me, hoping for a sign he had contacted. Nothing. I sat up, scanning outside the area to try and figure out why my senses had gone off.

"Steve?" My voice felt hoarse and scruffy, as if I had not had any water in days.

I fumbled when I stood up, grabbing the nightstand for support. I counted my breaths and rubbed my eyes. What was going on with me? I headed towards the kitchen, trying to find the cabinets with the glasses in them. In my less than ideal state, I had reached for the cabinet door with my left arm and accidentally ripped it off of its hinges.

That woke me up. "Sh*t," I muttered as I attempted to fix the door in order to make it look like everything was fine.

I stepped away slowly, staring at the cabinet. When I was sure it would stay, I filled my glass with water and chugged it. I felt the cool run down my throat and into my stomach. It was intensely refreshing. I filled the cup up again, choking down as much water as possible.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I immediately felt uneasy. As if I was being watched. I spun on my heel to see Natasha, leaning against the wall and staring at me.

"Hey, Barnes," she greeted cooly, not giving away any of her emotions.

"Where's Steve?" I questioned, stepping towards the unwelcoming woman.

"You always wanna know about Steve, don't you?" She stared right into my eyes, scanning me. She wanted to know something.

"Do you know where he is or not?" I asked again.

She started to walk away. "Come on, we're going to be late."

I stayed where I was. "Late for what? And I'm not going on another mission again."

She scoffed. "Oh no, not a mission. You're under house arrest but you can go outside with special supervision."

"So, I'm assuming you're my babysitter. Where are we going?"

"To the museum," Natasha walked out the door, and I followed.

Something feels strange.
You're just now noticing this? I doubt you'll die, but stay on guard.

I followed Natasha through the main building. The technology here was insane. We walked past Tony's room, and I watched as he pulled a screen up out of nowhere. I smiled as he did this a few more times, rotating and typing on the holograms.

I felt an army grab my wrist and I instinctively twisted the other before realizing it was Natasha. We didn't speak, but she gave me one of those "not mad, just disappointed" looks. She took me through a door I have never seen before before typing in a code and opening another door.

We walked onto the runway and picked out a smaller craft with small decals on the side. They were the symbols of SHIELD, but they gave no indication as to what the symbol meant. Natasha scanned her eye into the system, along with her hand, and the back of the plane let out a soft psf as it opened.

"After you, grandpa," she teased and stepped aside to let me board first.

I know we have history together but hearing her joke like that with me made me uncomfortable. I don't know her. Not in this lifetime, anyways. But I never got the sense of knowing when I was with her that I always got from Steve. Something always felt off. As if I was just some mission she was assigned to.

"Where are we headed?" I buckled myself into the co-pilot seat, staring in awe at all the different switches and knobs. I knew these. Why did I know these?

"Washington DC. Ever heard of it?" Natasha buckled herself in and flipped a few switches. The door whirred as they shut, and I heard the engines kick on.

"I'm only 100. Not 1,000," I said. But my head started to pound. Images flashed in my mind. My left arm twitched.

D.C.
Bad mission. Very bad mission.

What happened
A little girl. Something with a little girl.

Status?
Very bloody mission. Very bloody-

"Hey!" Natasha stared at me. "Pay attention. This is important."

I snapped my head to look at her, anger filling my veins for a reason I couldn't understand. "What were you saying?" I attempted to stay calm.

"The place we're headed has a potential to send you into an episode. I'm going to make sure this doesn't happen, but it's important we go here."

I furrowed my brows and stared at her. "You're willingly taking me to a place where I can go rogue and hurt people? What's wrong with you? No, no I can't. I won't. I'm done being turned into somebody else. Take me back."

She ignored me and stared ahead, pushing a level forward. "We're here."

I muffled my disdain and waited for the aircraft to descend. Natasha flipped a few more switches and turned a knob as we landed. She unbuckled and looked at me, expecting me to follow. I quickly put on a glove and zipped up a hoodie to disguise my left hand.

She confidently walked out of the airplane, whereas I followed behind more cautiously. She gracefully moved through the crowd without ever making contact with them. I stumbled over my feet, overwhelmed with past thoughts and anxiety about the future.

We stopped at a large, stone building that cast a shadow over me. "Why are we here?"

"This is the Smithsonian," Natasha ignored my question. "You normally have to go through metal detectors, but you're lucky enough that I have my badge. They'll let us in." 

"Wha-" I couldn't even finish my sentence.

Natasha walked up to a guard, who started to insist going through security. She showed him her 'official Avengers badge' or whatever and pointed to me. The officer nodded and we both walked in through the giant doors. The air conditioning and noises were the first things I noticed.

"Why are we here?"

Natasha ignored me, but grabbed my hand and lead me through exhibits. I saw something about space, which peaked my interest. Natasha was on a mission though, no time for fun. But if I asked Steve I'd bet he'd say yes.

I had turned around to look at the exhibits as we passed before I suddenly slammed into Natasha, who stayed put. "Pay attention. We're here."

I looked up at the marble slab that she stood in front of. I couldn't believe my eyes. What stood before me was an exhibit on me. Well, Bucky Barnes. But still. My brows furrowed as I read what was engraved in the stone. A biography. My eyes fluttered across the room as I saw pictures and videos of Steve and I together, along with hearing a strong voice declare "Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield."

No. No no no it hurts. Get out. GET OUT.

My head started to spin and all the noises drowned away any rational thinking. Something boomed in my left ear. "Barnes would be the only Howling Commando to give his life."

No.

I felt dizzy. My head screamed, my ears filled with things that I wasn't supposed to hear. Images flashed in my head. Images of the train, images of the room, images of HYDRA. Images of Steve, images of Natasha, images of my arm.

I spun around to face Natasha, who stood calmly a few feet away. "Why'd you do this?" I demanded. "Why?" I grabbed her shoulders. "You wanted this to happen didn't you? You never stopped working for HYDRA, did you?"

She grabbed my arms and forced them off of her. "You're making a scene," she warned.

"You," I interrupted, "you are going to get innocent people hurt. Why would you bring me here!" The thoughts swirled in my head, the noises clashes together.

"Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable-" "Barnes would be the only one to give-" "Denied by the army, outcast my his classmates-" "Bucky was the hero for Steve-" "Rogers goes on to continue the fight as Captain America."

"No!" I clutched my ears, my metal arm squeezing my head tightly. "No it's not true! It's not real!" I stared at Natasha, not knowing what I would do next. "You-"

"You think o would go back to an organization that ruined my life?" Natasha defended.

"You think I don't know they can't make you?" I started to lose control of my breathing. "No. No I can't do this." I shoved my hands into my pockets and started to leave.

Something hit the back of my head and I can't remember what happened afterward. If somebody knocks me out one more time I think they're gonna die.