I watched as Steve tightly strapped the next piece of gear onto his body. No matter how hard I stared at him or how hard I was listening, no words were connecting to my brain.

Short, snippy phrases kept repeating in my mind. We can push the cushions together. Yknow, like back when we were kids. I flinched. Hey, Stevie, one nickel says I can impress that redhead. I grasped my hair. Bucky, I'm scared. I gasped for air. The water was too thick and I can't swim. Let me out. Let me breathe.

Steve was staring at me. The concern on his face wasn't masked at all, not even through that dumb covering he wore on his face.

"You know I hate that thing," I crumbled through the pain.

He grabbed my shoulder gently. "Buck, Tony and I were talking and-"

"You think you can fix me?" I stared at his eyes. His blue eyes that saw so much good in me. His blue eyes that believed I wasn't a monster. "You know what I did..." the room went silent for a bit. Then my head was filled with Steve's screams.

I jumped. "Stop it. Steve, make it stop!" I stared at hi wildly. I don't even know if he knew. I grabbed onto him, gripping his arms tightly. I think I cut off his circulation.

"Why are you screaming?" I asked. Sometimes it helps to give context. "I'm walking down the road. I hear a scream. It's yours. I know it's yours."

Steve hugged me. "I used to pick fights with people much bigger than me. Luckily, you were bigger than them. You saved me, buck."

I pulled away and stared at him. "Thank you," I muttered and sat down, wishing the sentences wouldn't start again.

Steve gently placed down a vest next to me. I stared at it. It resembled the one I had to wear on all my missions except this one let me move. I was restricted in my HYDRA gear. They wanted me to know that I was a caged animal. I was only a weapon.

I hooked a gun holster to my belt and tightened it before closing several different arms as well as a knife or two. Mission day. My mind raced from the train to the mission where I killed the old couple to the mission where I watched a little girl die and did nothing. I couldn't take it anymore.

I abruptly stood up and walked out of Steve's room. He was surely to follow me because he always did. I walked down the stairs and into the main room of the avengers compound or whatever the hell this was called.

Why are you stressed
Because I don't know who I am or what I am

You're pathetic
Thanks. I'll keep it in mind

I growled to myself and kept on moving until the doors swung open for me and I walked outside. Shooting range? Maybe. Picnic area? Definitely not? Punching bag? Now this I can get behind.

I shoved the gate open and didn't even bother with wrapping my hands because 1) one is made of metal and 2) pain is temporary. I grabbed a bag and swung it over the hook, tightening it and ignoring Steve as he jogged out of the house after me.

My fists became a whirlwind of movement and I hit up and down, left and right, and diagonal on the bag. My anger flowed into motion as I got all of my feelings and fears out on the table.

I won't ever remember
Punch

Steve is misplacing his trust
Punch. Punch.

HYDRA is going to get you back
Punch. Punch. Punch.

You're going to become a puppet and they are going to kill everything you've worked for here.
Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch.

I felt something trickle into my foot. Sand. The bag swung back and forth as it left a trail of sand and dirt where it went. I watched it slowly fall, letting my thoughts sink into my brain.

Steve gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "Buck," He whispered, "the plane is ready."

I nodded and grabbed my bag of gear as we headed to the plane. Despite the torture I was going through now, I enjoyed riding in planes. It felt calming in a way to me.

Sam joined us and smiled. "Cap and Falcon, at it again. Best duo ever."

I shot a glare at him. But he knew what he was doing. Steve got into the cockpit and started turning knobs and flipping switches. I looked out the window as enormous doors started to creep open.

The plane started to roll forward on its tiny wheels. The strength of the engine was shaking the whole vehicle. I smirked as the plane started to move faster and faster. The wheels ducked back into their compartments and the wings titled upwards as we started to fly.

"We have liftoff," I whispered and smiled slightly.

****

It only took us about an hour to get to the rendezvous point. Sam grabbed a metal backpack and slung it around his shoulders before tightening it to himself. Steve opened the back of the plane and Sam jumped out of it, saluting while he did.

I watched as the backpack flung out two brightly colored wings. The bird was in. I grabbed my guns and strapped some more to my thighs and my hips. I put ammo in my ultimate belt and grabbed my mask. While it was the same mask hydra gave me, it now had a new purpose with the Avengers.

My earpiece crinkled. "This is Falcon. Do you read me?"

Steve nodded. "Loud and clear."

He pressed a few buttons on the hovercraft, making it stay in place and camouflage itself. Steve grabbed his shield and strapped it to his back before giving me a quick hug and jumping out of the plane. With no parachute.

"You idiot!" I don't know why I was so protective over him. That's probably what it was like for us in the past. I got a running start and jumped after him.

This is the part I loved. The feeling of the wind in my hair, as it attempted to push me up. I ducked and rolled onto a rooftop, landing next to Steve.

"Never do that again, punk," I looked at him.

He was scanning something through his helmet. "You did the same think, jerk."

I smiled slightly and grabbed my scope. Steve was looking for the target. I'm wasn't sure who it was, but the Avengers knew that they were targeting a government building on the east coast.

We waited, checking in with Sam every once and a while. He was our eyes in the sky. He'd point out a suspicious figure to us every now and again, but Steve always said no.

"I've tangled with this guy before, Falcon. He's not your average looking civilian."

Without looking away from my scope, which was trained on the door of the building, I asked "who's this guy?"

Steve hesitated for a moment, shifting his weight on his feet. He was nervous. "Crossbones. Aka Brock Rumlow."

My breath caught in my throat at the wrong moment. The door blew open from the inside, and a group of armored men ran in. Rumlow was my handler. If anyone was gonna kill him, it was going to be me.

As if in sync, Steve and I hopped off of our building and jumped to the next one, rolling until we could stop and jump onto the ground. We had played with different scenarios the night before. If the target were to go through the back exit, Steve takes the back and I take the front. Vise versa if the target went through the front. Either way, Sam had the high ground while Tony's robots helped civilians.

Steve ran to the front of the building, I hurried to the back. I stayed low and listened before I kicked down the door, gun up. I shot the men that ran towards me with their weapons up. One of them came from behind. I slammed him into the wall and grabbed him with my metal arm.

"Soldier?" He was confused. I'm sure my handlers didn't want it to be known that I had gone rogue. Imagine that.

"Rumlow," I commanded. Perhaps he still trusted me. Then again, I don't know if he just watched his comrades get shot down.

He pointed a shaking finger up, letting me know that whatever Rumlow wanted was at least two stories up. I slammed him into the wall and watched as he unconsciously skunk to the floor.

Stairs were most likely trapped, watched, or too slow. There was an opening above me. I took a deep breath and grabbed a pole nearby. I swung myself around it and managed to just make it through the hole. Floor two.

I scanned my area, shooting at a man. Before my bullet made contact, a brightly colored shield hit the man in the head and bounced on the floor and back to me. On instinct, I caught the shield. Steve would be fine for the few seconds I had his toy. I rolled forward, using the shield to protect my body, and fired shots and two more guards.

Some were trying to make it in through the window. I launched the shield at them, and they went down one by one. The shield bounced from the wall to the floor and finally to Steve's hands.

I ran up the stairs, taking down any potential threats that were engaging. My earpiece suddenly came to life. "I'm down!" Sam was yelling. "Wing torn, no eyes on Crossbones."

"I got him!" Steve replied. "Bucky, take care of the rest of the hostiles. Do not engage Rumlow."

"Copy," I jumped over an agent and stabbed him in the chest.

As I reached the top floor I listened for signs of life or tampering. I stayed in the stairwell, pressing my back against the wall. Surely enough, there were the stomps of Rumlow in his massive gear.

I rolled into the room and shot at him immediately. I aimed for the exposed parts of his suit that I knew, under the waistband, the wrist, anything I could hit. He fired something at me that was too big for my metal arm to stop.

"Isn't it good to see you," he grumbled and I heard the familiar sound of his piston fists getting ready to fight.

He punched at my face. I stopped his with my own arm, the metal one of course, and shot at his chest and stomach. He rolled back and kicked at my legs, changing his fists to become claws.

We dodged and attack back and forth. I kicked him in the head and in return he stabbed my back. I groaned in pain and shot at him with everything I had left.

He punched me in the face over and over again until he had me at a wall. He kicked my kneecaps and used to class to take care of my right arm.

"Longing," he whispered in my ear as he put power draining chains around my arms. He spoke Russian. Oh crap.

"No," I reached for my gun. He snapped it in half.

"Rusted."

Cmon Bucky don't leave. Stay awake. Come on. I tried to break free.

"Seventeen," Rumlow punched my face to keep me down. I felt power drain from me.

"Daybreak," the Russian word seeped into my brain. I felt the veins pop from my neck as the two sides of me fought.

"Furnace," my metal arm hit against the wall, fighting for freedom. I screamed. He punched me again. 

"Nine. Benign." Bucky you cannot leave. Stay awake, dammit. Don't go to sleep on me. Don't.

"Bucky!" I heard Steve calling. "Bucky where are you?"

"I got eyes on Rumlow!" Sam called.

"Do not engage! Find Bucky!" I could hear Steve's faltering strength. Don't come up here don't come up here.

"Homecoming," the words seeped into my skull. The little piece of humanity I had was draining away. "One," I was definitely going to do something I didn't want to do.

I screamed again and looked down just quick enough to see Steve fighting off agents, still calling for me. "Don't be dead, buck."

Sam's voice sounded closer. "I found him-" he was cut off when an agent jumped onto his back.

"Rumlow you dirty piece of-" he cut me off with a sadistic grin.

"Freight car." My metal arm had lost it. I felt the vibrations coursing through my veins. Whatever had happened was leaving me. I did not know where I was. I did not know who I was. I only knew there was a mission.

My handler freed me from the restraints and stared at me. "Good morning, soldier," he chuckled.

"Ready to comply."