Pain. That's all I felt when I returned to my screwed up excuse of a life. It was searing up and down my back and even the slightest movement in my jaw made me want to cry out in agony. But I forced myself to relax my teeth from clenching together to help fight off the discomfort and slowly eased into a sitting position. My mouth opened wide and I squeezed my eyes shut as a silent scream left my throat.

I sucked in a wheezed breathe and shakily released it while sweat beaded on my forehead and my muscles clenched from the tension and menace. Gradually I took hold of the beds end post and hauled myself up, inwardly feeling as though I'd die in seconds but ignored those warning signs that were telling me this was too much and continued upward until I was standing two footed and pathetically holding onto the ending post as if my life depended on it. When I succeeded in this task it was like all the strength left in me was reducing immensely, slowly being drained from my body like the prey of a bloodsucker in those cheesy fantasy's vampire novels.

Back when I was gullible and childish I believed in those fantasy's and always wished to be apart of the non normal people, or, I guess, not people people. Like any other kid who was sick of having a boring life that consisted of nothing but the means of normalcy you end up wishing to be something that you'll know will never really happen. Nowadays I just wish for another life, one with a different dad and different past memories. But I'd never want to erase those of my mom, not her, never her.

I licked my chapped dry lips and mentally prepared myself for the task I would be attempting to do that I knew would result in me feeling like hell. I moved my foot a good inch and within five seconds the movement travel up my caff to my thigh and final to the fresh wounds covering my backside.

I wanted to scream.

1...

2...

3...

Breathing in a quick mouthful of oxygen like when your seconds from diving into a pool I mustered my remaining physical power and energy before racing towards the bathroom door as fast as I could. I pushed the pain to the back of my self conscious and what felt like hours later I reached the bathroom and gripped the sinks edge. I could have fallen over right then and there, admitting defeat. But I wouldn't allow myself to do that, knowing going to school would be a torturous thing to do but it was better than staying here where I risk encountering my father.

With shaking fingering I slowly peeled off the wrapped bandages that I poorly did last night, wincing at the feel of them stuck to my skin. Obtaining my breaths by breathing through my nose and out my mouth I opened the medicine cabinet. Pulling out the ointment I twisted off the lid and picked up my toothbrush, squaring a handful of toilet paper I taped it on the back of my toothbrush. Dipping it into the container I arched my arm and carefully applied it to my wounded back.

After I did this to all the placed I was able to reach I took the bandage wrappings and started at the bottom of my backside. Covering every inch of my back and going over my front as well to keep it in place I tore off a piece of cloth tape and pressed it down on my side. With the pressure and ointment I was able to regain my breathing and get a small sense of relief.

I silently started at the orange container that sat in front of me, the fully stocked pills being a temptation I knew I'd regret. They were my mothers, the ones she refused to take no matter the pain I saw her endure, I remember finding her clutching them and looking like she was having a battle within herself. One she was loosing.

When she noticed me standing there I could see her strength regaining even with the shaky smile she gave me. The tears began to fall as she rose from the toilet seat and walked to me, pushing the bottle to me and closing my fingers so it was secure in my hand. "I'm okay," she had said. "Can you take care of these for me? Make sure I don't take them?" I nodded my head and wrapped my arms around her waist with the pills in my hand. "I promise."

Slamming the cabinet door I tried to push through the other type of pain that began to swell in my mind but instead found myself leaning my forehead against it as the after effects of those simple actions seeped in. I nudged the memories of my mother to place in my mind where she was distant to my present self, not wanting to think of what she'd deem about what I was about to do.

Even with the water filling my eyes I slowly reopened the mirrored door and took out the bottle of painkillers, staring at them long and hard before lifting my other hand and twisting off the cap. Tipping it to the side I shook out three round oval white pills before closing the container and placing it back in its spot. Picking up one of three I planted it on the tip of my tongue and with no time for invading thoughts of the repercussions I swallowed it whole.

When I felt the pills sedative set in I stepped back from the sink and laid the other two pills at the counters edge. Wiping the fallen tears from my face I made my way to the closet, puling on a pair of dark brown jeans and a brown beige turtleneck that had buttons on both the necks side and the pockets with a undershirt underneath. Reaching into my jewelry box I pulled out a necklace that had a russet stringed chain with different colored beads connected to it by a small metaled circle.

After which I headed back into the bathroom and unzipped my makeup bag, reaching in for my concealer. Clipping open the top I picked up the brush and gathered some on the top, looking into the mirror I brought it up to my eye and dabbed at the bruise before smoothing it in. Luckily the swelling came down over night so it was easier to hide and make go away for the rest of society's eyes.

When the turnout was the best it could be I picked up the remaining pills and put them in one of my sweaters pockets, deciding to leave my hair down for better hopes of my eye to go unnoticed. I walked back out and slipped on a pair of shoes and looked around for my book bag before remembering I hadn't had a chance to bring it up. The thought brought a chill to my spine.

Walking out my bedroom door I closed it shut behind me and crept to the stairs, still feeling the fear from last night. Not wanting to risk waking him I took my precious time to go down the steps, easing my feet on each one to avoid any of them creaking. As I made it to the bottom and stepped towards the door were my book bag laid with the contents spilling from the top I caught sight of my fathers belt that was left on the floor covered in my blood.

Ripping my eyes away from the weapon I hurried to my leather bag and in a rush pushed my things back inside and closed the top before putting my arms through the straps and making my way outside and onto the porch. I breathed in and out a deep breath of relief, thankful for being out of that house of terror. After going down the the remaining steps I could see the bright yellow bus approaching, it standing out among the tall endless trees.

It's strange how seeing the vehicle I felt both dread and reprieved. As it pulled up to my house and came to a halt I stepped forward and waited for the plastic screen door to creak open before I strode on and took the same seat as the day formerly. The whole bus ride my mind kept drifting back to my encounter with Travis no matter how much I tried to keep it from doing so. For some unknown reason I felt strangely drawn and connected to him somehow, like.. the bus came to a stop, drawing me out of my thoughts and pulling me back to reality.

Maneuvering through the crowed I felt a few too many stares on my back then I'd like and for some reason I couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort. When reaching my locker I turned my head and saw him, Travis. He standing with a group of his guy friends but it looked like he wasn't paying much attention for he was already looking at me and he didn't seem too happy. His eyes weren't focused on me exactly but my back and after several moment his eyes snapped to mine and I jumped slightly at the intensity. One of his friends turned him towards him a bit roughly and began talking with a look of irritation in which resulted in me turning away.

After grabbing my things and getting everything I needed I headed to my first class, mixed with wanting the day to be over soon and dreading when it did. With everything in my life my love for school and the work that came along with it hasn't changed much over the years. I'm still a teenager who hates the annoying teachers and their scoldings and strictness about coming prepared and doing the assignments. But I was also glad to have a couple of hours away from my life back at my "home".

Throughout the whole day a couple of people I've seen hang around Travis tried to talk to me but I ran away before they even had a chance to get more than "He-" out. When they sat next to me I just picked up my things and found another seat next to someone I was pretty certain wouldn't bother talking to me. But it was really starting to get to me, I mean, ever since yesterday happened it's like I'm now a target that they have to obtain with their friendliness or something.

Then there's Travis himself. Every time I caught sight of him I found he was already looking at me and he had this weird expression on his face, one I couldn't completely place. And I was thankful for him honoring my plea to stay away but I was also a bit disappointed. Like I sort of wanted him to try and win me over or something.. stupid I guess. But when I looked in his eyes for those few short seconds before I turned away I could kinda see how much doing so was killing him for some justification.

At lunch time I took another one of the painkillers when I started to feel the distress returning with a vengeance. It took only a couple of minutes for it to take action, fighting off the agony in both my back and jaw. It numbed it and the rest of me so I was like a blank slate of paper, neutral. But for some reason it seemed this one wasn't lasting as long as the one before.

It was in the middle of last period when the pain started to set back in. Begining in my jaw, I started to feel a deep aching and then a stinging in my back. I kept trying to tell myself that I'd take it after class when no one was around since I was stuck sitting up front and I couldn't risk the teacher or anyone seeing me. But even with only twenty minutes left of class I began having trouble maintaining my breathing and I felt sweat start to bead my forehead.

When I felt like I was on the verge of tears I rose my hand in the air and asked the teacher if I could be excused and when he said yes I all but ran out the door. I heared someone mutter something with a few chuckles folloing afterwards but I didn't care. I also didn't care to reach the bathroom before pulling out the last pill, leaning my shoulder against a line of lockers.

But right when I was about to put the white painkiller in my mouth suddenly my hand was was snached away from me and I was pushed back against the lockers. Me eyes were squeezed shut, expecting more pain but for some reason I didn't feel any. When I opened my eyes one by one I was met with a broad chest, a body being pressed along mine. Slowly I brought me gaze upward only to connect with the familiar crystal blue orbs.

His breaths were coming out in rough heaves as he brought his hand up, his eyes not wavering from mine. "What," he said slowly, "Is this?" Me gaze flickered to his hand only to see the last of the three pills clasped in his fingers.