Chapter 6: I Hate Walking Behind People

I want to relate my sandwich-throwing experience to Esmeralda, but she's having lunch with her other friends. While Bobby Sawyer and Hattie Blake are both perhaps as anti-social as me, Hattie always smells funny and Bobby is a drama queen and hates me almost as much as I hate Instagram.

I think sandwich throwing can be an Olympic sport. With some time and practice, I can figure out the required technique, like how much force I should invest in throwing, the best angle for the sandwich to hit, and the optimal timing for the throw—the element of surprise is vital.

The only problem I can see here is, what if I'm hungry?

I'm not sorry about the sandwich incident. What I would have changed is running away. I certainly wouldn't have stayed there, but I should've walked away instead.

Because that would've given him time to check out my ass.

Hi. That's my body speaking. I don't care that I want him. I'm a realist. I know that the attraction will inevitably wear off when I get to know him as a person.

The moment he's a person with an actual personality and not just sexy flesh is the moment I get turned off.

That's me. That's how I'm wired.

It's why I'm still a virgin.

I sit in the empty biotechnology classroom and fantasize about what would happen if Hotness wouldn't actually have a personality. And I don't mean a boring personality. I mean that he'd simply never talk.

A hand comes to rest on my shoulder. I stiffen and look up.

"What?" I ask, staring into the intruder's marvelous blue eyes.

With a single step, he comes around to face me. He grasps the corners of the desk that stands between us and crouches down so that our faces are completely level and far too close.

"You looked like you were having an erotic fantasy, Fee," Shawn says.

"And you just ruined it."

"Was it about me?"

"Not in a million years."

"What? Even after we had such a good time together with magazines, whacking, and steamy love?"

News does travel fast in our school. I'm impressed. That took a total of ten minutes. I roll my shoulders into a small shrug and then lower my chin to better glare into Shawn's eyes. "What can I say? I use, abuse, and lose interest fast."

Shawn matches my mean stare with his own, his face inching closer, trying to intimidate me. "Lose interest? We've only gotten started, Fee. You're going to have a very interesting time with me."

"And your game plan?" I ask, moving forward instead of backing away. "Have Ashley spread rumors about us? Because that is totally making me fall head over heels for you."

"Is that how you know me?" His voice is a malicious purr. He's still coming closer, a nearness that you wouldn't be with just anyone. It makes my chest boil. "I've got a whole plan, especially for you."

"You shouldn't have told me that," I say, retreating back into my chair. "You'll ruin the surprise."

Shawn angles in, but stops short of kissing me. His face just hovers a few inches away from mine.

He winks.

There's a ruckus of walking feet and talking voices as the classroom door bursts open and a large group of students comes streaming in.

They all freeze when they see us. For a split second, Shawn's bright eyes shine with triumph visible only to me, and then he dramatically jumps away, blushing.

How could anyone fake blushing? Shawn is good. He's really good.

I blink at the other students. One of them is the new boy, Landon. Our eyes meet. I smile, not quite deciding anything yet, but an idea comes to mind.

Shawn is good, but I can be better.

***

"Does he, like, have a death wish?"

"I think he's into her because she does anal."

"She's scary as fuck. I wouldn't want to look her in the face while screwing, either."

"Yeah, she's a dirty bitch."

"She's hot, though."

"You think she's a natural redhead?"

"I don't know. Ask Shawn."

The four boys walking in front of me sniggers at their genius jokes.

Walking behind a group of people can be the most annoying thing in the world, particularly when you're itching to call it a day and go home.

They take up the entire width of the corridor and move so slowly, I practically have to walk sideways so I won't step on their heels.

I would have asked them to move if they weren't talking about my nonexistent sex life.

And even then, I would have just butted through if it were likely that I'd be having sex in the near future. But by starting this little game of his, Shawn just made that impossible.

If we have sex now, the game we play will end. Just like that. I might get what I want, but then I'll have to give up on the power I have over him.

I see a promising gap between the two boys in the middle of the group. I take my chance, marching forward. The gap becomes too narrow just as I'm about to pass, but it's too late to back out now.

I send my arms forward and bodily shove past them, knocking the middle boys against their friends. After a few paces, I turn to look at them, pointing at my eyes with my middle and index finger and then pointing at them.

You better watch out, 'cause I'll be watching you.

Then I turn on my heel and stalk away.

"Shit, what the hell was that?" I hear one of the boys exclaim when they think I'm out of earshot.

"Scary as fuck . . ."

"I'd still bang her."

***

I'm relieved to finally be out of the school building. I dig my fingers under the straps of my backpack at my shoulders as I cross the parking lot along with a considerable amount of the student body and walk toward the school buses. I notice Esmeralda waving at me from the window of our bus. We don't have any classes together this year, so we didn't get to talk all day. I want to be alone right now, but at the same time, I want to talk to her—that's true friendship in my book. As I put my foot on the first step, about to get on the bus, I notice something from the corner of my eye.

I turn my head to look. It's what's-his-name Landon. He's just loitering on the street corner away from the school and looking at his phone. From the school building or anyone coming out of it, he wouldn't be visible. I only spot him because I'm looking backward and I'm elevated on the steps of the bus.

Now that's weird. If he was waiting for his mom or someone to pick him up, why would he go all the way there?

I'm about to shrug off the mystery, when something downright suspicious happens.

A black Mercedes with tinted windows glides down the adjacent street and halts right in front of him. He pushes his phone into his pocket and nonchalantly gets into the passenger seat.

Just before he closes the door, he looks straight at me. He's far away, but there's no question, it's not a maybe. He sees me watching him.

The sense of danger pricks my arms like a series of needles. I rush up the stairs of the bus and crash into my seat next to Esmeralda.

What the hell was that?

"Soph?" Esmeralda cocks her head sideways to look into my face. "You okay?"

I lift my finger in the air, signaling that I need a second. Strange Australian boy moving to our school for senior year, telling everyone some weird story about coming to live with his aunt or uncle because something or another happened to his parents. I was trying hard not to listen to his sob-story because getting to know him too well will ruin all the fantasies I have about him.

But now an indistinct, fancy, expensive car picks him up off the street corner.

Yes, Sophie, that's what happened, I tell myself. Why're you overreacting?

Why? Because this new information sets my imagination ablaze. Danger, lies, and mysterious black cars fill my mind. This could very well mean nothing.

And it could also mean anything.

My heart moves in my chest. Whether it's shutting down or exploding, I don't know. All I know is that it's definitely there.

Right then, right there, I realize what's happening to me. A little me at the back of my mind points and giggles. I experience a tinge of annoyance at how, despite it all, my hormones have gotten the better of me.

I haven't felt this way since that day when I was twelve and first got my period.

A warm blush rises in my cheeks as I turn to look at Esmeralda. "Honey," I whisper, horrified, "I think I have a crush."