Josh makes me feel happy. Whenever we facetime, text, or are able to see each other. I always said that he makes me happy and that is true he did but I shouldn't be happy just because I am with someone. I was in an unhappy relationship with Edgar for over 3 years and when I finally broke up with him and then a month later told Josh how I feel it was like I could breathe again. Since Valentine's Day he made me happy. I never learn on to be happy with just me, myself, and I. I always rely on the guy to make me happy and even then he didn't keep me from  feeling depressed and I feel that I ruin it by talking about it with him because I know he worry about my mental health. 

I feel peaceful when I go to the Kiva either for their support groups or their classes. I feel better when I am able to talk about whatever is going on right now or stuff that happen in the past. I wish I knew about the Kiva before last year so I would have start going longer but then again I was still with Edgar and I would often go see him everyday (In the same area) and therefore wouldn't be able to go to Kiva everyday. I'm glad I am no longer with Edgar and I can finally feel peace dealing with anything I need to deal with and seeing people relating to what I am saying. 

Back with relationships I think I have always feel fulfilled when I am with someone. Especially with Josh because deep down I have a feeling that he's the one. That he is my soul mate because I never loved anyone as much as I loved him and he is more of a man then anyone I ever dated. But I think I should find things that fulfilled me and not always rely on someone to do that. I do believe we will be together again. There is not doubt in that but it's only a matter of time and I hope when we do I won't talk so much about my depression or talk about wanting to self harm. I don't want him to worry about me anymore.