For the second time, First was woken up not by the first rays of the sun but by someone's loud whispers.  He rubbed his sleepy eyes with his hands and sat up.  As he woke up a little, the words of the people in the next room became clear.  He realized that he could hear a nervous P'Zee, Margaret trying to calm down the conflict between Zee and his fiancé, Khaotung.  He slipped out of bed silently and walked to the door that separated him from the small hall in the apartment they had rented.  The floor was pleasantly cool as his bare feet touched it.

“I understand that you wanted to show off your boyfriend, but this way you only draw even more attention to yourself and us!  Do you want the Non-Magic to know about us so badly?”  P'Zee raised his voice again.

“Sorry, boss, I thought...”

Zee didn't let him finish.

“You have thought? You thought?! What were you thinking?  Was there only one thing on your mind?  Do you even know how much danger you are putting yourself and First in?  Let me remind you of what Christian said: you race in countries where you can go to jail or die for it.  Really how could you be so stupid?”

Khaotung didn't answer, but First knew how much those words hurt him.  He opened the door slightly and began to carefully observe the scene in front of him.  Khaotung and Zee stood facing each other, Zee's back to the door and Khao's face.  First could clearly see the emotions on his lover's face and it broke his heart.  He felt again that he was a burden, that he was causing problems for the person he loved most in the world.  He was angry with himself.  He clenched his fists so tightly that he felt physical pain.

“Have you already read news about yourself on the Internet?” Zee asked as the F1 driver's silence continued.

“I…” He started and then got stuck.  What was he supposed to say?  Yes, he saw the news, he and First became the talk of all the evening and morning news.  It seemed as if the world that was about to change, that they had hoped would understand and accept them, had rejected them.

First saw only one solution.  He fought with himself for a good two minutes before he finally made a decision.  He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“I'm doing this for you, Khao, I'm sorry.  I can't watch you suffer because of me.  I hope you will understand and agree with my decision."

Seemingly brave, but with his heart struggling in his chest like a wild bird in a golden cage, First opened the door fully and, still in his pajama pants, with his upper body covered in hickeys, he walked in between them, feeling like meat thrown to the hyenas.  He was scared.  Inside he was shaking.  He didn't want to do it, but he knew he had to.

“We'll tell them it was just a show, that we're recording a series.  Lewis will help us.  We'll say that Lewis is the principal and that was just a scene from the show.  Many people know that Thailand is famous for BL series”. He said, trying not to let his voice tremble, although he felt his hands shaking with emotion, which suddenly became sticky and damp with sweat.

“You're crazy, aren't you?” Khaotung looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time in his life.

“No, Tung, you know this is our only option.  Only this way you will be safe.”

“But I don't want it!  I don't want to be safe!  I want to marry you like a civilized man, I want to have the right to hold your hand when we go for a walk together.  I want things to be normal.  I want to have the right to be romantic with the person I love, you won't deny me, will you?”

“And you want to sacrifice your life for it?”

“I don't give a damn about my life if I have to go into hiding again after everything I've done!  I thought you already knew that and that you understood me”. Khao was hurt.  How did it happen that the happiest weekend of his life turned into a real nightmare on Monday?

“Tung, please understand me, I want to protect you.  I want you to still be able to race, I don't want to be a burden”. First's dark thoughts and his dark, sad past made themselves felt again.  These words made Thanawat realize that his beloved would never be fully free from his memories and the trauma he had experienced.  This will stay with him forever.  And that was why he proposed to him in such a way in front of the cameras, even though he wasn't sure until the very end whether it would work.  He was afraid that he would have to wait many weeks before he would get such a chance, because a necessary condition according to his plan was that the cameras would show them, so that it could not be covered up and hidden.  This was his plan, which he worked on together with Lewis, Pierre and Alexander Albon, and in which Gemini also had some involvement.

“No, you have to understand me: I did what had to be done.  I was prepared for the scoundrels to attack us like wolves on meat, but if I didn't do it, no one else would either.  People are intimidated, even Pierre.  I'm the only driver on the grid who doesn't care that much about staying in Formula 1 anymore. If they kick me out of the team because of who I am, I won't regret it because I know I did the right thing.”

“What about Lando and Carlos?  What about Yuki?  After all, Yuki has given signs more than once...” First began, trying desperately to find a way to convince his fiancé.

“Each of them still wants to stay in Formula 1, and as for Yuki... You know the fans don't take it seriously.  Even if Yuki said he was Gasly's fiancé, only very few people would believe it”.

“But I'm an outsider, how can I be more credible than Tsunoda?”

“First, come on.  Just leave it,” Khao put a hand on Kanaphan's shoulder, but he quickly shook it off.

“No, Tung, you know we can't leave it like that.  I'm telling you, it's best to say it's just a scene from the show.”

“Never!  I'm tired of hiding.  I'm tired of being treated like trash just because I'm gay.  I want to prove to everyone that I am just as human as them...”

“But you are not.  You are part of the magical world and they are not.  You are not the same as ordinary people, you were never ordinary”.  P'Zee reminded him, whose presence they both had forgotten about while absorbed in their own argument.

“It doesn't matter.  I won't lie to anyone.  And I'm not going to pretend that First is my friend, and you can decide for yourself: either you support me and we go through this hell together, or you can pack up and go back to your safe and comfortable life without me.  You can bury yourself under a warm blanket and cry in self-pity, you can go back to where we started.  I'm not going to give up.  I love you and I can't afford to lose you, but... The choice is yours”.

Khaotung turned around, put the phone in his pocket and left the room without telling anyone where he was going.  First had to fight with himself again.  A part of him wanted to run after Khaotung, stop him, hug him, and agree to whatever Thanawat was proposing, but another part told him to stay where he was and wait until Khaotung calmed down, thought it over, and came back to him.

First, tugging at his own hair, sat down on the couch.  Zee left.  Margaret sighed loudly and, after a short hesitation, joined First.

“You think I'm doing something wrong, right?” He asked her.  The woman smiled kindly.

“Honestly, I understand what you're trying to do and what you want to do, but I don't think it's a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Khao loves you very much.  He is willing to die for you if necessary, and judging by your behavior today, you would do the same for him, wouldn't you?”

First thought.

Yes, he loved Khaotung.  He loved him long before they met.  It seemed to him then that Tung was his ray of sunshine.  Thanawat was the only person who made him want to live.  He supported him with all his heart.  Sometimes he would talk to his photos, imagining that he was talking to a real, live Khaotung.  When his deepest desires came true, he felt that this was not the end of his problems.  His past has taught him that nothing comes for free and that dreams never come true exactly as we imagine.

Now all he could think about was how to help him.

As Khao knelt down on one knee in front of him and held out a small box, First froze, holding his breath.  He was so afraid that Khaotung was making a big mistake.  His past, which he was sure he had buried deep underground, had come back and robbed him of all his happiness.  He knew that the whole world was watching him, so he couldn't refuse.  He didn't want to embarrass Khao, he didn't want his beloved to look like a fool.  He agreed, and now he wished he had known about it sooner.  If he knew, he would definitely find a way to stop him.  And now it was too late.

First got up and went back to the bedroom to get his phone.  Sitting back on the couch, he began scrolling through posts about them on the internet.

In fact, their engagement was the No. 1 topic almost everywhere.  Not all the titles were mean, in fact First was surprised to find that most people supported them.  A faint smile appeared on his face, but it was quickly wiped away when he read another comment under the article.

X0X0AAA: I knew that Alpine boy was a fag, it was obvious there was something wrong with him.  I'll have to make sure my kids don't watch this crap.  Formula 1 is not the same anymore and it is no longer worth watching if perverts are on the podium.  He's probably not the only one who's gay, I bet the others aren't any better.  Don't waste your time on such nonsense.

Another comment was even more cruel: I would give him a 20-place penalty for the next race... what is he showing off?  Your stupidity?  If he's gay, let him be, but he doesn't have to announce it to the whole world, right?  I don't walk around the streets in colorful women's clothes, announcing to everyone that I'm straight and I don't want some weirdos to destroy such a beautiful sport.

This only confirmed First's belief that his idea was good.

Margaret suddenly appeared next to him and took his phone.

“Don't read this, you and Khao deserve better.  Besides, the vast majority support you, right?  They are on your side, and those votes against are rare”.

“And P'Zee?  But P'Zee said...”

“P'Zee is angry for another reason.  The point is that you are both very much a part of the magical world than the non-magical one, and P'Zee was afraid that you would betray the existence of that world, but you and I both know that is impossible.  P'Zee forgot that there were angels watching over this and they wouldn't let non-magicals believe in the existence of magic or anything supernatural.  Don't worry, I'll explain it to him later”.

“Thank you, Marge.  Do you know you're my best friend?”

“I know, I know”. The woman smiled and spread her arms wide.  “Come on, hug me and give up those stupid thoughts about hiding.  Your real fans accept you and that is the most important thing.  And there is no question of expelling Khaotung from the team, because his contract includes a clause guaranteeing him that he won't be dismissed because of his sexual orientation or faith, and his human rights also guarantee this.  So you don't have to worry anymore.  I suggest you find Khao and start preparing for the wedding”.

First hugged Margaret and tears flowed from his eyes again, but this time he felt relief.  He realized that he had no influence on what others thought about them, but he could influence whether his loved one would be happy.  He sighed deeply, pulled away from Marge, and wiped away his tears.

“Thank you.  You're right.  I have to sort myself out.  Sorry.  It's because of my past, you know I haven't been very happy until now.”

“I know, but you're not alone anymore.  Whatever problems you have or dark thoughts, come to us and we will help you.  Come on, get ready.  You need to find Khaotung and start preparing for your wedding.  And don't worry anymore.”

First nodded and decided that it would be worth listening to the good advice of his older and more experienced friend.