I dragged my feet as I walked down the block. I always asked the bigger picture questions. I never received an answer. I never did because the people around me never bothered with the bigger picture. I was skipping school. It was completely unlike me. Did it matter at this point? My world had fallen apart when the bullying started and was completely crushed when my parents gave zero fucks.

I looked at the people who went about their day. Everyone had worries, whether they were big or small. Yet here they were, happy as if those worries never existed. How could they easily forget them, especially the big ones that were right in your face? I kept walking. I wanted to see the pets once more.

🏐🏐

I greeted the clerk then noticed the cat I usually played with was replaced with a small chihuahua.

"Ah, someone adopted the cat about a few days ago..." she said with a sad smile.

I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I quietly greeted the others then walked over to her.

"Miss, can I ask you something?" I asked, keeping my head low.

"Sure." she said happily.

"Why do you live?" I asked.

She seemed taken aback by my question. She started to think then looked like she had an idea.

"For them." she said then gestured to the animals. "Seeing then find new homes when life treated them unfairly is very rewarding for me. It's like they're getting another chance at life."

I kept silent then felt her hold my hand.

"Why do you live?" she asked.

I couldn't answer her. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I can't. I didn't know why I lived. I used to believe it was for volleyball, but now...

"I don't know..." I mumbled then pulled my hand away from her. "I don't know..."

I dashed out of the shelter. I bumped into someone and quickly apologized before taking off again. My vision was starting to blur. I didn't know where I'd go, but anywhere was better than home or school.

🏐🏐

I pushed on the door then frowned when it wouldn't open. I sat on the steps while covering my face. I pulled out my phone and texted an old friend. As expected, no response. I descended down the stairs and exited.

"Giwook." a familiar voice called out.

"Minhyun..." I muttered then checked the time. School had been let out just a few minutes ago. Did he skip? "What are you doing here...?"

"I live here. Hey, do you want to come up for something to drink?" he asked with a smile.

An idea popped into my mind.

"Yeah." I said then followed him.

His apartment looked inviting. He told me to make myself at home. I fidgeted then called him over.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I'm craving a snack..." I said then told him which.

"From that specific store...? Well, I guess I could do that for you." he said then quickly left.

I started inspecting windows. I found one I was looking for. I opened it and looked down. The height was perfect. I looked around and found some paper and pen. What would I write? Sorry for using you like this? I sighed then wrote down everything in my beaten and broken heart. I stopped writing as tears fell onto the paper. I screamed loudly and still didn't feel satisfied. No amount of yelling, shouting or screaming could define the pain I was feeling.

The pain of constantly having to endure all sorts of abuse. I started throwing things and looked at the mess I had created. It still wasn't enough. My mind wouldn't quiet down. I broke down in more tears. The pain is completely different than everything I've experienced before. I walked back over to the tear stained paper and wrote one more sentence.

I looked out the window and waited. I was sure. I stuck a leg out then felt something pull me back.

"Stop! Don't!" he shouted as he held onto me.

"I thought..." I mumbled.

"I knew it. I knew if I didn't turn back you'd..." he said in tears.

"Let me go." I said.

"So you can jump? Fuck no!" said Minhyun as he held me tighter.

I did everything in my power to get him to release me. He wouldn't. No matter how much I kicked and screamed, he would just hold on. I went limp in his arms as it was obvious that he was serious. He noticed the paper that I had left on the table.

"I can't believe you..." he whispered. He closed the window then sat down on the floor with me. "Talk to me..."

I kept silent. What good would come from it? It's not going to stop the bullying. It's not going to make my parents care. I started to cry again. My breath hitched at the feeling of a warm hand stroking my hair. I looked back at him and found myself entranced by his sad smile.

"Minhyun..." I whispered then widened my eyes when he started wiping my tears away.

"I'm not going to hide anymore. I'm going to protect you. So please, promise me you won't consider suicide as an answer..." he whispered.

"Please, you're being ridiculous... Carry on with your carefree life..." I said while looking away.

He turned me around and held me by my shoulders.

"I want you in my life. Ever since I first saw you... I've wanted to know you, get closer to you, but I was scared. I didn't want to get bullied. But I finally made up my mind that day when you went to the shelter..." he said with a bitter smile. "Yet here you were, trying to jump..."

"Please, stop lying-" I started then shut up when he suddenly got close.

"Giwook, I mean it. I'm going to protect you. I want to protect the person I love." he said then wiped his eyes. He was crying. "So promise me that you won't consider suicide and instead come to me."

I leaned forward and hugged him. I didn't know how to answer him with words. It could all still be a sick trick. He hugged me back and started to sob. I slowly patted his back and felt a bit happy. Even if it was fake, it was nice to hear someone was going to be there for me because they wanted to.