chase hungens:

This love ballad goes to Chase Hungens.

When I met you, I fell in love with your beautiful caramel brown eyes. Now they just look like poop. We started dating in first grade, but then five hours later, when we were supposed to be on our 'play date' you stood me up! Frickin heck'.

How dare you?! I don't care if you were six. You knew how much our relationship meant to me. Yet, you broke my heart.

We started dating again in seventh grade. That only lasted two weeks and then I caught you cheating with the girl you stood me up for when we were six years old.

You're such a douchebag! It's been a year since we dated and yesterday was our anniversary.

Chase, frickin' heck! Why did I choose you?