Never had I felt so much anxiety while on a plane. Generally I would sleep for the entire ride and pretend it wasn't happening. Cherry, with some children's Dramamine in her system slept the entire time, but I couldn't. My thoughts wouldn't let me. Sebastian and Emerson were coming with me. For moral support, should things fall apart. They sat behind Cherry and I. I was tense and felt like I was going to throw up.

———

When the plan landed I carefully picked Cherry up and walked off with Emerson and Sebastian behind me. I'd been dreading this moment since Jess had called me. She was meeting us at the airport and would take Cherry to her father's place. Cherry had to stay there until the court date. Which was schedule for three days after we first arrived in Houston. Cherry's father, Derek Yates, wouldn't give up custody which meant we had to go to court. I had to find a lawyer. Jess was positive that I had a much better case, but I was anxiety ridden and overtired. We walked through the airport heading for baggage claim. Jess has told me she would be wearing a red sweater. While Emerson and Sebastian went to get our bags I looked for Jess. I found her, standing near the door, talking on the phone. I walked toward her. Cherry started to stir.
"Deedee?" Hearing her sleepy little voice hurt. On so many levels. "Deedee? What doin'?" She asked. I couldn't answer her. I didn't think I could speak without breaking down. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. She turned her head and saw Jess. She got wide eyed and started crying. "No!" She shrieked.
"Cherry! Cherry, please, calm down!" I asked. She gripped my shirt in both hands and cried.
"No wanna go! Pease Deedee!" She looked up at me, still crying and I had try very hard not to start crying too.
"I'm sorry, Stargazer. I'm so sorry." I held her tightly. Jess watched with sympathy written across her features. "It's just for a little bit. Okay? I'll see again. Really soon."
"Pease! 'Ove you, Deedee!" She pleaded.
"I lo-love you too." My voice cracked. "I'll never stop fighting for you, my little stargazer."
"Pomithe?" She asked.
"Promise." I didn't want to let go of her, to give her up. "I ne-need you to go with Jess now, okay? But I'll see you later."
"No wanna." She mumbled and rubbed her eyes. The tears still slid down her cheeks.
"I know, Stargazer. I don't want you to go either, but you have to. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her tightly.
"'Ove you Deedee."
"I love you too, Stargazer." I looked at Jess. She was holding her phone up and pointing at the time. I nodded. I unhooked Cherry's arms from around my neck and stood her on the ground. I crouched in front of her. "Be a good girl. Okay?"
"Otay." I wiped the tears off her face and gave her one last hug before straightening up. Sebastian and Emerson stood a little ways behind us with our suitcases. I went and took Cherry's stuff from them.
"Here's her stuff." I told Jess giving her the suitcase and Cherry's backpack. Jess nodded.
"Thank you." She took Cherry's hand and they started to walk away. Then they stopped and Jess handed Cherry her backpack. Cherry sat it on the floor and opened it. She pulled a bunch of things out and sat them on the floor before pulling out her lion. Abandoning everything else she turned and ran toward me. She was still crying. Her face was red and puffy. She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
"Heeyah! Ion!" She said and held it up. "Tate it! Pease!" I took the lion from her.
"Star-" I started, but I got cut off by Jess.
"Cherry!" Rubbing her eyes on her sleeves Cherry ran back to Jess, who had put everything back into Cherry's backpack, and took her hand. She looked back at me and waved. I waved back. Sebastian and Emerson stepped beside me, dragging our suitcases behind them. Sebastian squeezed my shoulder.
"It'll be okay." I nodded, not really believing him. I had a tendency to forget that behind his kind of douchey exterior, Sebastian was my big brother. And when he needed to he filled that role perfectly.
   We stepped outside and found out Uber, that Sebastian had set up the day before, and went to our hotel. The ride was silent. I held Cherry's lion in both hands and rubbed one of its ears between my fingers, just like I had seen Cherry do hundreds of times before. I didn't know what to do with myself without her.

———

We got to the hotel and Sebastian checked us in. Since we wouldn't be there for long he'd gotten us two rooms. I was sharing with one of them and the other would get the other room. Well, that was the original plan at least. The elevator ride was silent too. I followed Emerson into our room because he told me that for that night he and I would be sharing. The door closed behind me and I finally let myself cry. I had just lost my daughter and it hurt more than any pain I'd ever felt before. Mental and physical. I held Cherry's lion tightly and tried to stop crying. Emerson gave me hug, and I know he thought it would help, but it didn't. I can't explain why. It just made everything worse for some reason. Eventually we moved to the bed and sat down. I stopped crying and just sat there feeling numb. I laid down with the lion clutched in my hand and closed my eyes hoping it was all a bad dream that would go away when I opened them again. Sebastian ended up spending the night in mine and Emerson's room. With their help I found a lawyer and set up a meeting the morning. They did their best to cheer me, but I felt empty. Numb. I was tired, I was hungry, I was anxious, and I had a headache. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was her. I wouldn't stop fighting for my little stargazer.

I legit almost cried while writing this.