1. The pain- It hurts, being so sad. I don't even deserve to be sad. I'm a middle class girl with a boyfriend, friends, and it's not a bad life. But sometimes you just can't help it, being so sad for reasons you don't even understand. Making little mistakes that get you to think you deserve the worst or hurt yourself. There are things that happen to me of course that are bad or make me unhappy. But then it all adds to the pain.
     2. Uselessness- I don't think I'm worth it; worrying about me, caring for me, trying for me. Really, in the end, I'm nothing. I'm just another girl that won't do anything to help society. If in the future I was to get a job, someone else that could be even better could fill in my empty spot. In school, I'm just another student, it doesn't matter I'm just one of the many there. I won't affect anything, just give someone else a better chance of taking my spot and being more successful than they were to be. There's nothing for me in the future. I'll just die anyways, won't it be better to speed it up and get it over with?
3. Stress- the stress of being perfect, of being pretty, of not making other people dislike you. The stress you're put on by your friends, family, and really the whole world. It sometimes feels like all of the world's eyes are watching what you do; what you look like: ugly or fat? What you do: Accepted or unaccepted? What you eat: Tasty or gross? Sometimes, it just feels like too much expectations of being perfect are being put on. Then, the stress of being able to get everything you have to do done and well. For example, if you have to wake up early for school where you have to study all day for different tests or quizzes coming up that you must get a good grade on or your parents will be disappointed in you. But then, after school you have to go home and get ready for band practice for a few hours until 8 PM where you have to practice for an audition coming up but also do your homework and study for the things you need to do. Couldn't all this also put stress on? It just gets too much sometimes, where it's unbearable, and you just want it to stop.
     4. Aaron- no mater what, I just seem to make him sad. I can't help it. I just bring a depressing aura around him it seems. He also seems happier around other people than me... it makes me kind of jealous. I can't seem to make him smile and laugh anymore, but I just watch when I see others do so. I know I should be happy he has friends who he talks to and jokes around with, but I can't help myself. I don't deserve him. Maybe he'll be happier without this depressing burden on him any longer. Maybe it'll be for the best.
5. Self Hate- I hate myself. I hate my voice, how I look, my laugh, my smile, my personality. I hate it all. I wish I could stop making people unhappy. I wish I could stop being annoying, I wish I could stop being made fun of for how I am, I wish I could be happy for who I am. But I can't. I can't do it. I'm too terrible to be able to be happy for who I am. I don't deserve the love or care I get, I don't deserve the things I have, I don't deserve to love. There is nothing in this world that I deserve at all. I don't deserve to live.