"That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa." -That's What You Get

--

The rain poured down in torrents, shattering against the ground in deafening noise against the solemnity of the event. Dressed in all black, every person in attendence blended into the dreary afternoon as the gray of the sky and the silver flashes of water hitting the grass were the only sense of color. I found it funny how it tended to rain during funerals; how in that very moment when soul leaves body, it's as if the rain came to wash it away.

Standing underneath a black umbrella held by a shaky hand, I couldn't tell which were tears and which were raindrops on my face. Marco stood closely beside me, his free arm not holding up the umbrella wrapped tightly around my shoulders. I could hear him hiccuping as he stifled sobs; the pastor stood by the coffin, his monotonous voice lost in the wind and rain.

I tried not to think of who was in the coffin, as the block of wood sheltered her body from the precipitation. Yet the images came anyway: the paleness of my mother's skin, the glazed look in her eyes, the coldness of her skin.

She was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

"Mom," I whispered brokenly, until something stirred in my heart and I couldn't hold it in anymore. The numbness that had overtook my body since the beginning of the procession dripped away until the searing pain of grief took its place. "Mom." I said again, my voice louder. It kept growing and growing, until my please became screams and I couldn't stop them.

"Mom!" I screamed, and the pastor's words drifted off. The crowd of people my mother was acquainted with stared with bloodshot eyes. I screamed and writhed, shoving Marco away and sprinting to the black coffin just behind the pastor.

Immediately I was drenched with the rain, as a round of thunder echoed in the distance. I was sobbing now, feeling as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest. My hair clung to my neck, and the black dress I was shoved in clung to my body. My flats were lost in the mud as I didn't stop running. When I got to the coffin, I hugged the box tightly, eyes squeezed shut as I sobbed. "Mom," I croaked out. "Mom, come back."

Rain was always symbolic, I discovered, because it always seemed to occur in the darkest of times.

Even now, I was in the calm before the storm. Little did I realize the worst was yet to come.

A rather large splash of water hitting my face had me bolting upright with wide eyes. I sputtered and coughed, glancing around like a wild animal. It took a bit for my sleep-blurred eyes to adjust to my surroundings, where I realized I was in my bunk in the tour bus. I was okay. It was all a dream.

With a sigh, I wiped at my face, frowning at the water sticking to my tank top. Glancing up, I saw Drake with an empty bottle of water, his expression impassive.

"Drake," I groaned out, my voice husky from sleep. "What the hell-"

"Go outside," he ordered, still looking as if I had killed a man. "Now."

I frowned, pushing the blanket off my body and grabbing a jacket from the rack. I was about to question the guitarist but he had already spun around to leave without even waiting. That was odd. Even for Drake. I stopped by the bathroom and stole a towel, wiping off my face before throwing the towel off to the side and making my way towards the exit, still in my pajamas.

I knew as soon as I took a step off the bus that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. And something told me it had to do with the fiery redhead standing beside my bandmates, her hands in her pockets and her expression smug.

Carter.

"What's going on?" I asked warily, glancing at every person while they seemed to do the opposite. Drake merely gave me a hard look and turned his gaze away; Zac didn't even bother to meet my gaze. I helplessly glanced at Xander, but he only shrugged and frowned at me.

The only person that had managed to speak up was Gabriel. His eyes lit up with rage, the tips of his ears a bright red. Shoving past Zac, he marched over to where I stood wide-eyed. He grabbed my arm roughly and I immediately flinched, though he didn't seem to notice, and if he did he didn't care.

"Gabriel, stop, that hurts." I muttered weakly, realizing his hold was growing tighter and tighter.

"You, you-" he stumbled over his words, too angry to think straight. "You bitch." He eventually settled on the generic insult, unable to think of anything more suitable for the thoughts in his head. I shook my head, releasing a shaky exhale, as he pulled me to the group.

"Gabriel." I said through gritted teeth, but he merely propelled me towards the rest of the band, where I fell forward onto my knees. Wincing at the new cuts on my palms from trying to stop the fall, I recognized the shoes standing in front of me, and when I glanced up, Carter was glancing down.

I glared at her, feeling hatred begin to bubble up as her smirk grew. "What did you do?" I hissed out venomously.

"I think you should be asking yourself that question." Drake's voice cut in. He looked just as furious as Gabriel albeit a little sadder.

"What?"

"Oh, don't play innocent-" Drake growled, but Zac stopped his advances, placing a hand on Drake's shoulder. He shot the guitarist a look, and I grew hopeful that maybe Zac was on my side for whatever was going on. But all hopefulness vanished when Zac made his way over to me and scowled - an expression I had never seen him muster.

""To hell with the pact"?" he quoted me, shaking his head. "I thought that maybe it was because you were stressed and it slipped out that day, but I never thought it would be true."

"What are you talking about?" My voice rose an octave.

"You know exactly what they're talking about." Carter piped up innocently. She cocked her head to one side, pursing her lips.

A sudden recollection of seeing her bus door close swept into my thoughts and I almost screamed. I assumed it was a trick of my eyes, but what if she had seen? What if she knew? And when I was talking with Mike and the curtains swished; had that been her too?

Gabriel was back at my side, but instead of helping me up he shove his hands into my hoodie's pockets. I desperately tried to shove him away but he already had a grip on the paper in the jacket, pulling it out with a betrayed expression.

He held up the tickets, and I saw the others grow more dejected. Reading the destination, his hands shook as he shoved it in my face. "This, Lacey; would you fucking care to explain this?"

I grabbed the tickets away, feeling my own hands shaking too. "I can explain," I insisted.

"Please do." Gabriel spat out, crossing his arms over his chest. I couldn't handle the hurt in his gaze and glanced away, focusing on a tree. But when I tried to conjure up a lie, I found I couldn't do it.

I couldn't lie anymore.

"Damn it, Lacey." Gabriel growled, throwing his hands in the air at my silence. I opened my mouth but no words left. Drake and Zac flanked him on either side, and Drake glanced down at me in disgust.

"What did this band even mean to you, Lacey?" he asked, his tone bewildered. "Nothing?"

"No," I pleaded, picking myself off the ground so I could be level with their eyes. "Of course it meant something to me, you dipshits."

"Really? Well, it doesn't seem that way now?"

Zac's anger seemed to have faded into a broken sadness as he added, "You used us."

It was that: that declaration as if he couldn't believe it, that finally had me breaking. The tears fell even though I willed them not to, and once they were falling they wouldn't stop. Zac had to look away.

"Carter told us everything." Gabriel said. His voice was low and quavering, but he continued on with determination. "I just need to know the truth."

"What do you know?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Drake glanced at Carter, relaying her message out loud. "Ever since the beginning, you had been using us as a way to get into the competition just so you could get a chance to go to England. We weren't angry at that," he said quietly. "We wanted to go too. We hoped it was just ambition."

Zac spoke up, "But then she told us about how you made a deal with Mike," his voice cracked. "How you only played along with being in the band so that you could accomplish whatever you were plotting with him, because no matter if Chasing Avenues won or lost, you'd still be in England."

"You didn't care," Gabriel finished with finality. "You never did. And now that you've got your fucking tickets, are you finally happy now?"

"Guys," I begged. My voice sounded strained as I pleaded. "Guys, I've changed. You've got to understand. I love being in this band; you guys are my family. That was my goal from the start but now, I don't even want to go to England without you guys. I want to win as a team. Not because of some stupid deal. I'm not who I was before. Please, please, please understand."

There was a pause before Gabriel spoke again, "Prove it."

"How?"

"Destroy the tickets. Now. Right in front of us."

I blinked back tears, holding the tickets up to my face. They were shaking as I stared at them. I've worked so hard and got so far. I wanted to destroy the tickets; I wanted to prove myself to them. But when my hands began to tear them apart I found that I couldn't.

I let out a frustrated yell, willing myself to rip but my hands remained frozen, unwilling to budge. I just wanted the pain to end; I just wanted to be free - that was my goal from the start. These tickets were my backup plan if the band didn't win.

I couldn't let Marco win. I can't go back to him.

"I can't." I whispered, dropping my hands with defeat. They don't understand.

Just tell them, Lacey. Tell them about Marco.

But I couldn't bring myself to do that either.

I was gone.

Drake kicked at a rock, sending it flying before he stormed away without another word. Gabriel looked disappointed, as if he knew that my answer was going to be just that.

"Well, Lacey," he said with a hollow voice, "This only leaves us with one option."

"What?"

"You're out of the band." he said, sounding defeated himself. All anger had left his body, and Gabriel was just as deflated as I was. No, I wanted to scream. No! With one last condescending look in my direction, he spat out, "Have fun in England."

Then they were gone.

Xander was the last to leave, sending me a glance over his shoulder as he shook his head. I begged him to stay but he looked broken and merely shook his head once more. He darted after the others, leaving me alone with the girl who ruined me.

"Why?" I whispered brokenly, before spinninh around and pointing accusingly in Carter's direction. "Why?" I yelled.

"You had it coming." she replied simply, shrugging as if she hadn't played a part in ruining my chances with the only people I let in.

"I had it- Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You were the one decieving them. They had a right to know. And you sure as hell weren't going to tell them." Carter said, her eyes narrowing.

"I was going to tell them eventually."

"When? Once you lost your precious competition and you're left with nothing again? So you could just go back to using everyone like you always did?"

I was silent for a moment and she took this as a sign to go on. Carter bristled, on a rant fueled by her sudden anger. "Were we all just a decoy to you? Olivia? Amber and Caden? Your band? Blake? Me?"

"Is this what this is about?" I yelled.

"Yes!" Carter screamed back. "It's always been about that! You know, we all cared about you. We all wanted to be there for you, but you never let anyone in. I tried to be your friend, and I thought we were finally getting somewhere, but then you.. you refused to join my band, only to join my boyfriend's band, and then you flaunt yourself and your fucking talent-"

"Wait," I interjected, "Boyfriend?"

"Ex, now." Carter growled. "Gabriel thought that I was getting jealous of you, and he called it off. But I was anything but jealous, I was just so mad at you. I had to tell him about you eventually; I didn't want to see you hurt him. You always end up ruining everything."

"I didn't even know about you and Gabriel!"

"It's because you never listened!" Carter screamed, her voice cracking. "You never cared!"

I felt a sob lodge itself in my throat. I just wanted this to end. I just wanted this all to end.

"You say you've changed, Lacey," Carter said, tears falling onto her cheeks. "But you haven't changed one bit. You're still as cold as you were on the day I first met you, and you're still unwilling to let the people you love in."

Stop. I wanted to scream. You don't know anything!

"Are you happy now?" I hissed out, wiping away tears with a furious expression. "You finally got your fucking revenge."

"Oh, it's not over yet." Carter said solemnly, her gaze flicking to Tilted Reality's tour bus before retuning to me. "I still have one more trick up my sleeve."

She walked away from me then, but I couldn't chase after her. I was frozen to the ground, her last words echoing in my mind. What else could she have heard?

There was a drop on my head and I glanced up, feeling small pellets of rain begin to pour, but I made no move to seek for shelter. Rain, I discovered, always occurred during the darkest times.

"What more can you do?" I screamed at her, watching her figure disappear into her bus. But I kept screaming, even though I already knew the answer. I already knew the last piece in the game for her to call checkmate.

Blake.

--

I have no words.

Dedicated to Karo because she made that kickass picspam on the side. Color porn, am I right?