So this is a short story about how my character from my original book, Ayla, deals with the grief from her girlfriend Calistas death. There's some things you MAY not understand that'll be introduced in my book, so ignore those parts. I suggest you listen to the video while reading.

Denial

The explosion rung in Ayla's ears, temporarily deafening her. She couldn't, wouldn't, comprehend what just happened.

'No' Ayla thought, fear enveloping her mind. 'No, no, no. No, she's gotta be there, she's gotta be fine.'

"What are you all standing around for?" She said, her voice shaking. "Scar, help me make a portal, we gotta go get her."

No one moved.

Melody had silent tears streaming down their face, trying to hide them. They were hugging Scarlett, who was crying very loudly. Shawna face had a mix of emotions, grief, anger, sympathy, devastation.

"Ayla," Shawna said softly.

Ayla looked up at her. Shawna's eyes were sad, brimming with tears with the realization that Calista wasn't coming back.

Shawna put a hand on Ayla's shoulder. "I felt it. She's gone. I'm sorry but she's gone."

Ayla shook her head, shaking violently as tears threatened to leave her eyes.

"No, stop lying. Can't we go back in time and get her? O-or undo it? There's gotta be some way!"

Shawna felt sorry for her friend. She had just lost the love of her life.

But Shawna had just lost her best friend.

"Ayla, I'm sorry." Shawna said, voice barely at a whisper. "I wish I was lying I really, really do."

And she realized Shawna was telling the truth. And that might have been what broke her.

Ayla let out a strangled sob and almost fell. The sobs she were trying to bite back made their way to the surface and she was crying so hard, and she could barely breath.

"T-there's gotta be anoth- another way there has, has to be." Ayla stammered, almost not being able to get the words out. "Sh-shawna please."

Her knees finally gave in, and she fell, hugging herself and muttering "It's not true. Your lying" over and over again.

It hurt Shawna to see her friend like this. Her kind, patient, loving friend.

Melody and Scarlett were silent, still silently crying.

"We have to get back." Melody whispered, voice hallow, which was very rare for them. Their voice was always so loud and had such spirit.

Shawna nodded and knelt next to Ayla, rubbing her back and trying to keep back her tears in order to help her friend.

Melody called Julio, one of the healers, and told him what happened.

"He'll be here in twenty minutes, there's a legacy camp a few miles away that he was stationed at. We'll- we'll fly back tomorrow." Their voice cracked at the last statement. The thought of going back... where they made so many memories, without Calista, felt shattering.

Scarlett hadn't said anything. She was curled up in a ball and staring at her feet, not making a sound.

Shawna could still feel it. The aching pain when Calista made her last breath that confirmed she was gone, it was still there. It felt like she couldn't breathe.

And poor Ayla, poor, poor Ayla. She could not accept what just happened. She could not except that her girlfriend, her love of her life, her Calista, was gone.

Unknowingly to the four, a single butterfly flew from the collapsed building, flying higher, and then coming around near the others.

There had to be a way to get her back.

Anger

Ayla sat at the end of her bed, a wooden box sitting next to her. Melody had given her the box, which they had found in Calista's things. They had told her they couldn't open it themself, and that Ayla should.

Ayla's deep blue eyes now had red around the rims, and her normally neat brown hair was in a messy braid, like it hadn't been brushed for weeks. She was a complete mess.

They all were.

The others had left the apartment for whatever reason. Shawn needed to clear his head, Melody... Ayla didn't know where they had gone, but they were snapping at everyone before they left, saying they had to do something. Scarlett had also gone somewhere, but she said she was just going to the library and the café. Ayla doubted it.

Now Ayla was alone, with a box, trying to convince herself to open it.

"Come on Ramano, you scaredy cat. Just open the damn box." She muttered to herself, wincing even at her own swear word.

She took the large wooden box into her hands, traditional artwork of Cal's culture engraved in the lid, such as skulls and dahlias, the words, 'La Familia Viotto' at the very top.

It seemed to have been old, like some sort of family heirloom. It seemed weird to Ayla to hold such a precious box, one that wasn't even in her family. One that Calista probably held dear to her heart.

Tears threatened to pool over at the thought of her girlfriend. Ayla gulped, taking a deep breath, and opened the box.

Inside were dozens of photos and random things like beads and dried up plants. Ayla assumed the beads were from Cinco De Mayo, one of Calista's favorite holidays. Ayla remembered celebrating it with her. Cal had gone shopping all day to look for the certain beads.

It was so clear in her head, like it was just yesterday.

"Why won't those ones work?" Ayla asked, bending down to peer at the beads.

"Because" Calista huffed. "I need traditional ones. Besides, they don't even have green. How am I going to make a necklace with no green!"

Ayla laughed, kissing Calista on the cheek, and grabbing her hand to drag her to the next bead store.

Ayla squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the beads out of the way.

At the very bottom was a Diary. Ayla knew Calista had one.

When Cleo died, Calista had gone to a consular for a few months, on the last day she brought back a diary.

It was raining.

Ayla waited by the door, curled up with a book and a blanket.

Calista had taken the bus to her last counseling this time, instead of Melody. She had said 'I'll be fine'

It's been six months after Cleo's death.

Cal hadn't been doing very good. Barely eating, barely sleeping. It made sense, she had just lost her sister, her best friend. They had been through hell together.

Ayla heard the keys opening the door and jumped to her feet to greet Cal.

"How was it." She said, grabbing Calista's hand once she had her shoes and coat off.

Calista shrugged, pulling out a book from her backpack. "It was good. The consular gave me a journal or something to write my emotions down in."

Ayla took a deep breath and opened the diary.

Inside were jumbled up words, some pages talking about fun things Cal had done and others full of rants.

One page, the last page that was written in, caught Ayla's attention.

-We're going to New Mexico in two days. Gosh I haven't been there in so long. Some weird new mission. I don't really know much yet. The rest of the group is going too, so's Ayla.

Speaking of Ayla, I've had this thought. I think im going to propose. Not this year, obviously, we're only 19, but maybe next year.

I probably won't have too much time. Legacies don't. But maybe I'll have enough where I can marry Ayla and even adopt.

I don't know if that's ever going to happen though. I can feel my time running out. The other day I had this weird feeling, like it knocked the breath out of me. I dropped a damn cup.

But God, I hope I have enough time to live my life with Ayla, maybe even help the others.

I'll write more later

C.V. 8/5/2018

Ayla had tears in her eyes. She felt a feeling in her chest that made her want to explode.

Anger.

Calista wanted to marry her! She wanted to spend the rest of her life with her! Calista was right, she didn't have enough time.

She had left her, she had to be so damn selfless and just get herself killed! Why would she do that! Why would she leave if she wanted to marry Ayla!

Ayla noticed one more thing.

It was a picture. A picture of her and Calista. They were on the dock, Ayla's arms around
Calista and Cal smiling so wide she was squinting.

It was one of the best days in Ayla's

Calista laughed as Ayla tripped, nearly toppling into the water.

"Come on 'Lay, you're gonna fall!" Cal grabbed Ayla's hand, pulling her up to the dock.

Ayla laughed as water sprayed onto Calista's brown face, soaking her frizzy orange hair and clothes.

It was the warmest day of the year, well, warm for Alaska, which was normally very cold.

Melody had brought their camera they had gotten and wanted to take a picture of the two on the dock.

Calista kissed Ayla, right and firmly on the lips. Ayla pulled away, laughing. It felt good, it felt right. Even after being together for three, no four years, she still felt butterflies in her stomach.

Speaking of butterflies, as Melody took the picture, a swarm of butterflies flew behind them, leaving an absolutely beautiful picture.

Ayla felt anger take over her as she threw the picture at the wall, tears streaming down her face.

"I hate you!" She yelled, not really meaning those words. "You just had to come into my life and make everything better and make me happier than ever and then just- just leave me!"

Ayla dropped onto the floor. "Why did you leave me! I loved you! I loved you, you selfless idiot! I loved you so much!"

Ayla sobbed, so hard she was hiccupping and almost screaming and just hurting so, so, much.

"I still do." She whispered.

She looked up at the picture. The glass of the frame was all over the floor now, the only thing really catching her attention is the beautiful butterflies lighting up the photo.

She didn't care. She just wanted her Calista.

Bargaining

Ayla sat on the swing, her black dress going to her knees.

It was Calista's funeral. It was over already, and they had just buried Cal's ashes.

Ayla had finally met Cal's family. They were nice people, and Ayla was happy Calista had them in her life.

Robby had come for emotional support for Ayla. He, the Winter's, her friends, and some other people, were all at the place where the funeral was held. Ayla had stayed by the grave, saying she needed some time to herself.

The swing, where Cal had her had gone on their first date, was still intact.

But here Ayla was, sitting there, all by herself.

Thoughts swarmed in her brain, loud like a bee's nests. All sorts of "What if's" enveloped her mind as she sat alone.

'What if Calista hadn't come with us?' No, she would of have to. Besides, one way or another Calista would've died.

'What if we had a different mission?' The one other mission they could have gone to ended horribly, only few survivors. Besides, it was her groups mission, and they all were honored to have it.

'What if Cleo hadn't died?' That wouldn't have done anything. Cal would have still gone with them.

'What if Cal never met me?' The thought of not having Calista in her life... it hurt. So, so much.

Ayla missed Calista. Heck, that was an understatement. Calista was her sunshine, her butterfly.

Silent tears tracked down her cheeks and she closed her eyes, sighing. If she could trade anything in the world right now, her health, her life, her most sacred belongings, it would be to have her Calista back.

More "What if's" floated around in her head, most a bubble of unknown words she couldn't quite comprehend. The grief and longing in her heart petrifying her thoughts as the day she lost her beloved Calista rolled over and over in her head, a new scenario in each one.

"Ayla?" Robby's voice surprised her, breaking her train of thought.

Her brother sat down next to her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"How you holding up?"

Ayla rubbed at her eyes, trying to hold back a sob. "I... I just feel numb. Either that or it feels like... it feels like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest over and over and it feels like im going to explode."

The sob escaped from her mouth. And then it happened again. It seemed to be a daily occurrence now. Crying so hard Ayla's hiccupping and barely breathing. Nothing could fill the gap that was left in her heart.

Robby put his arms around Ayla and lifted his little sister into a hug. Ayla cried and cried and cried into his shoulder. Robby rubbed her back, wishing with all his might that Ayla would be okay.

Scarlett, unknowably to the siblings, stood in the background, desperately wishing she could help her friend. She had her own joyfriend, and if anything happened to Luisa... Scarlett didn't know what she'd do.

Once Ayla regained her composure, she had a lost look on her face.

"I shouldn't have let her go. She, she still had an injury anyways. I should of, I, I should of- "

Robby tightened his grip on his little sister. His whole life he did everything he could to shield her from loss and hurt, because she was his baby sister. She was only eighteen, she was still a kid. Yet she had just lost one of the most important people in her life, and let's be honest, at the age of fifteen, she had seen hell.

Robby had failed at protecting her.

He ran a hand through her long brown hair and buried his face in her shoulder, a familiar move, one he had done when Ayla was really little and had bad dreams.

"Hey, hey, you're okay Layley, I'm right here." Robby soothed, trying to calm his sister down.

"No, no im not okay I'm not. I haven't been okay for months." The words Ayla had been dying to say were tumbling out of her mouth. "Shawna's a wreck and barely talks to anyone an-and Melody is always yelling and Scarlett refuses to tell anyone how she feels, and I try to help them, but I can't because I'm to, I'm too unstable right now to do anything and I feel like such a failure..."

Ayla took a moment to catch her breath. "And I fou-found a box with Cal-"Ayla couldn't say it. She couldn't say her name. She would crumble.

"Robby... gosh she wanted to marry me." Ayla's voice was a whisper now.

***

It was a few weeks after the funeral.

Ayla had a thought that had been bugging at her mind ever since she found the book at the camp library.

It said somewhere that you could revive the dead, but only if you were soul. And Ayla had gone to ask Shawn.

"C'mon Shawn please. You're one of the best in your field."

Shawn sighed. "Ayla you know I would if I could, but I am physically not able to."

"Can't you at least try?"

"Ayla I'm sorry but no."

A sudden wave of anger that was very unlike Ayla took over her. "Don't you want Calista back?"

"OF COURSE, I DO AYLA!" Shawn yelled.

Tears pricked at his eyes. "Ayla she was my best friend. God dammit of course I want her back."

Ayla stared at him for a second. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure if it was just Shawn she was apologizing to. She had so many people to apologize to.

To Calista, for letting her die.

To Cleo, for not taking care of Calista.

To Robby, for having to put up with her.

To Shawn, obviously, for ignoring his feelings.

To Scarlett and Melody, for downright ignoring them.

Nothing could ever be the same without Calista.

Depression

Ayla didn't want to get out of bed.

It's been six- no seven- years since Calista... since Calista passed.

Ayla's been hanging on by a thread.

She wasn't sure why everything still felt like it was crumbling.

Why she still was drowning in unbearable grief.

It didn't make much sense. After 2375 days, she still was as if she was living in the ghost of the moment.

Calista had an effect on her. It was weird. That effect made her happy. It made her feel so much joy and love that she hadn't felt before.

She made her feel like she belonged. That effect made it easy to be happy.

But it also made it impossible to let go.

So, there she was. Lying in her cold bed, buried in blankets, debating the point of even getting out of bed at all. Debating the point of even living at all.

Every day was a repetitive blur of overwhelming sadness, of the same thing over and over.

Get up, clean apartment, go to work, get groceries, tea with Scarlett, go to bed, repeat.

Nothing was worth living anymore.

There was no light in Ayla's life anymore, only swallowing darkness.

Not even a flare.

After about ten minutes she decided to get out of bed. Ayla did her normal morning routine. Wash face, brush- and put-up hair, do her makeup (basically just eyeliner), contemplate on eating, brush teeth, go for a run, shower.

She actually ate breakfast this time. Robby had come over last week to see how she was doing and made some pancakes, so there was that.

She ended up putting on a hoodie and leggings. The hoodie was Calista's, her old basketball hoodie.

She got into her car. She had gotten it a few years ago as a present from Melody. Probably a "I'm sorry" gift.

Six and a half years ago Melody and Shawna had gotten into a fight. They yelled and said things and when Ayla and Scarlett tried to intervene, they yelled at them. It ruined everything. The next week Shawna moved out, and Ayla hadn't heard from her since. Melody yelled at Ayla a lot after that, until they were finally done with it all and moved out as well. Then it was just Scarlett and Ayla.

Ayla was so grateful for her lasting friendship with Scarlett, but God, god, she missed the other two.

She realized she had been just staring into space for five minutes, so she started up the gray car and drove to work.

At 26 Ayla already had a full-time job. She wasn't able to go to college and become a biologist like she hoped, because of being a Legacy, instead she worked at a small office building 30 minutes away from her tiny apartment where she sorted papers.

It was clear Ayla wasn't happy.

Once she got to work, she sat down and stared at the stack of papers. This could all be over, the repitive days, the endless paperwork, the feeling of drowning, she could make it over in a heartbeat. She could take her life so she could see Calista again!

But was it worth it?

She could find another job someday, she could find her own house, she could end up adopting kids, she could make up with Shawna and Melody.

That's why she still held on these seven years, because she hoped it would get better.

Everyone said it would. Look at Scarlett! She's a fully transitioned woman with a fiancé and a wonderful job and a beautiful house! She didn't even seem to be grieving anymore!

Ayla envied her for that. It was selfish, but seven years ago she was planning these things with Calista.

Was Ayla even aloud happiness?

"Ramano, get to work. You don't get paid to daydream all day." Came the harsh, hateful voice of her supervisor.

She hated this job, she hated her tiny apartment, she hated her loneliness, she hated how everyone else got to be happy and not her. She hated herself.

When Ayla got home from work Scarlett wasn't there for tea. She felt relieved and disappointed at the same time.

Then a buzz from her phone distracted her

Scarlett Ross (509-772-9143)

[Hey Lay. Just wanted to let you know that I won't be coming for tea for the next 3 days]

/Read 5:37 PM

[Louisa broke their foot. :/ Anyway, I baked some cookies :D So you can eat those. 🙂]

/Read 5:38 PM

[Last thing btw. Someone'll stop by later today. Can't tell you who but I think you'll know when they come.]

/Read 5:38 PM

[Oki, thanks for telling me. Tbh im probably gonna eat all the cookies XD]

Read 5:39 PM\

[K 😊have a good rest of ur day]

/Read 5:39 PM

[U 2. C:]

Read 5:40 PM\

Ayla was a bit confused about who was coming but decided to stop worrying. Besides, at least she had cookies. That was one good thing about her day.

Ayla went over to her tiny kitchen island, grabbed some cookies and made some tea, and sat down on the couch to watch Netflix. She snatched the fuzzy blanket from the top of her couch and wrapped herself up in it.

About thirty minutes later came a knock on her door. Ayla paused her show and walked slowly over to the door. Her hand hovered over the brass knob for a moment before finally turning it.

There stood Melody. Hair still has fluffy as ever, tied up in double buns. The same bright green coat and marking.

They were the same, yet completely different.

Dark bags were under their eyes, cuts on their hand. Their clothes, besides the coat, were gray and brown. The old Melody would have winced at the thought of wearing those. For some reason the very faint, slight smell of alcohol wafted off them.

The two stared at each other for a moment, not knowing what to say, what to do.

"Melody?" Ayla whispered, not believing her eyes. There they were, in the first time in six and a half years.

They did a little wave, as awkward as before.

"Hi."

"What-what are you- why are you- where have you been?"

"Places." They shrugged. "You seem... different."

Ayla let out a dry laugh. "I could say the exact same thing about you."

She silently gestured them in, not really knowing quite what to say. She grabbed her kettle and a cup and poured some tea for Melody, handing it to them.

"So... its been what? Six years?"

Ayla nodded. "Like six and a half. Why so out of the blue did you come."

Melody took a deep breath, looking down. "I'm assuming you're still pissed at me. I wanted to try to... to make emends. I know I kinda ghosted you for more than half a decade, but I really wanted to see how you've been doing."

"Oh..." Ayla wasn't sure what to say.  "Well, I am still a little pissed, but I can see why you did what you did. It wasn't the best time."

"Yeah."

"I... its gonna take me a while to completely forgive you, but to be honest? I just want our friendship back."

Melody swallowed. "Me too."

Ayla stood up and got leftovers from the fridge and stuck them in the microwave.

"So, how have you been?" Melody asked quietly.

Ayla stared out the small window of the kitchen. Was she to be completely honest?

"I- not good. At all. Robby says I'm hanging on by a thread. Scarlett says I'm depressed. My therapist says I'm suicidal. They all are right."

She was crying again. She didn't even know why

Melody put a hand on her shoulder. "I know. I know. It's okay to cry."

"I don't want to do this anymore! I'm not happy! Everyone says its gonna get better but its been seven years, so when is it going to get better?"

Melody guided her to the couch, sitting Ayla down and enveloping her into a hug. "Let it all out. I'm not gonna abandon you again."

They sat there for a while. Finally, Ayla calmed down.

"I'm sorry. You just came and I'm already dumping all my problems onto you."

Melody sighed. "No, it's okay. To be honest I haven't been the best either. My mom finally decided to kick me out, but thankfully my dad wasn't a total bi- jerk and gave me enough money to survive. By that time, I was pretty depressed and at 24, I... uh I kinda got a drinking problem."

"You got a drinking problem?!"

"Yeah. It was my to cope. Don't worry, I'm fixed, and I only drank at home. My dad found out, at first he was totally pissed but then he got me a therapist. He divorced my mom by the way, after she kicked me out. Now I've been traveling. Trying to see if there's a college and trying to find you guys."

Ayla nodded. "Holy cow. I'm sorry your mom kicked you out."

"Yeah. It's okay now I suppose. I'm doing better." Melody shrugged.

They sat in silence.

"Ayla?"

"Yes?"

"It will get better. I know it."

"I'm sorry but I've lost all hope in that."

Acceptance

November 19th, 2029

It's been 11 years.

Eleven years since the explosion that shattered my glass of happiness. My glass of sanity. From then I've just been falling. It seemed like a pit of darkness had swallowed me, knocking away my breath and making me feel as if I was waiting to hit rock bottom. Maybe I was.

Then after more than a decade of falling, of winding up in phycological ditches where it seemed there was no way out, I found a little light in the dark, a rope to pull me out of the hole, a tree of hope, leading the way out.

Grief is a funny thing. Its like it can't make up its mind. One moment you're numb, with little feeling inside, and others a mix of so many emotions you can explode. For a while it seems like everything's going to crumble, that you're going to drown in memories and tears. For some it hurts for a week. For others a year. Some two. But for me it was eleven.

Once your stuck it takes a while to climb back out. Sometimes you except your fate and wait to rot, and vines and thorns grow on the tree. Other times you hack away at the thorns until your hands bleed, but then continue to climb up and up until your out. For a while I was waiting to rot.

But then a little light from the surface shined my way.

That was Kay.

A small, fragile child. Someone so full of life but had no one.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw Calista.

Someone that had all the energy in the world, someone who stood by your side. Someone brave on the outside.

But on the inside was a small, fragile child, a little bit broken inside.

From that moment I decided I was going to climb that tree, if only for Kay.

And then after a decade I became okay again.

I may not be able to protect him from all the horrors of the world. All the pain, all the tears. Both physically and mentally.

But what I can do is stay by his side until he finds his happiness. Exactly what Calista would do for me.

Kay is my little butterfly now.

I may never be able to forget my beloved Calista. She was my other butterfly. She was my soulmate.

But I know she would have wanted me to move on. To be okay.

And I think she would have been proud of me.

Life is hard. It knocks us down. It breaks our spirit. It shatters our happiness.

But we must do the next right thing. We must stand back up an pickup the pieces.

Cause even when everything is dark, even when we are falling, at the end of the day we will rise up again into the light. That's what we do.

And so be it.

A/N
I know it may hurt for a while. Maybe a really long time. But it'll get better one day. If you've lost someone, remember that they will have wanted you to be happy. To be okay. Cause you probably mean the world to them. If you are depressed, know that one day everything will be okay again. You'll smile a genuine smile. You'll laugh a genuine laugh. Just hold on a little longer. It'll be okay.

Hope you enjoyed!!!