The title isn't just to get more attention, this chapter only has one meaning and it's to get some stuff off of my chest...So like a rant? But not...You guys can tell me what this is.
Also:
If you don't like mentions of bullying or self harm then you also don't need to read this..!

(Now this can be put here because I drew something...Logic)
So. Uhhh Hi?
I wanted to get this off of my chest I guess...Because it'll get really bad if I keep this in.
So I've been getting bullied. (Yes, it's one of these dumb rants. Sorry)....
And I've dealt with bullying before, but not from someone who used to be a friend..
This girl (this is a fake name for reasons) "Jessie" use to be a good friend of mine, a best friend even...Then she moved. So it kinda sucked....But we were able to keep in contact so it's cool beans :3
A few years later, I grew up (surprisingly) and started secondary school. And got bullied. The bullies were not only rude ones, calling me many names..But also violent ones. They punched me and kicked me...So recently a couple weeks ago I moved to a different secondary school. To get away from those bullies...Which worked! And some would think this as a bonus, I found out that "Jessie" is going to the new school I've attended! Now, before I get into anything else, I want you guys to know "Jessie" was the very first person I told about a very personal and sad thing that I went through and did...I'm not getting into details because I'm past that. But basically she knows I've done some regrettable things to myself. I went up to her the second I saw her and told her who I was and asked how she was. All friendly things...Then she laughed...It was a really mean kinda laugh and then a group of girls came to her..Kinda like a posse?? Just then "Jessie" my 'Good and close friend' said something like this..."Ew. Who the fuck said you could talk to me, suicidal bitch?" Then she walked off...The other girls following her...
I had a bad, bad anxiety attack. Not only because she acted like that towards me after years of hardly talking...But because there were a few people around us at the time... Now I'm a very quiet and small person..I'm shy and your stereotypical nerd with the thickest British accent you've ever heard..So me crying and running off shaking makes me look even stupider...this wasn't my first anxiety attack and it probably (most definitely) won't be my last..But anyways. That's not all. Of course it isn't why would it be? ;-;
On my birthday (like a couple weeks ago) I was at school. Since the first "talk" with her, I haven't said a word to "Jessie"...But she came up to me and handed me a bag. And said it was a birthday gift. I was going to ask why she'd given me a present but she was long gone.
When I opened it...I started to shake...It was a cup with "Another day is another dream"..That sounds like a stupid thing to get scared over but..Again she knows about something. I've been having reoccurring nightmares (which are just upsetting dreams ._.) that replay the regrettable choice I made about a year ago. Which was self harming. I've shown signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). That's basically for those who don't know, a disorder where you're constantly reminded of something that's traumatised you...Like some soldiers that went to war get..That kind of thing. So the cup reminded me of the reoccurring nightmares that I still have...Which is what she wanted to happen.
I saw her laughing in the back of the class with her posse...So it was obvious she wanted me to freak out about it...Which I did because I can't help it...I then started to shake more and realised another anxiety attack was happening...So I went to the teacher at the verge of tears and he let me go outside the class to try to calm down..

What I'm trying to say is I'm not the happiest right now...
Whenever I wake up from the nightmares, 'Suicidal bitch' is the first thing that comes to my mind...
I know I've said a lot of upsetting things.
And it seems like I'm not too bothered about it but believe me I've had to come away from this and calm down like five times.
This is very hard for me to talk about...But I'm getting through it..!
I'm on a waiting list with a councillor who was very nice (His name is Steve and he's very funny >:3)
And I'm also talking with a school councillor at the new school. Of course my parents know if this as well as Lily, my girlfriend. So I'm not alone with all of this...It's just it's all very hard to say to someone who I know in person, and even though many people who are close to me know, it's easier to put it all out on here...Because I guess I can't see the judgment...Which is stupid and nerdy but...That's how I deal with this.
So I'm sorry that I've 'talked' at you guys....The amount of words I've typed is scary XD
But yeah...That was about it ..
And sadly since I moved schools, Lily isn't at the same school as me but she comes round almost everyday..And then we get to talk and hang out there.
I also have a small group of friends, which is a comfortable size for me..I get a lot of anxiety around a large group of people so yeah..
Again I'm sorry if anyone is actually reading this..I'm wasting your time with crap you guys don't need to worry about at all...So this is where I'm going to end it..

Thanks for reading this if you did..It means a lot ^-^
See ya later
-AprilXx