seven
...
~Many mistakes
...
"So?" John asked Amalia once they sat down in Amalia's usual booth, she sighed while leaning back against the leather seat, her intertwined hands falling over the wooden table in front of her.
"So..." She dragged on awkwardly, pursing her lips and bobbing her head, trying to relieve some of the unexplainable tension in the air.
"Oh come on Amalia, just tell me about him — I know you want to." John stated teasingly making Amalia's cheeks warm up, she pulled her lips into a thin line and scraped the old wood with her thumbnail awkwardly while sighing.
"Well, I just met him recently — I guess we're friends." She explained briefly, her gaze on her nail that effortlessly scraped some pieces of old, chipped wood from the table, John raised his brows and held back a snicker at her words.
"Just met? And only friends? By the way he addressed you, I was sure you guys were more." John teased, yet his word held a serious undertone, Amalia scoffed and shook her head, her scraping thumb stopped moving.
"We are barely even friends, and Zachary is like that — he makes things up." Amalia stated sternly, her glare locking with John's curious eyes, he inhaled deeply and nodded.
"So...anything new?" John asked softly, leaning back against his seat, trying to ease the growing tension, Amalia pondered for a second before her brows raised.
"Laura's coming next week." Amalia said, she tried to act as though she didn't care but even John noticed the bright gleam in her dull eyes once she had said Laura's name.
"That's nice, I can't wait to see her. It's been very odd here without her presence." John stated genuinely, his gaze on his hands, which were intertwined and placed over the old wooden table, Amalia just nodded quietly.
Suddenly, an all too happy Misses Darling came towards their table with their orders in hand, and with a smile she placed their dishes, and mugs in front of them.
"Enjoy my little dollies! And if you need anything else, give me a call!" She stated enthusiastically, a bright smile on her lips as she gazed at both John and Amalia happily, Amalia rolled her eyes while John nodded thankfully.
"Well, I'm off." Misses Darling said before turning around and walking away, a slight ghost of a skip in her step caught Amalia's eyes and she couldn't help but soften her hardened features at the sight.
"I see you've ordered the same thing as always." John noticed, but instead of being annoyed he was actually pleased, Amalia nodded while taking a sip of her hot chocolate, which cooled her insides.
"Well, Hazel and Augustuses always was 'okay', but dad and I, our always was this order and this café... However, since he passed away and I'm still here, I guess it wasn't our always — now it's just our past. Well, more like my past." Amalia explained slowly, but her voice got quieter at her last sentence making John gulp while nodding thoughtfully and eyeing her plate.
"It is still your always Amalia. It might not be dad's, but it is yours." John stated softly, his hand going around his mug before he picked it up and took a sip of his caramel latte, Amalia scoffed and shook her head, evidently not wanting to hear that.
"No, I don't want it to be just mine. This get together here, every morning; was what dad and I did, always — but while he was alive." Amalia protested sadly, her eyes dulling and her lips forming a deep frown, she roughly bit into her cookie and chewed slowly, John sighed while rubbing the side of his mug softly.
"But, you still come here right? I mean you're here now — so it's still an always thing; maybe you just don't want to acknowledge it." John explained hesitantly, his eyebrows furrowed as he spoke, Amalia stiffened and her gaze snapped to his in shock — she quickly composed herself while shaking her head in denial.
"I didn't ask you to join me, for therapy — so please, just eat and leave me alone, I don't want to speak about dad anymore and I definitely don't need you telling me what my always is." She replied offensively, as though John was attacking what she thought was right — even though he was just trying to help.
"I'm sorry, I promise I won't talk about dad anymore and I won't attack what you believe — I-I just wanted to help." He replied cautiously, squirming over his seat under Amalia's accusing glare.
"Well, did I ask for it?" She asked aggressively, he flinched over his seat and quickly mumbled a weak 'no' before averting his gaze and finally eating the oatmeal that was placed in front of him, Amalia sighed in relief.
They both ate in tension filled silence, each glancing at one another when they thought they weren't going to be spotted, but both had eyes that were filled with regret and guilt — one more then the other.
...
Amalia and John walked side to side towards their house, both trying to act unaware and unfazed by the weird looks they were being given by the town people.
"How do you think mom will react when we get home?" John suddenly asked, worry filled his tone of voice making Amalia sigh while sending him a bored look.
"How do you think? She'll obviously yell at us and then when we think she'd have enough; she'll just yell some more." Amalia replied with a lousy shrug, John couldn't help but chuckle in amusement because deep down he knew — that she was probably right.
"Yeah maybe, but this time — I think we shouldn't fight with her because it's not worth it. I mean, nothing will change her ways. She's apparently addicted to alcohol; it's her only escape. Perhaps she needs it to cope with dad's death, even though it isn't the best decision when she has two kids that she needs to deal with, but we need to accept that, maybe accepting it will help her change her bad ways and show her how much wrong she's truly been doing." John stated softly while kicking a small pebble on the ground and watching it bounce away, Amalia took in his genuine words and inhaled deeply.
"I don't know John. I'm only eighteen, and I can't be the one telling her wrong from right — she should be the one doing that to me! I should be the disgrace, and the reckless one, not her! She's forty-two for Gods sake! She needs to man up, and take on her responsibilities, not try to hide from them by intoxicating herself every night. I really can't take it anymore John, you need to understand me." Amalia confessed angrily, her glare fixated on her house that was only a block away, John nodded sadly while frowning.
"I do understand Amalia, I really do. But what more can I do? I'm failing miserably at being the man of the house — in fact I'm failing at being a man in general. I wanted to make dad proud, not disappointed in who he left his home to. I want to be the one you and mom can count on for support and protection, but lately I haven't felt like I was doing any of that for you guys and it sadden's me. I hate feeling this way, I really do, but I'm desperate; I want to make dad so proud and I want to help you and mom, so badly — because little by little our home isn't feeling like home anymore." John also confessed, his gaze got glossier as he spoke and Amalia couldn't help but frown at his saddening words and feel her face fall in pity.
"I'm sorry John, everything has been about mom and I that we haven't even really taken you into consideration. It's just — it's been really hectic in our house, I mean you live with us, so you know. But, other then that, I just want you to know, that I do look at you for protection and support, you're my older brother and don't think I don't notice how much you worry and stress over me and how I feel. Also, don't you ever say that dad's disappointed in you because I think otherwise, all the support you've given me and our house is beyond anything he and I could expect." Amalia suddenly said, John couldn't help but freeze and turn to gaze at her, Amalia came to a stop with him to send him a soft look.
"What'd you mean by support? I haven't done that at all." John asked sadly, Amalia sighed and shook her head in disbelief, her raven hair swaying with her movements.
"By support I mean just you being with us in general. John, you're twenty for God's sake! You could've left us two years ago, but you didn't. You could've left us yesterday or the day before, but you didn't — you stayed and you stuck with us and our problems. You don't complain and all you ever do is try to help calm us, which I highly appreciate. You hide your own pain; which I always see and you only ever take ours into consideration. Dad would be as proud as I am of you right now, and trust me no one could be as proud and as thankful as I am of you, so that says a lot, now please stop downgrading yourself." Amalia explained gratefully, her brows raising with a knowing look as she gazed at his frown, he tugged his lips up into a small smile before pulling her into his embrace, she gasped in shock.
"Thank you so much Amalia. I am so thankful for you as well, I am so happy that I have someone like you as a sister." John confessed with a brighter smile, Amalia nodded her head thankfully before slowly placing her hands around his upper body, his brotherly warmth keeping her warm and making her feel safe.
Once they pulled away, they quickly composed themselves and continued walking towards the house that they were standing across from.
"Well, time to see what we have in store." John teased making Amalia chuckle before taking in a deep breath and watching John put the key in the keyhole and then unlock the door.
Once it creaked open, they stepped inside and came face to face with an empty living room, Amalia's brows furrowed in wonder.
"Well the coast is clear." She stated before taking off her shoes and walking past John and up the stairs, her mind replying the confession she and John previously had.
John couldn't help but worry over his mother who evidently wasn't home, but he couldn't help the giddy expression he held after having a heart to heart moment with his sister — after two years of complete hostility from her side.
Zachary - So doll, it's 11:59, you've kept me waiting all night, now you have a minute to tell me; deal or no deal.
Amalia flinched at the ping of her phone, telling her that she got a message, she shakily pulled it out of her pocket and read the message that flashed on her screen.
She took in a deep breath before letting it out in a huff, her hand tightening on the phone before she hit reply — her fingers tapping over the small keyboard before she hesitantly clicked send with an unsure yet sure look on her face.
Amalia - It's a deal, Zac.
This could just be another addition to one of the many mistakes she made in her life — but she couldn't help but think that maybe this was good for her.
Maybe she needed a friend that could help her, even though Laura was coming next week.
John was sitting in the living room quietly, tapping away on his phone and texting a girl that he met on an online gaming site.
Her name was Elite106 and he couldn't help but find a spark of hope for himself as he texted her.
Elite106 - Well, how's everything?
Johnathon78 - A lot better then yesterday.
Elite106 - I'm very happy to hear that!
Johnathon78 - Me too Elite, me too.
Elite106 - You said you live in California, Lavington, Hazelnut street right?
Johnathon78 - Yeah, why?
Elite106 - Well I used to live there two years ago and I'm coming in about two weeks, so I was wondering if you wanted to finally meet?
Johnathon78 - Oh man! Really? I would love to.
Elite106 - Well then Johnathon, see you then <3
Johnathon78 - See you.
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