School. We all know it, we all hate it. Well, I mostly hate school. Some aspects I kind of like...the rest...they can burn.

School, for me, starts September 4th, 2018. When school starts, my mum thinks that it is a good idea to comepletly take away my use of WiFi and data during the school week, take away my phone at 8:00 PM (every night), and only give me the use of my internet and data for an hour during the weekend. So good luck getting an update from me during the school year.  I don't think she realizes how negatively this is going to effect me, hell, just thinking about makes me want to burst into tears and stop existing. I am so glad that I have Google Play. I can listen to my music offline. If there is no hint of me anywhere, if I stop showing up to school, I probably killed myself. Fuck, I just realized that I am probably going to relapse, get back into that old habit that I haven't done since March. Shit...I might relapse back into cutting.

I don't want to die....
Hell, I can't die. Not till I make it through 2019....
Oh Goddess and God...save me....change my controlling mother's mind....

Okay, I am going to make a table of the good and bad things about the school year, and post it in the next chapter.

Fucking hell, why didn't my mum get me therapy....oh god.......

Okay, fuck the negatives for a moment. Let's focus on the positive shit for a moment. The shit that is keeping me here.

Umm...music! That is the main thing that is keeping me alive. Now that I realize it, probably the only. Well, there are my friends. They help... I guess my religion is keeping me alive, in a way.

Uhh....yeah, that is all that is really keeping me alive...shit...there are more reasons to die than to live...fuck.....

I guess I can talk about what I am planning to do for the first day of school. I plan to wear my black Panic! At The Disco tee, my black sweatpants, my flower crown that I got from Dan Howell's merch store, my choker, and if I have it by then, I will wear my leather jacket. If not, I will wear my Avengers hoodie with my long sleeved denim jacket thing over it. (The sleeves aren't made out of denim...) I will walk into the building with my head held high, and go straight to my locker (Locker 826 if you were curious). I actually might lock myself into the unisex bathroom and cry for a bit during lunch, so if I'm not there, you know where to find me. But my goal is to tell ally teachers my preferred pronouns. Which are they/them. I also might come to school looking like I haven't slept in forever. Which is true. And I will probably cry myself most nights to sleep. I....I'm not okay (I promise). All jokes aside, I really fucking need help. And Mrs. Bink (the school's counselor and GSA club leader) is an okay person to talk to but...she just isn't easy to talk to.

Okay. Any questions for me about the chapter ask me in the comments. Next chapter will be out shortly after this one.

~Your favourite non-binary, queer asexual teen.

Tags: adenjames1 MoikeyLovesUnicorns