I feel like i want to cry. I am really that fucking insufferable that nobody wants to be my friends, Izzy and sasha. My school friends don't. I have two friends that i dont talk abt much. Aparna and Pratha but i dont think i am as close to them both as they are too each other. But i think they are my only true friends but they are closer to each other. 

for izzy and sasha i don't know what 8 years of friendship means to them but it clearly doesnt mean the same thing to them as it does to me. My school friends would also rather hang out with each other than me. when i realised that i spent most of the night crying. I have always had trouble making friends and my mum always said that if they dont appreciate me then to drop them but its so many people so maybe it is me. I have been trying out new ways of acting to make more friends but it is surprisingly difficult to stick to it.

Even my hallucinations tell me that I should give up on the friendship with Izzy and Sasha

My parents dont think i can do as well as my sister academically and it feels like i am trying way to hard to prove them wrong. Eevryone in my family prefers her and ik that everyone thinks that but its true. You should her the way everyone raves about my sisters academic achievements and the look of disapointment in their faces when they get to me. However I am my baba's favourite ( dad's dad) but he has got a lot of health problems and i feel so scared for when he is gone.