I don't want to die...

That thought echoes through my mind, and a crushing sense of relief overwhelms me. It's like I just released a much-needed sigh, and I'm utterly baffled.

"You don't have to come back with us if you don't wanna, Mr. Len, not if it's making you cry!"

Rayne's voice startles me, and my flushes more than it already had been. "It's not that, d-don't worry. Crying doesn't always mean somebody is sad; it can mean the complete opposite. I'm just so happy you all have such nice things to say to me."

Hearing that, Rayne smiles widely. "Good, 'cause everyone's better when they're happy." She grabs my hand and pulls, trying to make me walk with her. I oblige and follow her lead, and the rest of the children hurry to catch up while Iann and Sciro trail behind us.

The remainder of that day is a flurry of senses and thoughts. The children waste no time in gathering leftover drawing paper, and my role of artist is reinstated when Iann hands over Inkwell. A Ringfur, Silverswimmer, Hammerbeak, Sleekear, and even an Icetrail Glider join the previous drawings I did along with a few other creatures, and I regale my stories around them. Of course, I'm sure to include any culinary experiences with them to the interest and delight of the children. I feel bad for making their mouths water, but I wouldn't be remiss to say my own descriptions made me hungry as well. If only Melva and I had enough dried meat to go around, but alas, descriptions would have to do.

"Come back soon, Mr. Len! Okay?" Rayne asks, still looking up at me with those large eyes of hers. The other children nod, looking hopeful and excited. I smile as I agree, and I can't say I didn't feel warm inside while returning to the room.

While the crushing weight of guilt has lifted, it still seems to hang above my head in a dark cloud. It causes knots to form in both my chest and gut. I know why they're there, and everyone would be upset with that. I'm afraid to touch them, afraid of the pain and emotions that would come from unraveling them. A new life on the surface or trying to apologize to the old one? Staying in Orth or leaving even though I still feel the Abyss' pull? I know they should be unraveled, but I'm not ready yet.

The most devastating weight threatens to drop at any moment, and it makes my blood chill. Even though I don't want to die, it doesn't make it fair to Aedia. For that reason, I stay quiet when faced with Melva again, and I go to sleep not long after.

I spend the next few days with Bondrewd like I have been, practicing with Aedia and looking through more research when I need to spend a little more time recovering. I've kept what I learned with Life Seeker a secret from Bondrewd, not wanting to betray my word to Iann, even though I'm all but sure Bondrewd had left the goggles out for Iann to find. I'm now scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to what Bondrewd has accumulated about the Sixth Layer with only one or two notebooks left. I wonder what will happen once I run out of notebooks and papers to look through.

"Are you not feeling well, Len? I haven't heard any pages turning in quite a while."

My head snaps up as I'm startled, and I look over to where Bondrewd is. He's adding pencil strokes to a diagram I saw him unravel before, one of a large Sixth Layer quadruped with a neck and eyeless head reminiscent of a lamprey eel—more than unsettling. The White Whistle continues to stare in my direction, and I sigh and close the research journal.

"I-I'm feeling fine, at least physically. I just have a lot on my mind." Having gathered all this information for myself coupled with my knotted thoughts, a deep hollowness has filled me. "Is there a way to destroy a white whistle? I mean in a way that won't harm the person it contains. Taking a hammer to it is easy enough, but..." Should I even ask this? If there's indeed a way to free Aedia without making a Last Dive, then what was the point in all of this?

Bondrewd's head tilts in confusion, and it genuinely seems that way when he responds. "Destroy? Why would you wish to do something like that when you just had your whistle refined?"

While a small part of me resists, the rest of me trusts Bondrewd enough to finally enclose this information. "I never explained why I wanted to make my Last Dive, and the reason is right here." I hold up Aedia. "I've always wanted to be a White Whistle, but now I know what it takes to achieve one... I-I couldn't and still can't stand the thought of using her beyond what I need to, but is that even needed? I want to free her since she doesn't deserve this. So please, I must know if there's a way to free her here."

Bondrewd is silent for a moment, and my stomach churns during that silence. Two parts of me fight for either response, and the tension nearly makes me exclaim before he responds. "There isn't one I know of besides wanton destruction like you said."

My heart drops, that one part of me splintering and breaking. "O-oh, really? That's... a shame, but thank you for answering." What now? What should I do? My mind's starting to spiral hearing his answer, but before I can yet again collapse under my thoughts, Bondrewd's voice brings me back to focus.

"However, this reminds me of something I wanted to ask of you, Len." He leaves the diagram behind and comes to my side, bringing with him a stool to take a seat on. It's still odd to see him adopt a more casual position like sitting, but now I can't take my attention off him. "As you have seen, my Praying and Umbra Hands assist me with my research. While the Umbra Hands carry out the more laborious jobs, Praying Hands are more specialized and directly remain in contact with me and the research I assign them. This research could consist of, say, learning the way to release the human spirit within a Life Reverberating Stone, though this research would be what I assign to you as a Praying Hand."

I dumbly stare at him, trying to comprehend what he said. By all means, had he just asked me... "You want me to become a Praying Hand?"

Bondrewd nods. "You are a once-in-a-lifetime Delver, Len. Not only do you have the tireless curiosity and desire to learn that every Delver should have, but you're both brilliant and strong, and you are one of the Abyss' chosen who holds Your Worth. It is simply wonderful that I have met someone such as you, and I would despair to see another one with your talents and potential go to waste.

'Another one?' "Are you talking about Lyza?"

Bondrewd looks away. "The Annihilator had been another like you, yes, but she had passed through here too quickly for us to have met face to face. She could have helped me pave my trail towards the dawn, and I would have helped her down her own path as well. Unfortunately, those paths never intersected, and she is somewhere below the sea in that Capital of the Unreturned."

I can't help but feel sinking melancholy again. That radiant, blue-eyed young woman with a smile as wide as her eyes when Ozen lectured her about a facet of the Abyss... "Even if I had hardly been aware of her presence as a White Whistle, nonetheless it's still a tragedy that she's gone."

"Indeed... A bright light on the surface assimilated into that assumed city of gold, a treasure of the netherworld." Bondrewd then turns back to me. "However, our paths have crossed, the paths of displaced Nortevans who yearn for the depths, not the mountains or tundras we were raised in. Dare I say it feels like a sign, and it is another reason I extend this offer to you." He holds out a gloved hand to me. As he does so, I'm shocked to see him again lift his mask, and what's beneath it is pleading. "Please, Len. Help me along the path towards the next two-thousand years of the Abyss, and I will help you along yours. I will help you find a way to free your sister."

I stare at him, utterly shocked and rendered speechless. My gaze falls to his outstretched hand before returning to his face, and he gives me that same smile I saw when he had previously removed his mask. It's earnest, so painfully earnest, and the pleading note in his tone makes my chest clench. This isn't a lie or ruse, I can't see any way it could be! Urged by that sincerity along with that splintered part of me reconstructing, crying that I don't want to die, I reach out my hand to Bondrewd's.

But then I pull away.

Bondrewd's expression falls. "Is that a refusal?" he questions.

"I-I'm not sure..." I grit my teeth. "What about my mentor? She can't be left alone when I'm the reason why she's down here."

Before Bondrewd responds, he lowers his mask back down. "I understand your concern, and I can extend the offer to her as well. She has quite the strength and can serve research expeditions well. Along with that, I can assure you your uniform will be tailored to your comfort, and you'll receive your own room and will be granted access to some of my Relic storage rooms for your personal study and usage." He pauses, waiting for a response. When I don't give him one, he crosses his arms, his voice confused. "Is there still an issue?"

No, I can't let him even entertain this idea, even if it sounds more than tempting to me. "I'm thinking of returning to the surface as well!" The air crackles with tension, and I have too many words I want to say to explain myself. For a moment, I let those knotted up thoughts and feelings of mine unravel, and I quickly lose hold of the thread. "I can't stay in the Abyss, I want to return to Orth and try and apologize to the people I've hurt, but I also don't want to at the same time? My mind... M-my mind has been a mess for years now, I don't know what's wrong with me. Perhaps you may know since you're a scientist? But you don't work with human thoughts and feelings, though my sister had said nobody in Orth does or really anywhere! I just keep having these thoughts and nightmares, I can't get rid of them, and I'm always reminded of them in even the smallest ways, so I've felt like I've been going crazy and—!"

"Len, please." Bondrewd grasps my shoulders, catching the thread and forcing me to look at him. I only stop out of pure shock. "You have clearly been keeping these thoughts in for a while. You can tell me whatever you wish, or at least whatever you feel can explain what else I can do to convince you to stay."

That isn't right either. I've only been keeping a portion of them in since I left Orth. I simply can't stop breaking down into near-hysterics whenever I talk about them, not unless I have that medium of pencil and paper that lets me trap some of those nightmares within the lead strokes. Thoroughly tired of clamming up and not speaking without having to be hacked away beforehand, I grab my notebook and begin drawing in it, speaking as I do so.

The first thing I sketch is an eyeless creature with four arms, each tipped with long claws, one that patrols carved stone labyrinths and the darkness when I close my eyes. The claws cleave through Melva's stomach along with my horrified face, and the blood trails down to color in the harsh shadows under Aedia's eyes as she hugs me during our reunion. Scattered Relics, blowing petals of Eternal Fortunes swirling around Llyr's nervously smiling face, and several dark marks of teardrops stain the paper beside him. The swirling petals lead to the flower field of the Fourth Layer before drowning in blood and water, the forms of the illegal Delvers and Orb Piercer looming over me and Vio's destroyed body. Blood becomes wine, then cursed rum, then back to blood that stained Aedia's shirt when she coughed, and it finally all ends when Llyr slams the door, and I ink his final expression. It's somehow more haunting than everything else I've drawn.

"I've witnessed behavior such as yours in other Delvers, ones who have gone through taxing experiences," Bondrewd says as he looks over my drawings. "It's true that doctors of the mind are uncommon overseas and nonexistent here. One is meant to spare the Abyss their feelings and carry them home to unpack them along with their collected Relics, but those feelings can't be exchanged for wealth or recognition."

I disagree, though only partially. That poor fool who first told me about Your Worth had certainly earned recognition from his crushing thoughts, though a perceived loon is hardly desirable recognition. "So you understand... Well, I can't say that like nobody else does, but I don't know why I need to be so selfish with my feelings." My nails carve into my palms. "Why me, though? Why do I have to garner so much more worry when everyone else has their own nightmares? They care for me, but I want them to care for themselves as well! Is it because I'm weak? Am I so much weaker than them?" Oh, the irony in that possibility!

"You wish to not be a burden," Bondrewd says, and I nod.

"Exactly, so that's why I'm not sure—" Wait, what am I thinking? I feel sick to my stomach as I realize I'm descending back into uncertainty when Iann had beaten the obvious into me days before. "Actually, no! I know I'm not a burden, but it's Addy! She can't keep existing like this, but I can't stay here! My feelings are always getting in the way, though!"

"Your feelings do matter, however," Bondrewd remarks.

I firmly shake my head, my jaw hardening. "Not when they give me nothing but excuses to stop me from doing what I truly want to do!" That's really it, I want to stop caring so much and overthinking, but I can't help it! Or could I? Which is it? My agitation is clear, because Bondrewd's grip on my shoulders tightens.

"Perhaps you could consider things for a short while? I'm not sure if we will ever have the chance to cross paths again, and I simply refuse to lose another brilliant Delver like you."

Something in me snaps, and an involuntary glare twists my face. "No, I'm sick of waiting it out and thinking! I've been doing nothing but stewing in my thoughts for weeks now, chasing them in circles, and I'm almost free of that cycle. Then there's something, always something to pull me back into it, and I just can't be how I used to! I'm here," my fingers stab into my chest as I gesture to myself, "and I want to pull myself back out! It's buried, though, buried under all the fucking bullshit I let pile atop myself even though I have ways to lift it! So yes, I refuse, Bondrewd! Thank you, but no thank you, because I want all of this guilt off of me, I want to go home!"

My voice rings out through the room, slightly overcome by my shuddering breaths and pounding heart. I can't recall the last time I'd been so furious, and my face goes slack when the slight ache of my facial muscles being so heavily contorted becomes evident. Something damp rolls down my cheek, and I curse the stinging in my eyes. Why, why now? I hastily mutter out an apology to Bondrewd, a hand going to my cheek to wipe away the offending tears.

"You have no need to apologize," Bondrewd reassures me with a nod. "I can understand some of your frustration. I cannot force you to work with me, so I won't ask again. Know the offer is there, and I will be happy to accept you into my team, Len."

"Right, a-and thank you..." I don't care how my voice cracks, I care more about how sick I feel for disregarding Aedia there, and I despise it. All of that yelling for an answer I feel so guilty for wanting to pursue. I grasp Aedia in my trembling hands, looking down at her. All I need is a sign, or at least something I can interpret as a sign so my stupid mind will percieve it in either way. I want to live, but I can't stand to live with the possible guilt.

After a few silent moments pass, Bondrewd looks down at Aedia as well. "Are you feeling well enough to practice for a time? We can stop the moment you feel unwell." I swear Aedia pulses with heat, but the cold pricking my fingertips says otherwise. Numbly, I nod in agreement, not knowing what else I can do.

Later I stumble back through the halls to the room, the dull scent of blood filling my nose from a nosebleed that hardly had a chance to start before I stopped myself. My fingers absentmindedly trail along the wall, though I pause when my fingers encounter a different texture. I don't even have to look to know what it is, and I grit my teeth and pick up my pace. The doors to the Cartridge room will never be opened to me again, so I just need to forget about it already!

The yawning hole of the stairwell looms around the bend of the corner, and I hurry towards it, only to jolt and jump back when a masked Hand rises from the darkness, the blue lines of their mask cutting through the gloom. This Hand is frankly massive, very bulky but making up for it with a height that nearly matches Ozen's.

"My apologies, I didn't see you there!" I step away from the Delver, giving a nervous but apologetic smile. I'd hate to say I'm intimidated, but I frankly am. The Delver turns to look at me, the cloth loosely hanging from the sides of their mask swaying.

"Worthy one..." A chill sweeps down my spine when the monotone voice spills from the person, revealing himself to be an Umbra Hand. I've never gotten any good feelings from this side of Bondrewd's Delvers. I hope he'll just move on so he'll stop blocking the staircase, and relief fills me when he does, though he stares at me. "Worthy one born anew..."

A frown slips onto my face as confusion pricks me. I want to ask what he means, but the need to return to the room overcomes the curiosity, and I have to push past him as I head downstairs. Needles prick the back of my neck, the sensation of him continuing to stare. I shudder, my grip on the railing tightening. No, I have to concentrate. No more falling. I stumble on the last few steps but catch myself, and I try not to run the rest of the way back, still feeling as though I'm being watched.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I close the room's door behind me and lean back against it. I'm alone again; Melva's out somewhere, likely with Enri. Part of me wanted to track Iann or Sciro down, but I refuse to let myself be alone with my thoughts, let alone risk encountering another Umbra Hand after that encounter.

With the slight flare of adrenaline firing its last sparks and fading, a wave of exhaustion sweeps over me. I slowly step away from the door, staggering to my bed where I collapse down onto it. Physical and mental exhaustion, it consumes me wholly and utterly. My chest burns, throat feeling tight, but my eyes still drift closed, and the darkness consumes me.

"Dyaho, deho, a gentle voice is calling you..."

A gentle voice indeed... It envelops me along with a comforting warmth beneath my head. It's as though my head's resting atop something, and a phantom touch runs itself through my hair, stroking it. It reminds me of my mother's touch, and a faint smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. The singing voice is comfortingly familiar.

"Sparkling gold petals await in the distant nest... calling you awake."

So familiar, in fact... I open my eyes, soft white light filling my vision. This lasts for only a moment as something eclipses it, and my eyes focus before widening in shock. "A-Addy?"

"Dyahode..." A smile spreads across her face. "Hi, Len."

Words don't leave me, only a strangled whimper as I struggle to sit up, refusing to take my eyes off her. Her long black hair, silky and pulled into low twintails, her bangs pinned back with barrettes while her skin is healthy and tan, the green dress of our mother's she adored wearing as pristine as the apron over it. My eyes soon burn, and I have to blink, but she doesn't vanish. I shakily place my hands on her shoulders. There's warmth there, aching warmth. She's... here. I'm then hugging her, holding her close while sobs tear from my throat. How is this possible? How is she here and so real?

"I-I know, Len, I know!" Her own voice cracks and shakes as she hugs me back. "And yeah, this is a dream, but it's really me talking to you! I've been tryin' to talk to you for weeks, but you didn't hear me, or at least you didn't acknowledge me."

I stop crying as realization hits me. Those bits of words, what I swore were hallucinations, they were from Aedia?

"That man in the mask, Bondrewd, the training he put us through finally allowed me to break through to you. I'd thank him if I could."

"Wait, s-so you could hear him?" I gently release Aedia and look at her, and she nods.

"Both see and hear, well, at least after I was reshaped by that thing... Somehow, I can observe things through your senses. I could only hear at first, though it was muffled. Only your words and a few others could come in clearly, including that song Iann was singing when you two first met. It's been stuck in my head since then." She frowns and puts her hands to her temples. "Would it be in my head now? I dunno, I've only really had my old body back in flashes, though it was more like an illusion? It's all so confusing still."

I wish I had answers for her, but all I have is more tears as they well up. "A-and it's all my fault you're this way. It's my fault you got sick and died, and it's my fault you're trapped like this because I'm too spineless to release you myself!" My head falls, too ashamed to look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry, Addy!"

"Len, no!" Hands, warm and soft, cup my face and lift it so our eyes meet. "I pushed myself too hard instead of asking for help too, it's not your fault any of this happened! Don't you remember what I said before? I'd do all I can to help you get a white whistle, and even if I didn't expect it to happen like this, my wish came true!"

"Wish?" I echo, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Y-yeah, my birthday wish... I wished for you to be happy again, and that I could help make it happen." She giggles sheepishly. "I made this wish myself, no other influences. The only part you had to play in it was being yourself, your airheaded, rambling, starry-eyed, stubborn self. You're my brother, after all. You gave up so much of your life for me, and I wanna give mine back to you."

I can't help but be appalled. "Even if you're like this? You don't have a body, you can't talk with anyone besides me! You've left behind your practice, your research, i-it's all gone!" I know she knows, but I can't understand how she would be fine with this!

Aedia's smile turns more melancholic. "Yeah, even if I'm like this. I'm not in my old body, but I'm still here, I'm still with you. That's all I've ever wanted: to be with you, to spend time with you. Before you call yourself selfish like you've been doing, that medicinal book was a fun goal, but it gave me a chance to spend time with you again, after you gave it all up for me."

My mouth falls open a little in shock. "Selfish? H-how do you know that? I've never called myself selfish in front of you ever!"

"Well, besides you admitting it there, I've been able to hear your thoughts, Len. I've heard all of them along with your own wishes. Just because our parents and I are dead doesn't mean you need to follow us, not yet. You're needed more on the surface, they all need you more." She wipes away a stray tear from my cheek with her thumb. "Llyr needs you more than I do. I've had you my whole life, and his life with you has only just begun."

Her words don't echo Sciro's, so she must mean this herself. I can't believe I let her grow up to be so selfless, but she learned from example. "What if he doesn't forgive me, though? Wh-what if none of them do?"

That's when Aedia grins. "Then that's the hardest but most fun part: you gotta discover something new! Really though, I think things will turn out differently than ya think. We talked a few times before all this happened, just me and him, and he's loved you to death no matter what happened. You clearly feel the same way, so keep that heart of yours open like you always do."

I'm still in shock, processing her words. A blessing, that's all I can see them as. Amidst the raging storm of curses, the single warmth of that blessing breaks through the black clouds. And like the calm after a storm, there's a calmness, even while the wreckage it caused lies scattered about in broken promises and fears. The warm white light now seems golden, and all I can do is stare into Aedia's eyes. She does the same, giving me a sincere smile, a wish and an oath. She then smirks a little.

"But now that I can talk with you again, I can tell you how much you've turned into a wild man." She tugs at something on my chin, and I embarrassingly let out a yelp of surprise. "This is what a month of not shaving does to ya, huh? You look like Dad, just with longer hair!"

"W-wait, really?" I hadn't even thought to bring a razor among the other blades I packed. I reach up and run a hand along my jawline. Aedia's right, it's far beyond stubble, and my cheeks warm with this revelation. "I'm sorry you've had to see me like this, Addy, I probably look awful after you spent all that time trying to make me take care of myself."

"Huh? No! I think it suits ya! Hides that baby face you've always had and makes you look even more handsome, but I'll always know what it's covering up," she says teasingly as she squishes my cheeks, which makes my face flush even warmer. She laughs for a moment before sighing. "I've missed this so much... Even if it's just in a dream, it's better than having nothing at all."

I smile faintly and nod, gently pulling Aedia's hands away from my face. "I'm glad I can see you again, and if you're happy with this—"

"Hey, I'm not overjoyed or anything since I'm still technically dead, but at least I can still have my wish fulfilled, right?"

I unfortunately can't agree with that, doubt again pulling at me. "What if I don't even want to be a White Whistle despite having one? I still love the Abyss, but I feel as pushed away from it as I do pulled to it. If I don't do anything with it, your wish would have gone to waste."

She shakes her head. "My wish wasn't to give you a whistle, dummy! It was to help you be happy again! Something else turned me into this, and it's letting me be here with you. So you'll still try to fulfill my wish, you'll try to make up with them and be happy again?"

Be happy again... I take her hands in mine, squeezing them. "I-I can't guarantee that, but I want to, and I'll do all I can to achieve it!"

"Then consider that wish fulfilled already." She hugs me again, so much tighter this time. I hug her back, my eyes closing as I savor her presence. Her warmth seeps into me, flushing me with heat she could never seem to feel much of in life. "Thank you, Len." Her grip fades away, the warmth becoming all-consuming as though we've become one. When I open my eyes again, I'm looking at the ceiling of the room in Idofront. Aedia's gone, but I'm still enveloped in that comforting warmth, the last traces of her words echoing in my mind. With tears again filling my eyes, I grip Aedia in my palm, smiling.

"Kid?"

I jolt with surprise hearing Melva's voice, and I sit up, looking over at her sitting on her bed. Both crushing guilt and overwhelming joy clash within me, but I still let out a relieved laugh as I throw myself out of bed and embrace my mentor, continuing to laugh as the tears roll down my cheeks.

"Wh-what the shit? Kid, what the hell is this for?" She's utterly baffled, understandably caught off-guard. I just laugh more, even as I sob a little.

"Addy, I-I spoke to Addy! She said she's fine, she's fine with things and wants me to be happy! So let's go home, okay? Please, I want to go home!"

Melva still seems confused for a few moments, but then a revenant understanding comes over her, and her look of confusion fades. She's surely rationalizing it as something involving the workings of the Abyss, but either way, she pats my back before I sheepishly release her. "I've been waitin' to hear ya say that for a while, kid... I couldn't make ya see it, though. It was somethin' ya had to figure out for yourself."

I nod, wiping my eyes. "I-I apologize for yelling at you too, for being so bullheaded and awful. I was lost in my thoughts for so long, I was so full of myself that I couldn't realize things like you said."

"Nah, no apologizin'. I'm just glad ya could pull yourself outta the dark like that. I was buyin' time so ya could realize it, an' it paid off."

A weaker laugh escapes me. "I-I figured that, and I hope you'll at least take a thanks for that." She nods, smiling, and my own smile widens. "So we're actually going back up? I suppose it'll be soon, but... I want to see if we can take Iann and Sciro with us as well."

Melva arches a brow briefly, but she doesn't object. "Yeah, I guessed ya were gonna say that. They clearly wanna see the surface themselves, but how're we gonna convince Dawn to let them come with?"

"I can always simply ask him, but that can wait until tomorrow. I just... I just want to be selfish for the rest of the evening and enjoy this feeling."

"It ain't selfish at all," Melva says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "It's the end of a long fight, an' ya deserve to celebrate it." While I only believe it's the end of one part of a much longer battle, I can happily agree I deserve this moment.

You're welcome, Addy... And thank you.