This fragile love
The world moves faster than we thought
How we gonna change it
We don't know yet, but for sure we will

- Crystal Snow

🌸🔪🌸

Yoongi

((Now playing: Growing Pains by Cold Cherry))

--

"Mwo??"

"Come on, Yoongi. Let's have fun. Robbing things is boring."

I put down my phone and ruffled my hair in annoyance. Why won't these jerks get their asses out of my room and just shut up?

"Come on." Esther said. "Just this time."

I looked away.

I'm not going to let myself look like a coward. But I never did that in my whole life and I have no plans of doing it. I'm a criminal, but I don't do that thing.

"I'm tired."

I'm tired with this life. The way I've been living, I want to stop. I sometimes think about dying. Then one day they'll come to me and ask me to do this shit?

Being a criminal isn't always about feeling happy and addicted to it. That is what I see based on how I always felt. The first time I turned into this kind of guy, I thought to myself it is fun. Unique.

As time pass by, I realized I was wrong.

"It's very simple, Yoongi. We are here to do everything already. All you just have to do is... make yourself happy!" Liam exclaimed and they all did a high five while laughing together.

"It's not that simple." I answered them. "I'm sure there's something else going on in your minds right now."

"Yeah. About that... To make things more exciting, is it okay if we... we thought about..."

"Mason, speak properly. I don't care whatever you say anyway."

"Well we thought about... giving a... uh you know? P-Punishment."

The moment he said punishment I immediately looked at him directly in the eyes. He shot a smile. "Uh.... it's not needed. Yoongi you don't need to do it if you don't want to-"

"Call."

All of them were taken aback.

"Huh?"

"Call." I repeated and crossed my arms. "I'll do what you say. And if I didn't, give me a punishment. What do you have there?"

I approve. I like the word 'punishment', it sounded like a gift.

"Apparently, we haven't decided the punishment we would give you yet-"

"Kill me."

They were now speechless, but I just smirked at them. This isn't a joke, this is real.

The word punishment sounded like a gift but if it meant dying, call me crazy but I thought of it as a blessing.

I told you, I'm tired of living in this world.

--

"Crap."

I kicked the plastic bottle blocking my way.

I'm walking away from her, from the girl who gave me life. She didn't know what she did to me, all she thought is that I'm his killer who decided to let her go. Maybe she thought that I did something good to her, but she's not aware that she did something bigger to me as well.

The moment she stumbled on the floor that day and we were locked up together, the moment she stared at me with those puffy and reddish eyes, the moment she talked to me, only one thing came into my mind. I don't want to harm her, I want to protect her.

The moment she entered my life and existed, I told myself... that I just recieved my life.

It seemed as if some kind of string wrapped around my neck have been untied and it made me be able to breathe comfortably.

In just one glance from her, I suddenly wanted to live more. I suddenly got scared of the words 'punishment' and 'dying'.

I want to turn around and claim her back. Even if she somehow hurt my feelings.

--

"What do you want? You're not gonna kill me or something are you?" Jimin exclaimed as soon as we stood face to face.

"Just prevent yourself from saying nonsense."

He carefully nodded. "Ah. But why did we get out of the car?"

I let out a sigh first before speaking. I never expect this guy's sudden appearance and I never expected for me to do this. But I guess, this may serve as the last thing Min Yoongi could do for Kim Jangmi.

If I'm the one to decide, I will unhesitatingly keep her for good. But she also has her own life, her own family that is surely, dying right now just to find her. And as for her, I'm sure she already missed them as well.

I know the feeling of longing for your own family. I won't let her end up just like how I did.

"That girl inside the car." I began.

"Kim Jangmi? Your girlfriend?"

Huh? M-My... girlfriend?

"Look at that!" I stared at his finger pointing on my lips. "You're smiling! You like her!" He shouted and laughed hard.

Fuck no. I'm not smiling.

"Y-You want to die?"

Dang it. Why the hell did I talked that way?

"Okay let's just pretend I didn't see you stammering. I don't want to die. So, what's with her?"

"I'm on my way to bring her somewhere, and let her escape." I started talking. Now is the right time I explain everything to him, I don't like wasting my time.

"U-huh." Jimin nodded.

"Now this is what I ask you. Protect her."

Jimin frowned after my explanation. I know it's not gonna be easy, we don't know each other so there's no reason for him to help us. But still, I'm going to try my best.

"Jebal..." I asked once more.

I leaned on the post behind me and looked away. The situation is hard but can't he accept this small favor?

I shifted my gaze back to Jimin and watch him sway from side by side.

My hopes were vanishing little by little in every minute passing. What if he don't want to do it? What if he won't accept? I can't leave Jangmi alone just like that, I won't let her go without anyone watching her back and making sure she's safe. I don't care about everyone's safety except her.

And if I will be the one to see her home, nothing good will happen. I may just end up not setting her free. I may end up hiding in the bushes and watching her from a close distance.

After a couple of minutes, Jimin finally looked up. He closed his eyes and took a very deep breath. Me, on the other hand, tried calming myself.

I held my breath for a short while when I realized that he just gave me the answer I wanted. Jimin nodded at me for approval.

If earlier I tried hard on hiding my smile, this time I didn't even dare to stop it. He accepted. Jimin accepted my favor.

Jangmi, I will always keep you safe.

--

But I can't run to her and claim her back. Whatever choice she choose, I'll be with her. And if she chose to prevent herself from trusting me, if she chose to distance herself from me, I'll still be with her.

So even if I want to go back, I won't.

Who am I anyway? It's not like an innocent, beautiful angel like her would care for me, would like me just for who I am.

I've been scarred with the evil and it'll remain forever. Whatever I do, I still became that kind of person. Whoever I cross paths with, people will still react the same, they will all be scared and be disgusted. Not even one person would dare come to me and say-

"Yoongi."

My feet stopped me from walking as if it has its own mind.

That voice..

((Now playing: Let Go by BTS))

Not even one person would come to me and say she's here, by my side.

"I'm here."

Not even one person would go to me and say that she isn't afraid.

"I'm not afraid."

Even just one. Not even one would learn to trust me, despite of who I am. Despite of me being a criminal, a rapist, a bad guy, a killer, a disciple of the darkness.

"But I didn't have the courage to trust you."

Sigh. I knew it.

--

"Remember this, if we're around them, act like how you do before."

"You mean... Terrified?" She asked and I nodded in response. That's right, we have to put on a show. Did you ever see a hostage acting all comfortable in front of the person who will kill her? That's impossible- in Mason and the other guys' case.

She suddenly laughed which made my eyebrows raise.

"I've been always terrified. No need to remind me."

Oh.

How will I convince her to stop being scared? I'm speaking the truth, I will never harm her.

"I'm reminding you since it's one good way to save your life." I simply answered back.

I'm still on my way to save you, Jangmi. I've got no plans of turning back.

Even if it means that I'm gonna be killed after letting you escape.

--

I just thought you are that someone who would choose to stay with me.

"I want to... escape from you."

"I want to... leave everything we had behind and just go back to my normal life."

I turned around to see if what I was hearing is real, if Kim Jangmi is really here, and I wasn't wrong.

Her face looked like she just cried.

I'm so tired of seeing her cry.

But she began crying the moment she came into my life. And it means I'm that one reason why she's been crying the whole time around, especially now.

"I want to forget you."

"Did you come all the way here just to say that?" I blurted out of anger. I know that she don't want to see me anymore, but why does she have to go back all the way here just to say it to my face?

Fuck. I shouldn't be angry. It's not her fault that I'm hurt, it's mine.

"Yoongi-"

"Go." I cut her words. I gulped and looked away to relieve myself for a short while. I don't know how long will I be able to maintain this strong and blank expression I'm showing to hide my feelings of hurt and longing. But I'll still do my very best for her not to see my weak side.

Not on our last day together.

"Go, Jangmi. I'm setting you free. Why do you have to come back just to say all of those things? Just leave. This is what you wanted, now I'm giving it to you so fuck off already."

I immediately closed my mouth when I saw her eyes widen. Damn it! What the hell did I just say? Fuck off? How could I curse just like that?

"Just listen to me for a bit, Min Yoongi..." Her voice cracked.

But if I give you one more chance, if I talk to you for a bit longer, if I stare at you more, I may take everything back. I may take you back, I may just do what you've been scared of, to be in my arms. I may just keep you and never let you go, and I know you wouldn't want that to happen.

Self control? I've been doing that for my whole life, but maybe, I'll do it again. For you.

I closed my eyes and finally nodded for approval. She seriously had the power to control me.

"I want to forget you." She repeated.

I simply nodded. I know, you want to forget me. I'm the bad guy who practically ruined your whole life.

Is this the punishment God gave me for the payback of all my bad deeds?

Is she my punishment?

Because if she is, then great job.

"But..."

And with that I unconsciously looked at her in the eyes.

But what?

"Things have changed, Yoongi."

Her face crumpled as she try hard to hold back her tears.

"Stop crying in front of me." Is all I could say.

I turned around to restrain myself from watching her.

You can't get everything you want. There are some things you need to decline, even if it's already killing you inside little by little because of greed.

You can't get everything you need as well.

If only this world consists of nothing else but just us two. It would have been easy.

But your life before without me is the pathway you should continue to follow. I'm just a huge rock blocking you. The rock you should pass through and immediately forget.

I was right, she is my punishment.

"Min Yoongi-" She called again which stopped me from getting in the car.

And one more thing which stopped me from my pace, were the tiny bits of snow falling down from the sky.

I looked above and watched the small crystals swiftly falling down.

Snow, I hated snow ever since that day.

It snowed that day, that day when I decided to part myself from my own family. That day when I carried my things and headed outside the gate. When I patiently stood outside, waiting for someone to beg for me to come back. Waiting for someone to call my name and curse me nonstop because of my attempt to leave.

That snowing day where no one came and chased me back.

That snowing day where I was the one who left but it was also me who felt abandoned.

I hated snow. And now... will I hate this admirable weather even more?

"The first time I stepped in Tennyson building, I wanted to escape so badly. But the last time you carressed me earlier before you left, I realized I don't want to leave anymore."

I froze on my spot and closed my hand into a fist.

My heart raced again, this tingling feeling I could only feel whenever I'm with her. This feeling is attacking me right now.

She said she doesn't want to leave anymore, what the hell does she mean by that??

With my baffled expression, half-opened mouth, confused eyes and nervous stomach, I stared at her directly.

"Yoongi, no one's leaving. I will stay beside you."

🌸🔪🌸