Journal Entry 22

Dad. I wish I could say I don't remember much about him. He was an amazing scientist, him and Mom both. He would let me hang out with him and Mom in the lab a lot, mostly when they were working. Sometimes he would even let me stay home from school if Mom was out. He'd let me work with the prototypes of Gaster Blasters he was making, letting me clean up the design and test them. It was a lot of fun. He even taught me a few things, "in the name of science!" He liked to shout that a lot. Life was great. I remember once when I was 5 that Dad came home from work, and he wasn't in a good mood. Not like, angry, but.. Sad. He went to Mom and told her something, and she looked at me, her eyes wide and wet as she teared up. I never saw such sadness in anyone like that. Dad told me to go play with my toys, or even play with Jeremy (my friend), and that everything was okay. I was really worried so I went to Jeremy's house and told him what happened. His mom got a call, from my Dad, and even she looked upset. Later on, Dad told me that I was gonna be a big brother, but my little sister "didn't make it". I still didn't understand those kinda things. I do now. But I didn't learn for a couple more years. At that point, Mom became more clingy, always asking how I was feeling, if I was hungry, tired, happy. Dad was at work more often, but he always made time for our little family. My favorite memories were when Mom and Dad would bring me to the castle to meet with the King, and they would each hold one of my hands and swing me between them as we walked through the halls of the throne room. They would talk to Asgore and Toriel, when Asgore was still king, and I would be sent off to the nursery, escorted by a stern guard but always greeted by Merlinda, the older monster lady that ran the nursery. Her and Mom were close, and I always thought it was funny when she would scold Dad. Always telling him to spend more time with Mom, and me. He would always say: "Okay, Lin." And she would always roll her eyes sarcastically. Time went on and nothing changed till one day I was in the lab with my parents. I was trying to read a book to Ossy, my blaster, when something happened. Mom and Dad started to panic, and when I looked up I saw Mom typing stuff into the big computer thing near the life chambers, these glass tube things that they made stuff in. I never got to see what was inside, either because the glass was clouded or Mom or Dad wouldn't let me. But this time, one of them was open. I saw a bunch of smoke fall out, or fog really, and Dad reaching inside. Mom looked scared, so I ran to her, hiding behind her legs in fear but also trying to comfort her, not that I did very well.. She put her hand behind her to hold my shoulder, her breath quick as she watched Dad. After a few moments of soul wrenching silence, Dad pulled away to show a tiny baby in his arms, much smaller than any newborns I had seen in the nursery. He was crying. So was Mom. And then she left me to run over to Dad and hug him, careful of the new baby. Ossy nudged me and I hugged him, scared and curious at the same time. Eventually I went to them and tugged at Mom's lab coat, and she picked me up, having a big, sad smile on her face. She showed me the little baby, still clutched and held close to Dad's chest. Right when I saw him for the first time, his eyes opened, bright crystal blue. I fell in love with him. I knew instantly that he was my little brother, and I would always take care of him. I would always be there for him. But.. that's when things went down hill. Dad started spending more time in the lab, trying to find a way to fix Sans and make it so he wouldn't be permanently stuck in his growth, that he would grow like me. He also started to expirement with souls and work in the CORE. He was doing dangerous stuff. And Mom knew it. At one point, they fought, Mom had just tucked me into bed right after singing Sans to sleep who was asleep in his crib across the room. She was about to kiss my forehead when she heard Dad come in downstairs. That was the first time he had been home in a week. She said she would be right back and went out to go talk with him, I waited patiently until I heard them fighting. Screaming and yelling. Mom told Dad he was too absorbed in his work and that he needs to pay more attention to us, his family. He fought back, saying it was his fault that Sans nearly died and other things like that. I remember getting scared and then Sans waking up, crying, so I ran over to him and took him out of his crib and hid in the closet. I tried to calm him but he knew Mom and Dad were fighting and wanted them, but I knew we couldn't have them. After more yelling, I heard the front door slam. I could feel a magical disturbance caused from their souls igniting while they fought. I could also smell smoke, which meant Mom probably burnt something. I could hear Dad yell Mom's name but didn't hear her answer. I fell asleep with Sans still in my arms, tucked into the toys and clothes that filled out closet. The next morning, I left Sans in his crib so he could stay asleep. I went downstairs and saw Dad sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He looked terrible. When I tried talking to him, he shook his head and said in a low voice "I'm not your Dad. Faer is not your Mom. We created you. In the lab. You and Sans. You are not our sons." When I heard him say that.. I ran upstairs crying and hid under my blankets. I couldn't believe it. I didn't think it was true. But for the next 3 years when Mom didn't come back, I knew it was. I could see it. Feel it. Sure, Dad was nice to us now and then, but it was forced. Plus he paid more attention to Sans than me. Sans was top priority. My time was up. I was just the other kid in the house. And then, one day, he didn't come home. I was left to take care of Sans on my own. Mom left because Dad wasn't the same monster she had fallen in love with, and Dad became to absorbed in his experiments that it eventually ended his life. 

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