3/3/19

so, here's a small update from the last update: i've been feeling way less depressed! i think i've really gotten over the fact that i can't be part of the musical this year but at least i can help. i'm still trying to decide if i want to go to Indiana the weekend of the days they're putting them on or if i want to stay and go each night to support my best friends who are in it. there's one reason, and one reason only, as to why i want to go to the Indiana thing and... it's kinda because of a boy. no, i don't exactly have a crush on him. it's more like a... i really miss when we were younger and when we were friends and now that our brothers are friends it's kind of weird for our families to be around each other and us not really talk cause we're both kinda shy, sort of thing. if you get what i'm puttin' down 😂. anyways! yeah if he's not going then there's more of a possibility of me staying home by myself that weekend!

these last few days have relieved a lot of stress off of me as well. i'm in band, if you didn't know that already xD, and this year i made it into our highest band. well, we've been having some issues with our new instructor. long story short, our old one left cause he wanted to be closer with his family and wanted to start a family of his own and this new lady was cool at first but she's definitely bipolar and doesn't know how to deal with kids very well; hence the reason she's been at 5 different schools (this being her 5th). so we had our annual band festival (called MSBOA, dunno what it means but it's a thing i promise xD), and my instructor is the president of it which is a huge deal. so we were literally doing the worst i've ever heard a band play and she wasn't helping us and she was basically acting like we needed to teach ourselves how to play our music and she was just there to make use play 10 measures of one or two of the three songs we had in class. she's an idiot, and i'm sorry if anybody who is reading this doesn't know what that means but just think of it this way: it's like your math teacher telling you to teach yourself have to do all these problems and not helping you and then she randomly gives you tests every few weeks. that's how it was for my band and i, it was actual hell. we actually got a great score at festival and i'm kinda skeptical about it cause of her being the president of who we were playing for but like i guess i'll take it? also i'm just glad it's over and we can start playing, hopefully, fun music for my last EVER band concert! 😱 that's really crazy to say, i'm not gonna lie.

what's made these last few days pretty amazing is the fact that i've been around my friends a lot. wednesday i was going through this weird faze where i didn't want to be around anybody, and of course we had a snow day that day and my 3 best friends and their friend come over for a little bit, which made my mood worse. but after going to musical on thursday and friday, hanging out at pre-festival and festival those days with my friends, working with my other best friends on saturday, hanging out with some of my best friends saturday night and then working today, and hanging out with some other friends made my mood soo much better. i don't know why but it really did, and i just really needed that cause these last like 3 weeks have been the worst.

ALSO! if you go back to my last entry you remember me talking about one of friends who i wasn't going to be friends with anymore. well, here's a funny story. she won't stop texting me and now she's calling me be best friend again. i don't want to be rude to her but i'm hella confused. i don't understand why she just started talking to me again, especially after she blamed me for everything and after i told her i didn't want to be friends with her cause she was just making my life crappier than what it was before. she's been texting me for the last like 3-4 days how we use to talk before all of that went down. i'm not going to lie, i kinda did miss her but my mind keeps going back to how she treated me over something so stupid and it just keeps making me mad. my other friends say i should just be her friend but like... i dunno i'm very confused on what i should do. but i'm not going to let it ruin my good mood that i've been in! not again!

i just thought i'd write about something more happy since the first two of my 'days' have been kinda of sad and depressing. i promise that's not how my life is all the time. it just recently has been going back and forth between happy and depressing. senior year is not really going well, hopefully these next few months get better before i graduate though, cause i'm gonna start getting my life back in order. i'm gonna get a better job, apply to my college (finally xD), clean my room! and i mean CLEAN CLEAN it. i'm gonna get rid of clothes and wipe down walls and finish my freaking laundry! i'm so behind! i'm also gonna do some missing assignments that i should probably turn in. they aren't really affecting my grades much but may as well get my grades as high as possibly, considering that i'm really close to having a 3.4 by the time i graduate! which is more than what i wanted to graduate with! ugh, i'm so excited to go to college. now that i'm thinking about it i kinda hope these next few months go by quicker. or at least the next few weeks cause i really want to go on spring break! 😂💖