"So... Seen alot of violent Deaths..."
"Yes. Alot. Far, too much... enough for a life time.."
"... Wanna see some more?"
"Oh God Yes."
What is this feeling. This beating, thumping in my chest. This warmth, swirling everywhere, my brain, heart, everything.
This tingle, what.. what is this?
Green. Blue. Gold.
They're colors...
Colors of his eyes.
-
"John... while, i am flattered by your interest, i hope you know that i am married to my work, and although you-"
"No-no, thats not... not what i meant..."
"...."
"I was just saying... its Fine... its all Fine.."
"Well... thank you,"
Heat, embarrasment.
Why am i embarrased? No, its not like i care.
This aching is fine. Its all fine.
Jesus John.
-
"So you do this, to prove your a genius,"
"And why would i do that?"
"Because you're an idiot,"
"... Dinner?"
"Starving."
Its that feeling again.
The thumping, the beating, the heat. Radiating, bouncy.
A feeling inside, that i cant contain.
I feel as if i may burst...
But i dont know why.
-
"Oh no, dont do that,"
"Do what?"
"You, with your cheekbones, and turning your coat collar up so you look cool."
"...I dont do that,"
"Yes you do,"
Hes an idiot.
This idiot, hes one.
And its so annoying.
He makes me feel so... warm?
No, thats an understatement.
Hes so cute, god damnit what the hell.
His fucking cheekbones, and his blue scarf with his stupid face and black coat.
And it hurts to know none of it will be mine.
But why does it hurt so damn much.
-
"Are you alright?! John, are you alright?!"
"Yes! Yes!"
"... Im glad no one saw that,"
"...Huh? Saw what?"
"You, ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool, people might talk,"
"Eh... they do little else,"
Smile. Giggle a bit.
Why do i care?
Hell, yeah i would love people to know that.
Hes mine.
All of it... except he isnt.
And this thing Sherlock is... is most definetely not gay.
Why would he be gay anyways?
Its not like you can choose... and its not like i care, and or is my buisness.
Pull yourself together John, Christ.
-
"Sherlock.. please,"
"John, keep talking, just keep talking,"
"Its here, inside, Sherlock please,"
"Yes, im almost there, please keep talking to me,"
"Oh god Sherlock,"
Scared. So scared.
And Sherlock was on the other end, trying to save me.
Damsel in distress.
Im okay with that.
Why am i okay with that?
Scared, saved, safety, Sherlock, need him. All of it.
-
"Well somebody loves you. Why, if i had to punch that face, i would avoid the nose and teeth too,"
"Hahah- do you want to put some clothes on? Uh... a napkin?"
Who does she think she is?
She eyed Sherlock.
Mine.
I glared at her.
Why am i glaring?
No, Sherlock can make friends.
A girlfriend....
Boyfriend
My jaw clenched.
Irene Adler.
He likes her.
Why do i care?
Not jealous Not jealous No.
Not even close.
-
"This phone call, its my note. Thats what people do, right? Leave a note?"
"Leave a not when?"
"... Goodbye John."
I swallowed. Pulled away the phone.
NononoNONONONONONONO!!!
NO THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN
i saw him fall.
Tears, anger, sadness, suprise, hurt. Pain. So.. much... pain.
Things never said.
Never given or told.
Love never pursued in our relationship.
I wanted to do so much more.
Gravity is this monster.
The monster that took him away.
It isnt fair.
He was mine.
Why?! Why does this happen?
I searched for the one. The RIGHT one. And then they are taken away from me, by gravity.
A Fall. Sherlock, why.
Why do i feel so broken. As if my life had been torn in half.
Why do i feel like im bleeding inside?
-
"You miss this. The thrill of the chase, the blood pumping through your veins. Just you and me against the rest of the world,"
Yes you fucking fucktard. I did miss it. I still do.
If you had come earlier. Come sooner, i would have missed it.
I missed you.
Sadness, anger, tears, happiness, the thump in my chest.
Something that hadnt happened in a while.
The feeling was back, and it ached so much.
-
"Oh, John! Sorry not dressed,"
What. Janine. Janine, what. What is she doing-
"Sherl!"
"Hes in the bathroom,"
"Have some coffee,"
Giggles. Low baritone voice. Pleasure. Splashes.
Jealousy. Anger.
Why am i angry? Im married, a girl on way.
This isnt good. Not at all.
Feeling repressed, the warmth, thumping in my chest cant exist.
It. Just. Cant.
-
"John....There was something ive wanted to say, and ive wanted to say it for a long time, better never have,"
"Okay,"
".... Sherlock is really a girls name,"
I laughed. Grinned. Choked, shoved down the lump in my throat.
I was losing him again.
What was he going to say?
Little smile, and a hand.
'To the best of times John'
I took his hand.
I took his pulse.
I felt my brain shatter, my stomach lurch, tears welling in my eyes.
In another universe, this. Us. Couldve happened.
But everything never goes our way.
I would have... i would have chosen you.
But Mary, and the kid.
If there was any way possible, i wouldve had you.
In another lifetime we couldve made it work.
But everything was in the way.
Moriarity. Mycroft. The baby. Mary. The Fall.
This.
You, being taken away.
I wish everything would dissapear, and go back to the old times before the fall. Before this all went to hell.
And, maybe then, we couldve been happy.
-
"John," Sherlock called me from across the room. I looked up, and over to him. He sat at the couch, in a thinking position, palms pressed together over his lips.
Those lips.
"Yes Sherlock?" I asked, glancing at my computer, shutting it off.
"Come here,"
I sighed, sitting up, and walking over to him.
"Sherlock?" I asked, and saw his right eye flick open.
"Kneel down here, and come close," He said, and i raised an eyebrow.
I kneeled down and was at eye level with him, before suddenly he lurched out, and grabbed my neck, taking in my lips.
Things stopped.
The world stopped turning, stars stopped shining, birds stopped singing.
Lips.
Lips. Sherlocks Lips. Were. On. Mine.
I pressed back, forgetting about the divorce Mary and i had a couple weeks ago, and the case we were working on, and Mycrofts possible cameras lurking in the corners.
I forgot about the solar system, and the fall, and the moriarity, and magnessun.
I forgot the stress, the pain, the sadness, the lonliness.
All because of Sherlocks lips.
He pulled away lightly, his chest heaving a bit, and he looked at me.
Green. Blue. Gold.
...They're colors.
Colors of his eyes.
I stared at him, and suddenly the thumping warmth, the beating, the rapid heart beat, pulse, broke into a mile run, and then it burst.
"I love you!"
I blurted out, and stared at him with wide eyes, turning a deep shade of red.
He stared at me, eyes wide, lips slightly open.
"Sher...?" I asked quietly.
Scared, afraid, loss.
I saw him swallow.
"I..."
I waited.
"I... i love you too John,"
He whispered.
I felt something bloom, and burst, before slamming my lips against his once more.
A noise escaped his throat, and i swallowed it down, licking between his lips.
This feeling was all i have ever needed.
This is what i want.
This, this man is all i ever will need.
And i want to spend the rest of my life with him.
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