Harieth

So, there I was on the water, floating like that would float away my problems. If only that was remotely possible then that’ll just be great. Unfortunately, it isn’t.

I recalled dad’s last words to me and felt his burden weigh on me. A few months ago, I could have easily done what he asked of me without even thinking twice but now, it’s different. I feel something special for Christian and the thought of doing what I’m asked to do to him makes me feel terrible. Now, I’m torn in-between responsibility and my conscience.

Funny, I never really thought I still had one.

“Are you okay?” Immediately, I shifted my eyes to the direction of the voice and that’s when I saw him, standing by the side of the pool, a hand in one of his pockets while staring back at me.

How long has he been standing there?

I sank my lower body in and stood vertically staring back at him. For a moment, he just stared back and a part of me wondered why he’s here. It’s not my first time out in the pool, floating under the moon and staring at the dark sky but not once did he come close.

“It’s cold. You shouldn’t be here.” He added after an awkward brush of his hair backwards with his hand.

Cold, indeed it is but it’s nothing my body can’t handle and besides, I’m too far up with my habit to quit now but why is he telling me that. He makes it sound like he does care about me.

I recalled the moment at the office with the coffee and the drugs, the beautiful thought that my husband might actually have been the one that left that here. I remembered the momentary feeling of a possibility of having something real with him. Now, it all feels different. I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what the truth is and I don’t know if I’m just kidding myself. I felt a bit foolish.

I don’t like being at the losing end of anything. Imagine embarking on the rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings that my husband might actually like me back and in the end, getting hurt. That’s a path my entire being is unwilling to take. Yes, I might as well be called a coward. One thing I know, I’m no risk taker so perhaps… perhaps it’s best I do what I always do, use my head and not heart.

I turned away from him and swam a few strokes up to the stairs before climbing my way out. My towel suddenly appeared in front of my eyes and so I followed the hand holding it and up to the face.

Christian.

“You shouldn’t waste anymore time. It’s cold.” He stated as he wrapped the white towel around me and I could neither stop him nor stop staring at him, a little surprise by his… act.

There was silence and he seemed unable to meet my eyes. I, on the other hand was unable to say a word to him but the longer I stared, the more I realize he’s a bit different now. The first was the offer at the office to help me out and second, this.

“Why are you doing this?” I let the bugging words roll out of my lips and watched as he met my eyes for a moment before looking elsewhere.

“Why? Do I need a special reason to be helpful?” He altered my question with one of his.

“Helpful?” I repeated the exact word that caught my attention and waited for a reasonable explanation from him instead, I got a quick pat on the arm from him.

“Lighten up Harieth. We don’t have to be at each other’s throat all the time.” He stated before he was on his way back into the house while I stood there and watched as he left.

A loud sigh left my lips as I took my eyes away from him. I admit, he does have a point. It’s normal to talk civilized as humans once in a while. Now, it’s definite that I’m the one reading meaning into everything because of a deep desperation to find what I want.

Once back in my room and in my pyjamas, I stared at the envelope in my hand that dad had left with me. I stared for a while, considering the exact possibility of making him sign the papers but… if I do that, I’ll lose him forever. He’ll never forgive me. Our marriage will be over. Everything will fall apart but I might get my single old life back.

I looked away from the envelope and to my reflection in the mirror, the thought of all that hurt like hell and I didn’t know if that was what I ever wanted.

Christian

“Helpful?” I repeated in regret before turning on the bed once more and stared at the ceiling.

Okay, perhaps, in a way, I truly was being helpful but why does it sound a little out of it to me. I’ll admit my goal lately is trying to get a little closer, wanting to know more than I already know about her. I need to find out how real these feelings are.

A tiresome sigh left my lips. How am I ever going to get past this stage with her? How do I make her comfortable around me? How do I stop the surprise look on her face each time I attempt being different with her?

What if I’m alone in this?

A cold feeling ran through me and I’m forced to shut my eyes for a moment.
If true… I won’t be able to do this again. No, I can’t let myself be carried away because history won’t repeat itself with me.

So, I tried, days and nights to not concern myself with her but truly, it was easier said than done. A big part of me was always concerned and wants to catch even a glimpse of her so in the end, I gave in.

I watched her only from afar, telling myself that this alone is good for me but in truth, it wasn’t. I so desperately wanted to reach out and hear her voice. I didn’t think my feelings ran this deep. Funny but I’m unable to do anything about it.

Perhaps, it’s because I’m too scared of being rejected once again or because I just feel safer playing safe this way. Either way, I’m stuck.

She probably didn’t think anyone was watching but I was. She gently took off her high heel and once her bare foot touched the ground beneath her, an expression of pain filled displayed across her face and she proceeded to lightly massaging her calf then all the way up to her lap.

A light furrow surfaced between my brows unable to understand why she wears those in the first place if they cause her that much pain.

“Christian.” Lucas voice forced my eyes away from her and unto him. A questioning look played across his face and I felt lost as to what it was.

“Yes.” I answered, hoping he would repeat whatever it is that he had said.
His eyes scanned the others at the table before returning back to me.

“I asked if you were okay with the marketing strategy just presented.” He repeated and I momentarily stared at him before taking a glance at the work on the board.

Damn it. I had spaced out. I have no idea as to what had been said. I’m going to end up embarrassing myself.

“That’s enough for today. We’ll get back to you. Dismissed.” Lucas intervened and from the depth of my heart, I was relieved and grateful.

Everyone stood up and began making their exit out of the room so I stood to my feet to leave as well.

“Christian.” Lucas called.

“Can we talk?” He politely asked. I didn’t really want to seeing as I just messed up and wasn’t ready for some sort of scolding.

“Sure.” I answered in the end and took back my seat.

“Are you okay?” He asked once everyone was gone.

“Yes, I’m fine.” I replied as I made sure to look that way as well.

His eyes remained on me for a while, probably scanning for a truth in my reply. In the end, he looked away.

“Okay, if you say so.” He gave up but I could clearly tell that wasn’t what he really wanted to say. I know he didn’t believe me. He never has since I got back. I know he desperately feels sorry for what had transpired between us but we’re both unable to really move forward as brothers. Conversations like this one still feels a bit awkward and we don’t really spend much time together.

“I’ll take my leave.” I told him before standing to my feet then making my way out of the room.

Once outside, I stood for a minute to recollect myself. I probably shouldn’t have earlier on distracted myself with Harieth. In the end, I walked away.

Harieth

I felt my stomach rumble and I lightly grasped onto it. I probably shouldn’t have skipped breakfast. I took a look at my wristwatch and realized it was lunch time. Great. I looked up and realized a few of my co-workers were leaving together.

“Leaving for lunch?” I threw the question to them and they all looked my side as they drew to a stop. They each looked at each other as if wondering who I was speaking to.

“Yes.” One, a male that I do not know his name answered.

A simple smile played on my face. I’ve never had lunch together with them because I didn’t feel like it but today can be an exception.

“Good then we can leave together.” I added as I began closing up on anything I’d been doing.

“We can’t.” He quickly added on his part that I was forced to hold my horses on what I was doing. I looked back up to them.

“I can’t?” I repeated, not quite understanding what he meant by that. Discomfort displayed across their faces and I watched as he battled with how to let out the rest of the words that hung in his throat.

“Um… well, the thing is… I, we don’t think you’ll fit in well with us… I mean, the lunch we usually have is below your standards so… I’m sorry.” He ended before hastening his steps away and the rest did the same.

I blinked a few times as soon as they were gone. Did I… was I just rejected? A scoff left my lips.

Unbelievable.

I looked away deciding to forget what just happened. Whatever, it’s not like I ever wanted to hang out with them. It’s their loss and not mine… but a part of me felt hurt.

Am I that hard to get along with?

I didn’t think I intimidated them that much. A sad sigh left my lips.

“I didn’t think you loved your job as much as to work during lunch hours.”

I shifted my eyes to the owner of the voice and watched Christian as he walked toward me then finally made his stand in front of my desk. My eyes remained on him for a while as several thoughts ran through my head. It’s really been a while since he had spoken to me.

For a moment then, I was left to assume he might be avoiding me but also that’s really been his situation with me since we got married. Perhaps, I’ve been the one avoiding me hoping it would help my decision making regarding dad’s request.

“I don’t.” I gave an honest reply as I withdrew my eyes away from him.

An awkward silence filled our presence.

“How about having lunch with me?”
I froze for a second as his question rang once more in my head. That can’t be right. I raised my eyes to him.

“Lunch… with you?” I repeated, clearly surprised about his offer. He hesitated for a moment.

“Yes. Why? You don’t want to? Fine, never mind then.” He concluded all at once then turned away to leave.

My stomach rumbled once more and I realized my hunger was graver than I thought. Plus, there’s really nothing wrong with having lunch with him. We do eat together once in a while and this can’t be different.

But he asked you this time.

My subconscious pointed out.

“Wait.”I called before he could go far and he stopped before looking past his shoulder to me. Immediately, I stood to my feet.

“Fine, we can have lunch together.” I dictated before taking hold of my handbag and hurrying up to catch up with him.

I turned to him and caught him staring at me with a light smile on his face. A light furrow appeared between my brows at his act but before I could even think of saying anything, he looked away and walked ahead. I had to follow behind him.

The drive to God knows where was filled with silence and a bit of awkwardness. I didn’t want to look his side but each time I stared out through the window, I recalled the smile he earlier had on and it leaves me in confusion. In search of an answer, I end up stealing a glance at him.

At  moment, he turned and I was caught. Unable to look away immediately, I remained the same for a moment before eventually looking away.

Get a hold of yourself.

My subconscious ordered and I shut my eyes for a moment to heed to the order. A slight move of my leg and I felt a sharp pain in my feet. I looked down at it and realized in order to ease up the pain; I would have to take off the high heels I wore.

I reached down and gently took off one before giving a light massage to my feet. It didn’t always use to be like this. I could run in them, stay in them all day but lately, they’ve become unbearable.

I wore the shoe once more and sat up like nothing happened. I watched him park to a side and as he turned off the engine and stepped down from the car, I looked around our environment for any sign of restaurant or eatery but found none I could see.

He opened the door to my seat and stretched out a hand to me. I looked from his face to his hand and back to his face once more.

“Where are we?” I had to ask seeing as he was acting a bit strange. Without giving me a reply, he drew closer, enough to make me uncomfortable and only when I heard
d the buckle sound and felt the seat belt withdrawing did I realize what he just did.

“Just trust me.” He added as he took hold of my hand without my approval and made me step down from the car. I watched as he slammed the door and locked using the key fob.

I wanted to ask. I needed to ask what was going on but I felt too dumbfounded by his hold on my hand and the fact he was dragging me along with him towards a store. Only when we stepped in did I realize where we were.

“Welcome. Can I help you with anything?” One of the attendants in the store politely asked with a smile. Christian gave a nod before looking my side.

“She’s the one that needs help.” He stated before looking back at the attendant who now had eyes on me.

What is he doing? Why am I in a shoe store? I have plenty of shoes at home.

He dragged me along once more and then made me have a seat so much that I just stared at him in surprise.

His hand left mine as he walked away to meet the attendant. I stared at my hand which he had held. It felt cold and different. A part of me regretted the fact he did that.

“Here, you’re going to try this on.” His voice made me raise my eyes back up to him and then I saw the small box in his hands. He opened it and brought out a pair of black flats.

Flats?

Still unable to let out a word, I watched as he bent and reached for my own shoes.

“W-what are you doing?” I questioned as I immediately withdrew my feet.

The look in his eyes, on his face was comforting and I didn’t know anymore if I was reading things wrong this time.

“It’s okay. I just want to show you something.” He added and something about him made me believe I could actually trust whatever he was doing. In end, I gave in and pushed my feet forward to him once more. A brief smile surfaced on his face.

I watched as he took off my heels and helped me try on the flats. It felt nice and comfortable. I do have flats among my possessions but they were countable compared to the different colours and designs of heels I had.
I stared at the shoes I had on. My feet looked pretty in them and my looked back up to Christian, our eyes met.

“It feels comfortable, right?” He questioned and I nodded after a moment of hesitation. I couldn't stop the smile from expressing on my face.

He opened another box and brought out a pair of white canvas with a unique design on it. He helped me once more try it on and afterwards, I stared at it and loved how pretty it looked on my feet but as I looked up to meet his eyes once more, I realized it’s because it’s him… because Christian got it for me.

I felt a touch on my hair and looked back up to him only to find out he was responsible for the touch. He lightly stroked my hair before pushing the few outstanding strands behind the back of my ear. I couldn’t look away. His touch had also rendered me paralyze. My heart was at its fast racing once more.

“You shouldn’t get hurt because I hurt when you do.”

His words left me stoned but at the same time, confused. As I stared into his eyes, I saw something different, something I had never seen in them. They were comforting and true.

For that moment… I felt sure our feelings were on the same page.

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