It had been a month already, and as it was being said, time healed everything. But it didn't heal Nadia, it just thought her how to leave the pain and sometimes, it did wonder of making her forget the pain for a few minutes before it rushed back to her. She had been in her room all day, only went out when she went to greet Hajia in the morning and the maid brought her every meal. Sohila had gone to one of her Uncle's houses, to stay with her cousins as she said, it was too hard staying in the house and seeing Hussain without being heartbroken all over again.

They all wished they could have a change of environment, but there are things that it didn't matter how bad we wanted them, we just can't have them and have to adjust to what life had brought toward us. She was seated on the bed, just staring at the wall as she thought about their random romantic moments in the room, on this very bed. Sometimes she smiled, but a tear always rolled down to remind her that she would never get that life again, only the memories were left for her.

She heard as the doorknob turned and someone entered the room, who could it be? She was sure she had prayed her Isha prayer maybe two hours ago, it could be ten at night by now. Her heart lost a bit when she saw his face, and she almost thought he was the husband she had badly missed before she remembered what had happened. The reality they all painfully lived with. He was her husband's twin. There were huge shopping bags in his hands and she wondered what they all were for, they could reach ten, as she roughly counted, and they all were filled.

Hussain walked to the sofa and kept all the bags before he pulled her vanity stool and placed it closer to the bed, he had refused to look around the room, where all Hassan's things were kept and if Nadia could remember, this is the first time he had entered their room since they got married. Maybe he had snuck his eyes from the door lots of times while waiting for Hassan to get ready so they could leave, but never into the room. And it felt alien seeing him there, she wanted her husband, not him.

She took her eyes away from his face, totally forgetting that her hair was slightly revealing, was it because his face was that of her husband and it would be so hard to adjust? She looked at the heap of shopping bags, "What's in those bags?" She asked with a low voice, suddenly saddened by his appearance.

"The baby's clothes. I wished we could go together so you can choose some things yourself, but you can't unnecessarily go out during this period. I hope there's nothing wrong, can you check them now? If there's, the driver can always take it back to the supermarket for a change, maybe Sohila will go, that will be better."

She was just staring at him as he spoke, since when did Hussain learnt to speak so long without taking a break? He barely spoke when she first knew him. She felt tears pooling the brink of her eyes, but she pushed them back. "I told you he has bought almost everything we could ever need, Second H. Look," she pointed at the walk in closet, "I could barely squeeze myself into the closet because of how the baby's items are scattered there. And you need to see the storeroom in Hajia's chamber, it's filled too."

She turned again to the shopping bags, feeling her heart getting warmed with something she couldn't fathom. "They're too much, really. But, thank you so much." She smiled genuinely at him, feeling sincerely thankful.

"You don't have to thank me, Nadia. And this should please be the last time you'd thank me for doing something to my child." He looked damn serious, and if someone that didn't know them overheard this conversation, one would think it really was his child.

She chuckled playfully to ease the awkward atmosphere. "Ai fa ba saban ba. (Hausa proverb)." He glared at her and she returned with a smile.

Hussain sighed and revealed the bomb, "I'll be leaving tomorrow."

She felt as her heart dropped to the point that she was afraid if she looked down she could see her heart there, to where? "Where are you leaving to? Don't tell me you can't live here too like Sohila ran away?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "I have to stay strong even though all I want to do is crumble. It's never easy, I'm still slowly making myself to believe that he's indeed gone and will never be back. I haven't even started grieving yet, this will be the worst year of my life, but Hajia needs my strength, she might not show it, but she do. Sohila still needs a father, Nadia." He smiled sadly and when their eyes met, "And you need me too, don't you?"

No matter how much she wanted to stop her tears, she couldn't, they softly rolled down. "I do, but not at the expense of your sanity, Hussain. You need to let yourself grieve, it's not easy but don't force yourself to be strong when all you want to do is cry and be on your bed for weeks, please? He wouldn't want to see you that way."

He didn't want to lengthen this conversation, her eyes were already beginning to water. "Enough of this talk, Nadia. I'm going back to California, I won't be back until you put to bed."

She was silent for a while, and it wasn't until now that she believed she sometimes felt at peace when she saw his face. She had herself convinced that he wasn't her husband but seeing Hussain atleast made her believed that he might be gone but she had someone that looked exactly like him and she would never be able to forget his face.

"Do you want to come back then, or you would only do that because you feel obliged? We will do just fine, Hussain. Everything will be done perfectly. You're allowed to grieve, Hussain, run away if that's all you want to do, please." Life was funny, really. She had never thought that she would have this kind of conversation with him, ever. They had always been at each other's necks, hating each other but look at them now, forced to look after each other and they practically were putting each other first.

"Look at you, how could a father be away when his child is being borne? Nadia, I'm having my first child, do you expect me to stay calm? I feel exactly the same he did, Nadia!" He smiled widely to show her that he was actually so happy about it and he was coming back not because he felt obliged, but because he really wanted to. "I can't stay here because I only took a month off, that's all I could have. But I'd be back, surely."

She was silent for a while, she had never had this conversation with someone about this, but she really wanted to. She was silent for a while and her voice quivered softly, "I'm scared, Hussain."

"Of what?" He was aware of how her expression had changed, as if she had been buckling it within her heart for too long and had finally gotten the chance to speak out. She was silent and he had to probe her to speak, "Talk to me, what is it?"

"I don't think I can make it alive. I feel like this grief is just too much for me and I'm only still hanging because of this child, I'd leave when it's here." She looked up at him and her eyes had never been so sincere, "I get that every mother is excited to meet her child, but in my own case, I'm also scared. Will I make it alive? Will the child even live? Can we both make it out safe? What if I die and he'll grow up without both parents? Too many what ifs, I just wish he's here to make me feel better."

He was silent for a while, watching as she silently cried and he felt as his heart squeezed with pain. "I wish I could hug you right now." He didn't know how or when his thoughts were voiced out, but she looked at him with the softest look in her eyes. He looked taken aback by his own words, "I'm sorry for saying that out loud. What would I do to make you feel better?"

She smiled and shook her head, wiping her tears off. "Pray for me, that will be the best."

"I pray you have an easy delivery, Nadia. I really do. I don't know what I'd do if you die, please don't die too, okay?" She chuckled and nodded her head, "I won't, Twin. I'd dare not die without your permission." She was now getting used to referring to him as Twin, it was always heartbreaking whenever she noticed her lips slipping and calling him Twin, but it was getting better now.

He stood to his feet with a soft smile, "I'd leave early in the morning, you're probably asleep by then."

"Knock on my door before you leave please." He nodded his head and walked to the door, she wanted to walk him to the door but she was afraid of doing so, because if she did, she might hug him without realizing it, because she needed a hug more than anything now. And the funny thing was she didn't realize she needed the hug until he voiced it out.

"Okay, I will. Goodnight, Singleton." She wasn't able to reply him before he left the room and she simply stared at the door for as long as she could. She sighed and laid on the bed, feeling the emptiness by her side more than she'd ever done since his demise. A lone tear rolled down her cheeks and she didn't try to wipe it off.

"May Allah have mercy on you, Twin. I miss you so much, Ya Allah." As much as she wanted to stop herself, she couldn't. She broke down into painful tears and her whole body shook as she cried.

•

Like she made him promise to, he knocked on her door and she walked their with her hijab on, she had just finished praying almost ten minutes ago. She opened the door and he looked ready to leave, "This early?" Her sleeping voice slurred and he nodded, staring earnestly at her.

"Yes, you don't have to escort me to the car. Just go back to sleep, okay?"

She shook her head and walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind. "I don't want Hajia to feel lonely, maybe I'd sleep in her chamber this morning." They walked side by side in silence, and this remembered her of how she had escorted Hassan countless times to the car when he was leaving for Abuja, with the promise of always getting an ice cream for her.

She would always miss the goodbye hug, the goodbye kiss, the soft look and having his hand softly enclosing hers. They stood by the car and Hajia came to him, and for the first time in her life, Nadia saw Hajia leaned forward and hugged him. She watched as Hussain wrapped his hands around her and they held each other for some time before they broke apart.

"Be safe, Hussain, okay?" He nodded and smiled lovingly at her.

"Make sure you take care of yourself, Hajia, please. At any inconvenience, please go to the hospital, okay?" He turned to look at Nadia, "Please, you both should take care." She nodded her head and felt sad somehow, she wished he wasn't going to leave. Or maybe she was afraid, that if he left, he'd never come back too, like his Twin.