This is a request by Wolfy_Ume

Class 1A x Secretly Suicidal reader
Where the reader acts like their fine and jokes about their depression and they don't cut themselves

Disclaimer : Mentions of depression, if this is a trigger or you don't like it, please don't read it.

Enjoy ^-^
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Your POV

Clearing my throat gently, I lean against the kitchen counter and slowly stir the tea bag into the boiling water. My eyes staring at the corner of the island lazily. Shoulders sagging slightly as my spoon clinks against the porcelain of the tea cup resting in my hands. Eyes sort of losing focus on the table, going blurry, shaking slightly before going back to normal and then repeating itself. My hand lazily clinking the spoon against the tea, running almost on autopilot. My heart beat can be heard in my head. My chest slowly rising and falling with each passing breath that I take.

Why can't I do anything right?...

Flinching gently, pushing the words to the back of my mind, I blink gently. My eyes feeling sore. My ears muffling all the sounds around me, only the sound of the metal spoon clinking against the tea cup fills my eardrums. My feet almost feel numb. My whole body feels numb. Almost like I was running on auto pilot. My mind only focusing on the corner of the island, not paying attention to anything around me.

Can't I disappear?... It would be so easy...

Suddenly, as if a switch was triggered in my brain, my head lifts up as I hear the tension cutting sound of someone clearing their throats. My eyes meeting pain stricken soft blue ones clad with square rimmed glasses. As if on autopilot, I send him a bright smile, hoping that reassures him that I'm okay as he sends me a rather pointed look.

He can see right through me... can't he?... Can't hide anything for shit...

Slowly, I set the spoon down onto the counter and take a deep breath. Hoping that my facade will stay, I sip at my cup of tea like nothings going on. Arching a brow toward Tenya as he doesn't move from his position. His arms crossed over his chest and his brows furrow. Is he trying to intimidate me into talking? He's like a disappointed parent standing like that. Are we sure he wasn't born fifty years old?

"Can I help you, Iida?" I ask, my voice slicing through the uncomfortable silence between us as I shift from foot to foot with my weight, clearing my throat as I sip at the tea, hoping my hands don't shake, "Is everything okay?"

"Are you okay?" He asks pointedly, his voice authoritative and straight to the point. You can't cut corners with Tenya Iida. He won't allow it; he's always prodding his nose in where it doesn't belong, "You've been acting quite odd... you were staring at the island..."

"Oh? I was? Ha! Must have spaced out," I muse, sending him a light and airy laugh as I lean against the counter and fold my leg over my other, "You know me! Always drifting off into dreamland,"

"Hmm... I see..." he hums, unimpressed with the response before turning on his heels and walking off, his feet pattering against the floor as he walks off, his hands swinging by his side like a military soldier, "Very well..."

They don't believe you... how can you cover this up?... You're making them feel bad...

They pity you...

Shaking my head, I set my half drunk tea down onto the side and take a deep breath. Head almost spinning. Heart beating fast. My mind nitpicking every situation at hand. Scrunching my eyes tightly shut, I grip at the kitchen counter tightly until my knuckles go deathly pale. God. My shoulders tense. My arms and legs refusing to relax. Muscles tensing. Heart picking up and —

"You okay (Y/n)?"

Taking a deep breath, pulling myself out of my head, I whip around to meet soft heterochromic eyes. Blue and grey. Scar around the left side. Shoto. Todoroki. Clearing my throat, I shake my head and take another deep breath. Trying to calm my heart down. Hopefully trying to will my body to relax. Hoping that Todoroki doesn't question anything else. The dreaded 'are you okay' question already gets on my nerves...

"I'm fine, Todoroki... no need to worry about me!" I chirp, trying to find my voice as I look toward him. My legs threatening to buckle if I let go of the kitchen counter, "Just a bit unwell you know! Having one of those rough days!"

"You don't seem f —"

"I am!" I hum, trying to convince him that everything is okay, hopefully hoping that it'll convince me too, "I'm right as reins! I'm not in pain or anything! I'm fine!"

"(Y/n)... if you need someone to ta —"

"Really! I'm fine!" I squeak out, leaning forward and giggling gently, sticking my tongue out toward the Todoroki male who sighs and walks off, "Yeah... thought that'd make you leave..."

They always do... They try prodding and they try finding what's wrong and they never get there...

You're making them feel this way...

Gently, I run my fingers through my hair as I storm out the kitchen. Deciding to let the tea go cold instead. Also deciding to give food a miss. Not really bothering about eating. Not that I really cared about eating anyway. I just needed to get out of the kitchen and away from it. I needed peace. I needed somewhere where no one would interrupt me. Just let me stew in piece and go about my life like nothings going on...

You're living a lie! What happens when they find out?... They won't be surprised, surely...

You push them away anyway...

As I head into the common room, wanting to get away from everything and not wanting to have anyone just walk in and see me near on breaking down, my heartbeat can be heard in my head as five pairs of eyes stare toward me. A small strained noise leaves from the back of my throat as they send me small reassuring smiles. Oh god. Please don't ask that question. Please don't ask that question. Please don't ask that question. Please don't —

"Are you okay, (Y/n)?" Momo asks, titling her head making me cringe gently at the question. It's such an annoying question. It's the third time someone's asked me that and I can't begin to tell anyone how that question makes me feel, "You've been quiet..."

"I'm fine, really! I would have thought you're all brainwashed by the amount of times I've heard that question," I hum playfully, tucking a a strand of hair behind my ear as I walk further in and take a seat on one of the sofas, "You all have better things to worry about than me, you know,"

"Are you sure?" Mina asks tilting her head as I snuggle into the plush cushion of the couch with a small giggle, "(Y/n)... you know you can talk to us, right? We're all here for you,"

"Guys, I'm not dying," I hum softly, laughing gently as Bakugo chucks a pillow at my face and hits me square in the nose making me groan gently, "Ow! What was that for?"

"Quit pushing us away and talk to us you idiot," Bakugo growls quite angrily making me bite my lip and clear my throat as I fiddle with the end of the cushion with a small sigh, "You've been acting strange! What the fuck is going on?"

"Well that's the perfect way to approach a situation isn't it?" I hum sarcastically, biting back my laugh when Bakugo narrows his eyes toward me and bares his teeth like an angry dog, "I don't get what the problem is? I'm perfectly fine, there's nought to worry about,"

"When was the last time you ate?" Sato asks, setting down a sweet smelling, freshly baked batch of cupcakes for everyone to dig into making me clear my throat and bite my lip nervously, "And answer honestly,"

"You're sounding like my mom, right now," I point out with a small giggle, squealing as Kaminari picks me up from the couch and holds me over his shoulder and shaking me while I bash on his back with a squeak, "Kaminari! Put me down you scoundrel! I will conquer you, you fiend!"

"Answer the questions," Kaminari hums with a big grin on his lips making me groan and slump into him with a pout, "Come on man... were just worried about you..."

"Uh... maybe yesterday? Like at lunchtime?... maybe even dinner? I don't know..." I reply, shrugging before yelping as Kaminari drops me back onto the couch, "That's such a great way to treat a woman, Kaminari, you're like the stud of 1A,"

Ignoring my little playful jab, Kirishima walks toward me with the cupcake before holding it to my face making me groan gently and slowly take it from him with a small hum. Reluctantly, I take a bite from the cupcake and swallow it down with a small hum. Wanting to try and make sure that they'll all get off my back about me acting 'weird' if I eat.

They're not going to help you... they never will... They're only pretending!

Stop being naive!

Suddenly, having a rather sour taste in my mouth, I set the remaining half of the cupcake down and clear my throat. A small smile playing on my lips as I run my fingers through my hair before pushing it away. Trying to ignore everyone's worried eyes, I push myself to my feet and dart toward my dorm as quickly as I can. Ignoring Iida's yelling, I slam my bedroom door shut and lean against it while taking a deep breath. My head feeling like I'm underwater.

Now you look rude! They won't talk to you now...

How stupid are you?!

Biting back a small sob, I shake my head and dart to my bed. Instead of grabbing anything to hurt myself, because with my training everyone would easily see, I grab a stress toy. A squishy little ball with mesh over it which makes it squeeze through whenever you squeeze it. Taking a deep breath, I squeeze the ball and lean against my headboard. My eyes scrunching shut as I try to calm myself down. I hate this. Why is this so hard?...

What are you even doing h —

A knock on the door silences my thoughts catching my attention making me bite my lip nervously and sigh to myself. God who is it?... Cursing under my breath, I push off my head and yank my door open. My eyes widening slightly as I see most of the class standing opposite my door. A small nervous laugh leaving my lips as I gulp.

"Are you guys stalking me or something?" I ask breezily, leaning against my doorway, sending them all a small smile before frowning as they all send me knowing looks, "What?..."

"Somethings wrong and you're not telling us..." Momo speaks up, watching as my hands slowly curl up into nervous fists, "Please, (Y/n)... we're all worried about you..."

"You all mind readers now?" I muse playfully, trying to dismiss and change the subject before they can ask any more questions, "I thought that was Shinso's quirk,"

"(Y/n), this is serious, ribbit," Tsuyu croaks out gently making me clear my throat and bite my lip nervously, "We want to help you... please,"

"We know you aren't being yourself," Todoroki chips in, my eyes widening slightly as I look toward my room and take a nervous breath, "We're all here for you..."

"Okay... I just..." I begin nervously, biting my tongue as I look toward them before clearing my throat and giggling nervously, "I —"

"Come on, we'll all have a movie night and we can talk about it," Kaminari says, making me smile weakly and mentally thank the blonde for wanting to change the tense atmosphere and place me somewhere where I may be more comfortable, "You can choose and everything,"

"Thanks," I choke out, looking toward my classmates as they all nod toward me before dispersing and heading off to get ready for the movie night.

They might as well have a stab at it, I suppose...

After all...

A smile can hide everything...