This is yet another long ass part where I ramble about shit whoops

Alright, so y'all are probably wondering what I have to say and how the hell it's related to pride month

Well, the reason is because, over the course of about a year or so now, I've come to the realization that I'm not actually straight

If you wanna be really specific, I've come to the realization that I'm pansexual

Oh my God I can't believe I actually typed it out and didn't almost immediately dismiss the thought after it popped into my head

Anyway, yeah, I'm pansexual

For the longest time, I was seriously questioning my sexuality because I ended up falling for one of my friends (not gonna lie when I say that I still like them, even though I know for a fact that they don't like me back since they're asexual and I kinda think that they're aromantic too, though they haven't confirmed this and I don't really want to ask because I don't really like to talk about sexuality with my friends because I don't really want them finding out that I'm not straight yet since I'm still trying to accept my sexuality due to a variety of reasons) and at the time, they identified as female so you can imagine how fucked up I was, especially since I had only ever had feelings for and dated biological males. My mind only got even more fucked up when they came out as trans and the feelings still remained.

Now, there were many times where the thought of me being pansexual popped into my head, but, as I said before, I dismissed it every single time because even though I'm totally fine with other people not being straight, I'm so iffy about myself not being straight because for almost my entire life, I was convinced that I was straight and was one-hundred percent sure that I was

The main reason why I've seriously struggled with being comfortable with my sexuality is my family. While I'm pretty certain that my step-dad would be supportive of me, I'm not so sure about my mom. She doesn't even seem to understand what being pansexual actually means. She seems to think that being pansexual means that you'll date/fall for literally anyone without considering what their personality is like and what type of person they are and whatnot instead of it meaning that you'll date/fall for someone regardless of their gender/gender identity. Plus, she's said shit in the past like, "I know you're straight" and "You're just trying to be cool by pretending to be something you're not. It seems like a lot of people are doing that," even though the reason that more and more people are coming out is because we as a society are becoming much more accepting of other sexualities. Yes, there are people out there who fake their sexuality for whatever bullshit reason(s) they have, but the majority of people aren't faking it so I don't why the hell she says shit like this tbh

Not only that, but I know for a one-hundred percent fact that my grandparents on my mom's side WILL NOT support me since they're homophobic and my grandpa is even a Trump supporter (if that gives you any idea about what kind of person he is) and I see them quite often (and by that I mean that I see my grandma since my grandpa is very antisocial) so you can see why this would make me pretty uncomfortable with coming out. As for on my dad's side, I don't know if they would or not but I don't even see them that often because I don't see my dad that often (thank fucking God, even though I really wouldn't like to see him again because he's a piece of shit) so they don't really factor in to my apprehensiveness about my sexuality.

As for the rest of my family, I'm fairly certain that the majority of them wouldn't accept me because they seem like they're conservative af and I honestly don't even really like them that much because most of them are just a bunch of drama whores that bicker constantly about the stupidest shit ever and I don't wanna hear about or get involved in their petty shit

So yeah, due to the fact that I'm not really in an environment where I can come out and have a majority of people support me (that's how I feel, at least,) I've been keeping this a close guarded secret for quite a while now and to be honest, it's probably going to stay like that for a while because no one I know in real life knows about my profile on here and therefore can't read what I've just said so this is really only a thing that all y'all can know for the time being

Plus, I know that there are people online that will 100% support me and that's honestly what I need right now because I can't get that from my family and I'm not ready to tell my friends yet so for the longest time, it's just been something that I've been trying to deal with on my own and I made the rash decision to come out on June 1st AKA the start of pride month and I might come to regret it later so fml if that happens, but for right now, I feel like a weight has finally been lifted off of my chest

So yeah, to make a long story short, I'm pansexual

I don't want to let someone's gender/gender identity play a factor in whether I fall in love with someone or not because, to me, at least, that doesn't matter. What matters is whether someone is a good person or not, has a good personality or not, and stuff like that.

Good God I can't believe I actually went through with this what am I doing