Avni's POV

I was literally enveloped in his arms. Not worrying about anything. I had to admit that all the plans I had made to destroy this same man who had once brought my world collapsing underneath my feet, was also the man who had the capacity to make things fine again. In a flash of a second he made me realise that whatever happens I would never find peace in what I was doing to hurt him. I was also suffering with every wound I give him. I was struggling with my inner self and the love I have for him. He made me understand that Mrs Khanna is forever his. My identity is Mrs Avni Neil Khanna. This surname makes me his and I take pride in being his wife. He is not the most perfect husband adorned with all the qualities that a man should possess. But let me tell you his not being perfectionist makes him different. He is not trying to be better he is just striving to be good enough for me. The first time I met him he was that angry arrogant hunk who had straight way made it clear that he would make my life hell but look at him now. The transformation is beyond recognition. The very many has stood up to define what is called unconditional. The world unconditional had no existence but only in a virtual world of fantasies but my Neil gave it a shape of reality. I knew that it was almost like stabbing himself to death when he was trying to give shape to those letters that gave me freedom from the ties we share. He just sought for only one thing-my happiness. He had made it clear that if my happiness is with some body else then too he would learn to accept that fact. Shut his eyes when he sees me wearing the nuptial necklace for somebody ,else him. Learn to stop the pain form engulfing him and let it get portrayed on his face. Forcing himself to befriend the staunch enemy of mankind-pain. He was ready to drink down all the sorrows. Learn how to walk properly without faltering even after carrying such huge burdens on his heart. Lastly the most difficult part of it-learn how to still love me, locking himself away in a dark room ,cherish those moments we have spend and turn the pages of time and stare at the only evidences left in the form of photographs. Waking up every morning with fresh tears on his cheeks, wiping them away for the sake of me. Every morning just reminding him of the exact 86400 seconds he has to spend without me all over again. He loves me a love more than love.When I felt like I was on my dead bed back when I got to know the earth rocking news, he had already left this world. I know he loves me more than anything in this world. These clothes which we call as human bodies does not bar us. Our souls have united long back. They can never be separated. The brain does not hold so much of capacity to change that.

I was angry on him though. How dare he try to be this selfless that he was ready to let me go. Infact he had almost made up his mind that I would run away as soon as he declares that I am free. I pulled myself away and again screamed

I: How dare you even dare to leave me. You might be a selfless man but I am not. I am selfish when it is you we are talking of. I cannot dream of leaving the boundaries of this house. I love you damn it. How dare you get yourself to love me to that extent that even I start to seem small in front of your actual motives-my happiness. Don't love me like that just.....

I felt Neil nearing me and he whispered his eyes glistening with the brimming water.

Neil: Thank you for making me fall so bad for you. Thank you for brightening my life. Thank you for accepting me even if I am not the best of a man. Thank you for staying back for me. As for love you gave me its definition but with time I gave its modified version. TO love someone to an extent to leave her if that is what is good for her.

I had tears in my eyes. I have forgiven him becoz he earned his forgiveness. He deserved being given a second chance. The fact that he had given what was mine to someone else will never infringe the reality that he is fully mine in all aspects.

Neil: I love you is all I can tell. I hope you trust me on that.

I just nodded my head. I instantly crashed in his arms.

I whispered: Dare you try to be this selfless. You are better as the jealous, fired up Khanna.

Neil whispered against my neck: The truth is that Avni you have changed me and I can never return to what I was once. This is what I am and will be till my last breath. But no worries jealous Khanna is also a forever trait in me but as for getting fired up, I just beg that the evil in me which is dormant, never wakes up.

Neil's POV

We were enjoying what people give the name as bliss. Avni was snuggled in my arms. She was sobbing softly. I thought that these tears were very much an excuse to get these huge boulders resting on us,far away. I caressed her hair and kissed her now and then. I was missing the feel of her skin on my lips like hell.We were still sitting on the ground oblivious of the fact that we were almost lolling on the ground. After the huge spurt of disclosures and the plethora of emotions swooning. My heart was almost bursting because of the overdose of love I conceal for this woman. The most beautiful being in the entire solar System. I was so glad that she was not going to leave. I was glad that I had taken up the courage to let her go. I was glad that things were reassembling. The past few days had almost killed me. I was surprised that I could make it alive. Avni was also in an equally distorted condition. We were in dire need of each other's solace but unfortunately we both kept silent. Today my self realizations had brought me to Avni when she screamed her heart out about the exact quantum of love we share. She made the fact strike hard against me that I was a desperate man. A despo who was striving hard to be capable of the love of his life.I chucled softly while Avni clenched on to my shirt even more. The comfort was beyond everything. I tightened my grip and collected her in my arms. The sound of her breathing was so astoundingly calm. Like in the deep blue oceans were breathing through the magnificient marine mirage of life. God I am getting poetic. After what seemed like ages Avni pulled away from me. She was a crying mess but the most beautifully messed up thing. Her cheeks had gone red and her eyes watery. I was also something resembling her. I don't know but we both were acting like lunatics. Atleast laughing and crying at the same time tags you as mad. I felt Avni's fingers on my face. She was rubbing of the the lone tears. I stared back at her with my eyes flowing out emotions and what not.

Avni: You were so eager to get rid of me?

I: I was so desperate to give you what you deserve.

Avni: Just want to deserve to be with you not more and not less.

Her words rang in my mind like a record player. She loves me after all the flaws that runs in my DNA. I must have done some real good thing in my past life to get her.She is the brightness of my life. The light in the Christmas Eve that tells me to get rid of all my flaws. The light that showered hope. The light that told me that you can change becoz I still have a heart. I still can be saved. Guess what she saved me. Saved me from the uncountable elements of the evil that had already started to cloud in front of my eyes. I don't know how to describe love. Fall in love and you will know about it. There are many more shades that are veiled but we will get over it. I was utterly guilty though. It was my recklessness that had landed us in such grave danger. Danger of losing each other forever.

I don't know what had gotten over me. How did I make up my mind to let my lady go away. I could not believe that I had gathered so much courage to get myself tell her to leave me to my fate. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM I LOVE YOU MRS KHANNA.

Avni : Where are you lost Mr Neil.

I: In your dreams

Avni: I am sitting in front of you but you are dreaming of me.You are just making me feel jealous of myself.

I laughed at her complain.

Avni said dreamily: I was missing this clinking sound of your laughters. I always want to see you smiling.

I gave her a wobbly smile. I hugged her once again. Like I was conveying the amount of sufferings I had gone through. All of a sudden I heard Avni gasp.

I instantly pulled her away to see what had happened. Avni was staring at my hand. I was a little amazed as to what was there that had captivated her attention which was now actually giving way to horror. I looked at her and then down and saw that nasty cut on my hand. That very one which I had embraced today morning because of the depression I was sinking in. Avni instantly took my hand in hers. She had tears in her eyes. Her beautiful eyes concealed more pain than the cut had actually given me. I realised that the multitude of pain I give myself, it gets multiplied and gets added to Avni's heart.

Avni was not in a position to form words but she somehow managed to speak.

Avni: This cut....how did you get this. Is it hurting......It must have bled.

I shushed her and said: Hey it did not pain trust me. I am okay.

Avni clearly objected to what I had to say.

Avni: Are you kidding me. Whom are you lying to. The girl who already knows that it must have hurt you so much. Guess what the degree of pain you hold that same degree of pain I feel within me so stop attempting to make lies which are so baseless.

I tried to lighten the atmosphere: Avni when you have to fight me you never have to have reasons. You love fighting with me more than me. I am so jealous of fights.

My eyes twinkled mischievously.

Though Avni was glaring at me and after a few seconds she started her work of examination. I looked at her keenly. Her nose scrunched cutely. Suddenly a fear gripped me. If Avni would come to know about the process of earning this cut then she would get so terribly disappointed. This might even bring up the thought that she had seen a droplet of blood previously. God save me.

Avni: How did you get such a nasty cut. How do you manage to be so careless. How old are you. 3 years ha. I mean a 35 years old man falling down like a 3 year old cradle baby.

I almost gagged at the exact age she tagged me with. 35 hey I am ancient.

I tried to reason: I am not 35 I am 25 and soon to be 26.

Avni: Ofcourse now 26 is the next number that comes after 25 unless you have forgotten.

I: What did you think your hot, sexy,hubby is an old man.

Avni's voice became husky and she replied: Of course not. My hubby is the hottest sensuous guy living in this planet. But there is one more thing that oldies can also be pretty *coughs

I smiled but no one had to tell me about my appearance becoz I already know how girls are clean bowled seeing me. Though her not accepting my correct age was making me a little irritated.

Avni: Now tell me how did you get this cut. I hope you have not started to fall down like a hara hua devdas.(lika a defeated drunk man)

I smirked and then nodded in a negative. I was wracking my brains hard to give an answer which can sort of seem a little acceptable.

I: No..........I actually....actually...went to the washroom and then I fell down.......not really fell down ummmm my hand brushed against the blade.

Was that a good one. Did not seem though. Avni's scrutinized glance was making me nervous.

I tried to cover up: Look now what matters is that you should dress this thing up and not look at me this accusingly.

After this what Avni said caught me off guard and also surprised me a lot.

Avni: You are lying.

I did not expect this direct confession of a truth which I did not feel like letting her know becoz I cannot go about telling my wife that I had started self harming as I was a depressed guy.

Avni: Come on spit up or I swear I will not eat tonight.

Now this sort of alarmed me. She would stay hungry throughout the night. She would be starving so she would be weak, she would be weak then how will she be my strength,if I am not strong then who will protect my muchkin from everything and if she does not get protection then it would just end up worrying me. So at the end of the entire chain we both would be victims. I cannot let her starve then I must say something that would both sound logical and acceptable by my wifey.

I: Well actually this wound was acquired by me when I was in the office. My office door has got this huge thing protruding and ........

Avni looked at me with disbelief. Did my explanation have so much transparency that she could read though it to this extent.

Finally I gave in. She should know the truth.

I: When I thought that I was losing you for my own folly. My stupid brain had lost all control. My heart had taken command. I was behaving like a lunatic. I did not know where to go in this huge desert of no escape. I wished death for me. I know this must be very upsetting but as you asked I need you to know. I was being strangulated by some imaginary hands and a voice was commanding me to lay a cut on my hand so the pain can act as a remedy. I think this is what people know as "self harming" but Avni let me tell you I have gotten over it. I am fine now you need not worry any more. Everything is fine. I am okay.

Avni's face had turned a pale colour. She was so hurt. She looked like a wounded doe. She must have thought that she herself was result of this scar on my hand.

I took a grip on her arms and pushed her closer to me and said: Hey relax its not you its my inner demons that caused this.You can never be a reason for my pain. You are what tells me that I can live a life worth living. I can breathe freely. You are the Beauty who came back for the beast. You are that Beauty who fell for the small ounces of goodness present in the beast. You overlooked the weaknesses and the terrible mistakes he has been a part of. You loved the beast just the way he is. You made my life a fairy tale. I thought that fairy tales were meant for books with fancy cover but you conjured them to reality. You are my happiness and not my pain so never mistake yourself to be something you are not.

I saw her nodding her head in a negative. I could not see her crying in this way so I just cuddled her in my arms. I felt my shirt getting wet. My tears were also being formed because of the tears that were running down the cheeks of my love.

Avni somehow told: Please I am sorry. I thought I was betraying.....so I did so many aweful things I should not have done. I trespassed in your office work and passed on.......I did hurt you so much. I never knew about this. I did not....

I shushed her that very moment and kissed her hair. I pulled her away and made her sit on my lap. She sniffed while I made her sit comfortably on my lap in such a way that her face was completely visible to me. She sniffed and then wound her arms round my neck to secure her seat.

Now I started to console her almost like I was speaking to a baby.

I: doll comeon. Let the past be where it is. Jut kick it away. We are the architects of our future so no worries. Why are you getting so hiked up. Doll you are my love and what I did was something even grave a mistake. I had almost snatched away your charm which I name as innocence. I love you and I will tell this to you everyday. Just not that baby I hate when u cry so no more tears. Just smiles.

Avni burst out and hugged me. I fell a little backward because of the sudden jerk. I caressed her hair and laid a kiss on her it. Her hair smelt like roses and what was making me laugh was that it also smelt of baby powder. Is she even an adult or a grown up with a brain equivalent to a baby. Her every action told me that she was a kiddo and my baby. My baby girl.

Avni seemed to have calmed to some extent.

An idea popped in my mind: Avni lets go out for a date.

Avni clearly rejected the plan. She shrunk against me and made me know that today was just "us" time.

I pouted while Avni just awwwwed. She pecked on my pout and an electric jolt ran across my body. God she will be my death.

Avni: We have the entire life to go for dates but not today. Today we are supposed to love each other without any hindrance just feel the power of love swirl through you.

I understood what she meant.

I suggested: What about tomorrow and even our honeymoon is left. SO we will go for a date tomorrow and the honeymoon next week. What say.

Avni giggled seeing my excitement level soaring heights.

Avni: I love you.

I :I love you too. (with a peck on her cheek)

Avni: I love you 3(getting a peck in reward)

I: I love you 4.(a kiss on her eyes)

Avni: I love you 5 (a kiss on my eyes as a returning gesture)

I: I love you infinite.( I kissed her on her forehead)

With this Avni again cuddled up against me. My heart met what it was looking for. Peace.

So how was the update. Avneil is back and I hope my readers are also happy.

So the next track would be a happy one. Promise. Dates and honeymoon. A deadly combo.

Though the track after this happy one won't be a

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