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Neil's POV

Neil: Mom I love her more than myself. I don't know how, when, where I got these feelings spurting out of me but all I can say is I have lost my heart. It just is'nt mine anymore. I have lost rights to even think straight when it is her we are talking of. She changed me. I kept pushing her miles away. 1 step forward to achieve our relationship courtesy her and two steps back rewarded by me to demolish our relationship. She just intruded in and I was left aghast. How on earth could someone just barge into my life and when I kept telling her to run away from me, quit on me. I fell in love with her strength. She is invincibly strong. She was not scared of the monster I was. She did not push me about the way I did. And now here I am fallen so badly over that woman but my stars they know how to repay. They are snatching away sucking away the life out of me. Just infusing in a huge void to make sure that the monster is captured and tied on to shackals of sorrow. Its trying to tame me. I know I am the worst of a human incarnation but I had to fall for the most beautiful human being on earth. The woman who made me what I am today. Who taught me love. The love I dream is the love she gave me. The strength I breathe of is backboned by her and also the reason I live is because she blew in life in it.

Mom had tears in her eyes while mine shone a little. This always happens when I speak of her. My stormy caramel brown eyes now raging a huge battle with my tears. I am proud that I can cry in broad day light without seeking help of the night sky in a desolated dark room muffling down my tears and drinking away my sorrow and every day wearing that suit of arrogance pursuing death in every new beginning.

Bebe sat down beside me. I was a mess. A complete mess. My family was here to help me but Avni I cannot do this. I feel so weak so useless. I feel defeated. My mom ran her hand over my dishevelled hair. I slowly kept my head on her shoulder. A tear droplet gave way but I did not care now. I was too much preoccupied as a fiery battle invaded my mind. That feeling of loss. I despise it, I detest it, I completely hate it.

I whispered: Mom why her. She is my angel. The blessing I had craved for. I don't deserve her but she deserves so much more than just fighting for her existence in this world.

Mom: I know baby, but all we can do is simply try right. Its not in our hand its him who decides. Even if she becomes a distant memory in your hearts Neil you need to live. Neil not for yourself but for the woman you have sworn your heart to. She would never want to see you faltering. Never. She changed you so you must respect that change in you.

I literally sprang up from my position. Was my mom really trying to hint that Avni might leave me but I am supposed to just move on in a flicker of a second and perhaps hook up with some other girl.

Am I getting deaf or my mom just skipped on her mind.

I : Wait hold on like what the hell are you speaking. You mean to say that Avni is going to leave me astray robbing me off my heart and I am to put on the cheekiest smile and say hey I am moving on. When I say Avni is my life I mean it till the last drop of blood I possess. And after losing on my life you mean to say that I need to get a hold of myself and pretend in front of everyone that I am okay. Like nothing ever happened.

This was pissing me off. How can people hold such bizarre expectations from me. They are either trying to be hilarious or extremely bad at proving that they are gonna help me through this tough times of my life. I simply walked past everyone paying zero interest in what my mom had to counter with and add on the sentence "That is not what I meant". I went up and passed through our room. I peeped in. Avni was fast asleep. The colour had drained down her cheek and the entire thing was visibly taking on a huge toll on her. Seeing her always washes in tranquillity in me. I went in and slowly sat down next to her. I kissed her cheeks tenderly. She had a small smile playing on her lips. I looked at her face intently. She looked so peaceful and so much of innocence in that face of hers. Her soft gentle breathing just helped me calm down. Her heartbeats every sound of lub-dub just springing in and starting on my life. I laid my head on her chest and felt those gittery vibrations beneath. I closed my eyes to let the moment close in on me. I slowly got up and sat on a half sitting- half sleeping position and continued to gaze down to her. For some time I wanted to flush out the thoughts that we were going through the toughest phases of life. I just want to live with the fact that this very second no one can take her from me. She is right here beneath my gaze and I am going to hold on to her till I die. I kissed her head and felt that intoxicating smell from her hair enchanting me. I clasped her hand in mine and looked at it. How perfectly they fit into each other.I kissed her hand and now I slowly felt Avni shifting a bit but it was just to close in the gap between us. She now had had her forehead on my lap. She was cuddles up against me while I held on to her and pressed my chest against her head. She slowly entwined her hands and held me seeking for shelter. Maybe I had started to accept the fact that she was sick but I also had the truth engraved in me "Sick but not for long"

After about what seemed like eternity I placed her head on the pillow and made sure that she was properly covered with the duvet and the air conditioner was not very harsh I stepped out of the room. The proper doses start from the next day. This really set on turmoils in my heart but I had to accept it and I was trying like I never had. I was trying so hard that my head was swirling now. It was getting difficult for me to stand because of the intense head ache that was bringing out the shit off me. I went down to find mom looking all miserable. I thought I was the guy whom miseries lived on and ate on. I tried to ignore people who were almost waiting for Avni's...... god I cannot even use that word in the same sentence in which Avni is. Why was everyone so bent upon to make life a complete dilapidated form for me. What have I ever done okay maybe I did a lot but why are my own people going like they have just gone crazy and they are in desperate need of therapists. Don't they see my eyes pouring out volumes of emotions for that one woman. Don't they see that my eyesight falters with my tears the moment someone pricks me, keeping her at stake. Have everyone gone blind or my emotions forgot how to express their hearts out. They are supposed to be helping me out. Though they are doing a fantabulous job in this. I must say.

Shweta: Neil I never meant what you thought..

There this was the sentence I was waiting for.

Shweta: Neil Avni is not in good shape. She just is not we talked with her doctor. We are just hinting that you should be mentally prepared for...

I did not let her complete as I threw the glass vase and saw it smash right before my eyes. The crystals spreading out everywhere with no hint of its past grand look of a vase.

I stared at it. My eyes were flaring. I was turning into a monster faster than I thought. There was pin drop silence and I just did not like the idea that someone just talked shit about my wife and I was to simply nod and mouth a yes.

I roared: Are you even a mother. No what the fuc* do you all want first you get me married to Avni the girl who wad your ideal choice and I totally do not regret this decision of yours. Now that the beautiful glass vase you had bought home to adorn your house and in my case my life you want it gone. NO lets reframe it. Now that the glass vase broke and the pieces have spread and are dangerous enough to hurt you, throw it away. I am not one of you. Or rather I was once like you. Now I know better than to embrace the woman who taught me how to love and stick by it however hurt I might be. Understand this fact that I am ready to be hurt to whatever extent but not "accept" the fact that she will leave me. Don't keep ranting stuff about how to get over her start praying that she recovers fast.

Mom was in tears. Papa was flabbergasted. Bebe looked utterly blank. I myself did not understand what was happening to me. A teardrop ran down but my teeth was gritted with firm determination.

Mom: She is like my daughter Neil how can you....

I indicated her to stop by my hand so as to stop her from speaking shit again.

I: Oh really daughter. Lets keep this little talk of ours aside. Coz mothers would not want their daughters to die so as to see their daughters husband move on in life with ease.

Papa intervened seeing that I was losing my senses now. I was speaking whatever came in my mind. I was so mad in love, anger everything that I could not see people with whom I talked. I simply lashed out like a hungry gorging lion. People who dare mess with Avni need to see who I am. They need to see what Neil Khanna was. They need to get acquainted to the guy I fear to unleash. I don't want Avni to see it coz I don't want her to run away.

Papa: Now Neil you are changing words and making it seem like your mother is waiting for something to happen to Avni. All she said was that" if",mind on the word "if" something happens to Avni then you should not finish off yourself.

I found it very funny. Like very funny. I simply broke into laughters.It was a little hysterical. I saw mom gasp and goosebumps appearing. She was scared to see me like this. All broken already.

After getting control over my laughter

I said: If something happens to her what do you think will be left of me. What would be left to secure. What the fu*k would I be left with to protect it from being demolished.

Suddenly I heard a faint voice snapping at me.

It was from behind. Avni was standing at the landing of the staircase. She looked so fragile, so weak and their was hurt imprinted on her doe shaped eyes. I ran upto her. I was getting pissed off that she had come all the way here from her room that too all alone. If she would have hurt herself! That very thought frightened me till I had one encounter with death. I held her arms but very painfully indeed she shoved them away. I was left so confused. Why did she do this?I was even a little wounded. Here I was voicing out my life for her and she just pushed me away. She went past me.I turned to see where she was going. She was walking in a very dangerous way. Like she would fall anytime. I kept my pace and followed her so I can prevent her from falling. She went to mom and hugged her and then papa and then bebe. I was seeing all this happening with wide open eyes. I was totally silenced and the pain in my head was just increasing. This was insane. She was going about hugging people whom I had just been giving a peace of mind. She mumbled a sorry to mom. She nodded in a negative with tears in her eyes. What the hell were they upto. Things are just not piecing together. Avni was very weak and I could see that and she could really do with some rest rather than all of the drama she has gotten herself into. She does'nt need to greet my family atleast after what they said just never.

I said: Avni why the hell did you come down. I told you to be in your room. Do you even see yourself. You barely can stand and here you are showering your greetings....

I could not continue as I saw a bead of tears racind down her cheek. I immediately ran to her and rubbed the tear off.

I cupped her face and ranted worriedly: What happened baby huh? Is it paining is it uncomfortable. I told you you should have been resting.

Avni just pushed me away a little. I was taken aback. Why is everyone behaving like I have gone lunatic and the epitomes of sanity are them. I expressed my utter confusion through my eyes.

Avni stared back at me with tears. I again got all scared. I terribly hate it when she cries. I try to reach out for her but then refrain from doing so. Avni was a little wobbly.

I said: Please please your angry disheartened anything but it can't be more important than your health. Atleast let me hold you. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I don't want you to fall.

Avni was now full fledged crying. I was getting more panicky and I was throwing murderous glares at my family coz it very much looked like they hurt her or something. I held her softly a little hesitant the first time but then Avni clasped on to my shirt and held me. She clinged on to me as I took her deeper into me. I kissed her forehead. She was about to fall but I did not let that happen. I had my arm round her waist now. I had shushed her down by telling her the exact number of times my heart stops working when she cries.

Avni somehow tells: Cut it off Neil. Don't behave like this please. You boast that I changed you then prove it. The way you just spoke, your actions that tint of devil in you its returning. Neil you can't let me fail. You ca'nt. What mom told it was absolutely nothing that would make you react that way. She does'nt want me dead. She wants you happy. Neil we all want you happy. Don't let me down. My health condition cannot destroy what we both had harvested for so many days.-your humanity.I love you and nothing can change that fact. You love me and I don't need any prove for that. They are family not enemies love.

Avni went a little dizzy but I caught her in time. I kissed her hand.

I said: Avni so what am I to do. How am I to behave. Totally chilled out that we have to go through this. I am trying to even tell myself that your suffering from that fu**ing disease but my heart it does'nt listen. It does'nt. Anyway Avni I am your Neil when i am with you right then why do you care that I become someone else talking to people who want that I move on if something happens....

Avni was now looking at me with disbelief.

Avni: Are you serious right now. They are family Neil. They would never want us to suffer. They just tried to knock some sense in you. And if you really are so sure that I will survive then why do you even bother to explain. Your having trust issuses. You have this feeling that I will die so your penting it on people who express this thought too. Your too messed up. Why are'nt you understanding that your just too obsessed with me that others are fading away and you cannot afford that. You love them Neil but your just too much into your own sorrows. Come on Neil our love is stronger than that.

This was it. I carried Avni in bridal style and silently took her up and made her lie on bed. I simply ignored all her other allegations. I put her on bed and shushed her. She stopped blabbering.

I: Now you listen. You are what I call my life. I have told this a lot of times but people think it as a mere sentence that a guy tells to a girl to get her all mushy. BUT I MEAN IT. You should have thought before you made me go mad for you. Your dying thing told by others affect me way less when compared to you saying about you dying. You know what Avni I know they are family. I know they love me. I know I love them but I guess they do'nt know me and I don't know them. They don't know how dangerous I am, they don't know how reckless I am. They don't know how honest I am when I make a commitment and my one is that I will get you fine. Perfectly fine. So avni don't judge me whether I am rewinding my past in this basis.

Avni softly pressed my hand and kissed my cheek.

Avni: But you are Neil. You are getting ferocious trying to gallop away the fear of losing me.

I: I am not losing you.

Avni: What if you do.

I: I will destroy the world and the god who snatched you away from me. He will feel the pain of losing on his creation,right.

Avni softly whispered:See you are changing.

I: I love you Avni. Go to sleep.

Hello everyone. I am back. I know after a really really really long period of time. THough I promise I won't be this irregular now. You can expect updates now. Like 3 in a week for compensation. Sorry for this not updating thingey.

So anyways how was it seeing Mr reckless Khanna after so long.

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