Ethan agreed to everything in silence after that night. He stopped fighting back to her because that would just raise arguments. He slept peacefully after many days. Vivian left that morning before he woke up. She called him during the afternoon.

"The shows are booked! I need to write a new song within three hours! Can you believe it, Ethan? I won't be coming home for a while- The tour!" Vivian complained over the phone.

"Okay"
"But hey, we can always call!"
"Okay"
"Oh! I've gotta hang up now! Eat properly and don't drink! I'll be home soon" She said with a smile. "Okay," He said as he kept the phone aside and looked at the beer bottle in his hand. He got up and threw it in the dustbin.

'If this is what you want...'

Vivian looked at her phone as she travelled in her van. Hans drove the van and looked at her from the rear mirror. "Is something wrong, Vivian?" He asked.
"I feel tired,"
"You didn't sleep well?"
"No, I slept a lot but I don't know. It's nothing" She looked outside the window.

'Are you happy?'

'I couldn't answer that...' She took her notepad and began writing a song. It came out as a really sad one. That wasn't what her album was about. She tore the page and threw it away. Suddenly, she realised-

"My Antabulam!" She said.
"What's that?" Her manager asked.
She laughed "It's nothing"

'I think it's safer at home...'

Ethan fell on his bed and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn't. He would stand on the balcony all night and stare outside. He looked into his phone and found a folder at the corner of his gallery. Those were pictures of him and Vivian from the day they married. He had completely forgotten about it.

"Are you an idiot? We are married now, we're gonna do much more than sharing a room."

"Mom said I can show you my skin since you're my husband"

"Let's have a pillow fight!"
"What are we--12?"
"You can drive Kirito?"
"I will protect you"

He got a lump in his throat and finally closed the folder.

"Hiomi, are you scared of water? Because, when you were drowning, you seemed as if you've gone through that before too"

"I have. I don't how I ended up in those waters. I was actually experiencing death and life together. I still wonder who was that blonde girl. Was it you, Vivian?" He asked himself. Finally, he decided to have one drink. One drink wouldn't hurt. So he drank and slept peacefully. As he developed the tolerance, the number of drinks increased from one to two to three and so on.

He would try to sleep, but he couldn't.
In the end, he stopped trying. He would drink until he lost consciousness. Vivian would call once a while which eventually faded away with her presence in the house.

Things changed. Now, the fridge only had beer cans and soda bottles instead of handmade dishes and watermelon mocktails. His weight began falling. He skipped breakfast, lunch and all he drank was beer. The apartment turned into a mess and he fired the housekeeper. He stopped going to the office and took a medical leave.

He'd sleep during the day and drink during the night. He turned weak, both physically and mentally. He'd get panic attacks where he would break all the crockery or anything that he saw. But their wedding picture was still intact hanging on the walls of that broken house.

Vivian went up and he went down.

"Ethan, you sound drunk. I don't want that," She said and he woke up to realise it was just a dream. He could only meet her in his dreams now. So he decided to stop drinking. He fell sick after that and realised that he had to drink to stay in "okay" health. He lost his appetite, his sleeping patterns changed. He couldn't smile anymore nor could he enjoy any activity.

He became neglected-- devoid of all the care he was given by Vivian. He was dying slowly.
Vivian's phone calls went on hold and soon it switched off. By this time, Ethan knew that he had completely lost his wife. He would drink every night to escape nostalgia and wished that when he'd wake up-- He would suffer from amnesia, but he didn't. He still had her stuff in the house, in the hope that maybe one day she'd return.

One day, it will be used again.

Someday, they'll be happy again.

Someday, that day would come when they'll be together again and live their lives in eternal peace and harmony. He just hoped he wouldn't die till then. Or even if he did, would her schedule allow her to visit his funeral?

He was diagnosed with depression that summer. After 22 years, he was diagnosed with that wretch. Mr Hiomi decided to take serious measures. He cut down his alcohol and isolated him in psychiatric care. But he couldn't recover. He needed alcohol to live or he would show serious withdrawal symptoms like anorexia or attempts to suicide. But no matter what he did, he was somehow saved just before he could die. He couldn't think straight anymore and was never sober. His liver took serious damage.

"We should call Vivian," Mr Hiomi said to his secretary as they stood inside Ethan's room. His eyes seemed dead as he looked ahead of him. He didn't even blink. "I talked to her manager. He said it wouldn't be possible before next month" The Secretary said as they left the room.

"Vivian," Ethan said and fell into the bed. He closed his eyes
"I hate that name"

Vivian sealed an invitation card and wrote her old address there. "Please mail it here, to Mr Kirito Hiomi. He's a special guest"

Ethan looked at the invitation Vivian sent him. It was a party for her album's huge success. "So, you do remember me?" He threw it away. While drinking, he looked at the invitation again and again. He kept the bottle aside and picked up the card. He looked at the invitation.

"I should be happy if my love is happy then why am I not? Either it means that I hate her or that she's not happy. You're not happy, right Vivian? You told me you can't live without me... Then how are you alive? Because I am not. Our vows... You accepted me to be your partner for life. You made me feel loved. Can't we just continue that forever? Is staying together that difficult?"

Ethan showed up at the party. Vivian was there. She wore a pink gown and white heels. She was talking to someone. Her face had a smile and she seemed in good health. She had so much makeup on her face that she was barely recognisable. Ethan's eyes sparkled as he looked at her from afar. He ran towards her but the guards stopped him.

"What are you doing? She's my wife" Ethan shouted.
"I'm sorry, that's VIP zone-- it's-"
"Bullshit! Vivian!" He shouted as the guard held him back. Ethan pushed him aside and walked to Vivian. "Vivian!" He shouted and she turned towards him. He hugged her tightly amidst the crowd. "Ethan, you came!" She said "You stink of booze. Did you drink?"

"Vivian," He said softly.
"Yes"
"Vivian"
"Yes"

"Vivian"
"What?"

"Vivian"
"Haha, what do you want--"

"You," He said and her smile faded. "I don't hate your name after all. But I'm afraid that one day my name won't make you smile anymore." He moved away and looked into her eyes "You had your way. You made music that reached people. Now, let's go home. It has been one year. That contract is over, right? Now, you're mine again" He said and hugged her again.

"... Not here" She whispered.

"How much more do you plan to humiliate me? What a garbage!"

"How much more... do you plan to humiliate me--"
"She's not going anywhere, Mr Kirito Hiomi" Sejok interrupted. Ethan glared at him.

"She's my wife. Not yours. I decide that" He said as he held her hand.
"I'm sure you've got something wrong. She decides that" He said with a smile "Say, Vivian, you wanna retire already?"

Vivian didn't reply. Ethan looked at her "Vivian?"
"Why did you drink and come here?" She said "Why couldn't you ask me to come back while you were sober? Do you have to rely on alcohol even to meet your own wife, Hiomi?"

"You taught me to stop drinking and then you became the reason I started drinking again. Now, I can't stop. I'll die if I don't drink." People stared at them and Ethan grew uncomfortable. "I want to go--"

"Choose! Me or alcohol," Vivian said. "...I'd rather choose alcohol. Because I know it won't leave me when I need it unlike you who left when I needed you" Ethan looked into her eyes.

'How did I realise this so late? I need to hate you'

She turned back with her eyes covered by her pink bangs. She took a deep breath

"Leave. Now."

- To be continued

My Heart Hates Me
Because I Love You