Kirito stared at ceiling above him as he lay on the sofa. With the dawn hitting in, the room got brighter. He took a deep breath and looked at the window at the end of his feet. He slowly got up and sat on the sofa.

'Ethan...He knows' Kirito thought to himself. He looked at the floor as silence surrounded him. Vivian slept peacefully on the bed. He got up and got inside the bathroom. He took a hot water shower as he constantly increased the temperature of the water.

He looked at the shower wall as the mist covered the bathroom and the mirror turned foggy. He pressed his head on the wall and closed his eyes.

"Thanks bastard. You've reminded me of everything all over again." He said. He stayed in the shower for about an hour as memories hit him. Memories about Ethan.

"She looked just like you..... She was 14 at that time"
"How old were you?"
"I was 18"

"You were 18 and a friggin psycho" Kirito turned off the shower. He touched his shoulders and his feet as he sat on the floor.

"I don't wanna go out."

After a while, he got up. He stepped out of the bathroom and reached near his cupboard. He wore a blue jersey over his breifs. He turned back and found that Vivian was gone.

He grabbed a white T- shirt and walked around looking here and there. She suddenly sprung up from the kitchen closet and shouted. Kirito shouted back as he shook himself. He took hold of his breath and pressed his hand over his chest.

"Got you!" Vivian laughed.
"Is that such a great achievement?" Kirito asked.
"Yes!" She smiled. He narrowed his eyes and then turned back. He clenched his T- shirt and bit his lips.

'Not now' He thought as he closed his eyes.

"Hiomi?" Vivian eaned towards him.
"Don't shout in the morning. It's annoying." He said without looking at her "It's a bit of--"
"Are you in pain?" Vivian asked as she stood behind him. He turned back and looked at her. She pressed her hands on his forehead.

He looked at her as she looked at his forehead "I don't think you have a fever" Then, she narrowed her eyes and pressed his temples "Why is your skin weird? Did you bath for very long?"

He said nothing. He just looked at her. Her eyes seemed worried as she touched his cheeks "Don't bath for so long. And keep the temperature skin friendly. Obviously, you don't want to ruin your looks" She chuckled as she moved her hand away.

He grabbed her wrist and looked at her "Why do you think I'm in pain?"
"The answer is simple" Vivian said in German.
"And it is?" Kirito said in German.
"It's because I love you so I can tell" Kirito looked at her and leaned towards her "Is that all?"

"Are you doubtful?" Vivian asked.
"No, yes, maybe. Say Vivian, if someone asked you they would give you everything if you do something you shouldn't do, what would you do?" He asked.

"Everything?"
"Yes, everything you want."
"You can't have everything--where would you put it?" Vivian answered.

Kirito pressed his hands over his head "Forget I asked that"
"Why are you so boring?"
"Why are you so loud, Jesus Christ" Kirito pressed his eyes.

"I'm not loud!"
"I think it's a German thing."
"Loudness?"
"Yes"
"It may be something amazing!" She almost climbed on top of him.

"Okay okay. Let's discuss that later. Prepare the breakfast" Kirito pushed her away slowly. He went ahead and poured some coffee into a cup.
"I'll do that right away!" He sat at the dining table and looked into his phone while sipping his coffee.

'Let's meet up today. I want to talk' He texted.

'Sure, I'm free today. I'll be done with my shoot by this evening. Let's grab a drink at the bar. I'll order food too' Erika texted back.

'Okay, 8 pm' He typed and looked out of the window at the balcony. In the evening, while Vivian cleaned the dishes, Kirito swiftly moved out of the door. He drove to the bar and saw Erika sitting with her phone in her hands. She had already ordered the food and started clicking the photos of the food. The bartender just cleaned the wine glasses.

"Again this?" Kirito sat beside her.

"Oh Hi!" She said as she passed him a glance. "Perfect, this will be my today's update."
Then she began typing something on her phone "You can eat that calorie rich food. I'm on a diet"

"No thanks, I'm not hungry" Kirito pressed his arms on the table.
"Okay" She looked into the phone.
"Leave that, I want to talk about something with you. I had a strange dream last night and I remembered about the past. I couldn't sleep after that." Kirito said as he looked at his hands. He took a deep breath and paused for a while.

"I felt numb once again today morning. I couldn't feel the water's temperature. I've got burns on my shoulders and my feet. I can't sleep with the lights off. I can't understand myself. It's coming back worse."

He looked down for awhile then he looked at her. She was still busy into her phone.
"Erika" He said softly.
"Oh sorry!" She kept her phone aside "What is it?"
"This is all I can be."

"Hey hey! Stop being so negative, okay? We all have problems"

"My past ate away my future and I was just a bystander in my own life"
"Don't say that."

"I will say it! I will say it! I want death. Only that can end this now. It's getting out of my hands."
Suddenly her phone started ringing. She looked at it "Sorry, I've gotta take this"
"Erika--"
"Eat up. I'll just attend the call." He looked at the food
"I didn't come here for this,"

The bartender just looked at him while cleaning the glass.
"Tell Vivian." He suggested.
Kirito pressed his forehead "Make me a strong one" Arata, the bartender, prepared a cocktail and kept it in front of Kirito. Erika soon came back

"Sorry Kirito, I've gotta go. They have an important guest and they want him to meet me" She picked up her purse.
"You'll pay right? I'll get going now. Take care" She left the bar.

"Important guest? So nobody has time for me now." Kirito smiled as he looked at his drink.
"You should go home" Arata said.
"I don't want outsiders to see my vulnerable self"
"But that chick is seeing your vulnerable self"
"She's not an outsider--"
"And your wife is?"

Kirito was speechless.
"Why do you detest her so much?" Arata asked.
"All this happened because she existed. Someone died, Arata! You know it!"
"If you want, she can bring you a paradise"
"Indeed, a paradise made of nothing. Arata, you know the first time I tried to kill myself?"

"The lake incident?"
"Yeah, I tried downing myself but someone saved me. Everytime I try to kill myself, I'm somehow saved and I can't die. I don't know what he wants from me--I can't even die anymore.

It's been like what-- Twenty years? And I'm alone till date. I got money, power, fame but I'm lonely."
The bartender cleaned up the plates quietly.
"Kirito, you may find the worst enemy or the best friend in yourself" Arata said.

"I think I've managed to find my worst enemy" Kirito said.
"And what do you plan to do now?" Arata asked.
"Fight it I guess? I mean that's the norm in human society"
"Instead of fighting your problems, picture your way out of them"
"But how should I do that?"
"That's for you to find"

Jericho sat in front a small puppy which was hit by a speeding car. The puppy was bleeding all over and people ignored it as they moved past the street.

"This is going to be bad. Really bad. I must protect Vivian."

- To be continued

Kirito Hiomi
My Heart Hates Me