nora's pov:

i can't do this i can't do this i can't do this.

we aren't married. it's so wrong, whatever's happening.

i have to suppress myself and my desires.

i can't continue this sin any further.

i can't be disloyal and unfaithful to my future husband by loving another man now.

rayan is not my husband. i am not his wife. we are not married. and this is a sin.

i am gonna stay away from him because i already feel very very guilty for everything that has happened and how i lose control over myself when he's near me.

i can't let him come near me again or i will be weak again and this will never end.

i will not go to meet him on the terrace or the storeroom or anywhere. i will not reply to his texts.

i am gonna pray regularly and study well. i am a good girl. no kink intended.

2 days passed. i have 207 unread messages from him. i know it's wrong to ghost him like this but doing all these without marriage is wrong too. it's not decent and respectful traditionally.

i don't go to university on saturday because rayan might visit our class for the charity event and i just can't see him or i will go weak and pathetic all over again.

i am still sitting beside the cute sweet girl, i didn't bother to have another conversation with her and neither did she. life is good.

but i need someone. i really wanted to make a friend but i have terrible trust issues and i am just scared and afraid.

i don't remember if i had friends before the accident because of the memory loss but i guess, based on my personality, i was and will always be alone.

let me try talking to the cute girl. she's just too cute to not talk to.

"hey, what's your name?" i ask her after gathering the courage for 2 good hours.

"ummm i am ruhi. what's your name?" she asks me. her voice is so cute.

"i am nora" i said.

she smiled to me.

"you know you're very very cute" i said.

ok maybe i creeped her out and acted weird. no ruhi i am sorry i am perfectly straight i swear.

she giggled.

"you are much much much much more cuter nora" she said and she hugged me.

that was the first time i hugged someone.

atleast that's what i remember. after the memory loss.

tears start falling down my cheeks and it's actually great and a wonderful feeling to feel another human's warmth.

i am having an emotional breakdown rn.

"are you okay? i am so sorry" she said worryingly.

"no no no yes i am book" i said.

what.

that's just the 0.1% of my anxiety to be honest.

i weirded everything out i am soooo stupid i just ruined my first impression on such a cute girl ok her name is ruhi.

i acted weird for the next whole day because of my embarassment and after like 3 days, we had small conversations. very small. and very professional. i think she understood that i was embarassed and she tried to not embarass me further in a way.

i am so terrible at making friends. and i guess, she's too. she's introvert and she stays by herself most of the time.

it's been 3 weeks since i didn't contact rayan. i terribly wanna talk to him but this is all so wrong.

i lost my appetite and i am depressed.

another day:

i wake up, get ready and life seems meaningless and i don't understand what malik keeps talking about, he has lost it. and i go to university and these boring lectures still don't make any sense and the most i could hardly concentrate on a lecture is 10 minutes and rayan's lips were so soft oh god help me.

lunch time and surprise, i forgot putting the lunchbox in my bag again.

as if i was gonna eat.

i lost my appetite ever since i stopped interacting with rayan.

it's lunch time and ruhi is sad for some reason and she takes her bag and heads out of the class . i think she's going home.

she forgot her phone here on our desk. i should return it to her.

i run towards her with her phone and i try to find her in many different faces.

why can't these weirdos sit at one place. why must they roam around during breaks or lunch time.

i couldn't find her. corridors are so noisy man.

i suddenly see rayan.

he is hugging a girl.

it is ruhi.

i am filled with so much rage.

i wanna kill myself.

what was all that which we had. was he playing with me?

is it my fault because i ghosted him for 3 weeks?

ruhi is cuter and much more beautiful than me. he is better off with her and tears wash my face.

i don't want to live anymore.

lunch is over and i head back to our class with trembling legs and a face like i am on a funeral.

she came back and sat beside me. i had kept her phone back by then.

i wanna scream and this professor is teaching calculus.

"nora do you have an extra pen? my pen's run out of ink" she said.

"no" i actually do have one but no.

suddenly she seems no longer cute. she's cringe.

"my dog died" she said.

i hope you die too- ok i am joking, the only person who should be dying rn is me, me and me.

"what a lucky dog"  i said. atleast he got to die and i am alive to see this dreadful day.

"what?" she asked , she was shocked.

i rolled my eyes and ignored her.

i will go back and sit beside malik, he anyway gave me a chocolate this morning saying he's sorry. i don't wanna see ruhi's face or i will bomb this university, suicide bombing.

"hey malik" i say while i bring my stuff to his desk.

he was happy seeing me come back. he was smiling as if he just won 1 billion or something. weird guy.

all men are weird. i hate men.

how do i stop crying.

don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. he was never yours to begin with.

"i am so happy you're back. i brought chocolate milk for you" he said excitingly.

that's sweet.

"thanks malik" i said.

"and we could eat fried rice in the cafeteria today. i heard they make amazing fried rice here." he said.

i have an idea.

"do they give paper plates?" i asked.

"yes, why" he said.

"plans changed, we're going to go to the terrace and eat it" i said.

"terrace is scary. there are no fences, we could fall off and die" he said.

i don't like weak men who get afraid easily. sweetie you might as well wear bangles and put on some lipstick.

"but that's romantic malik" i said.

i wanna vomit after saying this but i guess this is the only way to get this weirdo come to the terrace with me.

"sure" he smiled creepily.

malik's pov:

omg omg omg did she say romance. i think she's in love with me too. i love you so much nora.

nora's pov:

he goes to cafeteria and buys food for both of us on paper plates with plastic spoons. i wait for him near the corridor.

he comes back and we head to the terrace.

rayan is here. as he should.

we make eye contact and i quickly look in another direction.

and i hold malik's hand and walk forward.

he saw me holding his hand and he was continuously staring at me with a sad and broken look.

but you deserve it.

i sit exactly opposite to rayan and make malik sit opposite to me so that malik's back is facing rayan's front.

malik starts setting up our lunch and water bottle and his chocolate milk and a plastic glass. so thoughtful of malik actually.

rayan was still staring at me without blinking.

did he come here for me? did he bring lunch for me ? did he come here everyday since the last 3 weeks while i was ghosting him? did he miss me? tears start rolling down on my cheeks. but he hugged ruhi. he hugged another girl.

do they like eachother? they suit eachother too actually, they're both cute and pretty and hot and i am just a potato.

"why are you crying nora" malik asks while he wipes my tears. rayan was still staring at us.

"something is in my eyes" i said and this weirdo started blowing in my eyes to make it go or whatever.

rayan was still deadly staring.

i decided to make him jealous as much as i could. this is what you get for hugging another girl after kissing me and playing with my emotions.

i feed malik with my spoon. just so that rayan would notice.

he feeds me back with his spoon and i smile acting like i am blushing while this is all so creepy and cringe i kinda wanna push malik from the terrace.

malik puts his hand on my cheek. ok this is getting creeper.

rayan saw this and looks like he has had enough. he gets up from his place, not caring to even pick his bag up.

he comes near us. i am anxious.  what if he actually pushes malik from the terrace. my rayan doesn't has to go to jail for just hugging a girl.

he comes very very close to us now and grabs my hand harshly and pulls me up forcing me to get up.

"what tf are you doing here" malik shouts at rayan.

"i could ask you the same" rayan said calmly.

and rayan starts walking holding my hand and malik stops him.

"you can't take her anywhere, she's my cousin" malik shouts.

my ears are bleeding.

rayan's pov:

AND SHE'S MY WIFE.

nora's pov:

"can you both stop this circus" i said.

"you can't take her anywhere" malik said while he grabs my another hand.

"leave her hand or i will break your teeth and push you from this terrace" rayan said sternly.

malik got scared and let go of me. lmao loser.

rayan took me with him to an empty class.
he seemed very serious.

well, i am serious too. you've got competition.

"what's your problem" i ask him.

he was still staring me without saying a word.

he seems very broken and hurt.

i wanna hug him. but wait. he hugged another girl. he's just a player.

"if he comes close to you one more time, i will break his limbs" he said dangerously.

"well, break mine too, because i will go close to him" i said.

his eyes softened.

"i will kill myself before having even the thought of hurting you or causing you pain"
he said.

well, but you did.

"i like malik and he likes me, we are together, stay away from us" i say while i leave him.

rayan's pov:

"i like malik and he likes me, we are together, stay away from us"

flashback 2 years ago:

"it's 2am why did you sneak into my room from the window????" nora said.

"i was missing my wifey, sorry for waking you up" i said.

"i actually didn't sleep, i was missing you too". nora said while she hugged me.

"kiss me" she said.

"wait until you're 18 my princess" i said.

"ugh stop age shaming me, i am your wife" she said annoyingly.

"and i am yours, forever" i said.

she starts unbuttoning my shirt.

"are you trying to seduce me little girl?" i said.

"maybe" she said seductively.

"okay stop" i said laughing. i am seduced to be honest but yeah.

she's needy i know, but i will wait until she's 18.

"we're gonna go somewhere" i tell her and she agrees. she's excited.

we sneak out from her home at 2am. everyone in the house knows we are married and wouldn't mind me taking her out but the time is actually too odd.

i make her sit in my car beside me while i drive.

"chocolate cake for you on the backseat" i said.

"thankkkkk youuuuuu" she said and started eating it.

"you bake cakes better than bakeries, when we grow old, we'll open a bakery together in a rainforest. but you'll make me fat by these tasty foods. i am already overweight you know" nora said while eating.

"who said you're overweight? whoever said it is underweight and just jealous of your perfect body" i said.

"can you kiss me already?" she pleaded.

"i so so badly wanna kiss the chocolate on your face around your pretty lips but not until your 18th birthday, you're a minor" i said.

"but you're an adult" she said.

"yeah that's what makes it creepy" i said.

"ok where we going" she asked.

"for star gazing on a mountain" i said.

"reallllyyyy??? i am soooo excited" she said.

"but you've school tomorrow, sorry you'd have to sleep in the class because of me" i said.

"it's okay i will dream about you in the class, that's better than those boring lectures" she said and she giggled.

she's so cute. so so so so cute. i can die for this girl.

"we're here" i said.

we get out from the car and lay down in the grass on the mountain holding eachother's hands.

we are pretty much away from the city so there are no night lights and that makes the sky and stars more clearly visible. and we're alone in here. well, everyone's probably sleeping.

"the stars are so pretty" she said.

"you're prettier but ok" i said.

"i love you more than the sizes of all the stars in the universe, rayan" she said.

"i love you more, more than that, i love you infinitely" i said.

"ok then kiss me" she said while turning towards me.

"you don't know how badly i wanna do that and how much i fantasize about it. i assure you that's the first thing i am gonna do to you on your 18th birthday exactly at 12am" i said.

"you promise me that?" she asked innocently.

"yes my princess" i said.

we gazed the stars peacefully for few more minutes.

"by the way, there's still time to change your mind and we can have sex under the stars you know" she said.

"are you always this horny?" i asked jokingly.

"umm yes, for you" she said.

*flashback ends*

her accident was exactly 3 weeks before her 18th birthday and i couldn't meet her until recently. and maybe that's the reason why i kissed her creepily the first time we met, not like i wasn't dying to kiss her. but nevertheless,  i must have creeped her out. but that is what she requested me to do hundreds of times and i couldn't do it on her birthday because she lost her memories and me going near or around her would have created problems or would have stressed her brain.

"i like malik and he likes me, we are together, stay away from us"

i am hurt and broken and i wish to not exist.

nora's pov:

"i like malik and he likes me, we are together, stay away from us"

shouldn't have said that, i don't like malik, ew weirdo, i can't even tolerate him for more than 5 minutes actually.

is rayan hurt?

but i am more.