Magkayakap kami ngayon ni Yuhan.

“Next week, my family will be coming here.”

“Really? For what?”

“Vacation, maybe? Also, my parents want to meet your parents.”

“Woah. Okay.”

“Our families will celebrate Christmas together.”

“Wow. That’s awesome!”

“Zenaida.”

“Hmm?”

“How are you during the days I wasn’t talking to you? I’m sorry that I chose not to message you.”

“It’s okay.”

“So, how were you? Please be honest with me.”

“Like you, nag-breakdown din ako. Napunta nga ako sa ospital dalawang beses. Nahimatay ako e. Hindi ako nakakakain nang maayos. Madalas ang pagpupuyat ko. Iyak ako nang iyak. Hindi na rin sumasama sa mga friends ko. Half-baked lahat ng outputs ko. Wala akong mapagsabihan ng nararamdaman ko.”

“I’m sorry that you go through it all by yourself.”

I smiled at him. “It’s okay. You were struggling too.”

“Ida,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakayakap sa kaniya.

“Let’s sleep.”

“Good night,” sabi ko.

“Sleep well,” he said and kissed my forehead.

Pumikit na ako. I wish we are always this close together.

* * *

“What are you doing?” asked Yuhan.

“I’m writing.”

“About?”

“Our love story.”

“You’re turning our story into a book?”

Tumawa ako. “Hindi. Ikaw na magsulat niyan.”

“Why don’t we do it together?”

“Eh?”

“I write my point of view, you write yours.”

“Eh?”

“Ayaw mo no’n?”

“Eh?”

“Eh ka nang eh... Ehlebye.”

“Huh? Come again?” Nagpigil ako ng tawa.

“Ayaw ko nga. Go on, continue what you were doing.”

Tuluyan na lang akong tumawa. “I love you too!”

“I love you more.”

Ngumiti na lang ako. Nilingon ko siya at nagtungo siya sa kusina.

Should I let him read these poems? I titled this collection “Longing for Your Presence”.

Mayamaya pa ay bumalik siya sa kinaroroonan ko na may dalang tinapay at baso ng kape.

“Kumain ka muna ng tinapay at uminom ng kape..”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Tapos na ba ‘yang sinusulat mo?”

“Wanna read?”

“Was it for me?”

“Maybe.”

Lumapit siya sa akin and tumingin sa notebook. Binuklat niya ito at bumungad ang page one.

“Longing for your presence. Is this a story or?”

“A collection of poems.”

Kasabay ng pagbuklat niya ng susunod na pahina at pagbasa niya ng tahimik ay siya namang pagsabi ko nito. Syempre, nakikibasa pa rin ako.

“Hey, Love

Hey, mister far away,
How are you today?
I'm missing you again.
Do you feel the same?

You know I love you,
That's why I miss you.
You're presence I long,
Please sing me a song.

My love, it's me...
Knocking at your door,
Let me see you once more.
Oh my love, I miss you badly.”

“I’m here now.”

“I know.”

“Next.”

“Offline

Is your phone off?
Perhaps, is it charging?
Or you really are busy
That you're currently offline.

I've been wondering here in my room,
Do you think of me the way I do?
Are you feeling alright?
I hope you are feeling good.

What else should I do?
But to play those memories in my head,
Where you and I talk most of the time.
I miss your messages, my love.

It breaks my heart seeing you offline.
It makes me worry a lot more.
Don't you wanna talk to me?
I long for those days when you're online.”

“I apologize for being offline for days and not talking to you. Babawi ako.”

I smiled. “Dapat lang.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Hmm. Talk to me.”

“Anything else?”

“That’s all.”

“Noted. So, what do we have here next.” He flipped the next page.

“Alone

All by myself, I miss you so much.
Longing for you makes my eyes water.
Overthinking visits me all the time,
Never ending thinking about you.
Everyday without you makes me feel alone.”

“Even if we don’t talk or I’m not with you. You are here,” he said as he gets my hand and put it on his chest.

I smiled. I flip the notebook to the next page.

“Convincing Myself

I always think about you,
Wondering if you’re doing fine.
I want to know how are you,
For me to worry less about you.
How will I, if you’re offline?

I try to convince myself
That you’re in good condition.
It calms me when I hear you say, “I’m okay.”
Even if it gives me a sign something's wrong.
I just let out a sigh and wish the best for you.”

“Thank you for worrying about me. I appreciate it.”

I just smiled and flipped to the next page.

“Forever

For how long I’ve been loving you?
My man, I want you to know
That I love you more each day.
Accepting you wholeheartedly is true.
Just let me, my love, for I will surely do.

From this day forward to eternity,
My love will always win over hatred.
You’re making me feel loved,
And I thank you for that.
I will be with you forever, my man.”

“Only death will tear us apart. Pakasal na ba tayo?”

“Sige,” natatawang ani ko.

“Soon.”

The next poem is...

“Home

Hey man, I wanna see you.
You’re really handsome you know.
Your smile adds emphasis to it.
It also indicates that you are strong.

You’re not just a person,
You’re a place I felt at home.
Your smile gives me assurance
That you are doing fine.

You made me feel special,
You became my resting place
Where I really feel at ease.
It gives me calmer atmosphere.

I hope, you, my home, is okay.
Your smile says I don’t need to worry much.
I just also smile and hope you are fine.
Please be fine as you always say you are.”

“I’m fine now, okay? Come here, hug me.”

Yumakap ako sa kaniya. He flipped the notebook to the next page.

“Know Me, Love

Hey, do you still remember me?
Why don’t you chat with me?
Know me, love, I’m missing you.
It makes me sad without you.

You’re the one I miss every time.
It’s your chats that I wait all the time.
I’m shy to do the first move,
So, I wait for your chat, my love.

There were times that I tried to ignore you
Because I might be disturbing you.
Still, your presence is all I find.
Thus, I can’t get you out of my mind.

You are the one I always miss,
I long for you to hug and kiss.
Know me more, my love.
You’re the one I prayed to God above.”

He kissed my forehead. “I love you, Ida.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “I love you too, Han.”

He flipped the next page. “What do you have here next? Hmm.”

“My Love, Where Are You?

I’m still here waiting for your chat.
I am missing you so badly,
I desperately want to talk to you.
Shall I send you a message?

I understand if you are busy, so I'll wait.
My phone rang and the waiting was over.
I got a message from you
And it makes me really glad.

I wonder what took you so long to chat,
But it doesn’t matter for I understand.
It sometimes makes me worry,
But I hope you are always okay.

But you only stayed for a few minutes.
Now, I look for you again.
Where are you, my love?
I’m missing you again.”

“I’m right here, Ida. Kasama mo na ako. Kayakap mo pa nga ako oh.”

I smiled. “Oo na. Kiss me.” Napalunok ako sa sinabi ko.

He looked at me and smirked.

“You sure?”

“Huwag na nga.” I crossed my arms.

He chuckled and kissed my cheeks. He flipped the notebook to the next page.

“Pain of Longing

Oh the pain of missing you,
It’s here with me again, my love.
It makes me really overthink.
You are not online for hours again.

My eyes keep crying as I long for you.
I’m just here waiting for you.
Will you be able to chat with me again?
Man, my heart aches for your presence.”

Niyakap niya ako saka pinaharap sa kaniya. He slowly leans his face towards me looking into my eyes. I slowly closed my eyes and felt his lips planted on mine.

Our kissing stopped when a phone rang.

“Em. Whose phone is that?” tanong niya.

“I-I think, it’s yours.”

“Ah right,” sabi niya saka dinampot ang phone niya mula sa isang table.

“Hello,” sabi niya pagkasagot ng tawag.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Got it. Bye, Mom.”

“Anong sabi ng mama mo?”

“Kinukumusta lang ako.”

“Okay.”

Lumapit siya ulit sa akin saka niyakap.

“Wala kang balak maupo?”

“Wala ng upuan e.”

“Share tayo.”

“Okay, stand up. I’ll sit directly on the chair and you’ll sit on my lap.”

“Fine.”

He put his arms around my waist. I flipped the notebook to the next page.

“Reason of Hope

How many more days should I wait?
The reason for my longing and sadness
Is the same source of my happiness.
You are my hope in every yearning.

You became my inspiration
For it’s you that encourages me.
You gave me a reason to continue.
My hope is you when I feel so low.

Even with so much happening in your life now,
You still try to check up on me.
So, I’ll endure the pain of waiting for you.
Thank you for your sacrifice, my hope.”

“Ikaw nga rin, lagi kang nag-cha-chat sa akin. Well, my mga araw na hindi pero you always try to share your time with me. Thank you, Ida. You also gave me hope that I can surpass the challenges I was into.”

Ngumiti lang ako.

“What do you have here next? Hmm. Tears of Yearning.”

“What’s going on between us?
Is there something wrong?
I wait up here all the time,
Letting my tears flow down my cheeks.

I wish you were here with me,
Wiping away the tears from my eyes.
I long for you all the time,
I want to be by your side to feel okay.

These tears of mine are longing tears,
It’s your absence that makes me cry.
Do you also feel the same way?
Or it’s just me that has these tears of yearning.”

“I also felt that way, okay? Umiiyak din naman kami dahil sa mga mahal namin.”

I grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Iyakin ka pala ha.”

He just chuckled. “Sinong mas iyakin sa atin? Nasa poems mo ang mga patunay.”

“Hmp!”

He flipped the notebook to the next page.

“Vulnerable

I am fragile, easily broken.
Like glasses that break easily.
That’s how vulnerable I am.
I easily hurt without you by my side.”

“I will take good care of this glass person you are, but promise me that you should care more for yourself. Okay?”

Tumango ako.

“What do you have here next?”

“You

You are the one I miss every time
And the one that my heart surely loves.
You surely have a place in my heart,
And forever live in this piece of me.
I love you with a love that grows.

I always think about you, man!
When I do, my lips curve into a smile.
We’re apart but you are always in my mind.
Thus, it doesn’t really mean your absence.
Probably, you’re thinking of me too.

This heart of mine is in pain,
Does it mean that you are too?
Because you are in it.
It’s feeling so lonely, my love.
It yearns for your touch.

You are the one I need by my side,
Even if you’re like the moon.
So far yet it feels too close.
You’re still the light in my lonely night.
Darling, please keep fighting for you.”

“You’re still the light in my lonely night. Thank you, that even if it’s the reason for your loneliness, I am still considered a light.”

“Of course. Remember the night when I called you and shared my problem?”

Hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin.

“Yeah. See how far you’ve come now? But sometimes, I think that I added to your depression.”

“Hindi ah. Kahit nga nasasaktan na ako e mahal pa rin kita. It is because you have your reasons why you don’t chat with me and so on.”

“Ida,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Yes?”

“Kung aayain na kitang magpakasal in the near future, papayag ka ba?”

Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. “Maybe yes. If my parents will agree. Legal age naman na ako. Pero if it happens that we will be married at this age, there will be rules to set.”

“Okay. Let’s create rules.”

“You serious? Are you really planning to marry me now?”

He chuckled. “Let’s pretend we are already married and set those rules. It might strengthen our relationship.”

“Yeah right.”