I didn't have regular access to candy as a kid. This was a good move on behalf of my parents, because I'm not such a sugar fiend now. However, this meant chocolate was a rare commodity, and I did what I could to get it free. Because I learned my cheapskating ways pretty early in life.

For example, the local grocery store would sometimes have coloring contests. Any kid who took their themed coloring page, colored it however they wished, and submitted it to the store, would get a free candy bar. Any candy bar! I have no idea if there was ever a winner. I think it was just a ploy to get parents into the store. But my sister and I would ride our bikes over there repeatedly to submit a page a week to get our free candy bars.

So anyway, one day I was walking to elementary school. As always, my eyes scanned the ground for things. Because I was also a scavenger. Most of the fancy pencils I owned --the ones with unicorns or stars on them--were ones I'd found on the ground. I also found little army figures and Hot Wheels cars and lots of pennies.

So yeah, eyes to the ground, and I spotted something red and shiny. And very small. It lay in the gutter between the sidewalk and the street, so I picked it up. A perfect M&M, intact and quite pretty.

And edible.

Yes, that's right. I ate it. I rubbed both sides thoroughly on my shirt, inspected it again, and popped it into my mouth.

It tasted so good.

And I totally defied the five-second rule.