2/25 comfort

Character notes:

Shiro: FtM

Pidge: genderqueer

//tbh this is me projecting myself onto pidge

///I wrote and edited this at midnight RIP

Pidge is known for their intelligence which has allowed them to accomplish great feats- Feats such as hacking into alien software. During their stay in space, Pidge has lost track of how many times they have successfully hacked into the systems of Galra ships. Despite this, they aren't able to hack into every ship. Despite this, there are still things they have yet to find.

When not experimenting with hacking techniques, Pidge experiments with pronouns. They stand in front of a mirror and look themself in the eyes as they speak. "This is my friend Pidge. He is a paladin of Voltron... She is a paladin of Voltron..." Some days, he/him and she/her pronouns make Pidge's skin crawl. Other days, he/him and she/her pronouns don't make him feel anything. Every day, they/them always feels right.

Pidge experiments with labels next. Agender, Bigender, Demigender, Polygender, gender neutral, genderfluid and nonbinary... Over the course of months, Pidge feels like they've been through them all, with no good label found.

"I don't know what I am!" Pidge huffs, barely able to resist the urge to push their laptop off their lap and onto the floor. "I don't know who I am."

Shiro, who had been walking by Pidge's room, stops upon hearing Pidge's frustrated huff. Wanting to knock and not being able to with Pidge's door being open, Shiro settles for voicing the action. "Knock, knock," his 'knocking' earns him a tired smile from Pidge. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure" Pidge replies, giving their computer screen one last look before closing it and setting it on their bed.

Shiro walks in, and feeling as though Pidge might appreciate some space, settles for sitting on the floor in front of them. "I was walking by and heard you thinking out loud. Do you want to talk? There's a chance I could help you find a label... Or some other way of understanding yourself," Shiro pauses, before continuing. "You know that you're alone in this, right? I'm here for you. Everyone on this ship is."

"I don't like talking about it," Pidge mumbles, "Although I should." With a shaky breath, Pidge continues to speak. "I know that. I was just hoping to figure it out myself. You figured out your gender by yourself, didn't you?" Feeling more self-conscious with each passing minute, Pidge pulls their knees close to their body and wraps their arms around them.

"I had thoughts and feelings that lead to my discovery," Shiro says in a soft voice. "But there were people who helped. People like my gender therapist and..." Just thinking of Matt's makes Shiro's heartache. "Your brother. He let me vent to him. He helped me research gender identity and helped me found documentaries about being transgender."

Pidge stiffens at the mention of their brother but softens when Shiro explains what Matt did for him. "That sounds like him," Pidge says with a small laugh. "He loved helping people."

"He loves helping people," Shiro corrects. "He's alive somewhere. I can feel it," Shiro takes a deep breath before saying more. "He's one of the reasons I want to help you. We need you to be healthy AND happy when we find him."

Pidge's voice shakes as they speak. "I suppose I better start talking then. I feel as though..."

Pidge talks about their life... Their love-hate relationship with their long hair and their birth name. Pidge talks about their drastic shift in clothes and how their current clothes "just feel right." Pidge talks about things that have come and gone. Pidge talks about feelings that linger... Thoughts that linger.

"You didn't mention genderqueer..." Shiro says, once Pidge has finished speaking. "Have you ever looked up what 'genderqueer' means?"

"No," Pidge admits, "I've never looked it up much less heard of it."

"You should," Shiro says, with what he hopes to be a reassuring smile, "It seems like it would fit you." Rising slowly from his position on the ground, Shiro gives Pidge's head a gentle pat. "Don't stress yourself out too much. Pidge is Pidge, whether they are able to name their gender or not."