"What the ****, shit shit shit" I murmured to myself, 

Priya Di heard the words which I spoke, and this thought terrified me, but it wasn't more terrifying than the words written on the black-board of class 10th A.

The list was up till 5 ranks, but I don't remember the remaining names.

Yes, for a second, I was devastated and shocked. Countless thoughts were running inside my head, the way I had written my papers, the marks I scored in the respective subjects, the consequences of my marks on me, Didi, mobile , remarks of my teachers and what not.

"Good Morning Maam, roll no. 15, Abhimanyu Mantri" with my eyes, I pointed towards the report cards, as my class teacher, found out mine, from the set of report cards, piled up on her desk.

We reached out to the 2nd last desk, in the middle row, the first 3 being occupied.

As mom and didi sat on the 2 chairs, while I was standing beside them.

I had a file in front of me, on the table, where 10 papers, with the name Abhimanyu Mantri were kept, whose total divided by 1000 and then multiplied by 100, gave the answer = 90.9%,

So, one by one, as Didi removed them from the file, I went through them, finding the red ink marks of teachers which had reduced my score.

Usually, at these instances, we teenagers, as students, find some way or the other to increase our marks, usually by fair means, and when we have our parents, unfair means do not work.

We try to create our reasons and explanations, which, in some way or the other, at least, might protect us to get less scolding from our parents.

Abhimanyu Mantri, a student of grade 10th, was no different than the others, because I was thinking for the same. Looking at the marks, recounting them, working some ways to increase some marks at least in the grammar – essays, letters, Hindi essays and what not.

Nevertheless, this did not bring much success, because my score remained the same.

My class teacher, at first, said that she was expecting a better performance from me, but also said that since I was actively participating in the co-curricular activities and MUNs, next time, I could work harder.

She was keen and clever, because she also mentioned in front of my parents that, being the captain of the Yellow house, I may miss several periods, in the upcoming days, due to the ongoing sports activities, but I am supposed to uphold my studies and my duties, together.

These were indeed essential instructions but wasn't significant, especially for me. I already knew all the above points. Further on, this time, I wasn't ready to face any of my friends, batch-mates, teachers and the other parents.

Yes, I was so freaking disappointed with myself.

Neither in the car nor in the classroom, was there a conversation about studies with mom and didi, which clearly meant that the atmosphere at home, will be unscrupulous. And this time, I was certainly correct.

As soon as we entered home, didi presented a long report in front of dad about my marks, my teacher's remarks and scores in the respective subjects. The discussion was not confined to school and marks, it covered various other topics, which included mobile phone, social media, visiting friends, playing, and what not.

The unpretentious conclusion of our discussion was – Abhimanyu is supposed to concentrate more on his studies and reduce the use of his mobile phone.

Ultimately, I was unhappy with myself, repenting on all my mistakes, the major being – taking the studies too lightly.

That evening, after studying for 3 hours continuously, from 4-7pm, I took a break and moved into the drawing room, downstairs.

Priya Didi was watching television and mom was busy in the kitchen. At first, it went off smooth, when didi asked me about what I studied and what were my plans for the upcoming exams, the co-curricular activities in the school and my time-table?

Nonetheless, it was the advertisement on TV, which finally gave way to significant change in all my thoughts and feelings. The atmosphere of our drawing room, abruptly turned bleak and disrupted.

Didi stared at me and all of a sudden, switched off the television, turned towards me, and spoke these words, in a voice, which was a little harsh, at least for my ears – "Abhi, dekh mujhe sachi-sachi batana, do you like Shweta?"

The events which had taken place in the morning, my sister's mood, her action of suddenly turning off the television and staring at me –from all these action, I could make one thing clear, she was in no mood of joke, or taking things lightly.

I wasn't sure in my mind, what should I answer, because I was totally confused.

If I answer YES, she might get outraged at me, mom was listening to my conversation and the consequences would definitely not be good. On the other hand, did I actually like her, was it that I harbored some serious feelings for her or it was just an immature crush?

********************************************************************

The Writer's Note -

Teenagers and millennial,

This period, when we are officially teenager and there are some hormonal changes in our body, these changes are not only physical but also emotional, psychological and rational.

Now, as a teenager, when we talk about relationship, what is the exact confusing and capricious feeling in our mind and heart, which we harbor within ourselves, about our family member, friends, relatives, strangers and "that one person"?

Often, there are different kinds of situations or problems which we experience, or sometimes, we ourselves want to experience.

SPECIALLY FOR TEENAGERS

"Kabhi kabhi toh hum khud chahte hain, ki yeh ho."

1. When you like a person, you feel in your mind, that it is indeed serious, your liking and perspective about that person and you go and tell that person, not thinking much about the consequences.

2. When you like a person, that person likes you and you have the feeling in your mind that, for this entire teenage period and for some more long years, this will be your FIRST and LAST choice, the so-called "Relationship" choice.

3. When you like a person, you feel in your mind, that it is indeed serious, your liking and attraction towards that person, but you do not tell that person, because you fear that this might create a scene or good/bad rumors would spread about you. You are scared that parents would not like this. Only YOU know about this.

4. When you like a person, that same feeling described above but this time, only your best friends know about this, and the best part about this situation is that, whenever your best friends TEASE you with that name, either you readily accept or you ignore at first, but you feel happy in your mind.

5. When you get to know, that there is a person who likes you. The first thing that you do is you start thinking about that person – why is he/she liking me and how should I behave with him/her?

6. When you do not have any feeling towards any person, but just because everyone in your group, has a particular name attached with them to tease them, so you start a rumor or a feeling, purposely about a person. Just because, you also want to be like the other members of your group, cool and dashing.

7. When you want to be in a so-called relationship, just because everyone else around you is in it and you feel that you are boring.

8. When you suffered a so-called break-up with a person whom you liked previously, and now you are looking for another new and good person.

9. When you are happy with not being in any relationship, but in your inner conscience, you find that thing to be cool and attractive, the typical teenager feeling.

10. When you are happy with not being into any relationship, but even if it's your best friend or any other friend, you give a rational and truthful advice, and help them in every possible way.

11. When you are actually happy and satisfied, and feel that all this is not completely correct in this age. You just ignore these things.

And many more feelings and situations, although not listed in the above points, but are stuck in the minds of all the teenagers.

(You can definitely comment your own situation, whichever you have experienced.

If you wish, not to disclose it, you can at least comment, a YES or a NO, 

IF YOU THINK, THESE ARE TRUE SITUATIONS)

***********************************************************

Continuation - 

– "Abhi, dekh mujhe sachi-sachi batana, do you like Shweta?"

"Nahi didi, aisa kuch nahi hain, aapko aisa kyu laga." I spoke this entire statement, hurriedly, as if just defending myself in front of my own sister.

"Abhi, sachi sachi bata, aisa kuch hain toh, aur main bohat achi se puch rahi hoon, abhi hi bata de".

I answered," Nahi didi, aisa sachi mein kuch nahi hain."

She picked up my phone, which was beside her, and unlocking it opened my Instagram," yeh itne late, chatting kyu ho rahi hain usse, aur yeh screenshots kya hain, logon ke status aur story ke?"

"Arre didi, yeh toh aise hi hain, aisa kuch nahi hain", my voice was breaking a little and YES, I was a little scared.

"Chal ek baat bata, Shweta tujhe pasand karti hain kya?" another firm question.

"I don't know didi, aur mostly woh bhi nahi karti."

"Dekh Abhi, yeh sab abhi kuch nahi hone wala hain, agar aisa kuch bhi hain, toh abhi hi bata de, aisa na ho, ki main khud Shweta ko call kardu" her tone was no longer a normal one.

"Arre yaar didi, please aisa kuch mat karo, aisa kuch nahi hain, aur aaj se late night chatting nahi karunga" I felt, as if, I was about to cry.

Continuing further, "Dekh Abhi, baat sirf late night chatting ki nahi hain, it is actually about your feeling, dekh agar kuch hain toh bata de, because I won't accept you being into any relationship, with any girl, in Grade 10th itself.

Aur agar tujhe aisa kuch bhi karna hain, toh mujhe phir kabhi batana mat, dekh, yeh teenager mein, school life mein aur specifically aaj ke generation mein sabko kuch na kuch aisa lagta hain, it is okay, but I won't allow, ki isse teri padhai ya kuch bhi affect ho.

Yeh late night chatting, sirf girls se hi nahi, balki kisi se bhi nahi karna hain, in 10th, until and unless, koi bohat important kaam ho."

It was a long conversation which ended on a silent note, when I spoke, "Sorry didi, next time, aisa kuch nahi honga, aur aisa kuch bhi raha toh aapse share kar lunga."

Boys do cry, I cried that day, although very little, there was a valid reason, because it all went out from my eyes.

Although, that entire evening and night, my mood was not cool, nevertheless, I was just thinking about what my sister said.

Any fight, any argument or any discussion, the fact or truth, which I always accept is – Whatever happens, my sisters or parents, will always think for my betterment. They will scold me, so that the world outside never scolds me.

AND THIS IS APPLICABLE TO EVERY ELDER BROTHER AND SISTER IN THIS WORLD. HATS OFF TO THEM.

But, I was angry with didi, definitely.

For next 2 days, whenever I had free time, I was just thinking about whatever she spoke to me that day.

Sitting on my all-time favorite swing, in the balcony, I observed and remembered my previous actions.

At first, I laughed upon myself, for all those silly thoughts and imaginations – right from – she touching my father's feet to that first conversation in MUN, while we were walking to the auditorium.

The way I fell down, when I was doing push-ups on seeing her name on the phone and the way I felt pure bliss wali feelings when I used to talk with her.

"Mujhe khud pe hasi bhi aa rahi thi aur taras bhi aa raha tha", because whatever I was doing, was just ridiculous.

I actually felt that all this was just a mere waste of time, and my thoughts and feelings were time-pass, because I am in grade 10th, only.

"Abhimanyu Mantri, abhi se yeh sab soch ke kuch nahi hone wala, sirf time waste hua hain, bohat zyada toh nahi, lekin thoda toh pakka hua hain." – I spoke to myself.

For a second, I actually blamed her, for all this, but then I called myself "Abhimanyu, tu 'C' toh nahi ho gaya, iss sab mein uski kya galti hain.

Usko toh abhi tak pata bhi nahi hain that I LIKE HER...

Oh sorry, I LIKED HER EARLIER." – I again spoke to my inner conscience.

I tore a page from my diary and wrote the following points in my not-so-good handwriting. My hand wasn't shaking, but I actually had a feeling that I am purposely trying to write the points very fast.

Just because, I wanted to write them, instead of keeping and storing them in my mind.

These were the so-called points -

1. Concentrate more on studies, I have to score good marks in the next exam.

2. No more time-pass chatting on Instagram or Whatsapp or Snapchat.

3. No more calling and talking to friends for long hours, until and unless it is some important work.

4. No more thinking extra, about these feelings and all, for Shweta, abhi yeh sab kuch nahi hone wala, so just leave it.

5. This time, I, Abhimanyu Mantri, am serious and will work harder.

I had just written something imperative for myself, quite satisfied in my mind. However, the very next second, I thought that the mistakes which I made, were not at all so big or significant,

"Ki main itna likh ke, you know, khudko tayaar karu."

Just then, I heard a sound in the background," Abhi, tera phone hain, Kabir ka hain" – Priya Di called out.

I rushed down, picking up the phone, from Priya di's hand, and swiped up the GREEN PHONE ICON.

"Kaisa hain Abhi?" a statement with a mixed feeling of concern and question, probably at the same time.

That entire conversation was about the results, the marks and their consequences at our respective homes.

Kabir's score was less as well. And yes, he repented along with me for the same. To my astonishment, this time, Kabir was actually engrossed in his thoughts and he had prepared an entire time-table to be followed for the upcoming weeks.

Coming back to the astonishing statement, "Yaar Abhi, kuch bhi ho jaye, I will not let these sport events affect my studies, chahe kuch bhi ho jaaye".

Waise toh, this is a rare moment, when Kabir says something like this, especially when the football matches are in the upcoming weeks, but this firmness in his words, both, encouraged and terrified me at the same time.

NEVERTHELESS, THE DAY ENDED AND SO MY SADNESS.

BACK TO ROUTINE...!!!

The Inter-house events started, being the Captain of the Yellow House, I successfully managed my studies and co-curricular activities, both at the same time.

"Aisa mujhe lagta hain!"

A day or two later, just a day before, my basketball match, I went downstairs, outside to meet my colony friends. There I could see Pratyush, Rahul and Janhvi.

As soon as I reached towards them, it was Janhvi, who suddenly turned behind, her hair were open, not tied today, and all of sudden, I stared at her, probably, for no reason.

It wasn't an infatuation guys, though it was Kavya who had told me this.

A clap of hands, and again, a typical-boyish-firm handshake with both my buddies, and as I turned towards Janhvi, it was just a hello.

But this time, it was she, who asked me about myself, how I was doing and normal talks.

We started talking, and to my astonishment, we were actually discussing, as I was gazing towards her, while she spoke to me.

I don't know why, but this wasn't that usual Abhi in-front of the usual Janhvi, cause I felt, today, both of us, were different.

We spoke to each other a bit more informally, and then, I laid my back on a bike, as she moved in front of me.

Nevertheless, Kavya interrupted in between, just disturbing my happy-go-lucky conversation with her," Humko bhi batane wale ho kya, ki chal kya raha hain."

This time, when Kavya stared at me, I could easily understand her mocking smile, because she was pointing towards Janhvi and I was seriously laughing with a tangled smile on my face.

After 10 minutes of time-pass talking, Kavya asked for my phone saying," Abhi, phone de na, mummy ko phone karna hain, kaam hai."

Pratyush-"Kavya, tera recharge phir khatam ho gaya, HAHAHA".

"Shut up Pratyush, main apna phone ghar pe bhool gayi." She spoke, as she picked up my phone, from my hand.

2 minutes later, Kavya, all of a sudden asked – "Arre Abhi, sun na, woh teri dost Shweta, kaisi hain?"

To be frank, my ears were not expecting her name to be listened. This is not because I was not talking to her because of my bad score, rather not many of my friends knew my story related to her, notwithstanding the fact that she had attended one day, in our Ganpati festival.

My look of agony, turned into astonishment as I replied," Woh.....ahhh....Achi hain, kyu kya hua?"

"Woh actually na, uska phone aaya tha, abhi mujhse galti se cut ho gaya, toh isliye re" Kavya replied.

She further continued," tu ekdum se itna serious kyu hogaya, haa Abhiiiiiii" little laughing at me.

"Nahi re pagal" I laughed back at Kavya," that's okay, main baad me usko phone laga lunga, tu jaldi tera kaam toh kar."

"Mera toh thik hain, I think I should call her again, kya bolte" now she was looking at Pratyush and Janhvi.

And then everybody agreed, saying," aaj Abhi ke baare mein zyada baatein aur secrets jaante hain."

For an instance, I felt as if I was neutralized.

On one hand, I had no problem if they talked with Shweta, or any of my school friends. While on the other hand, this thing struck me hard, that they are talking with the girl, whom I like, or perhaps I used to like.

STILL IN A DILEMMA!

Pratyush was gazing at my phone while Kavya was dialing her number, and in doing so, she asked, "Abhi, Shweta ko kisi ke naam se chida sakte kya? I mean, sirf Mazak mein hi, bata na"

I was furious and confused at the same time.

I don't want somebody to tease her, but I also want to know whether there's some "NAME", which could be used to tease her.

"IDK", the only reply I could think of at that moment, with a little anxiousness, while we were waiting for her, to pick up the phone.

"Hello" she picked up the phone and out of my natural habit, I was just about to reply, HI SHWETA, when Pratyush pushed me little, and Kavya, staring at me, showed – FINGER ON YOUR LIPS.

In simple words, I was supposed to keep quite. What contradictory situation is this? I laughed at myself.

"Hi, is this Shweta?" Kavya asked her, while I nodded, whispering – "Haan, yeh hi Shweta hain", Kavya stared at me angrily and Pratyush put his hand, over my neck, as if now, if I speak a single word, I am OUT.

"Yes, I am Shweta, who's speaking?" Shweta replied.

"Hi Shweta, main Kavya bol rahi hoon, remember, hum ganesh chaturthi pe mile the, Abhimanyu ki friend" Kavya gave her introduction.

Before Shweta spoke something else, Kavya continued," arre actually, Abhimanyu mere ghar pe aaya tha, aur galti se, woh uska phone yahan pe hi bhool gaya, and woh uske family ke saath bahar gaya hain, so I had his phone, jab tune call kiya tha."

THIS WAS HORRENDOUS!!! Because now, I was giving large-slow claps, as Pratyush, Janhvi and others were laughing to this amazing but horrible reason given by Kavya.

"Oh, that's okay, main usse baad mein baat kar lungi" spoke Shweta, as she was going to disconnect the phone, just when, Kavya asked,"Arre Shweta, sun na, tu abhi free hain kya, for 2 minutes atleast?"

"Haan, bol na" she replied, with a tone of question in her voice.

"Actually Abhimanyu, toh nahi hain yahan, so can you tell me something about him, as in woh school mein kaisa hain, just for fun" Kavya asked.

"Abhimanyu in school, hmmm, matlab main kya bolu?" from Shweta's tone, I could understand that she was too interested to talk about this topic, but she wasn't sure, what to speak.

"Like, is he naughty, masti karta kya woh, you know, thoda aise hi" maybe, Kavya knew the topic, but wasn't able to explain it to Shweta, whom she had met only once.

"Abhi, is very nice in school, matlab, he is good in studies, like woh toh tum ko bhi pata honga, but then he is good in MUNs and other things as well"

I spoke to myself," not bad Abhi, tune kuch achi image banai hai !!!", I proudly smiled at Kavya and Janhvi.

So, after 1 more minute of the same conversation, Pratyush spoke,"yeh toh humko bhi pata hain, but woh bigada hua hain kya? I mean thoda waise wala"

YEH WOH WALA TOPIC HAIN, JOH PATA SABKO HAIN...

LEKIN....BATATA KOI NAHIIIIII

"Hmmm", Shweta laughed a little, as she heard them saying and then said,"Pata nahi yaar, matlab, tum log toh uske best friends ho na, agar tumko hi nahi pata, toh mujhe kaise pata honga"

After 5 seconds...

"Maine sirf ek baar usko pucha tha, ki do you have a crush? To which he answered ki NAHI hain"

My colony friends glared at me, while I had a big smile on my face, full of pride, because I was delighted.

"By the way, Abhi ki koi crush....hain kya?" before Kavya would reply to her previous statement, Shweta asked her this question.

Every single friend of mine, including my inner conscience was staring at me and I was confused and cracked.

"Nahi hain, koi nahi hain", I moved my hands, with a big sign of NO.

"I don't think so, usne kabhi bola toh nahi, and Abhimanyu....waise bhi is a bit boring" Kavya muttered these words.

"Pata nahi, shayad, okay."- Shweta.

"But Shweta, abhi ne ek baar bola tha, that he has a crush in school". – Kavya

"What is she speaking? Arreeeeeee" I spoke, though it wasn't loud enough that Shweta could hear.

"Oh really! But usne toh mujhe bola tha ki – he has no crush" Shweta's voice became a little low.

"lekin hain kaun? Mujhe bata na, main pakka kisi ko nahi bolungi" – this time Shweta seriously wanted to know.

"Arre sorry yaar, mujhe koi naam nahi pata." – Kavya spoke, with a sense of mischief, which I could understand.

"Arre bol na, Main Abhimanyu ko bhi nahi bolungi, pakka" – with utter determination, Shweta spoke.

"I swear, mujhe nahi pata. Ek kaam karte, we will ask Abhi together, next time, whenever we meet." – Kavya

"Acha okay." - Shweta

After 7 seconds of silence,

"Mujhe actually bahar jaana hain, toh..." Shweta spoke, probably no longer in interested in this conversation, as it was no longer that interesting.

"ya ya, okay, sorry thoda disturb kiya" Kavya spoke in a little honest tone.

"Nahi nahi, that's okay, chalo byee" – Shweta disconnected the call.

"What is wrong with you guys?" I spoke, being frantic and feverish.

"Arre arre, aisa kya ho gaya Abhi, it was just a normal talk." Kavya replied, coz she felt I over-reacted.

Yeah, but I guess, I did not, because this wasn't normal, I guess.

"Chalo chodo, kuch nahi."

"waise bhi, its 7 now, I think we should leave."

Kavya gave back my phone and I left, not very, but a little enraged.

2 hours later, I was in my room, dinner was done, and was just packing my bag and kit, when suddenly a notification pop-up on the phone screen.

I murmured.

"Abhi, really sorry, agar tujhe bura laga ho, we had no intentions to do this, it was just a joke.

And if you want, hum call karke Shweta ko sab sach sach bol denge." Kavya had messaged me.

And then, I remembered one important task.

Without replying, I dialed her number and called her, all of a sudden.

As soon as she picked up the phone, it was me, who spoke the first line of our conversation – "Shweta, Kavya ne tujhe mere baare mein kya bataya?"

"Abhi, I am having dinner, will call you later." – she hurriedly spoke.

"Oh I am really sorryyy." I spoke this, but before that she disconnected.

"Shit man...Abhi tu thoda patience rakh na duffer" – the only words I could curse at myself.

I was waiting for her call, for the next 25 minutes, but to utter disappointment.

Thus, I removed my quilt, and dropped myself on the bed, just thinking about what will I answer?

Bas neend lagi hi thi, ki phone baja.

"Hello" – I was anxious.

"Abhi, jab maine pucha tha ki do you have a crush, you never told me that you have a crush, kaun hain haan?" – Shweta spoke at a considerable fast speed, with a certain mixture of anxiousness and curiosity in her voice, AISA MUJHE LAGA.

(I remembered her entire description which I had spoken to MYSELF, in chapter 4, if you guys remember

And, I had answered to her – "Nahi, Meri koi crush nahi hain")

"Look who's asking the question and look who wants to know the answer!" – I replied.

This time my voice was audible and I had purposely spoken at a volume, which would be audible to her. Yes, I actually wanted her to listen this statement and create her assumptions.

And exactly this happened.

"Ek minute.....Kyaaa...

Matlab....?" – another rhetorical question from Shweta.

(Please scroll down)

To be continued...

Kisi mahaan insaan ne sach hi kahan hain –

"You are often intimidated near the people,

Whom you hold in high esteem"

– Me, myself, the writer.