Dear diary my whole life people have hurt me especially people im blood related to hurt me to much cus of the pain my whole life because of all that pain i was gifted with this curse voices in my head 

The voices in my head tell me to die then tell me don't die tell me hurts myself tell mecut bleed you don't deserve love you mother fucking freak die bitch boy die you don't deserve to live you wasn't born from love you was born from force marriage and incest you don't have parents your birth mum is your aunt and you w#nk doner isn't your dad he your uncle and he wanted to have a abortion when ya was born he wanted ya dead your mum hurt ya when you was a kid she threw an old school phone that slid up to open and had buttons on it at ya your head making your left eye bleed making blood leak into your eye why didn't you were you acting tuff cus you thought it was a accident na you stupic retarded spaz kid.

at 15 i started drinking for a year cuz of hurt so much fucking hurt because my mum tryed to kill me by strangling me holding her hand on my mouth so i cant breath headbut my head into a wall only to hurt herself then tryed to kill me with a fucking knife and she tryes to stop me from commiting suicide shayin she care about me bitch fuck you you don't care bout me nada bitch fuck you the voices were fucking right u aint me mum and why did u buy and take drugs infront of me when i was a kid cus of u giving feeling hurting pain and bad memories i started smoking at 17 because i wanted to get cancer and don't have my mates know that was wanting to die so they don't worry bout me cuz they cared they gave a fuck bout me they gave me soming i never felt love family happy they i could cry on and know won't ever fucking hurt my heart won't fucking hurt me won't break me they care they protect me from suicide attempts u hurt me made me cry u betrayed me so fuck u mum not that u deserve that title that title is for real mums who love protect care bout and would kill justto protect the children i wish i had someone who i could actually call my mother who would treat me like one of there own i don't care if she not blood related i just want a real a real mother figure and a real farther figure 

Mum its your fucking folt im so fucking suicidel

at leat my mates love and care about and everyone on wattpad cares about me they actually give a god dam fuck your the reason why i stopped believing in god i used to be religious.i used to do the Pakistani praying even tho i didn't know a fucking thing bout it or the words i still tryed my best at praying i used to try my best i believed in god with all my heart i even tryed going to church i tryed and wanted to be christian thanks to u i don't even got that but I'd still willingley were a cross i don't believe in god but i still wanto were a cross with a cross i can have the good memories of going with my friends to Church one good memory i had out of everything bad

                       because of your gang sit i always hat to move schoool every year couldn't stay with any childhood friend and to never see them again as a kid that fucking broke my pore child heart

and at highschool/middle school because u told me don't fight i didn't and because of that i nearly had my ribs fucking broken when my cuzzens kept on kicking my ine the rib i was afraid of hights but i still jumped i jumped the first or second floor in the building just to get away from them not to get abused because of that i got anger problems i lash out and hurt people i didn't mean to but because of that i ended up sending a male teacher to hostpital when he tryed to stop a fight between me an this guy who was taller than me i was migit size then. the teacher grabed me from behind and got his nose maby permanent broken and me biting his rib breaking it sending him hostpital i had hought he was trying to help the older kid who was bout to go college if i ever meat that teacher again i wana say sorry to him for hurting him when all he was trying to do was help and make sure no one got hurt

.at 16 i stabd my right arm with a oral b tooth brush and then got a key chain wire stuck in my arm when i got upset 

                                                             Mentaly fucking had it mentaly fucking dead mentaly fuckin numb the world makes me fuckin suicidal to the point i want to fuckin die i want to slit a wrist then slit my throat and then stab myself in the heart and fuckin rip it out