THE AWAKENING OF MISERY

I saw a little child walking under the morning light, she had this curly hair and the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

I was playing and running and laughing with her. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin sa napakagandang mukha ng bata. Meron si'yang dimple sa mapupulang pisngi nito.

Nakangiti ito sa'kin habang inaabot ang puting rosas na hawak niya. Umupo ako para kunin 'yon, hindi nawawala ang ngiti sa labi ko. It was like we were one, if she smiled I will too, and if she cries I would.

Pero nagulat ako ng ilagay niya ang puting rosas tenga ko ng dahan-dahan. Hinayaan ko siya, hinawakan ko ang mapula niyang pisngi.

I closed my eyes, feeling the incredible moment with the child. This was very nostalgic, I'd felt it before.

"Momma. . ." Her voice were soft and tiny.

"Yes, darling?" I asked, waiting for her response.

Ngunit ilan segundo ang nakalipas walang boses ang sumagot sa tanong ko. Napakunot ako ng noo at idinilat ang mga mata, wala na ang bata kanina.

"Nasaan ka? Bakit mo ako tinataguan?" tanong ko habang naglalakad sa gitna ng kagubatan. "Uulan na, let's go home!" sigaw ko.

I looked up to the sky, then started to have goose bumps because the light was turning into dark. It was not the usual dark, it was real black.

Lumakas ang hangin at nagsimulang magbagsakan ang mga tuyot na dahon mula sa puno na nasa paligid ko. Napaatras ako at napahawak sa bibig nang mahulog ang rosas mula sa tenga ko. It wasn't white anymore, it was starting to get withered.

I tried to look around so I could ask for help. Pero wala akong makitang tao.

"Momma! Momma!"

Napalingon at hinanap kung nasaan nanggagaling ang boses niya.

"Where are you?" Sinubukan kong sundan kung saan papunta ang boses na 'yon.

"Kill them, Momma, kill them. They're hurting. . .me."

I was frozen into place because suddenly, I felt something liquid coming out on the lower part of my body.

Nanlaki ang mata ko. Because I saw blood, lot of blood. Napasigaw ako dahil hindi ko nanaman nagawang iligtas siya. I thought she was safe already, I thought she could make it.

But today, I lost it again, I lost her again. Napaupo ako at hinayaan ang dugo na lumalabas mula sa'kin.

Then I screamed.

"Merlat, gumising ka! Binabangungot ka nanaman!" pilit may yumuyugyog sa balikat ko. "Merlat! Ano ba, gising!"

Napabalikwas ako ng kama. "What the fuck is that?" pawis na pawis padin ang mukha ko habang tinitingnan si Martha na namumutla ang mukha ngayon.

"Kala ko ano na nangyari sa'yo. Sigaw ka ng sigaw. Siya nanaman ba ang nasa panaginip mo? Ever since na bumalik tayo rito, bigla nanaman nagumpisa 'yan."

"Y-yes, and she's asking me to kill them. Fuck. Ano ba itong nangyayari sa'kin?" I said irritatingly. "This dream is getting worser. This time, it was a flower getting withered."

Napahinto si Martha sa sinabi niya. "Dahil nawalan ka, Merlat." umupo ito sa tabi niya. "You lost something you can't replace, remember? Stuck in reverse."

Inirapan ko si Martha. "H'wag kana makinig sa Coldplay, ha? Ginagaya mo lang 'yong lyrics," naiinis na sabi ko.

"Paano ka hindi mananaginip ng ganyan, dahil hanggang ngayon nagluluksa ka parin. Naka-black ka pag matutulog, panty mo rin black, buhok mo black. Kwarto mo black, kapag umaalis tayo lipstick mo black. Kaya pati narin panaginip mo, itim."

"Black is the new trend, Martha." tumayo ako para tumingin sa salamin. "Kaya h'wag mo pakialaman ang fashion style ko."

Hindi parin nawawala ang wrinkles sa noo ko. Ilan araw na ako hindi makatulog simula nang bumalik kami rito, it was haunting me, her, the one I loss.

"Okay, Merlat. Kung ano ang gusto mo, susundin ko. Bibili nalang ako ng mga bagong damit mo na black para marami ka parin pagpipilian." Tumabi si Martha sakanya.

"Where's Tiya Judith?" tanong ko habang minamasahe ang noo ko.

"Nasa kwarto niya, black lady," natatawang sagot nito. "Anyway, nabasa mo na ba kung anong mayroon sa balita ngayon? Look." Iniabot ni Martha ang newspaper sakanya.

"The most eligible Bachelor Rake Alicante is tying the knot with his girlfriend Laura Gomez. They are now planning to have a beach wedding as everyone said it will be one of the biggest weddings of the year."

"Beach wedding? That woman knows her game well. Dapat sa dagat sila mismo ikasal para hindi ako mahirapan lunurin siya."

"Hay, Merlat, kung ayan ang magpapasaya sayo. Edi magha-hire ako ng mga tao na tutulong mang-kidnap sakanya para matuloy ang plano mo."

"Good then, but first I need to go somewhere. I-a-advance ko na ang regalo ko para sa groom."

I was sitting like a boss in Rake's office. Kanina ko pa pinagmamasdan ang mga gamit niya. Well, it was huge and had a black and white color.

Pinaglalaruan ko ang ballpen na nasa kamay ko habang nakatungtong ang paa ko sa table nito. I stopped when I noticed his phone. Kinuha ko iyon at agad na binuksan.

Hindi na maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko habang isa-isa kong tinitingnan ang mga pictures nila ni Laura.

"Well, you two looks so happy and inlove. I'm sorry, if I have to ruin it and too sad, hindi matutuloy ang kasal niyong dalawa."

I kept scrolling and then his office door opened. Hindi ko ininda iyon, patuloy parin ako sa pakikialam ng cellphone ni Rake hanggang sa naramdaman ko siyang nakatayo sa gilid ko.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Ericka? Paano ka nakapasok?" sabi nito at hinila ang cellphone sa kamay niya. 

"I took a cab, went straight here and then used the elevator, I even told your assistant I have an appointment with you. She told me to wait for you outside but, you know me, I hate waiting. Nakagawa ako ng paraan para makapasok dito."

Tumingala ako sakanya at nginisian siya. "At nangangamusta lang ako, Rake Alicante, ano bang masama roon? I was just checking if you make up your mind to do what I want."

"I'm not ending my engagement, Ericka. Not for you. My decision is final, papakasalan ko si Laura." Nag-akyat baba ang mata nito sa hita niya papunta sa katawan niyang hubog.

"Oh, I see what you did there," natatawang puna ko. "Anyway then, I'm not ending this game of mine, too."

"Get the fuck out of my office o magpapatawag ako ng security para sapilitan ilabas ka?"

Tumayo ako, pinapantayan ang seryoso niyang tingin. "Go on, call them. Para malaman ng lahat kung sino ba ang isang Ericka Quinn Lopez sa buhay mo. Go on, Alicante. I'm not even bother."

Napasuklay si Rake sa buhok. "You are frustratingly stubborn as ever, Ericka. Uulitin ko nanaman ba sayo na tapos na tayo?"

I traced my finger on his shoulder. "Walang tapos sa tayo, Rake, dahil hindi pa tayo nagtatapos. Wala pa tayo sa climax nasa chapter six pa lang tayo."

"Ericka, itutuloy ko 'yong kasal ko kahit humadlang ka pa. I don't want you anymore. You're not healthy for me. Kapag nagsama tayo pareho tayong magugulo."

Tinapik ni Rake ang kamay niya na naglalaro sa balikat nito. "Rake Alicante, shh. . .that's fine. Sanay na ako sa gulo, sanay rin ako na pinaglalaruan at lalong sanay ako na iniiwan ako. Wait, oops, that was a lie. Ako nga pala ang madalas na nang-iiwan."

"Do it now before we both regret it later," sabi ni Rake sakanya. "I'm not worth of that attention or even your game. Maghanap ka nalang ng ibang tao na magpaglalaruan."

His forehead was creasing deeply. Mukhang stress na stress na ito sa'kin. Lumakad ako patalikod habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sakanya. Halos lahat ng madadaanan ng kamay ko dahan-dahan kong hinawakan.

"Rake Alicante, wala ka na ba talaga nararamdaman sa'kin?" I asked while lifting the paper beside me. "Nakalimutan mo na ba kung gaano ka kasaya kapag tayo ang magkasama" hinagis ko ang papel at tinitigan siya. "Come on, don't you ever forget what we have."

"It was a nighmare, Ericka. Kinailangan kitang gamitin para makalimutan ang isang pangyayari sa buhay ko. You did your part, nakalimot na ako kaya tapos na---"

"Just say you don't want me anymore," sabi ko habang lumalapit kay Rake, the smirked on my face grew widely. "Say the magic words and we're done. Hindi na kita guguluhin."

Rake was caught off guard. Sa iksi ng panahon na nagkakilala kami, alam kong na gusto niya rin ng thrill sa buhay niya. Because he thought he was a boring man. I am the one who made it exciting.

Nang makalapit ako naramdaman ko ang mabilis na paghinga ni Rake. I laughed because I still had that same effect on him. Gaya ng ginawa namin kagabi, he fucking kissed me and we almost had sex in public. 

I tilted my head and put my hands both in his shoulders. Rake closed his eyes, torn between wanting and hating me. Hinawakan ko ang ibabang labi niya, na para bang hindi ko parin kabisado ang kurba nito.

"Come on, Ekar." I exaggerated his name. It was the game we played, kapag binabanggit ko ang pangalan niya na baliktad ibig sabihin baliktad din ang isasagot nito. "I'm giving you a very very easy escape option."

He opened his eyes and it burned into mine like fire. "I. Don't. F'ucking. Love. You"

Inilapit ko ang mukha kay Rake. "Bingo, you just said the magic word and I love you too. Always am and always will."

Hinalikan ako ni Rake ng sobrang diin, na pakiramdam ko mamamanhid ang labi ko pagkatapos. I liked that. He better ruined my lipstick than my mascara. I hung my mouth open so he could taste it again. 

Rake didn't waste anytime, he savored every inch of it. His mastered tongue was moving fastly, it was clashing like a sword. Awtomatikong napahiga ang katawan namin dalawa sa table ni Rake. I tilted my head up so he could kiss my neck.

Maya-maya bumaba na ang halit niya sa leeg ko papuntang collarbone hanggang sa marating nito ang paboritong parte ng katawan ko, ang dibdib ko. Rake started unbuttoning my dress. Napaungol ako nang pilit niyang ipinapasok ang bibig sa natatakpan ng bra ko.

"You're still beautiful, Ericka. Just like I always remember," I heard him whispered.

I moaned. "What do you remember?"

Umakyat muli si Rake sa mukha ko at pinagdikit ang noo nila. "I fucking remember everything very clearly. From the first time I met you until to the last," he gave me a small kiss. 

We were both staring to each other's eye. Para bang naalala ko ang unang pagkakakita namin. When he looked at me and gave me smirked that time. Biglang pumasok sa isip ko kung bakit ako nandito.

I held his face, never leaving his eyes. "It's time, I have a surprise."

Tinulak ko si Rake nang marahan at siya naman ang pinahiga sa office table nito. I was staring at him while removing his belt. He was watching what I was doing too.

"I want to see this again, Rake Alicante. Do you mind?" tanong ko ng matanggal ko ng tuluyan ang belt niya.

"Just take your time," he murmured.

I giggled and gave him a kiss in there. I removed his pants immediately leaving only his brief. Napalunok ako, ito na ata ang isa sa mga bagay na magugulat at magugulat padin ako kapag nakikita. He was still big and hard as ever.

Sumampa ako sa mesa at umupo sa bewang ni Rake. Napakunot naman ang noo nito.

"I'll save the best for last, I guess," sabi ko.

"The fuck are you doing, Ericka?"

"Removing your clothes too, yeah?" I traced my fingers on his hard chest, papunta sa balikat niya at sa matipuno niyang braso hanggang sa naabot ko ang kamay niya at dinikit sa kamay ko.

Itinaas ko iyon sa ibaba ng ulo niya. "And I have a gift for you, Rake. . ." bulong ko sa tenga niya.

Bago pa magreact si Rake, agad kong hinila ang kamay niya sa pinakadulo ng lamesa. Gamit ang isang kamay ko agad kinuha ni Ericka ang regalo niya mula sa likod ng damit ko.

"And just like that, Rake Alicante." His left hand was strained on the rail of his steel table. "How I love doing this to you, darling," komento ko at agad bumaba bago niya hawakan ang kamay ko para pigilan ako.

I gave him a mocking laugh. Nanlaki ang mata ni Rake at pilit umupo sa table nito. "Remove this handcuff, Ericka. After all this time? Ito parin ang plano mo sa'kin?"

"Gosh, Rake, you should thank me. I made it exclusively for you, aren't you fluttered a bit?"

"How childish you are. I'm really disappointed." He was so calmed, gaya ng dati. Hindi ito nagpapakita ng kahit ano pa man na emosyon. "Give me the key, Ericka."

"Nope," mabilis na sagot ko at inilagay ang kamay sa bewang. "Nabalitaan ko kasi na itutuloy mo ang engagement party mo mamayang gabi. You know me well, gagawa at gagawa ako ng paraan para hindi matuloy 'yon."

"Dammit, Ericka Quinn. Stop applying your games with me, hindi na ako natutuwa sa ginagawa mo. Remove this handcuff bago pa kita balikan at bawian."

"Wow, Rake. That's the thing I want to hear from you, that babalikan thingy," natawa ako ng malakas.

"Ericka, again I'm asking you to remove this before it's too late." Babala ni Rake sa'kin.

"Oh come on, as if naman takot ako sa'yo, nah. Bye na Rake Alicante, if ever mabalitaan ko na makaalis ka dyan on time. Don't worry, I have a plan b and a plan c also a plan d."

"Ericka Quinn Lopez! Don't you fucking do this to me again. Not today!"

"Just enjoy my gift, hon. . ."

Lumapit ako kay Rake nang hindi niya ako naaabot. Nang makita nito kung saan ako nakatingin, agad kong kinuha ang cellphone niya at nakipag-agawan dito. 

"You're really getting old, Rake. Oh, my God. You're so slow."

"Fuck, Ericka! H'wag mong gawin kung ano man ang naiisip mo ngayon dahil hindi kita mapapatawad."

"That's fine." I was scrolling to his phone and clicked then camera image. "I'm not asking for your forgiveness anway."

"Hahanapin kita, Ericka. I told you, you won't fucking like what I'm about to do with you," he threatened. 

Sobrang seryosong-seryoso na ang mukha ni Rake. Gusto kong matawa dahil may  mas maiseseryoso pa pala ito sa nakita ko dati.

"That's kinda sweet of you, don't worry, paghahandaan kita."

"H'wag na h'wag ka magpapakita sa'kin."

"Noted. Ugh." I tilted my head. "No. Not really noted."

Itinaas ko ang cellphone at itinapat kung nasaan siya nakapwesto. Kung saan, pareho kaming kita sa camera ng cellphone niya. 

"Dahil minsan lang ito, let me grabe this moment to take a selfie with you. Para ulit sa engagement party mo mamaya. Smile, darling. Give me your best smile."

I showed my most devilish smile while Rake didn't even bother to look. Fuck. He was so annoyed and I liked it. 

"One, two and three." I clicked it. "Aw, there you go. You look handsome, darling. Don't worry, se-send ko ito kay Laura para naman ma-inspire siya ngayon gabi."

"Don't. You. F'ucking. Dare." Rake gave me a death stare, tumayo na ito at pilit hinihila ang nakagapos na kamay sa mesa.

I send it to Laura. "Well, too bad, permanent table 'yan pinalagay mo. Lesson learned na lang Rake Alicante," I laughed. "Bu-bye, see you later, aligator." 

"Ericka Quinn!" sigaw nito sa likod ko habang naglalakad palabas. 

Itinaas ko lang ang kamay ko at binigyan siya ng wave habang nakatalikod. Nang mabuksan ko ang pinto agad ko itong sinara bago pa magsisisigaw si Rake. Nagulat naman ako dahil ang daming tao na nakatingin sakanya, nagkukumpulan at nagbubulungan.

Tinaasan ko lang sila ng kilay at lumakad ng taas noo. Huminto ako nang maalala ko ang secretary ni Rake. Bumalik ako at naabutan siya na tulala rin sa'kin.

"Hey, pinapasabi ni Mr. Alicante, na h'wag si'yang istorbohin. Dahil pag pumasok kayo sa office niya tatanggalin niya kayo isa-isa. Get that?"

Tumango lamang ito at sabay inirapan ko. I made my way out, with a freaking smile like a champion on my face. Today was really my day.