Rake

It was first week of April, my friends were all spending their summer visiting places, getting drunk and playing basketball. And here I am in the middle of my dad's office forcing myself to learn his business venture and stuffs that I didn't even understand at all.

I stifled a yawn. This paper works gets more boring over time. This was not the life I'm picturing my future with. I wanted to be a pilot so I can fly through clouds and I'd be able to roam around the world for free.

My phone vibrated, the message made my body paralized.

May sasabihin ako sayong importante.

It was from Ana Perez, our school famous sweetheart. I truly like her as we met multiple times. Then one time, when we both attended a birthday party we were talking and laughing and drinking... Everything happened so fast I could barely remember then we woke up naked in a bathtub.

Kinuha ko ang susi ng sasakyan ko mula sa lamesa at agad tumakas mula kay papa. I know he'd get angry with me but If I stay, he would notice that something was off.

"Buntis ako..." naiiyak na sambit sa kanya ni Ana. Andito silang dalawa sa sasakyan sa harap ng eskwelahan.

Parang nageecho sa tenga ko ang salitang binitawan nya. I didn't know what to react, happy? Scared? Excitement? It was mixed emotions at the same time.

I always wanted a sibling and I did get one. Pero nawala rin ito. My parents did not try again. Dahil hindi sila magkasundo. Plus they were both busy with their jobs that all they wanted to do after work was rest.

"Ana, are you sure?" I asked.

I didn't want to disappoint myself. Baka false alarm lang ito o hindi sa akin ang bata.

"Yes," mahinang tugon ni Ana. "N-nagpacheck kami ni Cecile sa doctor kanina... At positibo ang kinalabasan. Buntis nga ako." Napahawak si Ana sa mukha n'ya.

"Sigurado ka bang ako ang ama n'yan?"

"Rake! Isang buwan kalahati daw ang dinadala ko! Ikaw lang naman ang nakasiping ko noon." namumula ang mukha ni Ana.

"Shh." hinawakan ko ang tyan n'ya. There was a little me inside of her womb. Kahit na alam kong wala pa ako sa tamang edad pera sa bagay na ito. I would never plan to abort this child because of my one night mistake. I would never be like my father who gave away my little sister like a toy for the sake of his own greed.

"I am more than excited, Ana. Alam kong bata pa tayo pero pananagutan ko ang batang nasa sinapupunan mo."

"Rake... Natatakot ako. Madami pa akong pangarap. Gusto ko maging doctor. Hindi papayag ang magulang ko kapag nalaman nila ito."

"I'll take care of you. At kung ayaw nila rito sa bata ako na mismo ang mag-aalaga." My eyes got teary and I looked at her and carresed her belly.

"Ana, wala ako sa tamang edad para maging ama. But one thing I can promise you, I will be a good father. I will give this child everything this world has to offer."

"Rake," mas lalong naiyak si Ana sa narinig niya. "Salamat, salamat talaga kahit hindi tayo magkarelasyon mas pinili mong buhayin itong bata. Akala ko noong una, mas gugustuhin mong ipa-abort nalang ito. Kaya salamat. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kanina buti nalang andyan ka." niyakap n'ya ako.

Right now, there was nothing I felt but joy. It was a surreal feeling, I would be having a child with my own flesh.
This is the best graduation gift.
Ever.

Ininom ko uli ang alak mula sa baso. I wanted to forget everything. I didn't know what I did in the past to deseved all this heartache.

And James... My son. Nawala ang saya sa buhay ko noong nawala ito. Para bang pinagbabayaran nya ang kasalanan na hindi nya naman ginawa. All he could pictured in his mind was him. Smiling. Telling him not to worry about him because he's a grown ass man.

That night, he was telling him how much he loved that woman. How he would give up everything just to have her. Without noticing that love poison his mind and it made him choose between life and death.

My son choose to die. Because a woman destroyed him. It was Ericka.

Ericka...

Bumalik ang alala ko sa mga sinabi n'ya. She loss a child, too. Pero hindi nya sinabi sa akin 'yon. I knew now where her pain was coming. Because we are figthing the same things.

I could see Ericka's eyes as she was telling her story why she loss our child. All I see waa pain. Masakit din para sakin ang malaman 'yon, as if I wasn't meant to have a family.

Inubos ko ang alak sa bote na hawak ko. I wanted to feel numb from everything. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin.

To avenge my son or to forgive the sinner.

Ang hirap para sa'kin. I went to that hotel two years ago to get to know her, to seduce her and to destroy her. Para maramdaman n'ya ang mga ginawa n'ya sa anak ko. Naplano ko na ang lahat. How I will left her and tell her everything she did to my son. But I left her two weeks after dahil alam kong matatalo ako. Mapagtataksilan ko ang anak ko. Dahil nakita ko rin ang nakita n'ya kay Ericka.

That despite of her being dangerous she was more than what I thought.

What I saw was a beautiful broken lady with a burning desire to get what she wanted. Ericka was more than a gold digger I expected. There was a magnetic attraction between them that keeps me coming back to her.

She was a fire and ice, you would crave her heat but fear her cold.

She was the burning fire I needed in my life but she turned me into ash.

Natigil ang pag-iisip ko nang biglang tumunog ang doorbell. Sa una, ayaw ko pang tumayo at tingnan kung sino 'yon. I was too tired to move. Pero nang may kumatok sa pinto doon na ako nagtaka.

Kinabahan s'ya bigla at dahan-dahang binuksan ang pinto.

Only to see Ericka infront of me.

Kneeling.

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