CHAPTER 20

"Are you coming back to him?"

Greg asked with a straight face. Tumalikod ito at muling humithit ng sigarilyo habang nakatingin sa bintana. He was weighing what I told him if I'm lying again or not. I lost his trust ever since I came back. Lalo na't nalaman niya na nabuntis muli ako at si Rake Alicante ang ama.

"It's all business and all about Rebecka. You know how much I've been longing to touch her as my child..." Umupo ako sa swivel chair na nasa harap niya.

I don't really have the power to control my life now. It depends on him; my decision and also my choice. He wouldn't let me do the same freaking mistake again. He would kill people I love if I did.

"At kapag nakalimutan mo itong pinag-usapan natin?" he trailed off then looked at me darkly. "Anong gagawin ko sa mga bata?"

"Wala," sagot ko ng diretso. "Dahil hindi ko sisirain ulit ang tiwala na binigay mo. Ikaw ang nagbigay sa akin kung anonng mayroon ako ngayon. Binihisan mo ako at inaruga. You even spoiled me, Greg. It was just, everything back there was out of control."

"Dahil hindi ka nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ko, Ericka. Ngayon, nag-uusap tayo ng matino at alam ko na kakampi kita pero paano kapag nakalimutan mo nanaman ang lahat? Paano ko malalaman kung tapat ka parin sa akin?" tanong niya ng sobrang lapit sa mukha ko.

I didn't blink. It was true. Para kay Rebecka lang naman ang pagbabalik ko. Hindi na para ba bigyan pa ako ng bato na ipupukpok sa aking ulo.

"You know my weakness," I told him at nag-iwas na ng tingin. "You can play your game so well, I can't win."

Lumakad si Greg sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang aking baba. I stood up nervously while not breaking my eye contact to him.

"Don't you fucking dare play your favorite game with me. Dahil kapag nalaman ko at pumalya ka, mawawalan ka ng lakas para mabuhay. Naiintindihan mo ba?" he caressed my cheek, smirking at me devilishly.

Greg always reminded me of Lucas, the one who took advantage of me when I was younger. They both saved me in such different ways. And they both helped to be the monster I am today. My mind wasn't in a good place lately, it was like switching on and off from something I couldn't remember. Good thing, my children's with me, they're my safe heaven. They pulled me out from the dark side of reality. I wanted to be a better person for them everyday. Kahit na alam ko, isang umaga, nagigising ako at iba ang trato sakanila.

I couldn't stop it. There was a time, it was winning over against me. Other time, I could conquer it. But how do I fight the monster that's within me? When it was lying inside my head, impatiently looking for my weak spot and waiting to take over my body?How do we run and save ourselves? When the first rival to defeat was you?

Tulala ako sa salamin na nasa harapan ko. It's been days since I talked to Greg about it. Hindi na ako makatulog ng maayos gabi-gabi. I choose to live in peace ever since I left Rake. Ngunit tila mapaglaro talaga ang tadhana, may mga bagay na kailangan kong balikan para maayos ang lahat.

I splashed the water on my face but when I popped my eyes open. I was in a different place, again.

I blinked twice nang tumama ang sinag ng araw sa mukha ko. I still feel I was in my dreaming state dahil sa kulay puti na kisame sa itaas ko. It was also unfamiliar.

Mayroon nakadagan na mabigat dito kaya hindi ko magalaw. Ngunit nawala ang lahat ng takot at kaba nang makita ko ang mukha ng batang nakahiga sa dibdib ko. It was my son, Prince. His hair was messy. It was the same as I remembered it.

"Goodmorning, mommy. I love you." he kissed my cheek and rested his head on my chest. "I miss you so much, mommy... Please don't ever leave us again..."

Leave them again? Napaigta ako sa sinabi niya ngunit may isang mabigat na bagay ang nakadagan sa kamay ko. Nang nilingon ko ito, I was stunned. My heart started to pump eratically.

"R-rebecka..."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Ang dapat kong sabihin. I'd been practicing it everyday since I knew she was my child. Pero ngayon, tila pipe na nawala ang aking dila.

My heart was overwhelmed by her sleeping face. Her right hand was around my body. Si Rebacka ang nakadagan sa kabilang kamay ko.

Nananaginip padin ba ako? If I do, I didn't want to wake up anymore because it was a dream come true. Her pinkish lips was slightly parted. Hindi ko inalis ang pagkakatitig sakanya.

"Oh, gosh... Rebecka..."

I cried and touched her beautiful face shakingly. Bumaba sa pagkakadagan ko si Prince. Naguguluhan ito sa nangyayari. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit na mahigpit, filling the void from all the years I wasn't there for her. I kissed her hair again and again and still crying by her presence.

"I love you so much, baby..." I whispered. "More than anything... Oh, how much I've dream about this..."

Gumalaw ito ng marahan. Ngunit nakayakap padin ako ng mahigpit sakanya, not letting her escape my embrace.

"Mom? Is it you?" tanong nito.

"Yes, baby. It's me..." hinalikan ko ang noo niya.

Pareho kaming umupo sa kama, patuloy kong hinihimas ang mukha niya. May mga luha na pumapatak sa mukha nito.

"But I can't see you, mom..." she cried even more. "I wanted to see you so badly... Palagi kang kinekwento ni dad sa akin..."

I hugged her even tightly and pulled her in my arms even more. "It's okay, baby. Mommy's here... I'm not gonna leave you." iyak ko sakanya.

"I-I can't see you," she said. "I'm sorry..."

"Shh, darling. It doesn't matter. This is enough for me. You, here, with me..."

It was a tears of joy indeed. I never thought that I would cry in my life because of happiness. Akala ko dati puro kamalasan lang ang nagyayari sa buhay ko. I was lucky to finally heal some broken part of me.

"Mommy! I'm still here!" Yumakap din si Prince mula sa gilid namin. "She said she's your mommy so that makes you two mommies!"

Tumawa ako sa sinabi ng anak ko. I hugged them both so tightly. All the pain I was feeling that past years were paid off. It was worth the wait.

"The queen, the princess and the prince are all awake. Time to eat breakfast, shall we?"

Napahinto ako boses na iyon. It was Rake. The last time I remembered him was when he was drunk and we were having sex. How do we all end up here?

"Sure," sagot ko bago niya mahalata na naguguluhan ako. "Ayusan ko lang ang mga bata."

Sinulyapan ko siya ng tingin. He was wearing a whiteshirt and a gray pajama. His face was a bit confuse ngunit agad din iyon nawala at nagkibitbalikat lamang ito.

"Rebecka, come on, baby." Lumapit si Rake dito at binuhat ito. He was still looking at me. "You already met mommy," he told her. "Nasabi mo naba sakanya?"

"I love you, mommy..." tila nahihiyang banggit nito at namula ang pisngi. Sumandal ang ulo niyo sa balikat ni Rake.

I stood up and kissed her forehead again. "As I love you, my love."

"I love you too, my love," singit ni Rake at humarap sa akin.

Inirapan ko siya at tumawa ito sa naging reaksyon ko. He started walking away, bringing Rebecka with him. But he stopped and then faced Prince.

"Buddy, we're going for a swim later. Are you ready?" he asked him.

"Ayay, captain!" nagtatatalon na sagot ni Prince dito.

"Good job!" Rake answered. "We'll just wait for you outside."

Tuluyan na siyang lumabas habang bitbit si Rebecka. Nagkatinginan kami ni Prince. It seems like I haven't see him for a long time. Natigilan ako nang bigla kong maalala si Lorde.

"Where's your sister?" kinakabahan na tanong ko.

He shrugged his shoulder. "Sir said he'll take care of her. He told me he needs to bring me here because you miss me..." yumuko ito at tila may naalala na hindi maganda.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed. Kaya lumuhod ako sa harap niya.

"Baby, what happen?"

Nang tumingala ito sa akin, nangingilid na ang kanyang luha sa mga mata. "Mommy, he said you miss me... But when I came and I saw you, you're like a different person again just like before..."

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa sinabi niya. "A-and then?"

"They're holding guns... And he brought his bodyguards with him, the one that I hate most. He locked me in a room until... That day comes. When I saw you again. You're different. And told them to take you instead of me. And then, then... This guy, he told me he's my daddy. I felt happy, mommy! Like a real daddy! He's way different than sir! He said he won't hurt me! I believe him because eyes don't lie, mommy!"

Ngumiti si Prince ng marahan ngunit nagbago agad ito nang banggitin ang pangalan ng kapatid niya.

"But Lorde's crying when I left. So mommy, please, come after her! She needs you and I miss her! If I can't be with her, I can't protect her."

"Oh, baby..." niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. "Mommy will do everything to get her. She'll be safe, okay?" I told him. "But you need to stay here."

"But mom..."

"Baby, listen to me. Don't go anywhere. I want you to stay here and don't trust anyone," sabi ko sakanya. "But you can trust Rake. He knows what's best for you and he will protect you from any harm."

He pouted his lower lip. "You'll leave again soon?"

"I have to," naiiyak na sabi ko. "This is for you, and for Lorde and for your Ate Rebecka..."

"A-ate..." tila ninanamnam ni Prince ang salitang iyon. "Ate Rebecka. Hmm..."

"Ericka, Prince?"

Hindi ko namalayan na nakapasok na pala si Rake dito. Naguguluhan padin ang mukha nito nang makalapit sa amin dalawa.

"Tapos na kayo mag-usap?" tanong niya sa akin. "Let's eat first at mag-uusap tayo."

Pero sa akin lang nakatitig ang mata niya. Hinila ko na si Prince papalakad. Wala na naman itong sinabi na kasunod. They were trained like that, to not stop talking when they have to.

Rake put his hand on my waist nang papalabas na kami. He even had the audacity to slapped my ass while our son was beside us, and walking innocently.

Rake lowered his mouth to my ear. "Don't try to deny but I know who you are," he said that gave goosebumps to my skin.

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