Chapter 19

Parang tuta na nakasunod ako sa matandang bumili ng pagkatao ko ngayon gabi. I didn't have the chance to change clothes dahil nagmamadali rin ito sa pag-alis.

Mas lalo akong na-curious sa kung ano at sino siya. She wasn't part of this group when I was this age, and so does Rake Alicante. Alot of things happen na unting-unti ako naguluhan sa nangyayari. The fact she could dominate Greg was something to be fear of... Or maybe not?

When we finally reached outside, a white long limousine was waiting in wings. May driver na nakaabang sa buksanan ng pintuan nito.

"Pasok na," utos ng matanda sa akin.

I shut my freaking mouth for awhile. I didn't want to end up with a slit throat after this trip since this old woman was capable of doing that. Pumasok na ako ng tuluyan sa malaking sasakyan. Una kong napansin ang stock bar sa gilid, also a flat-screen TV was attached on the other end.

Pero ang pinaka nakakuha ng atensyon ko ay ang babae na nakaupo malapit rito. Her hair and make up was the same as me. She was smiling at me weirdly like I knew her from somewhere. Irap ang sagot ko sa ngiting pagbati niya sa akin.

Napatalon ako sa paghampas ng matanda ng baston sa hita ko. Inabot niya sa akin ang malaking gadget sa kanyang kamay as I read something.

Act normal. There's a hidden recorder attached to you. He's listening. Be mindful.

I raised my brow to her. "I believe this belongs to you, old woman?" Inabot ko na sakanya ang hawak but I'm referring to the car. "You must be really rich then."

"I was once born poor, young lady," she said and typed something again on the gadget. "But the secret to end up rich is to marry one. I did. But he died."

Inabot niya sa akin ang gadget "Lucky you. Hindi lahat nakakapangasawa ng mayaman. Some need to do tons of hardwork to be one."

See the box on your left? Kunin mo at magpalit ka ng damit. Ibigay mo ang damit na suot mo sa babaeng nakaupo sa dulo.

Good thing the car had a dark dent. Hindi makikita ang ginagawa namin sa loob, knowing another car was following us just to make sure I won't be meeting Rake Alicante. Why would I by the way? Were they alliance?

Napatalon ako nang buhusan niya ako ng konting tubig sa damit.

"Fuck! What are you doing?!" sigaw ko sa matanda.

"I'm sorry, hindi ko sinasadya." She acted as if she care then may tina-type nanaman siya sa gadget at inabot sa akin.

Now.

I rolled my eyes. It was part of the show. I know. So I shamelessly stripped off my gown infront of them. Kahit wala akong bra na pangloob. I'm proud of my body anyway. Kinuha ko iyong box sa gilid at binuksan, I almost rolled my eyes again to see the white t-shirt and boring short in it.

Ngumuso ang matanda na ilagay ko ang damit sa gilid. Agad naman iyon kinuha ng babae na ginaya ang itsura ko ngayon gabi. She was serious this time. I started putting the shirt and shorts habang marahan nagbibihis ang babae sa gilid ko.

Tinuro ng matanda kung nasaan ang hidden recorder sa suot kong gown, nasa parteng likod kung saan ako hinawakan ni Greg kanina. I remembered him caressing my hair too. Kinapa ko agad ang buhok ko, when I found it, I slowly removed it and attached it to the woman beside me.

What now? I typed.

You stay here. Ang driver na ang bahala sayo kung saan ka niya dadalhin. Shut your mouth. H'wag kang gagawa ng kagagahan.

Irap lang ang naisagot ko sakanya. Ilan minuto kami nagpaikot-ikot at nang makarating kami sa isang malaking building. Agad akong pinalayo ng matanda sa pinto.

"Here we are, young lady. Oras na para mabulain ang bibig mo," saad ng matanda. She was urging me to talk back.

"As if it would happen, old woman. I am Ericka Quinn, ako ang nagpapabula ng bibig ng mga tao."

"Baba na. Ang dami mong satsat."

Bumaba ang babaeng may suot ng damit ko na nakatago ang mukha gamit ang kanyang buhok. I could see her on that dark dent. Well, they did a great job, she looked exaclty like me lalo na kapag nakatalikod. Sinundan ito ng matanda, naglakad sila deretso nang hindi lumilingon sa sasakyan sa likod.

The car started moving. Kahit ang daming tanong sa isip ko, I need to trust her. Mukhang iba ang rason kung bakit siya sumali sa bidding na iyon. It seemed harmless on my ends.

Nagpaikot-ikot ang sasakyan. Siguro ay nililigaw ang sasakyan pwedeng sumunod sa amin. I was just staring at the window the whole time. Making myself more aware kung saan ba talaga ako dadalhin nito at ano ang rason. I was raised not to trust anyone that easily but this? It felt different. Like I knew her from the back of memory I had lost.

The gadget lit up again, taking me back to reality. I was suprised what was written when I read it.

Enjoy the night. You deserved it.

Confusion flooded through me. Kasabay nang paghinto ng sasakyan. I looked outside to see where was I. Tons of giant yachts were surrounding us. Binuksan ng driver ang pinto sa paglabas ko at inalalayan ako kamay ko. He guided me to which direction I should walk but then I was frozen into place not because the cold breezy air welcoming me but because of the man standing and waiting for me on the entrance.

Rake Alicante.

I stopped midway, sinalubong ako ng seryoso niyang mukha. What's his game this time? Totoo bang magkakilala sila ng matandang bumili sa akin o isa rin ito sa mga utusan niya? But I doubt it. Mukhang may alyansang nabuo na hindi ko namamalayan.

Iniwanan na ako ng driver habang titig na titig padin sa mapang-akit na mukha ni Rake. He smiled a little at lumapit sa akin.

"You look familiar, have we met before?"

Was he teasing me? I creased my forehead. He was like me, iba't ibang ugali at pagkatao ang pinapakifa bawat oras.

"I believe not, this is our first time. Your name, dear?" Hindi ko narin napigilan ang pagngiti.

"Ekar," he answered and offered his hand. "And you are?"

"Quinn. It's Ericka Quinn," saad ko. "But you can call me anything you want, Ekar."

He raised his eyebrow. "Can I call you mine?"

Napahalakhak ako ng wala sa oras. Shit lang. "I didn't see it coming. An old man like you, saying that cheesy lines. Ang funny lang."

"Okay, enough with the bullshit. Shall we?" iritableng aya nito sa akin dumiretso sa loob. Oh, did I just ruin the moment?

"Yes, of course."

Sinundan ko siya papasok ng yacht as I was watching his back. I wondered how I get to touch it before. Hmm... Mukhang may pinaplano na kababalaghan si Rake Alicante ngayon gabi. Well, it wasn't that bad to end this night with a bang, was it?

Nang tuluyan makaakyat, he quietly opened the front door for me. Halos kumpleto na ang loob nito, there was a kitchen, dining set and a huge bed near the window. Napahinto ang paa ko sa tuluyan pagpasok nang makita ko ang dalawang bata na mahimbing na natutulog sa kama.

"It's past their bedtime, kaya hindi mo na silang naabutan gising," saad ni Rake at umupo sa sofa sa gilid. He opened a bottle of wine and pour it to the glass infont of him. "Come, let's have a chitchat and close the door behind you."

Kahit nagaalangan, sinunod ko ang sinabi niya. I walked straight to him.

"Sit," utos niya at marahan na tinuro ang bakante sa tabi nito.

"You don't have to tell me what to do. You know." Irap ko at umupo sa tabi niya. I snatched the glass of wine from the table bago pa siya mauna.

He eyeed me disapprovingly. Habang lumalagok, hindi ko maiwasan hindi tumingin ulit sa dalawang batang natutulog sa kama. Nakayakap ang batang lalaki sa babaeng katabi nito na mukhang mas matanda lang sakanya ng ilan taon.

"It's Prince and Rebecka."

Rake answered my unspoken question. Dahan-dahan kong nilapag ang baso sa mesa at tumingin sakanya.

"So, Ekar, anong gusto mong pag-usapan?" I told him and crossed my legs.

"Maghapon umiiyak si Prince dahil gusto kana niyang makita at makasama. Ngayon lang siya tumahan nang ipakilala ko si Rebecka sakanya."

Kwento nito. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot dahil wala akong ideya sa sinasabi niya. Pero kahit ganoon mayroon kumukurot sa puso ko na gustong yakapin ang dalawang bata.

"Rebecka... Anak din natin, right?"

"Yes," he said then poured the wine to the same glass I used. Nilagok din iyon ni Rake habang nakatingin sakin. "Bumalik ka para sakanya."

There was a pain in his eyes. Hindi ko mawari ngayon kung ano ang pinagmumulan. Dahil ba sa itinago ko ang anak namin sakanya? Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit! I'm sure there was a reasonable explanation why I did that. Hindi ako gumagawa ng mabigat na desisyon sa mababaw na dahilan.

"And Prince... He's telling her something. That Lorde need his help. And this is fucking frustrating dahil kapag tinanong kita, wala kang maalala. But I'm gonna ask you still, who's Lorde?"

Napatigil ako sa paghinga. Sumasakit bigla ang ulo ko sa pangalan na binaggit niya. I'm trying to remember her but I couldn't. Fuck this head. I think I'm going crazy.

"I don't have idea who she is, Rake," I answered quietly. "So this is the main reason why you are that mad."

"I'm mad at you and every decision you made. Pero wala na akong magagawa kundi tulungan ka. Now, kaya mo bang alamin kung sino si Lorde at saan ko siya makikita?"

Napalunok ako. Keeping up with my life was really a challenge. I could see it on his face right now.

"Yes, of course. I can do that. I'm a superwoman, you know. What else? May ipapagawa ka paba?" I said and caressed his frustrated face.

Tila tuta na pumikit ang mata ni Rake sa haplos ko. He then held my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Just promise me one thing, Ericka..." he whispered and stared at me intensely while continously kissing the back of my hand. "Stay alive, for us, for your family."

Family... Mabilis na tumibok ang puso ko. Katulad kanina nang nasa i-stage ako. Something triggered my memory from my family back when I was this age. Hindi ako mapakali at nagpalipat-lipat ang mata ko kung nasaan ako ngayon at sa lalaking kaharap ko.

I think I'm about to cry if only cabale of crying. I could feel my emotions again all at once and it's controlling me.

"You okay?" he asked when he opened his eyes, may pagaalala sa mukha niya.

"No..." I whispered. "I could feel my heart throbbing fastly... Hindi ko alam kung bakit. The memory of my childhood na kahit alam ko ngayon na tapos na, it was as if still happening right now. It's so new in my head and it's fucking me big time. Fuck this emotion."

Hinila ko sa pagkakahawak ni Rake ang kamay ko. Isinabunot ko ito sa sarili kong buhok. Ipinatong ko ang paa ko sa sofa at idinikit palapit sa katawan ko ang tuhod. It's like I'm hiding from something. Fearing of someone. The trauma of my past was haunting me. Fuck.

"Ericka..." nag-aalala lalo ang boses ni Rake. "Ericka, look at me."

Tinanggal niya sa pagkakasabunot ko sa buhok ang kamay ko. Rake pulled me like a child on his lap while he hugged me tightly. Bakit niya ginagawa ito? I don't deserved this kind of gesture. It was so foreign to my senses. Tila ako nababaliw sa nararamdaman ko. I fucking hate it how it made me feel weak.

"You got me this time. Hinding-hindi na kita iiwan," bulong niya sa akin. Pero wala akong ideya bakit niya sinasabi sa akin iyan. What did I do para hindi niya ako iwan kahit anong mangyari?

"I don't need your help. I can do this all alone," I gritted through my teeth.

I was fighting the demon that was winning inside me. A subconcious trying to make me feel I don't deserve any good things in life, na kapag nakaramdam ako ng ganoon may masamang mangyayari.

"I love you, Quinn."

Napahinto ako sa paglaban sa yakap na ginagawa niya sa akin. Tumawa ako ng mapakla at tinitigan siya sa mata.

"I'm fucking crazy. Can't you see? Why would you love someone like me? In the end, I'll only break your heart into tiny pieces, Alicante," pagmamatigas ko. "I'm in a really dark place... Kahit ano pa sabihin at gawin ng mga taong may gusto sa akin, I'll only drag them down to my hell."

Ngumiti siya ng bahagya. "You said before, you don't care, but here you are scared of hurting people who care for you the most..."

"I'm not," naliligaw na sagot ko.

"You don't want someone to join you in that hell?" he asked and tucked my hair under my ear. I stayed silent. "Because I'm willing to take the same road you're walking just to be with you. Even if it means, going down there."

Tumawa ako ng mapakla. "You truly don't know what you're saying."

"Trust me, Quinn, I know. I've been through hell with and without you. Ngayon paba ako susuko?"

"Shut up," suway ko sakanya dahil may kakaiba nanaman akong nararamdaman na hindi ko nagugustuhan.

"Okay," he answered simply.

Nagulat ako sa sagot niya. "Hindi kana makikipagtalo sa'kin?"

"If that's what you want. I will shut up. Now take a rest, angel. It's been a long tiring day. Kahit hindi mo ako maalala, I know, deep down your heart you wanted to be with me. The way your body reacts... I can tell."

Mas lalong lumaki ang ngiti niya sa akin. Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya at tinaasan siya ng kilay.

"Once I remember it all, at nalaman ko nagsisinungaling kalang. I'll kill you," pagbabanta ko sakanya.

Hinawakan niya ang ulo ko at pilit hinihiga sa balikat niya. Surprisingly, I did. He tamed the craziness inside me. Maybe I was experiencing this jumping memory loss to remind me to be weak and vulnerable. It was so tiring trying to be strong my whole life. Parang wala na akong pahinga. Parang ang tanging ginagawa ko lang sa buhay ay lumaban ng lumaban. Especially this age, it was the darkest part of my life.

Lumapit siya sa tainga ko at kinagat iyon ng bahagya. "I love you, Ericka," bulong niya habang hinahaplos ang hita ko.

"I hate hearing that word..." sagot ko habang tulala sa ginagawa niya.

"Hindi ka sanay marinig ang salitang 'yan. Because you build your wall too high, no one could even jump or break it. You have this defense wall inside you, for always guarding your heart."

"Dahil paulit-ulit na akong nasaktan... Hindi dahil sa mga lalaki kundi dahil sa mga nangyari sa akin pagkabata. Feeling ko, bugbog sarado na ang puso ko. And if I let someone in again and they left, I'll go crazy for real."

I was shocked how this conversation turned out. Hindi ko malaman kung ako ba talaga ang nagsasalita. Is this part of the show? Why am I opening up to him?

"You don't have to be afraid anymore. Hindi kita iiwan. Pangako."

Napabangon ang ulo ko mula sa balikat niya. "You know what, you sounded like a fuckboy with that line."

"Definitely not a fuck boy. I only fuck girl."

I smirked at bumalik sa pagkakahiga sa balikat niya. Mas niyakap ako ni Rake palapit sakanya.

"Sabi na nga ba, you're into younger girls like me," I commented.

"But I like this version of you, she's still stubborn like you but she can open up."

"Hmm... Hindi nagkekwento ang present self ko?"

"She's really preserve, wise and definitely mysterious. A puzzle you can't solve unless you work hard for the answer. Pakiramdam niya kasi kapag may taong nagtatanong tungkol sa sarili niya, they're trying to gain information how to take advantage of her," pag-e-explain ni Rake tila ba kilalang-kilala niya na talaga ang pagkatao ko.

I sighed, thinking all things I'd been through. "Because not everyone is concern, some are just curious," sabi ko at pinalibot ang kamay sa leeg niya.

I needed him tonight. I needed to feel his body against my skin. Iginiya ko ang mukha niya upang humarap sa akin. His dark eyes met mine, it was burning and longing... Pareho kami ng nararamdaman.Dahan-dahan inilapit ni Rake ang mukha niya sa akin. For the first time in such a long time, I let my wall's down and feel the goddamn emotion touching every nerve in my body onto my core.

Well, just this night, Ericka Quinn. Let it sink in.

_____

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