Mark: Welcome back to act two!

The whole cast: (Singing) A year's got a lot of minutes in it. 525,600 to be exact. We have to measure our lives in love!

Soloist: Measure your life in looooooove! (Hits high note and Mark's glasses crack)

Mark: Oh, my glasses....

Mimi: (Singing) Now it's New Years' Eve and I'm gonna make some really unrealistic resolutions.

Roger: (Singing) IT'S GONNA BE A HAPPY NEW YEAAAAR!

Mark: (Singing) Let's break into our padlocked apartment!

Maureen: I BROUGHT CHIPS!!!!

Angel: Me and Collins are dressed as totally cool James Bond characters to help break in! BOO-YAH!

Mark: Please don't tell me that saying "boo-yah" is gonna be a thing throughout this act...

(The phone rings)

Mrs. Cohen: (Singing) Mark, we're so proud of you for having your footage on TV! Happy new year, I guess...

(Beep!)

Alexi Darling: (Singing) Mark, I saw your footage of the riot and I want you to sell me your soul! Call me or page me or...

(Beep!)

Mark: WHEW!

Everyone: FIVE, FOUR, THREE, OPEN SESAME! HAPPY NEW YEAAAAArrr.... ew! Benny's here!

Benny: (Singing) Guys, I want a truce, let's hash things out...

Mark and Roger: (Singing)  N-n-n-n-n-n no way!

Benny: WRONG SHOW! (Singing) Anyway, fine! Then I'm gonna tell you something! Mimi used to be my girlfriend and she was the one who convinced me to change my mind!

Audience and Roger: Le GASP!

Mimi: (Singing) Wait! Roger, it was a long time ago, and I haven't rekindled our relationship!

Roger: (Singing) I don't care! Since I'm angsty, I'm gonna assume you were cheating on me!

Mimi: (Singing) YOU'RE WRONG! I'M NOT HIS W***E!

Roger and Mimi: Sorry....

Mimi: Where's the Man? I need a fix...

__________________________________

Mark: It's Valentine's day and Maureen and Joanne are rehearsing for another performance....

Joanne: I SAID TO TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!

Maureen: NEVER! THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! YOU'RE SUCH A CONTROL FREAK! (to herself) I told her exactly what I thought of her! BOO-YAH!

Mark: (Sighs, rubs his temples)

Joanne: WELL, YOU CAN'T STAY COMMITTED TO ME! YOU'RE LIKE A MODERN DAY FEMALE HAMILTON!

[(IN THE MOVIE ONLY!)

Mimi: (Eating a big bag of popcorn, sitting on Roger's lap) I'm enjoying THIS! Roger, crap's about to go down!

Roger: (Sighs) Can't you just let me be?]

Maureen: (Singing) But pookie, I can't help it if everyone wants a piece of me! At the end of the day, I'm yours! Just accept me for who I am, or we're done!

Joanne: (Singing) Never! And I happen to love a little discipline in my life! Also, what did I ever do to you? Am I not enough that you can't stay committed to me? Just accept me for who I am, or we're done!

Maureen: (Singing) Control freak! Snob! Anal retentive!

Maureen and Joanne: (Singing) THAT'S IT! WE'RE DONE!

(They break up)

__________________________________

Roger: Mimi! I told you to stop using drugs!

Mimi: But....

Roger: I don't want what happened to me happen to someone I love!

Mimi: Whatever! And you're getting paranoid! I haven't been seeing Benny ever since we broke up!

(They go their own ways)

Mimi: (Singing) I can't live without you....

Roger: (Singing) Even if time goes by normally...

Mimi and Roger: (Singing) And life goes on, but without you, I might as well be dead!

(Some time passes)

Angel: Oh, Collins, I'm dying!

Collins: WHAT?! NO! WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A YEAR TOGETHER! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME NOW!

Angel: But look on the bright side....

Collins: There is none!

Angel: Oh, right... (Singing) TAKE ME, TAKE ME!! OOOOOOOHHHHH! Nailed that high note! Boo-yah!

Mark: (In the distance) Oh boy...

Angel: Anyway.... (dies)

Collins: FUUUUUUUUU.....

(Cut immediately to the funeral)

Mimi: Angel was one of my closest friends, and we hit it off and all that jazz. There was a time where he put a skinhead that was harassing him and he put her in her place.

Mark: Oh, and he also helped out a group of tourists when they were lost.

Maureen: And he was SO original and unique...

Collins: (Singing) This is what I mean when we said that the ballad from act 2 will get all RENT-heads in act two.... I'll cover youuuuuuuuu!

Audience: (Sobbing)

Collins: Nailed that! BOO-YAH!

Mark: Ugggggghhh!

________________________

Mark: (Singing) At least I get a solo this time! What the heck! I'm gonna take the job...

Mimi: (Singing) Roger, I heard you sold your guitar and got a car. Is it true?

Roger: (Singing) Yeah, I'm going to Santa Fe, even though I was NOT in that number. Are you still seeing that son of a...

Mark: Language!

Benny: (Singing, to Mimi) I thought you said you wouldn't talk to him again....

Maureen: (Singing) Who says you decide who she sees or not?

Joanne: (Singing) Well, who says you can butt in other peoples' business! (to Mimi) She and I fought a lot because apparently, I'm not enough for her!

Mimi: (Singing) Yeah, Roger's the same way, he's SO FULL OF SH*T! I GAVE A MILE, BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE AN INCH, ROGER!

Roger: (Singing) TO WHO?!

Mimi and Joanne: (Singing to their partners) I'D BE HAPPY TO DIE IF I WERE UNAFRAID TO SAY I LOVE YOU LIKE ANGEL!

Roger: (Singing) WELL, MIMI, LOVE'S NOT A THREE WAY STREET! AND YOU CAN NEVER SHARE REAL LOVE IF YOU TREAT YOURSELF LIKE CRAP!

Collins: Guys! Be cool! You said you would! I can't believe we're really saying goodbye to each other...

(Later)

Mark: (Singing) Roger, why did you do that to Mimi? You know she loves you!

Roger: (Singing) Who are you to tell me what to do?! AND YOU ARE SO BURIED IN YOUR WORK AND YOU'RE LIVING A LIE, YOU CAN'T FACE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A FAILURE!

Mark: (Singing) WELL, AT LEAST I'M GONNA SURVIVE ALL OF YOU!

Roger: I have to go... I'll call... (he sees Mimi) You heard?

Mimi: (Singing) Every word! And I'm gonna tearfully say goodbye to you as you leave me to deal with my disease alone.....

_______________________________

Roger: (Singing) Santa Fe sucks! And I miss Mimi! So I'm going back to New York!

Mark: (Singing) I miss Roger!

Mark and Roger: OMG! SIMULTANEOUS ARTISTIC EPIPHANY!

Mark: Alexi, I QUIT!

Roger: Mimi, I'm coming!

_________________________________

(That Christmas Eve)

Mark: (Singing) I can't believe a year went by! And I finished my film!

Roger: (Singing) And I finished my song!

Mark: Where's Mimi? Oh, and I heard that Benny's wife kicked him out of the house because he found out he was cheating on her.

(The power blows)

Collins: WHO WANTS SOME MONEY?!

Mark and Roger: WE DO!

Mark: Where did you get all this?

Collins: Well, I used my supa mega genius skillz to reprogram the ATM at the food emporium to give money to anyone who types in Angel's name! BOO-YAH!

Mark: AAAAAAUGH!

Maureen: YOU GUYS! HELP! WE FOUND MIMI ON THE STREET AND SHE'S SHIVERING AND CLOSE TO DEATH!

Roger: WHAAAAAAT?!

Mark: Bring her in!

Mimi: OMG, I'm dying...

Roger: (Singing) Now let me sing a song for you about how much I love you and your eyes and it took me a year to write but now I can prove to the audience that I DID write a song! MIIIIIIMIIIIIIIIII!!!!! (to himself) Boo-yah!

Mark: (Throws his hands up in exasperation)

Mimi: I jumped over the moon!

Everyone: She's BACK!

Mimi: I was almost dying but I saw Angel!

Collins: Thanks for bringing that up again! Really helps with my PTSD!

Mimi: You're welcome! And he sent me back to hear your song, Roger!

Everyone: WHOOOO! YAY FOR ANGEL!

Mark: Who wants to see my new film?

Everyone: I DO!