Mark: (Dramatically) WE OPEN.... on Christmas eve 1989. My roommate Roger is trying to tune his guitar...

Roger: Ugh...

Mark: And he is an ex-junkie... so Roger, can you tell the folks what you're doing?

Roger: I'm writing one great...

(The phone rings)

Roger: Saved!

Voicemail: Speeeak.

Mark's mom: Mkay, I don't know if this is working but I'm gonna speak anyway, Mark this is your mom, I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas...

Roger: I thought you were Jewish!

Mark's mom: And I heard that Maureen dumped you! (Off key) SO LET HER BE A LESBIAAAAAAN!!! There are other fishies in the sea! Mkay, bye!

Mark: Anyway, back to my documentary! Tell the folks at home...

(The phone rings)

Roger: YESSS!

Collins: MERRY CHRISTMAS B****ES!

Mark: Yo, Collins!

Collins: Throw down the key so I can get in!

Mark: WHOOOO! Now we can throw a rager!

Collins: Oh, crap.... (Gets beat up)

Mark: What does he me... (the phone rings again)

Benny: Yo, it's Benny!

Roger and Mark: FUUUUU.....

Benny: And I need the rent that I DEFINITELY promised not to ask of from y'all!

Mark: THAT'S NOT FAIR!

Benny: Oh, and Mark, did Maureen find a new man?

Mark: Well...

Benny: What's his name?

Mark: Joanne.

Roger and Benny: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (take a deep breath)AAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!!

Mark: (Sarcastically) You guys are THE best friends ever!

Benny: Anyway, gimme the rent or I'm gonna kick you out.

(The power blows)

Mark and Roger: (Singing) WE'RE GONNA SING A SONG ABOUT HOW SUCKY OUR LIVES ARE WHILE REBELLING!

Mark: (Speaking) Awww, why can't we set a REAL fire like in the movie?

Roger: 'Cause we are on STAGE, and that's not what the script says!

The entire cast: (Singing) RENT!

________________________________

Collins: Oh, no, I got beaten up and I think I'm gonna cry..

Angel: Omigosh, you okay, honey?

Collins: No. They beat me up and stole my coat.

Angel: Why don't we come to my place and I'll fix you up.

Collins: Okay...

Angel: Oh, and just so you know, I have to go to a life support meeting at 9:30 for people who have AIDS...

Collins: NO WAY! I have AIDS, too!

Angel: I think we're gonna be good friends!

___________________________________

Mark: Hey, Roger, wanna come tonight to see Maureen's protest?

Roger: No, I think I'll just sit here and angst about my life.

Mark: Suit yourself. (To the viewers, oh, and TW: Mention of suicide) Roger here had a girlfriend, April, who left a note saying "We got AIDS" and she slit her wrists in the bathroom... (to Roger) You gotta get out of the house, though. (Leaves)

Roger: (Singing) My life is angst, I need to write a song before I die because I have HIV, and watch as I hit the high note... time flies, time DIIIIIIIIIIEEEES! Oh and by the way, I have the best solo of the show.

Mimi: (Singing) Hey, hot rock star neighbor, excuse me while I ask you to light my candle, like, a million times. (to herself) Oh, I'm sweating...

Roger: (Singing) Wow, you look so... wait a minute... you're going through withdrawl...

Mimi: (Singing) I told you, I'm sick and I have no heat... would you like my candle.... whoops... I dropped my stash.

Roger: (Picks it up)

Mimi: What was that?

Roger: Oh, a candy bar wrapper...

Mimi: Wow, you have big hands. Wanna dance?

Roger: I'm Roger.

Mimi: (Singing) They call me, they call me Mimiiiiiii!

___________________________

Collins: WHOOO! Guys, I got a lot of money and so I can splurge on y'all for Christmas!

Mark: WHAT?! That's great!

Roger: Did you get a job at MIT?

Collins: No... hey, are you going to Maureen's show?

Roger: I got no flow.

Collins: YO, ANGEL! COME ON OUT HERE!

Angel: Guess what, guys, I'm a drag queen! (Singing) And I'm gonna tell you how I killed a dog to get all this flow! But everyone love me nevertheless! (Does a killer percussion solo) WHOOOO!

Benny: I'm heeeere!

Mark: Ew, get out of here!

Roger: Why the heck are you going back on your deal anyway?

Benny: (Singing) I have a great plan to build a cyber arts studio! I'll spare you guys from the rent if you stop Maureen's protest!

Mark and Roger: NEVER!

Angel: That guy needs group hugs... speaking of which, if any of y'all wanna come, you can come to the life support meeting for people dealing with life.

Collins: HEY! I THOUGHT THAT WAS OUR THING!

Roger: No thanks. I think I'll just angst about my life even more.

____________________________

Joanne: (Singing) MARK?! Ugh, I TOLD Maureen not to call you! Anyway, the microphone won't echo!

Mark: (Singing) While I try to fix this, can I warn you about how much Maureen sucks? Dating her is a wild, dizzy ride, and not in a good way...

Joanne: (Singing) It's different with me but whatever. Let's tango!

Mark: CUE THE DANCE SEQUENCE!

(They dance, then the phone rings)

Joanne: Hey, honey, I... POOKIE?!

Mark: And I oop....

Joanne: Y'know what, Mark, I think you're right. (Singing) My Maureen.... (it echoes)

Mark: We're patched!

___________________________

Life support people: (Sing an angsty round)

___________________________

Mimi: (Singing) Screw "One Song Glory" THIS is the best solo of the show! And I think I'll break in Roger's house tonight and invite him to get high and get laid, 'cause I have to go OUUUUUUUUT TONIGHT! Meow, HA!

Roger: (Singing) WHAT THE F***! NUH-UH!!! THIS IS NOT HEATHERS AND I AM NOT JD TO YOUR VERONICA IN DEAD GIRL WALKING! AND YOU HAVE DRUGS WITH YOU?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Mimi: But... but... no day but today!

Roger: (Singing) THAT'S TOTALLY NOT HAPPENING!

Mimi and everyone else: No day but today!

___________________________

Random person: (Singing) Will I lose my dignity....another angst song!

Roger: Ah, screw it... (Puts on his very cool leather jacket and gets out of the house)

_____________________________

Police: (Harassing a homeless woman)

Mark: (While filming) Hey! Stop harassing her!

Homeless woman: WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I'M NOT SOMEONE TO BE USED TO KILL YOUR GUILT! SCREW YOU! (Leaves)

Angel: (Singing) Ah, forget her, let's now have a daydream sequence!

Collins: (Singing) I'm gonna move to Santa Fe and open up a restaurant!

Everyone: Yeah....

_________________________

Mark: I'm gonna try to convince Roger to go to the show... bye!

Angel: So... we're along at last...

Collins: Yeah.

Angel: (Singing) This is the ballad that all RENT-heads love...

Collins: (Singing) And will be used against them in Act 2....

Angel: (Singing) But forget angst! I'll cover you!!!!

___________________________

Joanne: (Singing) SCREW THE MOVIE PEOPLE FOR NOT GIVING ME A SOLO IN THE MOVIE! Watch as I juggle two phones at once. Weeeeee're okaaaaaay!

________________________

Homeless people: (Singing) It's Christmastime but we're not happy...

Roger: (Singing) Hey, Mimi, I'm sorry for blowing up at you last night. Can I make it up to you? A bunch of my friends are gathering for a dinner party, wanna come?

Mimi: (Singing) That'll do...

The Man: HEY, LOVER BOY, CUTIE PIE! YOU STEAL MY CLIENT, YOU DIE!!!

Roger: (Singing) SCREW YOU! YOU HAVE A LOT OF COSTUMERS ANYWAY!

Everyone: (Singing) Watch as we do an all-skate!

(Maureen enters)

Maureen: WHOOO! MAUREEN MAKES AN ENTRANCE!

Audience: Uh, Maureen, this is 1989... Be More Chill didn't happen yet...

________________________

Maureen: Now I'm gonna tell y'all about this weird dream I had! Diet coke! Milk! Mickey Mouse! Bulldogs! Jump over the moon! MOO WITH ME!!!

Audience: MOOOOOOO!!!!!

______________________

Waiter: (Singing) No, please no, I have important costumers and I can't have you ruining it!

Mark: Whatever. (Pushes his way in)

Benny: So, Maureen, your protest was a noble try! (Singing) I don't understand why you guys live like this! Bohemia is dead anyway!

Mark: (Offended Mark noises) (Singing) Bohemia is NOT dead! And now is time to sing the pledge of allegiance to musical theater!

Collins: MARIJUANA!

Maureen: TO THE STAGE!

Mimi: TO S&M!

Angel: TO DI... (Remembering there are kids here) LATEX!

Mimi: (Taking Roger aside) (Singing) Hey, why did you invite me if you are gonna ignore me for the whole night?!

Roger: (Singing) I can't help it if I got baggage!

Mimi: (Singing) Well, I ain't got no time for baggage that doesn't go with... (her AZT beeper rings)

Roger: You have HIV, too?

Mimi: Yeah. Now we can date without worrying about killing each other!

Roger: (Singing) Now it's time for a romantic duet between you and me...

Mimi: (Singing) Let's just make it quick... we have a lot of stuff we don't know about each other...

(Meanwhile)

Joanne: (Rushing in) OMIGOSH, YOU GUYS! BENNY CALLED THE COPS AND EVERYONE'S RIOTING! MARK, THEY PADLOCKED YOUR DOOR!

Everyone in the restaurant: YAY, BOHEMIA!!! WHOOOO!

Mimi and Roger: (Kiss)

Everyone: VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!

[A/N: Act two will come soon!]