[This is for satire purposes only! Do NOT attempt!]

Me: So you got tickets to a musical! Congrats! Well, the best part about going is annoying your fellow audience members! Here are a few ways to do that as much as possible!

Me: Number one, sing along with the actors as rudely and obnoxiously as possible!

(Cut to the first scenario)

Lin: (as Hamilton, rapping) Imma get a scholarship to King's College! I probably...

Lin and obnoxious audience member:...shouldn't brag but DAG I amaze and astonish! The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish! I gotta holler just to be heard, with every word, I drop knowledge!

(The audience member next to him facepalms)

Me: Number two, get your phone out and film a bootleg!

(Cut to the second scenario, Dear Evan Hansen is being performed on stage, an audience member has his phone out and is filming the whole show.)

Bootleg filmer: Heh, heh, heh...

Me: Number three! Leave during the applause at the curtain call!

(Cut to the third scenario)

A respectful audience member: (clapping) Oh, bravo! Bravo!

A rude audience member: Eh... (Gets up and leaves)

The respectful audience member: (Has a shocked expression)

Me: Number four, talk your head off on your phone during the show!

(Cut to the fourth scenario)

Rude audience member: Yeah, I'm at the theater watching Hamilton... uh-huh... oh my gosh! I can't believe she said that! (Continues yakking)

Another audience member: (Is about to lose his sanity)

Me: And finally, be as rude and loud and pushy as you can to the actors when stagedooring!

(Cut to scenario number five)

A bunch of rude fangirls: (Running and shoving to see the actors, squealing) ADAM! ANTHONY!

Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp: Whoa! (Run for their lives)

Me: And there you have it! Five ways to be as ANNOYING and OBNOXIOUS as possible at the theater!