Trigger warnings: Drinking and drugs

Changes: Hamilton is not married to Eliza, (who has bulimia like Duke) but he is dating her and is friends with Angelica and Peggy. Actually, no one's married at all, but some are dating. The characters are all adults.

Time: Hamiltime with a touch of modern.

Disclaimer: I do not own Heathers. Kevin Murphey and Laurence O' Keefe do. Also, I will be censoring.

It was near the end of the Revolutionary War. Things were looking auspicious for the Pariot army. They had secured help from the French and the tables had turned in their favor. One day, Wahington called Hamilton and Laurens over to his tent to tell them something. "I have some business to attend to with Comte de Rochambeau, so I won't be at my headquarters. Can you two watch it for the weekend?", he asked them. The two soldiers answered with a "Yes, sir", and as soon as Washington left, Laurens cracked a smile and said to his friend, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Maybe?", Hamilton said. They looked at each other and yelled "BIG FUN!!"

Soon, there was a rager in full swing at Washington's headquarters. Laurens yelled out "YEAH!", and sang "George says 'act your age', you heard the man, it's time to rage!", everyone then jumped up and down and sang "Blast the bass, turn out the light, ain't nobody home tonight!". He then made his way through the crowd and sang "Drink, smoke, it's all cool," and as he made his way to some ladies, he said, "Let's jump in the heated pool!", and they playfully pushed him away. The crowd sang "Punch the wall and start a fight, ain't nobody home tonight!".

Hamilton was making out with Eliza Schuyler and singing, "The man's got a water bed. Come upstairs and rest your head." Then, Hercules Mulligan walked over to Angelica and Peggy and sang "Let us cuddle you, while dialing up some pay-per-view". The Schuyler sisters came in the center and led everybody in singing: "The General's gone! It's time for big fun, big fun! We're up 'till dawn having some big fun, big fun!". The soldiers were chugging drinks and singing, "When Washington forgets to lock the liquor cabinet, it's big fun, big fun, big fun!". Everybody let out a whoop.

Meanwhile, Maria Lewis was with the Schuyler sisters, and pretty drunk. "Okay, okay, okay. So it's salt, lime, and then.... SHOT!", Peggy corrected her and said "No, salt, then shot--" only to be interrupted by Angelica, who angrily said to Maria, "You're doing it wrong!". Maria looked confused as she (drunkenly) said "Wait, really? 'Cause I feel GREAT!", as she said that, Lafayette walked up to her and said "Maria! You're looking GOOD tonight!".

Maria couldn't believe it! "Whoa! A hot guy smiled at me without a trace of mockery!", she sang. Everyone sang, "Everyone's high as a kite, ain't nobody home tonight!". Maria suddenly felt the effects of the drinks she had and sang, "Stoned, zoned, I should quit,", just then, someone offered her weed. "Hey, is that weed? I want a hit!". She took a puff, and everyone egged her on, "Fill that joint and roll it tight, ain't nobody home tonight!". "Dreams are coming true, when people laugh, but not at you," Maria mused, "I'm not alone, I'm not afraid, I feel like Bono at live aid!".

Everybody was partying on and singing "The house is ours! It's time for big fun, big fun! Let's use the showers, that sounds like big fun, big fun! Crack open one more case!" Just then, Maria sees a couple making out, and says "I think he's kinda in her face". The party was more lively than ever. "Big fun, big fun", Maria said "That actually looks like-" "Big fun, big fun".

Alexander called for everyone's attention and yelled, "All right, people! What are us Patriots gonna do to the British at Yorktown?!" to which a VERY drunk Charles Lee answered, "Gonna make 'em go whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!". Everyone laughed and sang

"Big fun, big fun!". Just then, Eliza snarkily said, "Way to show maturity!" "Big fun, big fun,". Laurens then jumped on Eliza, bothering her, "Quit it, pervert, get off of me!" She exclaimed. Maria came to Eliza's rescue, "Yo, John, emergency. I saw some redcoats sneaking over the fence," "I hate redcoats! Where are you creeps! I'm coming for you!!" Laurens yelled.

Maria asked Eliza, "You okay?", to which Eliza replied "I didn't need your help!" while flipping her off. Maria moved Eliza's hand and said "Aw, thanks for the finger, 'Liza, but I don't need to vomit right now,". Everyone then sang, "The party's hot, hot hot, it's time for big fun, big fun!". Mulligan then said, "You need a jello shot!"We're having big fun, big fun!".

Theodosia Bartow arrived at the party then, and Angelica remarked "Theo Barftow in the flesh!""Here comes the cootie squad!" Eliza said, "We should--" "SHUT UP, 'LIZA!", "Sorry, Angie" Peggy notices Maria with Theo and said "Look who's with her! Oh my gosh!," "Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang!" All three sisters sang.

Maria said to Theodosia, "I can't believe you actually came!". Theo replied, "It's exciting, right? Excuse me, I want to say hello to John. I brought sparkling cider,". Angelica cornered Theodosia and said "Showing up here took some guts... NOW TIME TO RIP THEM OUT!". Then, Eliza held up a poster of King George. "Well, who's the King remind you of? Especially the crown!". They were making fun of the fact that Theodosia used to date a British man. "Hah!" Angelica said. "Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang!", the sisters sang.

Laurens came running their way and saying, "WHERE THE HECK ARE THOSE REDCOATS". That's when Theodosia approached him, "Hi, John. I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note..." and she handed him the sparkling cider. Laurens said to her, "What note? Why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal.", he chugged the cider and spit it out. "There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me?!" He exclaimed.

Then everyone sang, "Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang!Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety dang-a-dang! Diggety dang-a-dang! The General's gone! It's time for big fun, big fun! We're up 'till dawn having some big fun, big fun."

The Hamilsquad sang, "So let the speakers blow, he'll buy another stereo!". Then, all the soldiers sang, "George has got no clue 'bout all the crap his soldiers do! Why is he surprised whenever we're unsupervised?", then everyone sang, "It's big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Whooo!"

A/N: Wow! That was long! Thank you for reading if you stayed 'till the end! Hope you enjoyed!