Rent fan: Hey!

MR fan: Hey! You ready for our movie night?

Rent fan: Yeah!

MR fan: We should start with THE best movie-slash-broadway musical of all time!

Rent fan: Yeah...

Both: (at the same time as the other) Moulin Rogue/Rent! WHAT?!

Rent fan: Okay...you can't be serious. How can Moulin Rouge be better than a show that COMPLETELY REVOLUTIONIZED Broadway and became the cultural phenomenon of the nineties?

MR fan: You guys aren't even relevant anymore!

Rent fan: Our characters are better! Satine's got NOTHING on Mimi Marquez! Mimi is a bada** and she is a strong female character!

MR fan: Well, at least OUR male lead, Christian, is a better songwriter than yours! I mean "One Song Glory" should have been Roger's one song glory! Not that underwhelming song he wrote about EYES!

Rent fan: You take that back!

MR fan: It's true! Oh, and Roger throughout the musical is basically like "Oh boo hoo hoo! I have AIDS! I can't write a song! My life is fail! Waaah"! I mean, character development much?

Rent fan: Well Roger MIGHT have been cold and angsty at first but Mimi helped him thaw! Oh, and WE have a song that's a rousing toast to bohemia as our act one finale! Where's yours?

MR fan: Have you NOT heard "Truth, Beauty, Freedom, Love"?

Rent fan: Oh come on! That just took snipets of pop songs! It's not even original!

MR fan: Well, our story is more accurate to the source material we BOTH share: La Boheme!

Rent fan: Well, do you have original songs? Yeah...I don't think so!

MR fan:...I hate you!

Rent fan: And OUR musical deals with REAL topics, like death, disease, and drug use! We're f**king woke!

MR fan: Which brings me to another point! YOUR musical is vulgar...like...VERY vulgar. I mean, a MOONING? REAL mature, Maureen, REAL mature!

Rent fan: She did that to prove a point!

MR fan: And Mimi's hardships are NOTHING compared to Satine's!

Rent fan: So you're just gonna ignore the fact that Mimi probably left home at a pretty young age, she is a drug addict, AND she has HIV.

MR fan: Well Satine has CONSUMPTION! And she is in danger of LOSING HER JOB because the club she works in is in danger of closing down, and unlike Mimi, AND true to the source material, she DIES!

Rent fan: Well, it's not like OUR musical doesn't have angst, okay? ANGEL FREAKIN' DUMMOT SCHUNARD DIES IN THE MIDDLE OF ACT TWO AND IT BREAKS ALL OUR HEARTS!

MR fan: Well our MAIN CHARACTER dies! So it's MUCH more of an impact! Oh, and we have the better Karen Olivo performance!

In The Heights fan: Actually...

Rent fan: Who are you and how did you get in my house?

ITH fan: I have my ways. Anyway, WE have the better Karen Olivo performance, and In The Heights is the BEST musical written by the genius that is Lin Manuel-Miranda! So yeah! PEACE! (Disappears)

(Silence)

Rent fan: Okay, Rent is SO much better...

MR fan: Says you! Our musical is...

(Their arguments overlap as they talk over one another)