Mentioned: s**cide attempt, self harm, and overall not healthy mental states

A/N: honestly this should have been out three weeks ago, so I apologize. Also, if this seems slightly familiar, it's because this was posted uncompleted on april fool's. So please enjoy this longer chapter and let me know what's running though your mind as you read (because commenting while reading makes for the funniest comments ever).

"Bammie! You wouldn't guess-!"

"Wouldn't guess what? Did you overdose on vegemite? Or caffeine gum? Or coffee? I told you to make sure you actually try to sleep, or pretend to."

"Eww, coffee.... BamBam, you know I don't drink that! Anyway, I called someone by mistake last night... Long story short, he may have decided to sing me to sleep because I admitted I couldn't sleep and may have cried a bit, and he called again to ask if I slept well, and apparently we are friends at friendship level Sprout.... What do I do? I'm worried I forgot how to make friends."

"He got you to sleep!? And you didn't wake up again?! I need to meet him. He has to be a witch or something, because last time I checked you'd only stay sleeping if one of us sang you to sleep, and even then you occasionally woke up anyway. As for making friends, I think you'll be fine. You have me and Twice Noonas to talk to and the rest of my group. You'll be perfectly ok! And if you aren't, I'll beat this witch up!"

"Hyung, you don't know he's a witch yet!"

"He's not a better friend than me though, right?"

"Hyung! Obviously not! You and Yuggie and the other hyungs are my best best friends. And if Felix even wants to really be my friend it'll take him forever to get anywhere around your level."

"Felix? Did you finally make a Aussie friend?!"

BamBam asked, knowing that had been Chan's goal since he'd moved back to Australia after Got7's debut.

"Yes! But he lives in Korea, and he has a bakery, and his voice is really deep. Like when someone decides to put a demon voice in a meme video."

"Interesting! Are you sure you arent-!"

"Yah! Bammie hyung stop embarrassing Channie!"

"I'm your hyung too, Gyeomie! And you tease me more than Bambi does!"

"I'm ignoring that, Channie! I call a group video call! Bambi hyung got to keep you all to himself! I'll go and drag the hyungs down here. Ciao!"

^•^•^•^•^•^•

"Hyung! I'm back from school! Miss me?"

Jeongin sang, skipping into the back of the bakery and grabbing a box of cookies (Felix always left a labeled box right in-between the counter and the fridge that was for I.N and I.N only, and the youngest wouldn't hesitate to fight if someone attempted to steal them.)

"Duh, baby Innie. Where's JiJi?" "Felix!! How could you!? I told you not to call me JiJi anymore!"

"Payback, JiJi for calling me Yongbok last week. Now try those- after you rinse your mouth, Innie- and tell me what you think."

"Perfect! I really wanted cookies! Um, Lixie? Who is this Channie Koala with a sprout emoji? Are you dating someone without telling us?!"

"Han Peter JiJi Jisung! Why would you think that!?!? He doesn't even live here! Not to mention there's a baby present!"

"Hey! I'm not a baby, Lixie hyung! Changbin hyung said I can date now once I'm careful!"

"What- I'll deal with him later. Anyway, JiJi! He just called last night. The only reason I called back was to make sure he slept well. I think he has insomnia."

"If you say so, Lixie~. By the way, these cookies are good! Unless my tongue is saying that just because these are your cookies?"

"Maybe hyung could ask someone else to try them too? Other than the other hyungs."

"Innie! Perfect idea! But I'll do that tomorrow. I have to take these cookies to the event and pick up some new ingredients. Don't destroy anything. And JiJi, tone down the sarcasm a bit. Unless the customer is a.... Butthole."

"Orders received, Innie! Get going, Felix. Everything will be 100% fine here! Bye!"

Jisung smiled, and Felix shook his head at his friends antics, slid his phone in his pocket, grabbed the cookie boxes and left. He actually trusted Jisung and Jeongin with his bakery (even if he wouldn't ever admit to it).

^•^•^•^•^•^•

•
Koala Channie 🌱:
Uh... Felix? Did you send me a package?

Kitten Felix 🌱:
I did! Did you get it?
How are the cookies? Did the shirt fit?

Koala Channie 🌱:
I didn't try the shirt yet.
The cookies are very good! I might be on a sugar high....💫😳

Kitten Felix 🌱:
omg how many cookies did you eat? Also go try on the shirt!

Koala Channie 🌱:
The shirt fits. And I ate two of every flavor.😐 I regret eating that much on a empty stomach. 🤕

Kitten Felix 🌱:
I'm sorry.... I feel like I should have warned you. On the flip side, at the we have matching friendship shirts now! *technically you have friendship shirts with my friends too, but ignore that for now*

Koala Channie 🌱:
Not your fault. Next time I won't do that. Wdym with all your friends?

Kitten Felix 🌱:
Hyunjin hyung started the matching friendship shirt tradition. He makes the shirts himself and I asked him to make one for you. So now we all match. You don't have to be bffs with my friends tho.

Koala Channie 🌱:
maybe I will? Idk.
But give me time. I'm sort of shy. And I don't know how to act with people.

Kitten Felix 🌱:
I think you'll be fine. My bffs are crazy, but they're very nice.

Koala Channie 🌱:
Thank you Felix.
I'm suddenly sleepy.

Kitten Felix 🌱:
Good night! Sleep well.
•

^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^

•
Koala Channie 🌱:
I'm sorry. Everything is just too much, but don't think you'd is your fault. I'll miss you. Please don't miss me. Thank you for the times you made me feel human. Good bye, Lixie.

Hide this message permanently?

Yes✓ No

Xxx-xxx-1348

Save number?
Yes?✓ No? •

•

Baby bread🥖:
Seungmin hyung, something came up so I'll be gone for a bit. I'm fine though, so don't worry. I already texted the others to let them know! 🦊 •

Chat: Dance babies

Lixie🍨:
Hyunjin! Why is Jeongin gone?!? He just disappeared!

Jinnie🐁:
What do you mean Innie's gone? Wasn't he with you? And he's supposed to come over tonight!

Lixie🍨:
Exactly that.
Seungmin and Jisung said he left on a flight somewhere. But they don't know where.

Jinnie🐁:
😨
Switch to the '00 group chat.

Chat: 🐁+🐿️+🐱+🐶

Lixie🐱:
Guys, what did Innie tell you?

Hannie🐿️:
That he had family stuff come up so he has to leave.

Minmie🐶:
And he says he doesn't know when he'll be back.
I'm proud of him. He scheduled a flight and everything by himself.
And packed!!

Jinnie🐁:
You're missing the point! What is he's hurt?!
What if someone dangerous is after him?
Jeongin wouldn't even leave for family stuff. They live here and he doesn't even want to see them.

Lixie🐱:
Oh no...
What are we going to do?
We don't even know what flight he's on.
Or where he's going.

Minmie🐶:
That's a possibility. But Innie is strong, taller than you and Lix, Sungie, and he's smart.
As well as cute.
He'll be fine.

Jinnie🐁:
I'm not sure about that...
Cuddle pile at my house please?

Lixie🐱: yes please. I'll bring over some of my ingredients and we can stress bake.

Hannie🐿️:
Omw with pillows and blankets.
And tons of scented candles.

Jinnie🐁:
Don't laugh...
But I changed to Innie's clothes.
I miss him 😭

Minmie 🐶:
I'm bringing movies.
We're stealing Innie's clothes behind his back? Count me in.

Hannie🐿️:
Me to! Can't wait to get out of this suit into Innie's sweaters.

^•^•^•^•^•^•

"Excuse me? I'm Yang Jeongin... Which room is Bangchan in?"

"Only family are allowed in. You weren't on the records for the patients family, so I can't give you that information."

"But I am family. Channie's friend with Lixie hyung. And I'm Channie's cousin on the Korean side of the family."

"In that case go ahead. 5th floor ICU, first room across the right side of the nurses desk.... Good luck, kid."

"T-thank you! So much."

Jeongin beamed, before running off to the elevator and stepping in. He stares at his feet barely hearing the generic music not trusting himself to actually keep up with any conversations in English until the door screeches open at level 5.

"Hello. I'm Channie's cousin. Are visitors hours opened?"

"Yes. Let's get just you a sticker.. All good to go mate."

The too cheery nurse explains, handing Jeongin his visitor's badge. Jeongin nods, sticking it to the front of his hoodie and walking toward Room D9. He hesitates, hand on the door staring at small window. He's never done this before. What if he pulls a wire or damages the equipment? What does he do if he can't handle everything and panics? He can't tell his hyungs, knowing that they'll tell Felix immediately.

Felix... Chan was Felix's friend. He should at least be there for him since his hyung couldn't come himself. And if Chan... He shook his head trying to remove the thought. That wouldn't happen, or at least if that did, Felix would find out from him first. He assumed the thought counted, and his hyung would prefer finding out from him instead of a stranger.

He takes a deep breath, rolling his shoulder lightly and opens the door. He can't back out now.

^•^•^•^•^•

"Chan-ssi... ugh this is awkward. I guess I can call you hyung. We probably should have stressed it more, but hyung can depend on us. I hope you wake up soon. Lix hyung is getting angsty because you haven't messaged him. I couldn't let him see that message so I hid it. I told him I had a family issue come up, so he doesn't even know you're hurt. But him knowing doesn't really matter right now. So please get better soon."

He doesn't stay there much longer, deciding to head to a coffee shop and call the people he's left in charge of his company -he doesn't trust his family won't try to ruin his company from the inside as it's competition for them- despite his worries, everything there is fine and he's grateful he can stop carrying that burden.

But his hyungs? They text and call him every day, but he never responds- he can't. If he does answer, he fears he'll break and tell them everything. He slams his fork down a little too loudly startling the other customers, ignoring the stares he sees they give him though his tears. He doesn't want this anymore. He doesn't want to see the same sky, grass, and buildings Chan saw each day, doesn't want to know exactly how Chan's entire house is organized, where the boy hides the multiple spare keys, how he leaves many little messy but cute handwritten reminders and encouraging notes everywhere, doesn't want to sit on his couch and wonder if this is where the older would try Felix's cookies, doesn't want to be sitting there sobbing silently in front of Chan's favourite chocolate cake and boba. He wonders how someone would be so selfish...

Guilt hits him harshly. This isn't how he treats Seung, Jisung, Hyunjin, Felix or even Minho when they spiral almost as deep as Chan had.

"You don't know everything about someone, or what happened to them. It's impossible to read them properly when you don't know them. Don't assume, Jeongin."

Minho had told him only a day before their group had been told the dancer had been rushed to the hospital. He laughs bitterly, roughly dragging his sleeves over his cheeks, grabbing his things, paying for the food before leaving. Chan could be selfish, that was fine and Jeongin didn't know him enough to judge, but Jeongin could be selfish too.

^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^

"Yah, Bang Christopher Chan...I don't really care if you can hear me or not. I wanted to let you be selfish, but I'm tired of that. If you can't do it for Lixie hyung, do it for me. Or Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jisung. Or even Minho hyung. If he meets you he'd probably seem mean. 'Oh you're Bangchan. You seem broken. But all of us are broken so we make a perfect whole.' Hyung is crazy like that. But he's right. Stay, h- hyung...please. And then you can meet them. To sum everything up, I don't know you yet, but I want to get to know you. All of us do. So I'm going to be selfish. I'm not letting you die, hyung."

^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^

"I hope your satisfied with your dress, Miss Choi. And good luck for you wedding."

A smile lights up his face, as his latest customer leaves happily before it shatters as the door shuts. Behind the makeup his eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks have rashes from the salty tears that won't stop flowing and they're thinner. He's thinner, he realizes, laughing sarcastically. A thought flutters through his mind, he shouldn't do it, but if he's careful the boys wouldn't know until much later.

He emerges later with hidden bandages on his arms under his baby blue sweater. Tonight, he'll go see *him*. Minho hyung would be upset, they all would, but he simply wants to feel something. It'll be fine, he thinks. They don't have to know, he doesn't have to tell them. Another customer comes in, and he smiles brightly at he moves to help them. No one needs to see the fears winding their way around him. All they see is his happy, eager confidence. He'd like to keep it that way.