Long-Needed Honesty

This part was originally supposed to be in the last chapter but then it got too long (Both of it), so I had to separate it. It's time for some honesty.

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Dark clouds were covering the grey sky. It smelled like rain. The fresh afternoon air was playing with his hair and touched his face. Louis was leaning against the railing of his little balcony with a cup of tea in his hand, deep in thoughts. Luke would be here any second and Louis wasn't ready for this conversation but it needed to be done. He looked up at the clouds and prayed everything would turn out good. Deep down he was doubting this.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Louis went back inside when he heard his front door opening and the sound of those familiar keys being dropped on the kitchen counter was heard. A second later he was met with Luke's worried face. Louis' message had probably scared him. Well done ...

"Hi, Babe. Are you alright?" asked Luke directly and yes, Louis' message came off wrong. Now Luke probably thought Louis would break up with him.

"I'm good, Love. I just really need to talk to you and no, this is not a break up conversation. It's just important and maybe it will end up in a break up but not from my side of the story" rambled Louis nervously, sitting down on the couch.

"Now you're scaring me even more. What is this about?" sat Luke down next to him.

"It's about Harry" breathed Louis out shakily, feeling his palms getting sweaty.

"I don't understand. Did something happen to him?" knitted Luke his eyebrows together in confusion.

"No, not really. He's good. We're good but that wasn't necessarily always the case. I need to tell you about our past or otherwise we could end up in situations you might not understand and this could ruin everything" stared Louis down at his hands.

"Okay. What past are we talking about? This sounds like you've been a thing but you said he has been your friend since you were kids" sounded Luke's voice sceptically.

"And that's the case. We've been friends for so long but last year everything changed between us and there was a time we didn't even talk to each other. It's still a bit rocky at times and we avoid certain topics of conversation to not make it weird or anything. It's still weird and I'm feeling uncomfortable a lot" started Louis to let him in.

"Why though?" wondered Luke bewildered.

"Because I was his fake-boyfriend for a while" brought Louis out with his eyes closed.

"His what? I don't understand" blinked Luke stunned.

"Harry has been crushing on this guy, Jake, since his first day of Freshman Year. Somewhere around April last year they finally talked for the first time but it ended in Harry lying about having a boyfriend because he panicked. And that where I came in. He said it was me, knowing I wouldn't blow off his lie. Later on I offered him to keep the lie up and play pretend and obviously, he accepted or we wouldn't have this talk right now. What he didn't know though was that I was crushing on him for years and never told him for obvious reasons. And just to make that clear, I accepted to help him and not to take advantage of him or pretend he was mine. I just tried to make him happy" went Louis down the memory lane, trying to stay as neutral as possible.

"What happened then? It probably went wrong, right?" guessed Luke rightly and Louis could only nod.

"Yeah, very wrong. At first, things were normal, apart from Zayn always bugging me with questions and repeatedly saying this was dumb and I should just tell him, which I obviously couldn't. But then he started to act different. All over me in front of Jake, what was really hard for me, but ignored me the rest of the time without even noticing it. We literally did nothing together anymore apart from having stupid fights. The things he threw in my face really hurt but I just took it because I didn't want to lose him. Then the first kiss happened to get a reaction from Jake and I wasn't prepared. Everything in me tried to fight against wanting it but I'm only human. I ... he just didn't think and kept doing that. The not thinking part, not the kissing luckily. More fights came along but then Àmber's party happened and I really wish I would've been stronger" let Louis him know and had to fight against the memories overcoming him.

"That sounds like something horrible happened. Did he hurt you?" questioned Luke anxiously.

"I mean ... um ... let's just say before that party I was a virgin" fiddled Louis with his fingers, not daring to look at his boyfriend.

Silence. Only silence was between them now and this time Louis hated it. He wanted the silence to go away. There was nothing he wanted more.

"How ...? Why did he ...? What ...?" was Luke not able to ask the question.

"He was drunk and sad because Jake was about to hook-up with some guy in the room next door and was wailing about being too inexperienced for Jake. You know, virgin and all. Dumb as I was, I said he could do nothing to change that right now but he was convinced he could. He beg - ... begged me to f-fuck him and help him be ready for Jake. Saying no one could be better than his fake-boyfriend who was his best friend as well and he was convinced I had sex before, no idea why. I told him no but he kept asking and just kissed me. I pushed him away but then he said he could find someone else downstairs and my mind shut off. The thought of a random stranger taking away his virginity while he was drunk at a party didn't sit right with me and he knew that. He played with my mind and persuaded me into it. I gave in and regret it till today. I should have been stronger but I was weak and let him play with me. It was so weird for me that I wasn't even into it but he knew how to change that. It was ... I have no words for it. I was so glad when it was over but ... Zayn literally screamed at me when he found us like that and I felt so bad. Of course, he calmed down again and pitied me later on but the damage was done. This was the point of no return. Nothing could ever change that it happened, no matter how much I wish I could reverse the time and reject him" explained Louis to him in detail and felt himself shake at the thought of it. To his surprise, Luke put his hands on top of Louis' to calm his body down.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this and your first time happened in that way. You don't deserve this. I don't understand how he could do that to you, no matter if he was drunk or knew about your feelings or not. It was ignorant and so wrong" was Luke obviously mad at Harry now.

"I can't disagree with that but I left that in the past. Kind of" smiled Louis curtly at him.

"It's difficult to leave this behind. I see that. This had to be really bad and pain ...".

"But it got worse" cut Louis him off, bracing himself to relive his most horrible heartbreak. "After this incident we didn't talk. Not one word until his mother invited me over for dinner. I really love her but this was so awkward. Awkward turned into unbearable when Harry started raving about Jake and prom. I couldn't watch that any longer and excused myself but he followed me. It ended in a stupid fight because he thought I was with Zayn or whatever. I c ... I exposed myself that day without wanting to do it and when I was explaining myself he just kissed me. My heart was at peace but I was so confused and scared but he said everything was gonna be alright. I believed him and a part of me believed this could be my moment but I was wrong".

"What did he do to hurt you even more?" dared Luke to ask but looked like he was afraid of the answer.

"He told me he would go on a date with Jake back in school completely random without any warning after ignoring my texts. In that moment, my heart shattered into pieces. I'm not gonna lie. I felt dumb for even considering he could like me back when I knew he only wanted Jake and didn't give a shit about me. He never cared one bit, just rambled on about Jake and their date and how they had sex while I was sitting right in front of him. It escalated into a huge fight shortly before prom where things got broken that can never be healed again, including our former friendship and trust we shared. It's broken" opened Louis up to his boyfriend, feeling tears prickling behind his eyes.

"He was at fault that you fell of that ladded, wasn't he?" connected Luke the dots in his head.

"It was an accident. Jake had just asked him out to prom and he was un ...".

"Don't defend him. You can't play football anymore because of that accident. He ruined something you loved" cut Luke him off, sounding mad.

"True. I was disappointed and so mad at him that day. Liam and the girls cancelled their friendship on that day and tried to comfort me but it was no use. I was broken and kept my distance just to get thrown at my face that I had no reason to be hurt just because Jake was the one fucking him and not me. Then he told me to leave him alone, so I did. And what did he do? He showed up at my front door to tell me he broke up with Jake because he had realised he was into me. You know, saying Jake was different than he thought and I have always been there and treated him right and all that bullshit. I was never more hurt than in this very moment. Here was my crush telling me he liked me too and I never felt more fooled. He had to lie to himself to like me just because Jake wasn't what he wanted. I felt like he was mocking me. He really thought saying sorry would make up for everything he did to me. He put me through hell and thought liking me back would make me forget about all of it. No, I wasn't having it and asked him to leave me alone and give me the time and space I needed to get over him. After this we didn't talk for weeks until I decided it was about time to leave this behind" finished Louis up his story. The painful part was over. Now only the hard part was left.

"I really don't know how you could leave this behind. He broke you and you still let him come back into your life. You have a heart of gold, Louis. He can be lucky to have you back. But now with Josh he looks different than you described it though" pointed Luke out observingly.

"I guess, he learned something and Josh is his soulmate after all" said Louis bitterly.

"You don't sound so happy about this. Are you still ... do you have feelings for Harry after all this time?" asked Luke him sadly.

"I wish I could deny this statement and don't feel like I'm lying to you and myself but I can't" admitted Louis with a heavy sigh. "My feelings for Harry have been a constant in my life for almost six years and it takes a while to get over them but I'm doing a good job so far. It was hard at first but then I met you. You're amazing and showed interest in me from the start but that overwhelmed me a lot. I wasn't used to someone actually wanting me, like me as a first choice and not someone else. It felt good but I wasn't sure if giving you a chance was a good idea. I needed to make sure I could see Harry only as a friend and be fair to you. Now being here with you shows that I can but it's hard some days".

"Because you're not fully over him yet" understood Luke what he meant. "When we were all in the library together you've been so tense because of Harry and Josh. It was bothering you in some way but you didn't want that. Was that why you wanted to bottom that day? It came out of nowhere".

"In a way, yeah. That sounds stupid, I know. How does that make sense, but for me it did in that moment. I never thought I would ever do this but by now, I'm getting into this, to be honest. It's nice" confessed Louis sheepishly. "But Luke, what I'm trying to say here is that I really like you. I'm not using you to get over him. I let you in on all of this to make you understand why I sometimes react in the way I do. It will take some time to completely let go of Harry in that way but I'm doing good and I don't wanna lose you. I need you in my life and I wanna be with you and I really trust you".

Luke lifted Louis' chin up and made them lock eyes. "I'm glad you told me this, Louis. Now I can understand you better and I will be here for you when you need me. I won't leave, Baby. You captivated me and even though someone else is still in the picture I can't stay away. I appreciate your honesty and believe you when you say you want to be with me and not him".

Luke really was the best person on this planet. How could he be so understanding and not mad at Louis? Feeling like a weight was being lifted off his shoulder, Louis beamed at Luke and connected their lips in a gentle kiss. Immediately, Luke kissed him back and cupped Louis' face with his big hands. Louis let himself be laid down on the couch and felt the need to be closer to Luke washing over him.

They deepened the kiss but Louis could feel some hesitation on Luke's side and he understood why. Louis broke away from the kiss and looked deep into Luke's eyes. "I want you and only you".

Luke's whole face lit up and he kissed Louis again. Quickly, it got more heated and sloppier with them humping each other on the couch. They got rid of their clothes and roamed each other's bodies. Louis rutted their hips together and could hardly wait for what was about to come but he needed to make sure of something beforehand.

"Just to make this clear again. I'm not doing this right now because of H ..." wanted Louis to say but Luke shut him up with a kiss.

"I know. I trust you too, you know?!" grinned Luke down at him. "So, what do you want today?".

"Sounds maybe weird but I'd like to be able to walk normally later today because otherwise Zayn would not shut up for one second about my, in his eyes, worrisome reasons to bottom. Such a drama queen. But I really need you right now, Baby" answered Louis and knew he sounded crazy.

"That makes sense, actually. We should not give him a reason to get on your nerves. I know something" was Luke surprisingly not weirded out.

Curious about what he could mean, Louis just waited for Luke to do something. Suddenly, Louis felt Luke's tongue on his rim and let out a surprised moan. His eyes shut close at the feeling when Luke started to lick over it more often. With all his willpower, Louis tried to keep his eyes open for more than one second to prove to himself that Zayn was wrong when Luke pushed his tongue inside of him, but he couldn't. His eyes stayed close while Luke was eating him out and Louis kept telling himself he wasn't pretending that it was Harry who was eating him out instead of Luke until he came onto his chest. When he found himself back down on his knees between Luke's legs, sucking him off, Louis continued convincing himself that he wasn't pretending anything and he wasn't imagining Harry's dick instead of Luke's dick in his mouth right now. He was doing a good job at it until Luke came down his throat and Louis opened his eyes, seeing Luke on the couch and not Harry. He needed to try harder to make his words turn out to be true.

When they both were dressed again they left Louis' flat to meet up with his friends at the karaoke bar. It was the first time Luke tagged along but Louis had a deal with Luke. In the bar, Louis found his friends pretty fast and Zayn directly dragged him to the side, wanting to know if Louis told Luke everything. How could it be different?

"Yes, I told him everything. The past, the present. He understood my point and is still with me. There you go" told Louis him curtly.

"Felt good to let it all out, mh?" smirked Zayn at him.

"It did, yeah. I was afraid but it was for nothing. We're working through this until I'm over Bambi" tried Louis to avoid saying Harry's name just in case he was near.

"And the sex part?" hooked Zayn just to make sure.

"Was amazing. Thanks for asking" winked Louis smugly at him, not wanting to talk about it again.

"You dirty little shit. That's not what I me ...".

"Oh, you had sex before you came? Damn, that's great. A good mood to be in to sing in front of strangers. Should have done that, too" crashed Harry their conversation and Louis felt his cheeks heating up at his words.

"Then you wouldn't have been able to walk onto that stage, Harold. Bottom problems" nudged Zayn Harry and then threw Louis a look.

"I avoided giving my boyfriend that handicap. I'm creative" dodged Louis Zayn's weird tries.

"And I'm disgusted. I'm gonna find Liam and keep him from drinking" left Zayn them alone.

"Good to see you two still talk about everything so openly. Some things never change" noted Harry happily.

"But some do" said Louis dryly, causing Harry to lose his smile. "We never did that so carelessly in a bar. Should keep that private".

"Yeah maybe but now it's out in the open. So, Luke is here, yeah?" asked Harry awkwardly.

Louis nodded and started fiddling with his bracelet. "Right over there with A and A. Get along quite good".

"I see you're actually wearing my bracelet. Didn't think you would" pointed Harry at the charms bracelet around Louis' wrist.

"Of course, I do. Haven't taken it off since you gave it to me. Why should I not wear it?" clarified Louis confusedly.

"Maybe you didn't mean what you s ...".

"Here you are, Babe" interrupted Luke them, wrapping Louis up in his arms. "Sorry, did I interrupt anything?".

"No, we were just talking. About you actually, Luke" smiled Harry at Louis' boyfriend.

"Really? You talked about me, Babe?" looked Luke down at Louis in his arms.

"Of course. Who else should I talk about?" looked Louis back at him fondly.

"Hazza, come over here. I wanna sing with you" called Niall loudly over to him.

With a last smile, Harry walked over to Niall and took the mic. Immediately, Louis turned around in Luke's arms and eyed his face. He didn't look too happy and Louis wanted to know why. "What's wrong, Baby?".

"I thought you got that bracelet from your mum or your sisters because you wear it all the time but you got it from Harry. Are you sure you don't still want him? This looks pretty thoughtful" had Luke a deep frown on his face, definitely sounding jealous and hurt.

"This means nothing. It's just a gift from a friend, Luke. I don't wanna be with Harry. I'm with you and happy about it" cleared Louis up quickly, wanting to take every bit of doubt away from Luke and his own heart.

"If you're sure ..." trailed Luke off, a smile coming through.

"I am" pecked Louis his lips sweetly.

"Um .. I don't wanna bother you but the boys called for you. You didn't react so I just came here to ... They wanna sing a song with you" coughed Harry awkwardly close to them, startling both boys.

Louis shortly glanced at Harry, who looked down on the floor. Then he looked back at Luke, who eyed Harry up and down, probably still mad because of everything he got to know about Harry today. Louis could understand that but didn't want the past to ruin the present moment for all of them. So, he caressed Luke's cheek softly, making him look at Louis again, smiled at his boyfriend and then faced Harry again.

"We're coming".  


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Luke knows everything and understands. Do you? Objectively spoken, would you advise Louis to pick Hayden or Luke?

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