"You're okay, Haz?" listened Louis hesitantly when he had closed the door behind him after seeing Jake going into the room next door with an unknown guy.

"I'm fucking fine" groaned Harry. "Jake is next door fucking some guy named Newt and I can do nothing".

"I'd like to say the right thing to build you up but I don't know what to say" approached Louis him hesitantly.

"Why? You always know what to say. You always say something even if no one wants to hear it. You just talk. Just like me right now. I should be there with Jake but he would laugh at me if he knew I'm a virgin. I have no chance whatsoever" wailed Harry dramatically, obviously drunk so Louis tried not to be hurt by his words.

"It shouldn't matter if you're a virgin or not" noted Louis softly.

"But it does. Like this, I will never have a chance. Newt next door has more of a chance. He is not fake dating anyone and had sex before. I didn't" whined Harry drunkenly.

"Jake shouldn't care about that. It's not like you should or can change that for him" replied Louis thoughtlessly.

At that, Harry's head snapped up and he looked at Louis. "Oh, but I can".

"What are you saying, Haz?" stared Louis at him, already regretting his own words.

"I can change that fact and best right now so that he can hear it" talked Harry more to himself.

"Haz, what ...".

"Fuck me, Louis" cut Harry him off.

"What?!" exclaimed Louis coughingly.

"I want you to fuck me, right now and right here. I have to lose this stupid virginity and who's better for this than my fake boyfriend?! My best friend, who already had sex and can just help me out" walked Harry closer to him surely.

Was he being serious? Was that really happening right now? Harry did not just say that. He couldn't mean this. The thought alone was wrong and Louis felt sick. No, never could he take advantage of Harry like this. No, never would he just fuck his best friend while he was drunk and didn't even want him. No way.

"You're drunk, Harry. Smashed. Out of your mind. You don't mean that. It's stupid. We can't do that" walked Louis backwards away from him.

"We can and we will. Louis, I need to have sex right now. It doesn't matter that I'm supposedly drunk. Maybe even better. Like this, I won't remember most of it and it won't be weird between us. I mean, it won't be weird anyway because it's not like it just happened out of nowhere and it means anything. Just a friend helping another friend out" stepped Harry into Louis' personal space.

"I'm your best friend and Jake your crush and you're drunk. We shouldn't do this. No way" shook Louis rapidly his head. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want his first time to be with a drunken Harry at a party just because Harry was being stupid.

"Okay, fine. Be selfish and don't help me out. I find someone else" turned Harry away from Louis and walked over to the door.

"Woah, wait. What do you mean someone else?" took Louis a hold of his wrist to stop him.

"The house his full of people, at least half of them are horny. I will find someone to fuck me if you don't wanna do it" said Harry indifferent and Louis just stared at him in shock. He couldn't mean that.

"You can't just ask a stranger to fuck you. That's not you. Why would you want to lose your virginity to a stranger? It's your first time" held Louis him in place, feeling troubled and just so overwhelmed.

"It's nothing special. Just want to get over with it. You don't wanna do it, so I find someone else. Simple as that" broke Harry free from Louis' strong grip on his wrist.

"It's gonna be a horrible experience. He won't know you and won't care. You can't do that" insisted Louis desperately.

"And you can't stop me" shut Harry him up, walking closer to him again. "If you want someone to fuck me who cares then you should do it. Seems like you care a lot about my first time having a dick in my ass. Just do me the favour and fuck me or do you want me to fuck a stranger from downstairs?".

A huge chaos was taking place in Louis' head. A conflict was growing in his stomach and he knew what he should do and what he wanted to do but he felt himself crumble already. Because he didn't answer Harry he just attacked Louis' lips. He crashed their lips together and started heavily making out with Louis, who was shell-shocked. All of this was wrong and he just felt used. Being close to tears, he pushed Harry away and broke the kiss.

"Harry, stop. You can't just do that. I didn't agree on this" glared Louis at him.

"Fine. Whatever. Stay here. I'll find someone else" shrugged Harry and opened the room door.

"Wait!" held Louis him back.

The thought of a drunken stranger touching his Harry made Louis feel sick. He couldn't handle the picture of some pervert taking away Harry's virginity. Somewhere in his heart, Louis knew there was the possibility Harry was doing this on purpose because he knew how to push Louis' buttons and get what he wanted. He knew Louis would never allow a stranger to touch him and Louis knew that Harry knew that but ignored it. He couldn't risk it.

"I um ... okay, I give you what you want" gave Louis in.

"Wonderful" closed and locked Harry the door satisfied.

Determined, Harry walked over to Louis, grabbed his face and crashed their lips together again. Tensely, Louis reacted to the heated kiss and already regretted coming to this party tonight. Everything inside of him was screaming at him to stop but he forced himself to let it happen.

Harry grabbed Louis by the waist and walked them backwards over to the bed inside of this room. Louis fell down on the bed with Harry underneath him. Their tongues danced together and Louis knew he should probably take more control over everything and step up the game but he couldn't do it. He was just hesitantly and tensely touching Harry without causing any kind of friction because this was just simply wrong.

"C'mon, Louis. Touch me properly. Rip off that blouse like you wanted to do it earlier. Fuck me and claim me as yours" asked Harry of him, affecting Louis with his words. "For tonight only".

Gently, Louis got rid of Harry's blouse and his own t-shirt. Then he traced with his fingers carefully all over Harry's chest until he had reached the pants. Slowly, he opened them and with Harry's help, he got rid of them as well. Seeing Harry like this took Louis' breath away. He was just pure perfection and Louis stared at every single inch of his body.

"Lou, no teasing or foreplay. Just get to the point. I can hear Jake with Newt next door" niggled Harry and Louis could hear moans coming from inside the other room.

"We um can't. We don't have any s-stuff" cleared Louis his throat embarrassed.

Rolling his eyes, Harry leaned over to the bedside table. Carelessly, he handed Louis the lube and a condom. "We can reimburse them someday".

With shaking hands, Louis took the items and put them down next to him. Impatiently, Harry took of his boxers and bared himself completely in front of Louis. He lay down on his back and spread his legs for Louis to get to work finally. With all his willpower, Louis still tried not to look at Harry too much. He shouldn't see his best friend like this.

"I um ... tell me when it hurts" said Louis but avoided looking at him.

"Just do it already" urged Harry him.

From the moment Louis pushed his finger inside all Louis cared about was Harry's well-being. He was being as careful as possible and took notice of every little reaction. From bad ones to good ones. He wanted to make sure that this was still somehow good for Harry. And it looked like it was working. Harry was falling apart underneath him and this sight should turn him on but all Louis felt was sadness.

"Louis, I want your dick now. Please, too close already" breathed Harry out pleadingly.

Louis withdrew his fingers and wiped them clean on the sheets. He took off his boxers and saw Harry frowning at the sight. Now Louis really felt like he wasn't good enough. Harry didn't seem to like what he saw one bit. If Louis didn't feel bad with palming himself in front of Harry already, then he was feeling even worse now.

"Let me get you in the mood" purred Harry sexily and leaned over to Louis, grabbing for his dick.

When Harry touched the tip, Louis let out an aroused hiss. Strangely, Harry knew what he was doing and no matter how much Louis hated this right now, Harry still managed to turn him on and get him rock-hard. When Louis was close, Harry let go of his dick and lay back down on the bed and opened his legs for Louis.

Louis was in some kind of trance. He knew this moment would never come back and would ruin everything in the morning, so Louis leaned over Harry and kissed him. Not heated or dirty or anything. No, slow and soft and gentle, putting all of his hidden emotions in the kiss. Before Harry could question anything, Louis got ready for what Harry really wanted and pushed inside. The feeling was overwhelming, he won't lie on that. It would make him happy if the circumstances would be different. But they weren't, so he only focused on Harry and making him come. When he did, Louis was mesmerized but the magic was gone as soon as they both came down from their High.

Awkwardly and ashamed of himself, Louis stood up and threw the condom away. He put his boxers back on and just stared at Harry lying on the bed. He couldn't believe this really just happened. How did it ever come to this?

"What the hell, Louis?!" exclaimed Zayn loudly when he found out about what happened between them.

"I know this is bad. Don't make me feel even worse" wrapped Louis his arms around himself protectively.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I didn't meant to scream at you. I just can't believe it. Did he really go this far?" calmed Zayn down.

"We, Javy. It was both of us" corrected Louis him.

"But we both know that you didn't want this. I've known about your crush for years now and I know you never even thought about doing this because you always said it would be wrong. Don't try to convince me he didn't talk you into this in some fucked up way" saw Zayn right through him.

"I just ... I couldn't watch him going down and chatting up some stranger just to ... This would have broken me even more" wrestled Louis for words.

"But this right here has broken your soul" stroked Zayn over Louis' upper arms. With a choked up cry, Louis fell into Zayn's arms and could only agree with him in his mind.

A broken soul. Yes, that was all that was left of Louis and he knew that right now. He had thought it had gotten better since Uni had started and Luke has been in his life but he was wrong. His soul was still broken and Louis wasn't sure there would ever be a cure. Harry had broken his soul that night and he should hate him but he couldn't. He was pathetically in love with the person that had broken him the most and Louis hated himself for it.

And Louis really wished sometimes that after this freaking night they would have stopped seeing each other. That everything would have stopped and didn't go even more downhill but the truth only made things worse and that was why Louis never wanted to tell Harry the truth ever again. Last time he lost everything.

"What's the matter, Louis?" spoke Hayde up, starling Louis in the process.

"Nothing. Just a headache" put Louis a hand over his heart. He didn't hear Harry coming after him.

"Bullshit. I know you way too good. Why did you leave the second I started talking about Jake? I mean, I know you don't like him but you could be happy for me" walked Harry over to him.

"I am happy for you, Haz. It's just weird between us and I haven't heard anything from you since you persuaded me into s – sleeping with you and I just can't ...".

"Woah, woah, woah. What are you talking about? I did not persuade you into doing anything. You agreed willingly" cut Harry him off.

"What other choice did I have? You literally tricked me into doing it by saying you would just ask a stranger, knowing really well I would never let that happen because I don't want you to get hurt. You played with my mind and don't push it on being drunk. You still knew what you wanted. God, that was so wrong and fucked up" exploded Louis obviously angry. He couldn't believe Harry didn't see how wrong this was.

"Wrong, yeah? Good to know that I was that bad. Makes me feel really good" huffed Harry offended.

"Stop thinking about yourself for one second, Harry. This is not only about you. We are friends. This was one step too far and just to make Jake jealous. God, this is bad. Did you think about me for one second?" snapped Louis at him. This night has ruined him and he could never undo it.

"I'm sorry that Zayn got mad at you. Yes, I heard that. Sucks that he lost a piece in his game. He should stop using you for sex anyway. So, you're welcome" opened Harry his door while talking and walked inside of his room.

"What the hell are you talking about? There's nothing between me and Zayn. I'm not into him" clarified Louis shocked.

"Yeah, sure. Stop lying to me. I saw you kissing, remember? I noticed a lot of things, Louis. I'm not stupid. Just admit it" turned Harry back around to Louis.

"I don't have feelings for Zayn" stated Louis surely.

"Oh, c'mon. I know you have a crush on someone and you said it's impossible. It can only be Zayn because he is messing around with so many people. You never said it but I know it's him. You deserve better than him but fine. If you want him, but make sure he drops the rest. But don't blame me for your problems, Louis. Maybe it was good that Zayn was jealous. Like this, he probably realised what he has and how lucky he is to h ...".

"For the last time. I don't like Zayn" cut Louis him off. Harry was really pissing him off right now.

"For fuck's sake, Louis. Don't be so stubborn and just say it. Then you can finally stop hating Jake, even though I can't see how this is related but it doesn't matter. You like Zayn. Not that hard" insisted Harry stubbornly.

"God damn it, Harry. I like you and not Zayn. Stop saying I like him. He's just a friend" burst Louis out but then bit down on his bottom lip and turned completely pale in the face. Fuck, why did he say that?

Harry just stared at him in pure shock. "You like me?".

"Of course, I do. We're best friends. Would be weird if I don't like you, but yeah. You're the one I'm crushing on and you don't wanna know for how long. Zayn knows that and just tries to protect me and my heart but it belongs to you anyway. No way to safe it. And I know you don't feel the same but I can't help it" confessed Louis meekly. There was no way to get out of this apart from being honest.

"That's why you agreed. The fake-dating and the party" connected Harry the dots in his mind.

"No, don't even think that. I agreed on the dating thing to help you and the party was just wrong but I couldn't let a stranger touch you. I'd even prefer Jake overthat option" cleared Louis up directly. Harry couldn't even think that.

"And you never even told me" said Harry more to himself, still in absolute shock.

"I never wanted you to know because it wouldn't change anything, apart from you looking differently at me and I don't want that. I know you like Jake and that for years. I still remember the day you first saw him. Until that happened I had the hope in my heart somewhere that maybe one day we could happen but since then I know for sure it's impossible and that's okay with me. I only want you to be happy and if that means making sure Jake is your boyfriend then that's it. I don't care. Zayn says I'm stupid but I just really care about you and only want your happiness. Please, don't hate me now or end our friendship. Just pretend this conversation never happened and you don't know about my f ...".

Louis' nervous rambling was cut off by Harry's lips on his own. Louis was completely shocked and didn't know what was going on. Why was Harry kissing him? Did he feel the same, after all? Was he just trying to figure something out? Louis couldn't say what was going on but he didn't care. Harry was kissing him and his heart was happy.

When Harry broke away from the kiss, Louis looked at him with pure confusion on his face. Wordlessly, Harry took his hand and led them over to his bed. They lay down and Harry snuggled up to Louis like always. Louis' heartbeat quickened up and he tried to calm his crazy-going thoughts. Harry drew circles on Louis' arm with his finger and Louis got Goosebumps everywhere.

"Haz, what a ..." wanted Louis to ask what was about to happen with them now but Harry didn't let him speak.

"Sh, it's okay, Lou. We're okay" assured Harry him and Louis believed him. Everything would be good.

"Good" laughed Louis intoxicatedly. "Horrible would describe this better".

He emptied another glass and wanted to put it down on the table but it crashed to the floor and shattered into millions of tiny pieces. The sight madeLouis laugh even more.

"Now it looks like my heart" slurred Louis, grabbing for his phone.

"Haz, you shattered my heart like a broken glass of wine. Or no, glass of vodka mixed with whiskey and ... no clue what it was. Thanks for giving me hope and then destroying me completely. Now I'll never be able to ever love and trust someone in my life again" hiccuped Louis into his phone, thinking back about the day of the days.

"Hi, Haz. How are you? Did you get my text yesterday?" greeted Louis him with a shy smile, Liam and Zayn right behind him.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot about it. Got an important call" apologised Harry half-heartedly, making Louis frown.

"Oh, okay. Something good?" hooked Louis pained. For hours he had waited for Harry to text him back because all he wanted to do was talk to him but he never got an answer.

"Really good. While we're at it. Our dating thing is over. I told Jake we broke up. He asked me out yesterday" informed Harry him neutrally but broke into a huge grin after he mentioned Jake asking him out.

"What?!" exclaimed all of his friends at the same time.

Louis was just staring at him, hearing his heart break. For one second, one pathetic embarrassing second, Louis had actually thought the kiss could have meant something but no, all Harry wanted was Jake. Always Jake. Louis could never compete with him.

"Woah, slowly. How did that happen? I need details" was Sean completely overwhelmed but obviously happy for him.

"He called me and wanted to meet up. In the park nearby he asked me out and he was so nervous because of my 'boyfriend'. Told him we didn't work out obviously and now we're going on a date tonight" told Harry them overly excited.

"And you couldn't tell him that earlier? It had to be like this?!" glared Zayn angrily at Harry.

"Damn, calm down. I was busy and had other things on my mind. I told all of you now. The act is over. Now the only thing that is important is my date".

"You have a date?!" came Niall finally walking towards them with Àmber.

"Yes and you would know that if you were on time for once" tried Harry to stay serious but failed.

"He was buying some candy on the way. I had to drag him here. So, what date are we talking about?" informed Àmber them with a chuckle.

"My date with Jake tonight" started Harry grinning again.

"Oh My God! This is fucking amazing, Hazza" fell Niall into his arms.

"I know, right? Finally" hopped Harry up and down with Niall.

"I'm getting sick" muttered Zayn under his breath and dragged Louis away with him and Liam. "Are you okay?".

"I'm fine" croaked Louis out.

"No, you're not. You're hurting. Badly and I understand why" grabbed Liam for his hand.

"Just ... Can we just go?" wanted Louis to get away from here.

"Of course".

"Always".

And the two of them have always been there for Louis. Never had they let him down. They had tried everything to distract Louis but all he could see was Harry talking about Jake. Harry telling them about his date and feeling like someone had punched him when Harry hinted at them having sex already. Liam, Aria and Àmber were shocked when they got to know about what happened at the party but Zayn was by his side through everything. He was there when everything fell apart and their friendship was broken forever without a chance to be repaired.

"Haz, can you hold the ladder for me? I have to g ...".

"Sure thing, Louis" cut Harry him off and took a hold of the ladder, letting Louis climb up on it.

Concentrated, Louis tried to attach the garlands to the walls of the big hall but it was very difficult. Suddenly he felt the ladder wobble because someone had crashed against it and he lost his balance. With a loud crash, Louis fell of the ladder and crashed to the floor, only being able to protect hisface but his ankle got twisted badly and hurt like hell. Zayn was directly by his side.

"Harry, what the fuck!" marched Liam over to Harry, who was not even watching them, grabbed his shoulder and turned him around to them.

Louis was still lying on the floor, trying to bite down the pain in his ankle and his wrist while Zayn was observing every inch of him. Àmber and Aria were close to them and just glared at Harry while Sean and Niall looked pretty lost. In the distance he heard a door close and just knew they were all alone now. Jake and his friends had left. Of course.

"What's the matter?" shrugged Harry Liam's hands off.

"Are you seriously asking this? You were supposed to hold the ladder and not knock it over! You pushed your best friend of the fucking ladder although he has a game tomorrow and is now injured. God damn it, Harry" was Liam furious.

"It wasn't on purpose. Just an accident. Chill, Lima Bean" held Harry his hands up in defence.

"Don't tell me to chill. Fucking apologise to Louis" ordered Liam peeved.

"Don't really know why but fine. Louis, I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose" apologised Harry half-heartedly while Zayn was helping him up onto his feet.

"Doesn't really sound like you mean it. Do you care at all?" asked Zayn him upset.

"Don't get on my nerves now, Zayn. I apologised even though it's nothing. Be happy with it" rolled Harry his eyes at him.

"Nothing? You mean this is nothing?" spoke Louis up now and pointed at his obviously injured ankle. He was seething with anger. "I have a fucking game tomorrow and it's very important and my last one. How can you be so careless. Holding a ladder is not that complicated".

"What was more important anyway?" wanted Zayn to know angrily.

"Jake asked me out to prom" told Harry them all with a a big grin.

Oh, and of course. Jake was more important than anyone else again. Harry really only cared about him and now Louis was injured because of his ignorance. Louis was fed up with this once and for all. Jake wasn't good for Harry and Louis deserved better than this.

"Wow, Hazza, that's am ...".

"That's all?" cut Zayn Niall off riled up. "You let your best friend down and hurt him in the process because of that jerk?".

"Hey, don't talk about Jake like this. He is amazing and just asked me out and I'm really happy about this. I already said sorry and c'mon, it's not that bad. He can still stand" defended Harry his crush directly.

"You do see that hand on my waist, right? Zayn is literally holding me up" remarked Louis bitterly.

"He is only using this opportunity to get back in your pants after you cheated on him. That's the only thing he wants" shot Harry back surely.

"Says the one fucking on the toilet at his first date. A classy move" was Louis not having anyof it.

"You have no right to be jealous, Louis. Just because you took my virginity you have no claim on me. I love Jake and not you. Well, be happy you were able to use me once to know how it feels because you will never have it again" said Harry accusingly in a dark voice, really getting Louis where it hurt the most and Harry knew that.

"I never used you. You fucking forced me into this with your mind games. Don't put this on me now. We both fucked up. And just to make this clear, I don't even want it again. Never wanted it in the first place" clarified Louis in a hurt voice.

"Yeah, sure" snorted Harry disbelievingly.

"Not everyone wants to fuck you. Some people deeply care about you" chipped Zayn in incensed.

"I don't need his caring. I'm with Jake and he asked me to prom. Those are the facts. Get this in your brains. I don't want you, Louis. Not in this life. Clear enough?" cleared Hayde up once and for all.

"Crystal" mumbled Louis quietly. That really had just broken all of him. His heart, his soul, his dignity, his spirit, his everything. He felt like crying.

"Do you have to hurt him like this?" was Zayn suddenly in his face.

"Gosh, chill" groaned Harry annoyed.

"Don't tell me to chill when yo ujust purposely hurt your best friend and made him feel like shit and that for nothing. Friends come first. Jake shouldn't be your first priority. What about Louis?" flared Zayn's nostrils.

"I'm not into him. Why can't you understand that?" was Harry losing his patience.

"Oh, we got this but that's not the point right now. Why does Jake interest you more than Louis' injured ankle, which is still your fault?" snapped Zayn angrily athim.

"Don't make drama where there is n ...".

"He is right, Harry" cut Louis him off in a neutral voice. "You always told Javy how great friends we are but I can't see that right now. You literally don't give a shit".

"About this? It's ridiculous. Why can't you all let me enjoy my moment with Jake?" niggled Harry without understanding.

"Why is Jake so much moreimportant than me?!" exclaimed Louis desperately, not caring about anything anymore. It was already over and done. "I'm your best friend. I've always been there for you, always by your side. Since we were little kids but you keep on hurting me because of him, Harry. Can't you see what's happening right now? You're only hurting me. God, damn it! Stop being so ignorant and open your eyes. Look around! I'm the one who always built you up and encouraged you to be who you want to be. I dried your tears, not Jake. Harry, I loved you first and not Jake. He didn't even care about you before you dated me".

Emotionlessly, Harry looked at his life-long best friend, who had tears on his face. His words only made him even angrier than before. Those angry-looking eyes hit Louis hard. How could Harry be like this? Had he been so wrong with him all this time?

"It's not my fault you like me and have to watch someone else making me happy, Louis. You can't hold that against me. I just don't love you. Deal with it. You're being ridiculous. You told me to look around but have you done the same? You just ruined our whole friendship because of your stupid feelings. You should have kept them in but now you destroyed everything" stood Harry his ground.

"You did not just say that. You're unbelievable. How can you even ...".

"Javy, let it be" held Louis Zayn back before he turned back around to face Harry. "You're right. Our friendship is ruined. But not because of me and it wasn't ruined today. It was ruined from the moment you started using me for your own good and stopped caring about anyone else except for yourself. I just failed to see it sooner. Have fun feeling like the centre of the universe, Harry. Hopefully Jake is worth losing everything we had".

"Are you fucking serious? I w ...".

"Just don't. Give it a rest" stopped Zayn him from talking while steadying Louis by the waist on their way to the door.

"I'm so done with you" shook Liam his head and followed his friends out the door.

As soon as Louis was out the door, he broke down in Zayn's arms. He felt absolutely betrayed and empty and numb and just so stupid. His heart was hurting and Louis felt like he couldn't breathe. Everything was lying in broken pieces right in front of his feet. That was the moment Louis had lost everything, including his will to hold on.

Wanting to numb his pain, Louis lifted himself off the floor and tip-toed around the shards on his floor to get into the kitchen. He opened a beer bottle and chucked it down until it was empty in less than a minute. He had lost count on how much he had actually drunk in the last two hours. He wanted to forget but the song in the background just made him remember another moment with Harry. He related way too much to those lyrics.

You can't be serious, coming back when I'm finally happy. Knowing back then I wanted you so badly but you didn't give a shit. You never cared one bit. So, what are your intentions now? I'm really curious.

I always thought meeting you was fate. I was so wrong and ended up writing this song, cause I'm tired of being strong. Tired of pretending I'm fine and brokenly sipping on a glass of wine. For years I wanted you to be mine, wished that you stayed. Now you come around and say you love me too and I'm sorry if I'm now the one hurting you but it's too late. I can't love you a second time.

Louis dropped his pen when the doorbell rang. He went to the door and opened it. He regretted this the moment he spotted Harry standing there. He was not ready to see him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Louis in a cold voice.

"I wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?" cleared Harry his dry throat.

"No, we should do this outside. The younger twins are about to go to bed" grabbed Louis for his coat and put on his shoes.

Silently, they walked a bit away from the house and stopped in their park by their playground close to a bench. "So, what did you want to talk about?".

"I just broke up with Jake" said Harry directly and Louis didn't understand what he was supposed to do with that information now. "You're not saying anything".

"What do you want me to say? That I'm happy about it or sad? This might surprise you but I don't care. Of course, it's sad and I'm sorry for you but don't expect a big reaction" replied Louis indifferent.

"I broke up with him because I realised he wasn't what I expected him to be and not what I really want. It was nice but not enough. You were right. He didn't know much about me and that was partly my fault because we never had real conversations. Only physically talks. But I want more than that and I know this now" told Harry him, sounding hopeful.

"It's good that you found that out but I really don't get why you're telling me all of this. You said I should leave you alone, remember? We're not necessarily friends anymore, Harry" stared Louis into the growing darkness of the park instead of looking at Harry. The swings were right in his sight and Louis felt his throat going dry.

"I know and I'm sorry for saying that. I was dumb and a bit blind. I miss you a lot, Louis. And I realised that I might actually like you instead of Jake" confessed Harry apologetic.

At that, Louis' head snapped into his direction with an empty look on his face. Those words left him cold and he really wanted to just leave. "Oh really?".

"Yeah, really. I thought Jake would be different, more kind and nice. Not that he is mean or anything, but yeah. I noticed that those are all things I like about you. You have always been gentle with me and so caring and you've always been there. Always supported and protected me. You always have my back and I like you for that" opened Harry up to him.

"You like me because I'm a constant in your life?" hooked Louis disbelievingly. It was a great feeling to know that you were wanted because you have always been taken for granted. Wonderful.

"Yes and I realised I mistreated you big time and I wanna say sorry for that. I crossed some lines I shouldn't have but I also don't really regret it completely because it helped me realise some things. There was always a huge difference between you and Jake. He has always been a bit more rough and fast and I didn't expect that because you were so gentle" went Harry on and Louis couldn't believe what he had just heard. Unbelievable.

"So, you like me because Jake fucked you hard and I didn't?" twisted Louis his face strangely.

"I mean, yes but not only because of that. I just tried to say you're caring and careful with me and I like that. Jake never treated me like I was special. You did. And losing you made me rethink some moments and I noticed I never liked Zayn because I was jealous deep down and I wish Sam wouldn't have been your first kiss" admitted Harry furthermore.

"Zayn as in the bad person who doesn't deserve me because he is such a player?" tilted Louis his head aside in question.

"Maybe. I just don't like you two together. Whatever is going on there is not sitting right with me and I don't like that Zayn is getting all of your attention insteadof me" pouted Harry like a child.

"There is nothing between me and Zayn and never was. Yeah, we kissed but that had a reason. A failed attempt to get somewhere. Doesn't matter. Harry, I don't know what else to tell you" clarified Louis determined.

"Tell me you forgive me and come back into my life. I really miss you and I like you, Louis. Probably always d ...".

"You don't like me, Harry" cut Louis him off, making Harry frown deeply but Louis didn't care. This had to stop right here.

"What? Of course, I like y ...".

"You only like the idea of it" cut Louis him off again. "Everything you just said proved that to me. You like the idea of having a gentle and nice and soft boyfriend, who cares about you and makes you feel wanted and special. But you don't really care about the actual person. You projected all of those attributes on Jake and thought he would be that way but the momentyou realised he isn't you break up with him. I actually feel kinda sorry for him and that should be weird. And now you're doing the same with me. You're trying to convince yourself that you like me because of those things and they might even be true about me but you don't like me like this. You don't have feelings for me, Harry".

Louis could see in Harry's face that he didn't expect this reaction and had to try not to laugh at that bitterly. What did Harry expect? That he would fall into his arms and forget about everything? No, Louis couldn't do this. He wanted to be loved for who he was without having to prove he was better than someone else. He wanted to be the one for someone, for Harry but he wasn't and would never be.

"I do. I really li ...".

"Don't say that" let Louis him not speak. "You only think that right now because Jake didn't fulfil your expectations and now you hope I do. Your expectations ruin everything. You need to figure yourself out before jumping into the next relationship. Find out what it really feels like to have feelings for someone. Genuine feelings, Harry. You only want to like me because it's easy and safe. Because you know I like you and you won't get rejected and you know I would treat you right but this is not how it works. I'm not putting myself through this and get hurt again. I'm working on getting over you and I won't let you ruin this now".

It hurt to reject Harry like this but it was for the best. Harry wasn't really into him and Louis wasn't keen on getting hurt even more by letting Harry use him until he found someone else. Never again.

"There was a time where I wanted nothing more than to hear you saying that you like me too, Haz. But those times are over and all I want from you now is to leave me alone" gave Louis him no chance to say something, his heart aching with every new word. "Give me the chance to get over you and be happy again. Do it for me and leave".

"Why would you say that, Lou? I don't wanna lose you. I can't just let you go. I just told you that I  like you and you push me away" were tears now falling down on Harry's cheeks.

Louis walked closer to him and gently wiped them away. He couldn't see him cry but he wouldn't get weak now. He needed to move on. "I'm sorry, Haz. But I have to do this for myself. I need to let my heart be free. Maybe this gives us the chance to rebuild our friendship in the near future but for now I need you to understand this and let me leave".

Louis offered him a tiny but sad smile, his eyes glistening with tears as well, and then he set off to leave. He heard Harry saying his name but he ignored it and just walked faster. He sprinted home and locked himself into his room. In the safety of his own four walls, Louis let out his own tears and felt like he was suffocating. Glancing around his room, Louis spotted dozens of pictures of him and Harry. He couldn't bear seeing them happy while being so broken. Sobbing his heart out, Louis collected all the photos and put them in a box, pushing their time under his bed like it never happened.

"But it happened" staggered Louis around his kitchen and almost crashed into his table. "Urgh, go away".

The table only reminded him of Luke and their fun on it. All of this was part of his past now too, just like with Harry. Tracing his fingers along the table top, Louis thought back to the day he met Luke in his course. They had clicked from the first second and Louis had been so happy to have found someone who was chilled. Luke's interest in him was pretty obvious from the start but Louis tried to ignore it. He wasn't ready to let another guy hurt him.

But in the end, Luke was irresistible and Louis just had to take a risk and give him a chance. Never would he have guessed it could end like this. Angry with himself, Louis pushed hard against the table, making it fall over, and almost ripped of the charms bracelet he was wearing. Panicked, he examined the item and let out a breath of relief when it was unharmed and still perfect. The only perfect thing that was left. Harry's amazing birthday present.

"Harry, finally" beamed Louis at him when he spotted Harry amongst his friends. "Lima Bean is going crazy. For real. He took three shots in a row and is still standing".

"Doesn't sound like him" remarked Harry stunned.

"Right? Uni changed him and I'm not sure if it's for the better" giggled Louis tipsily.

"Me neither. Um Louis, could I ... do you have a second for me?" asked Harry obviously nervous and Louis just waited for him to say something more. "Alone".

"Oh, yeah. Sure" got Louis what he meant and led them over to a table in a corner where it wasn't so full of people. "What is it?".

"Nothing really. I just wanted to give you your present and yeah ..." took Harry out his wrapped up present and handed it over to Louis.

"You're cute. You could've said that" took Louis the present and started to open it.

"I'd understand if you don't like it. It's a bit st ...".

"Bollocks. I'm sure it's amazing" cut Louis him off.

When Louis had opened the present, his eyes widened in surprise and wandered over the item. A beautiful charms bracelet. A few charms were already on it that seemed to represent him in some way. A music note; a symbol for his passion for drama, a pair of wings, a little key and a heart. On both sides were also two simple blue charms. Louis traced with his finger over every charm carefully and couldn't help but smile at it. This was so thoughtful.

"Wow, this is amazing, Haz. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you" marvelled Louis stunned.

"It's nothing. Just something that reminded me of you" blushed Harry slightly.

"Aren't you the cutest? Come here" pulled Louis him into a hug, not knowing where it came from.

This hug made him feel so many emotions. He couldn't remember the last time they had hugged each other. It was too long ago but now he had Harry back in his arms and his heart felt at home. He was definitely still not over Harry but he couldn't tell him that. He needed to let those feelings go and rebuild their friendship. He needed Harry in his life but getting over him was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Louis never wanted to lose him again, so he had to kill his feelings for this boy.

"Here you are. Sorry to bother you, but Luke was asking for you" interrupted Sean their little moment. "Oh, and Josh is here, Harry. With some friends but he saw me and asked if you're here too. Said you still owe him a coffee".

"Oh, right. You should um ... go and say hi to him and invite him for a drink. Okay, Harry? I should go and see Luke" cleared Louis his throat. Of course, there was someone new for Harry already. Josh.

"Okay. Fine. I leave you with that" said Sean weirdly.

"Josh, yeah? Niall mentioned he was into you" spoke Louis up and tried to come off as nonchalant.

"Maybe. I don't know" answered Harry awkwardly.

"Then go and find out if he is" encouraged Louis him forcedly. He needed to get a grip on these feelings.

"Louis, what ...".

"Guys, another round of drinks. On me" announced Liam loudly.

Louis used that opportunity to disappear and walked over to Luke. From that moment on he only focused on Luke and ended up kissing him at midnight. There were no fireworks or butterflies but it felt good to kiss him. Luke was great and Harry wasn't an option. No, he was making out with that Josh guy, proving to Louis that kissing Luke was the right thing to do. Harry could never like him.

Now you're here, asking for a second chance. Trying to make me crack by mentioning our prom dance. Should I remind you of what really happened, my dear? That you ended in your past-boyfriends bed without your pants, not even sparing me a single glance when you left, leaving behind an aching feeling in my chest? And now I should feel blessed and pretend with you I was at my best? No thanks, I was only depressed. Looks like you failed the test.

I'm with somebody else now and he is perfect. I shouldn't even allow this conflict in my heart but you still have this effect on me although I really wanna be free.

I feel like I'm a drug addict, losing all of my self-respect because I won't be able to ever really reject you. Why couldn't you love me from the start? Was it really this hard? Why are you so hard to forget? Sometimes I wish we'd never met but it's a wish I always regret.

"It's still too late but I wish I could love you a second time" sang Louis along to the end of this fucking song, that hit straight home. Because even though he was hurt and broken, he still wanted Harry and didn't care anymore for what reason he was telling himself that he liked Louis. He just wanted him, as pathetic and desperate as that might be.

When the next song, Fix This, came on, Louis couldn't help himself. He dialled Harry's number, being drunk off his mind, and sang along to the lyrics because he related way too much to them. No clue who the singer was but he was freaking right. "Let's face it: When you had your chance you didn't give a shit. Now someone else is getting everything you never had and suddenly you act like I am what you always wanted. Do you really think I believe you? Your empty words have never been true".

"Louis?" sounded Harry's voice at the other end of the line but Louis only giggled drunkenly.

"You broke my heart. You broke my soul. You broke my spirit. Now you wanna go back and restart our history. Sorry Babe, I won't let you take control and cause me even more misery. I don't wanna heart it. Baby, there is no turning back. No matter how much I wish that we could, I don't think we'll ever be able to meet where we once stood. No matter how many years I was longing for your kiss, I don't think we'll ever be able to fix this" slurred Louis out the second verse and the chorus, hearing Harry's shaky reaction through the phone.

"Louis, what are you doing? Why are you so drunk? What happened?" asked Harry concerned but Louis wasn't ready to answer those questions.

"You want another chance but I don't want this anymore. Cause thanks to your ignorance, I'm broken to the core. You let my heart slip through your hands, letting it crash to the floor, and simply left without a word through my back door, claiming I'm the only one you adore but I'm just one out of four" babbled Louis, realising how much that part fit into his situation. "Jake, Josh, Jordan and me".

"Louis, what ...? I'm coming over now. You're clearly out of your mind" told Harry him strongly.

"For you this has always been just a game. You wanted someone to make you feel wanted, special, loved but never cared about their broken hearts. All you ever wanted was attention, never cared about the person's name. I hope everything turned out to your satisfaction and losing me in the end was worth it" went Louis on and couldn't stop giggling brokenly. "I'm Louis. Was it worth it?".

"Stop it. You're clearly drunk and don't know what you're saying. It's just a song" sounded Harry breathless.

"A song that tells you how I feel, Pup. Oh, listen" murmured Louis into the phone, almost stumbling over his table on the floor. "It hurts to see you broken and to know it's because there have been too many words unspoken. I can feel you looking at me when he is kissing my lips and I can see the pain in your eyes when he is touching me with his fingertips. The regret is written on your face when he is holding me in his embrace. You feel misplaced because the truth is you've been replaced. Did you ever feel misplaced or replaced, Haz? Was Luke bothering you?".

"Didn't we all feel misplaced in our life at least once?" bypassed Harry the question.

"Mummy always said if something isn't broken you shouldn't try to fix it but if it is broken all the fixing is useless and you should just get rid of it because it's not worth it. Haz, I need to get rid of you. We're too broken but I can't seem to let you go although I really have to. Uh, that rhymed" let Louis him know, emptying another beer bottle.

"No, don't say that. We can fix this, Lou. Just me and you".

"And Jordan" added Louis bitterly. "I don't like him".

"Why?" asked Harry quietly.

"Because, you idiot, I ... Ouch!" was Louis about to just tell Harry he still loved him but then he stepped into one of the shards on his floor and jumped back in pain.

"Louis, what happened? Are you okay?" sounded Harry alarmed.

But Louis couldn't answer him because he was trying to look at his foot. This led to him losing his balance and he stumbled over his own feet, taking down empty beer bottles with him. He crashed to the floor and hit his head on the table, letting out a pained yelp before his eyes closed and everything turned black.

"Louis!".  

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Double Update for you because those two parts belong together. What are your thoughts on everything? Louis being drunk and telling Harry he needs to let him go?!