You're not ready for what's to come. Brace yourself for a completely broken Louis and a lot of memories (in two parts).

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"It's because of Harry, isn't it?".

Louis couldn't believe what he had just heard. In absolute shock and disbelief, he was staring at his boyfriend. Could he still call him that? Probably not really. Was he really doing this right now? For what reason? Louis was speechless.

"Yes, but not solely. It's also because of you and me and our ...".

"Our what, Luke?" cut Louis him off in despair. "I thought you understood my point. You said you did and you would help me. You breaking up with me because you make up scenarios in your head is doing the opposite".

"I'm not making anything up, Louis. I have eyes and they work pretty well" replied Luke way too calm.

"Obviously not because there is nothing to see. There is nothing between Harry and me. He doesn't want me and is not interested and you know that, Luke" groaned Louis annoyed.

"But you want him. Don't deny it. I can see it in your face. Maybe you really wanna be with me and you're trying everything but a part of you still wants Harry and that part is stronger than all of your efforts to love me, Louis. I believe you when you tell me that you like me and want me and care for me. I know that you do but Harry owns your heart. If you want it or not. It's only fair to me and to yourself if we end this here and now" said Luke gently with pure understanding lacing in his voice and Louis felt the need to cry at that. How could Luke be like this? Was he even real?

"But I don't wanna lose you. I really care about you and I need you in my life, Luke. If you'd justgive me a little bit more time I can ...".

"You can what? Learn to love me and forget about Harry?" interrupted Luke him knowingly. "Louis, you can't force these things. Your heart wants him and not me, even if your brain says otherwise. Be honest to yourself and be honest with him. Tell him".

"I can't tell him. He doesn't feel the same. It would only ruin everything. He is with Jordan now. Proof enough" looked Louis down to the floor.

"Are they official yet?" checked Luke crookedly.

"No, not that I know of but that doesn't mean they won't be any time soon. Harry moved on from Josh and has Jordan now. He never even considered me as an option. I don't wanna go back to suffering because of him. When I'm with you I can block him out, mostly. Then the only thing that matters is you. You're good for me. He isn't" sounded Louis very desperate and felt like he was on the verge of begging Luke to not cut him off.

"Louis, you have to tell him how you feel. That you're still into him. It doesn't have to mean that you're gonna end up together but he has to know, so he has the chance to take that into account and not hurt you anymore. If he reacts badly and your friendship is ruined again then it was never worth fighting for to begin with. If he cuts you off because you love him then he isn't worth it. But there is only one way to find out, Louis" advised Luke him softly and Louis knew he was right. He was just scared. "Oh, and you won't lose me. We still have the same course. I won't just disappear but maybe I need some time to get over you. One day we can be friends".

"You get all the time you need, Luke. I can't imagine my life without you in it. You're too good to let go and you'll find someone who is worthy of you" forced Louis a smile onto his face.

"Don't think you're not worthy of me or not good enough. Please don't, because that's not true. I just have to let you go and set you free, so you can be happy. That's all I want" made Luke sure that Louis got the message.

"So, this is it then, mh?" bit Louis down on his bottom lip.

"Yeah, but we'll see each other in class" smiled Luke warmly at him before pulling him into a needed hug. "Goodbye, Louis. And tell him, please. For me".

For Luke. Yeah, Louis had promised to do exactly what Luke wanted but not when. With his glass in his hand, Louis stumbled back inside his flat, almost crashing into the balcony door on his way because he was feeling dizzy. He could still tell Harry the truth in ten years or before they both died. Right now, all Louis wanted to do was let go and let his emotions out. He knew Luke had only meant good but it still left Louis feeling horrible. Like he wasn't good enough for someone again and just wasn't meant to be loved. Rationally, he knew Luke told him otherwise but his insecurities and fears got the better out of him.

What had started with simple beer had turned into glass after glass of vodka, whiskey and something else Louis couldn't name. The alcohol in his veins had made him feel light-headed and free and he had laughed his ass of at random nothings. But by now he was only feeling sad and the music he was listening to in the background wasn't helping. That's what he realised when Closer To You started playing and he was reminded of singing this song with Harry during a karaoke night. The last one before everything went downhill.

"Your partner is gonna be Harry and you're gonna sing Closer to You" announced Sean finally.

"Okay, let's go" rejoiced Liam drunkenly.

Louis and Harry took the mics and shared a look that said everything that needed to be said. They would rock this thing. No one could do it like them. No one had their bond.

They pressed play and started to sing. Louis knew Harry really liked this song but right now he seemed to be distracted and absent-minded. He was obviously not there when he started to approach Louis and grabbed him by the waist. Louis started and turned to Harry in pure shock, only staring at him. Harry's hands on his body just felt so right but overwhelming at the same time and Louis knew Harry was probably thinking about Jake, forgetting where he was. Louis got lost in Harry's eyes and could watch how his pupils changed, signalling that Harry was getting turned on. Louis could feel that through Harry's pants when he was pulled even closer and was chest to chest with the boy he loved but would never love him back.

"I wanna get even closer to you" finished Louis the song and Harry seemingly snapped back into reality, looking down at Louis being barely an inch away from him.

"Damn, this was something else" wolf-whistled Niall.

"I'm not gonna sing after this performance, that's for sure" marked Liam impressed.

"Huh?" blinked Harry confused.

"Where have you been with your thoughts, Mister? With Jake?" wiggled Sean his eyebrows knowingly at him.

"Um, maybe" blushed Harry deeply and coughed embarrassed.

"Told ya" grinned Sean brightly.

"And you just used Louis to be your Jake?" asked Zayn in a weird voice. That caught Louis' attention and he tore his gaze away from Harry and looked over at a furious-looking Zayn.

"Louis might not be Jake but imaginary Jake still turned our baby on" snickered Liam and yes, he was way too drunk.

Those words made Louis back away from Harry, feeling distraught and out of place. Louis could feel Harry watching him confusedly but Louis didn't care. He needed to get some space between them.

"How about we take a break and you get rid of this thing?" smirked Sean at him.

"Shut up, you sparkly princess. Babies don't wank to their dreamy fantasies" slurred Liam weirdly.

"It's official. No more alcohol for Daddy Lima Bean" decided Sean seeing his friend like this.

"No, please" whined Liam.

"What's gotten into him? Since when is he so ...yeah, I don't know how to call it. You know what I mean" wondered Zayn confused while he took a hold of Louis' wrist and dragged him to his side and Louis was thankful for that.

"No idea. We should ask him when he is sober again. I really wanna know why our Mr. Responsible is drunk off his mind" mused Niall almost worried.

Louis watched how Harry disappeared into the bathroom and felt sick to the stomach. He knew what that would mean and he tried really hard not to think about it. Thankfully, Zayn was by his side and went with him into a corner.

"Are you alright?" asked Zayn concerned.

"Will be" shrugged Louis bothered.

"Sometimes I really wanna slap him. How can one person be this ignorant?" flared Zayn's nostrils.

"He has a crush on Jake. Can't blame him for that" brought Louis out and the words tasted horrible on his tongue.

"It's gonna be okay. One day he will realise what is right in front of him, Tommy" pulled Zayn him into his arms.

"I don't think so".

And he has been so right with that back then. Even in his drunken mind he couldn't understand Zayn or Liam and Àmber, who have been convinced that Harry was into him and only needed more time to realise that. They have all been wrong for years and Louis has been right from the start. But a tiny part of him had always had hope and that part led him to make his worst mistake ever.

"It's okay. Lou, can I talk to you alone for a second?" locked Harry eyes with him across the cafeteria table.

"Sure" stood Louis up immediately.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do" called Niall after them and shortly after, Louis heard him yelp. Zayn probably slapped him.

"So, Haz, what's the matter?" leaned Louis against his locker.

"I'm just really nervous and don't know what to do. I've never talked to Jake before. What if I make a fool of myself? What if he just ignores me or he actually doesn't know I exist?" poured Harry his doubts out to Louis.

With a heavy sigh, Louis took a hold of his hand, bracing himself to put on a smile, and lifted his chin up so that Harry would look at him. "Haz, you don't have to be nervous. You're a wonderful person and every boy who doesn't see that isn't worth your time. You're so beautiful. Jake would be dumb if he wouldn't want you. You're irresistible, Haz. He's gonna be gone for you sooner than you think".

"You really think so?" croaked Harry out emotionally.

And of course, he thought that. Harry was beautiful in his eyes and he could never tell him otherwise even if that meant encouraging him to talk to Jake.

"I know so" flicked Louis Harry's nose lightly like he did from the moment they met.

"Thank you, Lou. I can always count on you. You always make me feel better about myself" thanked Harry him.

"No need to thank me. I'm simply stating facts, Haz" waved Louis the praise off humbly.

"What about your special someone? I know there is someone but I didn't have time to ask you again" remembered Harry suddenly and Louis stiffened immediately. Harry really needed to stop asking about it.

"Don't worry about that. Just a pathetic crush on someone I can't have. Not worth mentioning. I'm good" put Louis on a brave smile, hoping Harry would buy this. It wasn't a lie anyway.

"If you're sure" nibbled Harry on his bottom lip.

"I am and now stop hurting your lip or Jake can't kiss you" nudged Louis him with his elbow, forcing the words out.

"You think he could kiss me?" gasped Harry anxiously.

"Who could resist those lips, Haz? But remember that he has to pass me first" joked Louis with a chuckle.

"You mean you're coming with me?" stared Harry at him.

"I'm gonna pick you up at the gym after my practise. Basketball starts a bit later, which means they finish later" let Louis him know. He was so gone for this boy.

"Thank you, Lou" hugged Harry him tightly.

"You're welcome" sighed Louis into Harry's neck. "And now move your little perky ass to the editorial office or you're gonna be late again".

"Oh right. I won't keep you here any longer. Have fun at practise" broke Harry away from the embrace and sprinted towards the office. Louis only chuckled at his antics.

He could still remember this moment clearly and sometimes wished he would have never encouraged Harry to talk to Jake. He would have done it anyway but maybe things would have been different. Probably not. He would still be where he was right now. 

After his football practise Louis sprinted over to the gym. When he walked inside he saw Harry talking to Jake but he didn't look comfortable at all. Louis knew Harry way too good and he looked like he wanted to disappear. Quickly, Louis went over to his boy and that jerk.

"Hey, Bafort. Being nice to my boy?" greeted Louis Jake and put an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"I'm always nice, but didn't know he was your boy in that way" replied Jake strangely.

"He's my boy in every way but what exactly are we talking about?" Louis wanted to know sceptically. What was going on and why was Jake looking at him like this?

"You don't have to act anymore. Water boy told me you're a thing" rolled Jake his eyes.

A thing? Louis tensed up at those words and tried to wrap his head around this information. He let his arm wander further down until it was rested on Harry's waist. Louis knew he must look shocked or petrified but he tried to cover it up and go along with Harry's lie about them being a thing. If only ...

"So, he decided to tell you?! What did you do to achieve that?" played Louis along and was curious what Jake could have done for Harry to even say something like this.

"He claimed I'd have a crush on him, what would be weird cause I don't even know him, right Jake?" let Harry him in on the details.

"Was just asking" asserted Jake now.

"I know your 'just asking'. I have news for you. Haz is with me. He would never want someone who is any different than me" clarified Louis defensively. He just really didn't like Jake.

"Keep him. I'm not interested anyway" shrugged Jake.

"Your loss" spat Louis and then turned around with Harry still in his arm.

"I could've sworn he's into you as intensively as he watches you every day and heard your joke. Something's off here" was Xavi questioning the situation behind them.

"Why should it matter to me? I don't care" said Jake dryly.

"Oh, you do care. It does matter to you. You like the water boy?".

The gym door fell shut before any of them could hear more of their conversation and they were standing in the hallway. Louis dragged them into a corner and immediately released his hand from Harry's waist. Now he was just staring at Harry wordlessly. He had no clue on what to say.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I panicked" apologised Harry quickly.

"It's okay, Haz. But what happened exactly?" was Louis worried.

"He guessed that I have a crush on him and not really in a good way. He said I don't really know him because we never talked and he is right with that. Then Xavi mentioned some stuff and Jake asked me about the crush thing. I said it's not true and blurted out that I have a boyfriend. When he asked who, you came in. I'm so sorry" reported Harry what had happened earlier.

"No need to be sorry, Haz. I understand. It's not like I can't pretend to be your boyfriend. No one's better for this than me" tried Louis to ease the tension.

"Did you hear what they were talking about when we were leaving?" questioned Harry.

"I did, yeah" sighed Louis out.

"You think I have a chance?" checked Harry hopefully.

"Well, it sounded like it didn't sit right with him that you're with me. Maybe that means yes" mused Louis thoughtfully and why was he always this honest?

"But I'm not with you. When he finds out I lied he will laugh at me" panicked Harry squeaky.

"Then he will not find out. Ever" said Louis surely before he could even think about his own words.

"What are you on about?" knitted Harry his eyebrows together.

"You already announced that we're dating, so we should keep doing that" replied Louis, surprising himself. Was he really doing this right now?

"You mean we should date? You do know I have a crush on Jake and you on whoever?" was Harry not keen on that plan obviously and that did not hurt Louis at all. Nope. Never.

"I know. I was trying to say I'm gonna be your boyfriend when Jake is around, or his friends. Let's find out what his true intentions are and if he is worthy of my baby" explained Louis what he actually meant.

"You would fake date me to make Jake jealous?" gaped Harry at him. Louis only nodded sheepishly.

"Oh my god! You're the best. Thank you, Lou" fell Harry around his neck and Louis relaxed into the touch.

"Is that a yes?" chuckled Louis fondly.

"Of course. But are you sure this is a good idea? What about your crush?" voiced Harry some doubts.

"Impossible anyway" shrugged Louis indifferent, knowing how true his words were.

"So, you're gonna be my fake boyfriend?" checked Harry giddy.

"If you want me to" smiled Louis at him, hoping he was overplaying the seriousness in his voice and the hope in his eyes but Harry didn't seem to get anything.

"Of course. I really need you to do this. I would have asked you anyway later to keep this lie up at least this week. Oh god, this is gonna be fun. Don't worry, it's gonna be so worth it and then I'm gonna help you with your crush. Who could resist you?!" jumped Harry excitedly up and down.

Well, obviously the only person Louis wanted. Pushing his depressing thoughts aside, Louis smiled at Harry and swallowed his own feelings. He really wanted to see Harry happy, no matter the costs.

"Whatever makes you happy".

Happy. Yeah, Harry's happiness was all Louis ever cared about. Never his own and that had brought him to where he was at right now. Leaning on his kitchen counter, ready to crash his own laptop because his own song had just started to play. A song he had written and recorded while he was with his family. A song about Harry. The words hurt even more now that he wasn't able to stop the memories from overcoming him in waves.

Like how Zayn had talked to him when he got to know about the fake-dating or how his family had asked him about it. All of them had been worried about the consequences but Louis had assured them it would be okay. Deep down, he knew it wasn't okay but he had ignored it to help Harry. That's what he always did. Ignored his voice of reason to help Harry.

When I look back all I see is you

You're ready for a flashback? I've been the one holding you and cherishing you. I cared for you but I guess I always knew that you never wanted me too.

I love you unconditionally but your heart was never meant for me, Baby. I have to set you free.

I always put you first, hoped you could love me back but I was getting completely off track. Being the only one to fall is the worst but I can't blame you. There's nothing you could ever do. In the end, you'll always be just my best friend.

Pained and hurt, Louis laughed dryly at his own written words. He was pathetic. That he was still writing songs about Harry should be a reason to worry. That he couldn't seem to let him go should be a reason to worry. But everyone just told him to accept it and tell Harry the truth. Telling Harry the truth has never been a good choice. It has always went wrong. Every time.

"What were you doing, Louis?! You're supposed to make him jealous and not piss him off and fight. God damn it, why can't you control yourself a bit better sometimes?! Don't fuck this up" exploded Harry as soon as the door was closed. Louis cringed at his words and felt really small. He never meant to upset Harry.

"Don't you dare talk to him like this. Was he supposed to let Jake win?" got Zayn furious.

"You stay out of this" hissed Harry at him.

"Javy, let it be. Haz, Jake was just here to piss me off. Kyle never wanted to be in the band. He is doing this on purpose" tried Louis to explain calmly.

"Why would he do that, huh? He has no reason to piss you off, Louis. Stop acting like it's all about you. Why do you always bully the boys that I like?" was Harry losing his temper.

"What? Haz, I don't ..." was Louis at a loss for words. Did Harry actually just say that? Was he really thinking Louis only thought about himself? Was Louis selfish?

"Oh, c'mon" snorted Harry in disbelief.

"Louis is not bullying anyone, Harry. What's wrong with you?" intervened Zayn now.

"Sure? Remember when Sean came into the picture? From the first second you didn't like him but for what reason? What did he ever do to make you hate him?" Harry wanted to know finally.

"I don't hate him" mumbled Louis small.

"Who are you trying to fool, Louis? You never gave him a chance. You snap at him at any given chance and even correct him when he calls you Tommo. Everyone does that. Why can't he? I can tell you. Because you hate him. And now with Jake you're even worse. You were acting absolutely bitchy towards him and even wanted to punch him. I don't think Kyle has the anger issues. It's you" accused Harry Louis of things that shattered Louis' heart.

"Jake was provoking him but of course, you didn't hear that, right? You're his friend. You should know Louis would never act like this without a reason" stepped Zayn in again.

"Of course, you protect him. I'm not even surprised. I told you to stay out of this" groaned Harry annoyed.

"I won't let you insult my best friend" stated Zayn surely.

"He is not your best friend!" exclaimed Harry angry, making Louis jump at his tone. "He is my best friend since we were kids. Not you".

"Great best friend" snorted Zayn unimpressed.

"Shut up! Don't act like you know him better than I do. I've known him way longer. You're little whatever it is means nothing. You're nothing, Zayn" snapped Harry madly, successfully shutting Zayn up.

"Don't talk to him like this" protected Louis now Zayn. He couldn't believe that Harry really went this far.

"Wow, he really has you wrapped around his little finger. I see how it is" said Harry disbelievingly.

"What? Harry, I have no idea what you're talking about. I just don't want you to say something like this to Zayn. He is important to me and you know that. You accused me of hating Sean and Jake but I know for a fact that you can't stand Zayn and for no reason, at that" confronted Louis him now.

"Oh, unlike you I have a reason. He is a bad person, always being moody and bitchy and only playing with people, playing with you. And you deserve better than that" let Harry him know. All Louis could see was Zayn's shocked and hurt face.

"He is not the one pretending to date me to make someone jealous" said Louis simply.

"That's low. It was your plan and now you're blaming it on me. Wow. When you're back to being normal and not influenced by Zayn anymore, call me. I'm off" ended Harry this conversation and walked towards the door.

"Harry!" called Louis after him but he just got ignored. "What the fuck was that?".

"I think he lost his mind" mumbled Zayn quietly.

"Are you okay, Javy?" checked Louis softly.

"The question is if you are okay" examined Zayn Louis' face.

"I was not the one who got called a nothing, Javy. You know you're not, right? You're everything to me and without you I would ... I don't even know. Just know that I ...".

"I know, Tommy" cut Zayn him off. "It hurt but I know he doesn't like me. I can take it".

"You shouldn't" frowned Louis.

"You neither, Tommy. Put him in his place and don't let yourself get treated like this" asked Zayn of him.

"I can't. I would only lose him. Right now he is not being himself. I will ... I have to step back and ..." trailed Louis off, not sure how to word this.

"Oh Tommy".

Every time I see you with him it breaks my heart. I was the one who dried all of your tears and fought with you against all of your fears. I always thought in my arms is where you belong but I guess I was totally wrong.

I love you unconditionally but your heart was never meant for me, Baby. I need to let you be free.

"No, I don't" was the first thing Louis heard when he finally spotted Harry in the hallway. With Jake.

"I don't believe you, H. I'm sure you wanna know your effect on me. Your boyfriend can't be better than me" touched Jake Harry's arm and Louis was seeing red.

"You're talking about me?!" made Louis sure everyone knew he was there as well.

"Of course. There's no one else I talk about. I missed you, Love" switched Harry into fake-dating mood and Louis felt sick, like always.

To is utter surprise, Harry placed his hands on Louis' cheeks and cupped his face. Before Louis could even register what was happening, Harry kissed him. Louis let out a shocked sound at the feeling of Harry's lips on his own. He was frozen in place. Everything inside of him screamed at him to push Harry away because this was going too far but the longing in his heart was stronger. Shakily, Louis put his hands on Harry's waist and felt how Harry started to move his lips against Louis' lips in a rushed and overwhelming kiss, that made Louis' heart beat faster. Harry intensified the kiss but Louis felt like this was a bad idea, so he broke away from the kiss. Without looking at him even for a second, Harry directly faced Jake, who definitely looked bothered by the scene in front of him. Well, he wasn't the only one. That was for sure.

"Sorry, but I couldn't resist. So long without him always makes me needy" pretended Harry to be flustered.

"Have fun with your prickly football captain, H" was the only thing Jake said before he marched away.

"Well, if he isn't jealous than I'm not gay" chuckled Harry satisfied. "Good reaction, by the way. Couldn't warn you, sorry".

"Thanks. Um I mean, no problem. I um ... we should meet up with the rest" stumbled Louis over his words. His brain wasn't working properly anymore.

"Gladly. I'm starving" groaned Harry hungrily.

Quickly, they made their way into the cafeteria and sat down by their friends' table. They were talking lively but stopped when they spotted them. Louis quickly squeezed himself in between Liam and Zayn, wanting to get away from Harry and calm his heart.

"Did you do anything I should know about? Jake is staring over like he wants to kill someone" asked Sean directly.

"He was hitting on me but I was playing hard to get and kept the act alive. Had to improvise here and there but yeah. It worked and Louis was a great actor as well" reported Harry vaguely.

"Should I ask?" smirked Niall at him.

"I don't kiss and tell" winked Harry at him and earned gasps from all of his friends. Louis only sank down in his seat with Liam and Zayn gaping at him.

"Wait, you kissed?" was Àmber shell-shocked and Louis knew that voice. She was mad.

"I had to make a point and now Jake knows he has to do something" shrugged Harry unbothered by everything.

"Wow, you're really giving your all to this. Jake better hurry the fuck up" patted Niall his shoulder proudly.

"Yeah, or little Hazza is going to be a Uni virgin" snickered Sean evilly and Harry slammed his hand against the back of Sean's head.

"You mean you two never ...?" pointed Niall back and forth between Sean and Harry.

"No, weren't a couple long enough. Would have been wrong" explained Harry shortly.

"And weird now with being friends and all. I'm happy I denied you back then. Don't wanna know how you look naked" said Sean jokingly to stop this conversation.

"Thanks" snorted Harry offended.

Louis couldn't believe what he just heard. Sean and Harry never did the dirty. All this time Louis had thought they did it obviously but he has been wrong. He had almost slept with Sam just because he has been wrong. Louis felt like the biggest idiot on this planet.

"God damn it" hissed Louis quietly under his breath.

"It's okay, Tommy. Now you know nothing happened" whispered Zayn into his ear but it didn't help to settle him down. Liam was stroking over his back but all Louis wanted to do was disappear.

When Louis glanced up at him, Harry shifted his gaze away quickly. That reaction hurt like hell and without thinking about it, Louis stood up and just had to leave. He heard Zayn and Àmber following him but didn't stop. He needed to clear his head for a second.

"Louis, wait" called Àmber after him, making him stop in his tracks.

"Just don't. I don't wanna talk about it" pleaded Louis, knowing his friends way too good.

"You don't have to say anything but he really kissed you?" questioned Àmber still shocked.

"Yeah, to piss Jake off. It came out of nowhere" tried Louis to suppress the memory of the kiss but he couldn't forget how it felt to kiss Harry.

"Maybe this will change something. A kiss could trigger his hidden feelings for you. Just wait and ...".

"He has no hidden feelings for me, Javy" cut Louis his friend off. "He only wants Jake".

"He shouldn't have kissed you just to get to him. He didn't need to do that" noted Àmber tensely.

"Now it happened. Moving on".

"You wanna go back?" tilted Zayn his head to the side, letting it rest for Louis' sake.

"Yes, I'm starving. Just needed a minute" sighed Louis out.

Together with his two friends he walked back inside and braced himself to face Harry again. From the distance he could hear them talking and Liam seemed to be mad at Harry. Louis wasn't surprised. Liam knew everything and always tried to reason with Harry subtly.

"Just don't let this become a thing now" asked Liam of him almost beggingly.

"Definitely not. It was so weird to kiss him" shuddered Harry at the thought, making Louis stop in his tracks.

"Is he that bad, yeah?" couldn't Niall help himself.

"What do I know?! I didn't pay attention to that. He broke away before I could really rile Jake up. Wasn't much happening to judge that. It was just so strange because kissing Louis is nothing I ever wanna do again. It's just wrong" was Harry trying to explain himself a bit better.

Each word was like a dagger into Louis' heart and he couldn't move his feet. He felt Liam and Aria looking at him but he couldn't react. He only felt how two hands dragged him away and towards another table close to their friends. He let himself be dragged there and sat down with his back to his friends. But he could still hear them clearly.

"Means he was bad" concluded Niall nastily.

"No, just my best friend and no one to ever consider to be my boyfriend, hence someone to kiss again. No way. He's like my brother" clarified Harry once and for all. Louis felt the need to cry. Maybe coming back wasn't such a good idea.

"Ew, incest" grimaced Niall like the idiot he really was.

"Shut up" slapped Sean him.

"I just realised today marks one week of your fake relationship. You want chocolate or flowers or anything?" pretended Niall to be emotional.

"Or sex maybe. Anniversary sex" was Sean only making it worse, causing Louis to choke on air.

"Sex with Louis? Not in this lifetime. Just buy me a beer. I get Jake soon enough to last a bit longer" jumped Harry onto the joke. Niall and Sean were cheering excitedly while Zayn and Àmber tried to distract Louis but it wasn't working. He had never felt worse and more rejected than in this verymoment.

My whole life I wanted to be your person. Turned out I was more of a pathetic burden. You never spared my broken heart a single thought, never thought about us in this way until this very day.

I wanna go back to the start and stop myself from getting the feelings that I've caught. I wanna go back to being your strong shoulder without feeling the need to pull you even closer. Can this be over?

Maybe the pain wasn't over but at least his pathetic song was finally over. He poured himself another glass of his mixed drink and gulped it down way too quick to even get a hold of the feeling. His whole body was tingling from the alcohol and Louis felt alive for a short moment but then the sadness of his situation came crushing back down on him, harder than before.

Wanting his suffering to be over, Louis searched for his phone and opened his last chat. He couldn't really see anything, so he chose to leave a voice message, slurring out the words before another memory was taking over his mind.

"Javy, I miss youuuuu. Remember when we kissed? I wish I could love you ... y-you make me always feel sa-fe. You never abandoned me or ig .. ignored me for someone else".

"Haz, what are you doing here?" was Louis startled when he saw him suddenly standing in the drama class room out of nowhere. He hadn't heard him coming in.

"I think we really need to talk and I wanted to keep you from running away because lately you're good at this" came Harry straight to the point.

"I don't know what about but okay, fine. What's the matter?" looked Louis around to make sure they were alone.

"That's what I wanna know" said Harry and made Louis frown in confusion. "You're acting strange and I wanna know why. I thought best friends don't have secrets from each other".

"What are you talking about? I don't have any s ...".

"Don't even finish that sentence. I know it would be a lie anyway" cut Harry him off.

"A lie? What ... Haz, I never lied to you" was Louis utterly confused.

"Oh really? If you don't lie to me then it won't be a problem for you to tell me why you're ignoring me and act distant when neither Jake nor his friends are around" challenged Harry him.

"You mean like you?" shot Louis back strongly. "Who's only focused on Jake and no one else?".

"Oh, I'm sorry that I love Jake and want to be with him. As my best friend I thought you would understand that and help me, no matter what" defended Harry himself.

Love. He said he loved Jake. Not just a crush. No, he already loved Jake. Louis really never had a chance.

"That's what I do. I freaking play your boyfriend every single day to help you get what you want but what about me? You only ever pay attention to me when we're acting. You only care about Jake or yourself and I don't wanna watch this any longer. You never forgot about your friends but since you're talking to Jake you're different. Friday would have never happened in the old days" exploded Louis fed up.

"You tell me all this because you're mad I left on Friday?" hooked Harry in disbelief.

"Of course not. It's so much more than this but Friday was the cherry on top. Best friends don't just ditch you" cleared Louis up hurt.

"Like you ditched us on Saturday just to spend some time with Zayn although Saturday is our day and that for years? Any explanation for that?" countered Harry madly.

"Wasn't keen on seeing you" crossed Louis his arms over his chest.

"Because I only care about myself in your eyes, yeah?" tried Harry to stay calm.

"Because you changed and not for the better" stated Louis strongly. Spending time with Zayn has been a better option than being used again.

"I'm not the only one who changed but by now I'm not sure anymore if you really did or if you have just been a great actor for years" stood Harry his ground.

"I don't know what you mean" knitted Louis his eyebrows together.

"Why did you never tell me about Alec and that this is why Jake and you don't get along? Well, and because of that rivalry I also didn't know about" asked Harry him impatient.

"Jake told you about this, didn't he?" guessed Louis in disbelief.

"What do you think?" snorted Harry. "He felt bad because of that fight at your audition and somewhere along the way it slipped. Trust me, I was really shocked when he told me you rejected his friend last year without a reason and you never told me about it".

"I'm not even surprised he said I had no reason to reject Alec. Haz, of course I had a reason. You know I don't just break someone's heart. I'm not cruel" tried Louis to make him understand desperately.

"Oh yeah, right. I remember you said it wouldn't be a good idea. What a great reason" made Harry fun of him.

"It was a good reason. A couple on the team would be a horrible idea and I just wasn't interested in him. Should I just pretend to like him? Sorry that I don't fake feelings like other people do. Jake probably didn't tell you how he treated me afterwards, am I right? Ever mentioned his insults or the threats?" explained Louis his reasoning.

"Don't make up lies to make you look better. You fucked up and lied to me about it, so that Jake had to tell me. Jake is not in the wrong here. It's you and all your lies" was Harry not having any of it.

"You think I'm lying to you? You really think I would make this up and be this dishonest? I thought you knew me" stepped Louis back in shock.

"I thought so too but looks like being dishonest is a character trait I didn't know about yet. Or why are you still lying to me about your crush even though I know the truth anyway?" looked Harry down at him, making Louis feel small and Louis knew it was on purpose. Harry knew how much Louis hated it.

"I didn't lie about that. It's impossible and ...".

"And what? Wrong? Yeah, you're right with that. Just admit that you're more fucked up than you want people to know and lying is your daily routine. That's probably why you can play my boyfriend so good, all possessive and stuff. Kinda annoying but as long as it works out. Maybe it could help your crush too if you stop being a coward and admit it" interrupted Harry him and got off topic.

Louis just stared at him and swallowed hard before he grabbed for his backpack and cleared hist hroat. "Soon you're out of this lie, Harry. Just throw yourself at him. And now I have to go. Javy is waiting for me".

Lightning fast, Louis sprinted out of the room and left Harry behind. He could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes but willed them away. He couldn't cry. He needed Zayn now. Zayn would understand him and not judge him for anything, not even his tears.

"Tommy, what's wrong?" sprinted Zayn directly over to him as soon as Louis had stepped into the room.

"Harry. We had an argument. I ... I can't ..." broke Louis' voice away.

"Sh, it's okay" pulled Zayn him into his arms soothingly. "What was it about?".

"Jake, in a way. Harry thinks I'm lying to him about everything really. He accused me of horrible things and ... Jake told him about Alec and Harry is mad at me for never telling him about it. What was I supposed to say? That I rejected Alec because I had only eyes for him?" reported Louis in despair. 

"Of course, not. He has no reason to be mad at you for this. You're not a liar. You're just trying to protect your heart. Maybe you should tell him the truth" bit Zayn the inside of his cheek.

"And get laughed into my face? No way. He said he loves Jake. Love. He is talking about love. I stand no chance. He will never love me and knowing that really fucking hurts, you know? I just can't do this anymore. I can't act like I'm good with it when I'm not but there's nothing I can do. It's not mutual and never was and never will be. That's pretty damn obvious. Don't know why I ever thought I could compete with ..." was Louis close to tears and that never happened. He wasn't a crier but Harry had turned him into one.

Louis' despaired rambling was cut off by Zayn kissing him out of the blue. Louis' eyes grew big but he didn't push him away and didn't know why. Zayn cupped his face and Louis pulled him closer by the waist, just getting lost because he was feeling so sad. Suddenly they heard the door falling open and broke apart. Harry was crashing into the room and almost fell down to the floor. Louis just stared at Harry with a pale face and wasn't able to form words. Harry looked disgusted.

"Harry, what ...".

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you" cut Harry Louis off hastily. "I um ... you just forgot something but um it doesn't matter. I gotta go".

Lightning-fast, Harry left the room and Zayn and Louis were alone. Not knowing what just happened, Louis faced Zayn, who was facing the door and Louis couldn't interpret his facial expression. That was a first. What was going on?

"Zayn, what ... why did you kiss me?" wanted Louis to know overwhelmed.

"I heard someone outside the door and was sure it was Harry. You know, after that fight. I couldn't know for sure but I thought fuck it and went for it" explained Zayn himself.

"So, you wanted him to see us kissing. Why?" tried Louis to understand him.

"I wanted to see his reaction" said Zayn simply.

"What for?" was Louis hopelessly lost.

"I wanted to see if it would bother him. If he could be jealous. I don't know. Was a last try to get somewhere. Sorry" apologised Zayn meekly.

"No need to be sorry, Javy. Thank you for always being there for me".

And he has always been there for Louis. No matter what insult Harry had thrown at him after this incident. Nothing could stop Zayn from being by Louis' side. Sometimes he was shocked or mad or speechless but he never judged Louis for anything that happened between Louis and Harry. Not once. Not even when Louis judged himself for the biggest mistake of his life but that was something he really didn't want to think about. The alcohol just wasn't giving him an option and just put him through the pain again.

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Louis is going back down the memory lane while being pissed off drunk. What are your thoughts on his view on things? Where could this lead Louis to?